Note: Please read all the way to the end of the post. There has been a comment left that totally has mistaken what I was trying to convey. Hopefully once you reach the end my heart and motives will be evident to all. This was in no way meant to be a fat hating/fat bashing post...but inspirational and motivational in every way. Stating that if I have been on the end of needing to lose as much as 60 lbs and not even able to run a full 2 minutes upon beginning my journey that it is not insurmountable and impossible for anyone feeling overwhelmed by weight. I think I am still in awe over the fact that this body that has been so severely overweight in the past can transition and transform into a body that has born 8 amazing children to us but is also capable of running 2 miles....so very drastically far from where I started this journey. I will address it publicly as I have time to think through it. It is not my heart to be a stumbling block to anyone. I just sought to encourage. If you start this post please finish to the very end and know there was no condemnation in my heart in any way for any of you. I chose not to delete the comment or the post for those of you that have already seen it and perhaps had the same feelings as the commenter.
After posting all I have about running, workouts and my accomplishments in that realm of life I felt it only necessary to give some history as to my past life and the weight struggle that has always existed. My point...if I can do this, anyone can. I am so entirely NOT one of those people in life that has always been naturally skinny and athletic and just maintained throughout life....nor am I one of those people that has just always been easily within their weight range. I suppose that reason right there is what has motivated me to be as dedicated to this as I am and also birthed in me the desire to overcome and gain control of my body, of my weight, of all of life. My goal is to oneday write out my entire childhood and all the days in between young life and where blogging picks up. I do indeed have a life story to tell....but then don't we all??? But, in a nutshell, my teenage years were plagued with weight issues. Pretty large ones, actually. Life did not start out this way for me. Much like Evye and Aubrey, my sister and I were worlds apart in body types. She was the naturally thin, skinny, every man's dream person while growing up. Evye has the long, thin girly "feminine" body that America so easily portrays as what is acceptable and, in fact, the norm....the body every man desires. Aubrey is just like me, stout, solid and nothing but a solid wad of massive muscle mass. There is indeed not one ounce of extra unneeded fat on her body but, actually, an intricate maze of fat burning, powerful muscle mass. She can outrun, outlift and overpower everybody but Grayson in our group of children and all of her peers. But so different are Evye and Aubrey's body types that despite the fact they are both in size 10's they cannot share the same jeans due to waist and thigh size differences. I see in her every part of me when I was little. And she is not fat. My sister was the model quality girl of youth...and did, in fact, do some small scale modeling jobs. Every man and their dog proposed to her and there were just some cruel mean times that I survived throughout the years we grew up together. Men can just be mean and cruel...and when your ego is at stake one tends to side with the ego inducing part of life rather than the hurting heart closer to oneself. So, as I was continually shunned by these men over and again as they used me to go after her, got what they wanted and then treated me like crap I began to see myself as not just ugly but butt ugly, overweight and unacceptable and undesirable. Because of how quiet and shy I naturally was and the rejection and hurt buried so deeply within I began to retreat to my room and just read and eat. A way to escape the pain and live in an unreal, fantasy world. My dad took notice and as he saw the weight slowly creeping on became concerned and put me on my 1st, dr prescribed, all liquid diet at the age of 11....my older sister now 16 and coming into the glory days of her "man days". On my 4 wk all liquid diet I did lose weight but just managed to put it all back on...and then some. You know....the whole typical weight loss story of pretty much anyone and everyone. He went on to put me on more and more diets and by the end of it all I think I had been prescribed at least 10 different weight loss "cures" in about a 3 year time span. I was put on everything from numerous all liquid diets to pills to machines that did the weight loss workout for me to pretty much everything. The sad part.....I was not that overweight when it all began. But because of all of these interventions, the growing rejection suffered by both men and my ego starved sister and the havoc wreaked on my system by such extreme dieting I did gain....and gain I did. Men were a cruel, mean part of life. Never was I ever given a second glance. Even some used my neediness and attention starved heart to gain my affection only to get close to the family to go after my sister. This was in the worst of my parents' marriage and it all began to crumble. Divorce was imminent, sister was arrogantly dangling men from every finger she had, gleefully tossing around proposals and the men groveling at her feet, "one upping" me in every aspect of life. So I stuck with my younger brother and developed the sweet friendship that still exists even to this day....a bond that surpasses what most siblings will ever know. A true friend. And I had a best friend that I could go to for anything, a friend that also happened to be a "man hater" in life so we got along well and became inseparable. Oddly enough, we did nothing but read Christian romance novels dreaming of the day our prince charmings would come sweep us off of our feet, onto horseback and we would ride away into the sunset. In my dreams I was the beautiful waif of a girl, femininely built and every man's desire. Beautiful long hair trailing behind in the wind, perfect creamy complexion and as skinny and desirable as my sister. As I dreamed....I ate. Ironic and so entirely contradictory. At one point my dad returned home from work one evening and, standing at the top of our staircase, I overheard him ask if I had put on yet more weight. It devastated me and I went into seclusion, refusing to come out of my room for days. In an effort to makeup for the damage done the family created an "I Love Nikki Night" in which they took me to the most expensive restaurant in Dallas and gave me gifts in which to try and make up for the damage inflicted. It didn't work and I just grew angrier at all of life. I blamed God for making me fat, I hated my sister, I hated her obsession with men, I hated her self righteous ways, I hated my dad that only saw beauty in my sister, I hated men. I hated myself. I hated every man that looked past me in a vehicle to look at her. At one point a truck full of guys were so google-eyed they looked around me to stare her down. So mad at life was I that I stuck my face right in between them and obscured their view, opening my mouth wide and showing off the chewed up donut that occupied it. It's an infamous story within our family that lives on to this day. But the mouthfull shot served its purpose and got them to quit looking. My own mother was skinny and beautiful also. Men continually stared both mother and sister down....drooling as they went. At one point, the 3 of us went for some Mary Kay or Avon makeover crap and both mother and sister were asked on the spot to be models for the catalog. Makeover woman then casually and quite bluntly stated to the 3 of us that I was too heavy for modeling and my pores were too big...that my looks were not "catalog quality". My disdain for my own self was immeasurable. My disdain for life was great....and I was just getting fatter. I eventually topped out at almost 200 lbs at the age of 18 and held there for many years...until I had my first baby. Oddly enough, I only gained 15 lbs during my 1st pregnancy and was thinner than I had ever been in life after his birth and for the next 6 years. It wasn't until after I had twins that I again struggled with weight loss....but not ever did I reach 200 lbs again. In my disdain for all of life the 1st man that ever showed me any attention...a convict no less....were the arms in which I went running into. Finally....a man who saw something in me. Because of my absolute neediness and attention starved heart I ended up living with him despite my strict, homeschool upbringing and father mandated "no dating but only courtship" way of life. In living with him for the year and a half or so that I did I had tried pretty much every drug out there and overdosed on heroine to the point of near death. He and his friend were freely giving it out. Friend had no knowledge of the fact I was ignorant and completely new to this side of life. They sucked it up...way too much for my ignorant self....and gave the injection....and that amount almost took me to my grave. Heart rate fell off and went to some horrifically low number of beats per minute and I fell unconscious. Being on parole and violating it all they feared calling for help so as panic overtook the room the debate was on as to what exactly to do with me. I fell into a blissfully dark, quiet peaceful place in life where nothing in the world mattered anymore and everything just went away. Medic husband marvels over the fact that I did not die that night. I woke up alone some time later fully clothed in a horifically cold shower, water running over me. Since calling 911 would inevitably land the whole lot of them back in prison this was there feeble attempt at "reviving" me. They had fled after depositing me under the cold water in the event that I didn't make it. They didn't want to be held responsible for my "murder". Soooo...that was my experience with the one and only man that ever took an interest in me before adoring, totally consumed with love for me, hero husband came. Convict man did eventually end up back in prison. We ended up on the run, cops looking for him, a lost person's report out on me, living in different hotels every night. We maxed out my one credit card, wrote some 10,000.00 in hot checks from the one and only account I had ever had. As he went back to prison I was left with 19 warrants, an overnight stay in jail and tons and tons of checks to pay off to the District Attorney's office. I had outstanding checks in 3 different counties and warrants out in 2 of those. I set the record for the largest number of warrants held by anyone in the HEB area. Indeed, a record I had always dreamed of setting, for sure. During time spent with convict man there were awful horrid things done to me and I was violated in ways that my ignorant, innocent, sheltered, homeschooled family never saw coming. Another reason I firmly believe in educating your homeschooled children about life. You are to be in the world but not of it....not live in a bubble with your eyes closed pretending that it'll all go away if you don't see it or acknowledge it. Violation of body, mind and spirit was unimaginable. So, my weight???? It's all connected. Thousands of threads weaving together to somehow create squares of my quilted life that God is piecing together into an artfully constructed masterpiece of His. So it is that I grew up with massive weight issues and years of destruction due to the havoc wreaked by it, damage done and rejection suffered. But one of the most rewarding things that came from my many young years of struggling was the determination to break through. And the realization that it takes commitment to attain the goal....any goal. I have fought valiantly to get to a healthy weight and maintain. And if I let it go and don't fight for it I blimp back up. After years of Weight Watchers and changing my overall eating habits I know what it is to be able to stay comfortably within the range I should be. It has become increasingly harder after each baby to lose the weight but I fight for it. I refuse to be a mom of many that uses children as an excuse to hang onto my weight, whether it be 300 lbs.....or 250.....or even 200....or even 180. I have a conviction and I have a goal....as hard as it is to get back to it after each baby. I don't want my husband to have to come to accept obesity, or even any overweight status, as the new norm. I personally do not think it's fair to him. He didn't marry a fat pig so why would I let myself go after I'm in the "safe zone" and know he's committed? Why would I not love him enough to keep myself up and pleasing in his eyes? I want to be the woman that he is proud to introduce as his wife. I think there is some idea of what people assume his wife will look like when they hear he has 8 children. They assume frumpy, fat, prairie dressed and homely...or jeans that go up to my bulging, lumpy waist and a stained dirty tent for a shirt. So when he introduces me to colleagues and fellow firemen I want to be the source of pride in his life. I want to bring him honor and respect in every way. By actions, by words, by my intense love and adoration for him, and even with my body...what I give to him in every area of life. I want him to be admired by others for what God has given him in his wife, his children, his career and the work God is doing in his life in every area. Looks and appearances are certainly not everything in life but it speaks volumes when one cares enough to keep themselves up, keep their home in order and the children are presentable...not dirty, little barefoot, out of control orphans all in need of haircuts...and not a fat, frumpy, homely, bra strap showing, homeschooling mom toting them all around. I do care. I think I care as much as I do because I have a past like I do. I know what it is to feel fat and be largely overweight. I know the rejection intimately. I know how the world views it....whether it is right or wrong is not the issue. It just is. It's a fact. I certainly think one can have conviction about modesty and dress without looking like the typical homeschooling image procured in most minds....what the Duggar's used to be and, to some small extent, still are. So when I say I run...it's not because I have always run. The first time I ever got out and ran anything was during bootcamp days 3 months after Aubrey's birth. Then I never ran another step until 3 wks after Ivye's birth...some 5 children later....at the ripe old age of 34. Life happened, we lost baby Gideon, hemorrhaging involved, severe anemia and running was brought to yet another halt. But once again I run. I run because I do love it. But I love it because not only is it freedom and power but it is also an intense love for myself, my body and my husband....and even my children. Just as I do not want to be a frumpily dressed, overweight wife I refuse to be a mother like that for my children as well. Because I already know what it is to be on that side of it. And it doesn't feel good. When one doesn't feel good about oneself it's hard to take care of every other part of life. It wears on the soul when I continually dislike myself....and extends into the lives of my husband and my children. And I know so very well that when one area is not cared for it affects all areas of my life. I care what adoring husband sees at the end of the day. In some aspects, years of rejection and being overweight made it easier for me to manage weight because I have had to fight for it..every last ounce of it. And I find it interesting that most of those that were naturally skinny in youth have now blimped up and have no stamina or drive to control or maintain a respectable weight. Because they have never had to fight for it like the struggling ones have. Apathy overtakes most of the ones that were naturally thin in their younger years and there is a massive lack of motivation evident. I can say now at this point in life, after all of those years of being strapped in with my highly desired sister, that I am now much more in shape than she is....because she has never in her life learned how to fight for it....never developed the determination and drive to get there cause she just always kind of already had it. After years and years of being on the crapped out end of the deal the tides turned due to fighting so hard for it for so many years and I am now thinner and more in shape than she probably ever will be. Though I weigh in at 163, to be exact, right now with a height of 5'7 I have never in my life been more fit and healthier than I am right now even at 6 wks pregnant, other than the 6 months after Aubrey's birth that I took part in the hard and heavy bootcamp routine. Though I could stand to lose another 15 or so lbs at the current moment I am entirely content with where I am. Because of learning to fight for it and stick with it I am certain that I can run through this pregnancy and stay as fit as I am right now and only come out better on the other end of it. So when I say I run it is not because I always have and have always possessed a "runner's body"...whatever that is. When pictures reveal someone decently within their weight range it is not because I have always naturally been there. This is something I have worked hard for in life. Something that has not come naturally....and, in fact, came from the opposite end of the scale originating from the severely overweight side of life. The rejected side of life. The side of life where I was considered dispensable to men....not even worth taking note of. How cruel men can be to the girls that do not live up to the American "standard". How awful American society is on young girls...and even women. I won't ever be that skinny, straight up and down, waif of a girl. I'll always have intensely curvy hips and what husband describes as an "amazing Colombian booty" that is far from perfectly rounded or far from non existent. I definitely have a butt but I know what it is to help it out now and make the absolute most of it. My stomach may never be as flat as a washboard.....maybe because I have had 8 children or maybe just because I'm not the skinny one in life. But I have learned what it is to fight for a stomach that is enticing to my husband and is worthy of my own acceptance. It is not dimpled with fat cells nor does it lump up or fall over the waist band of jeans. But I have to fight for it. In love husband says he would love me no matter what and I know more than anything in life he speaks in total sincerity and truth born out of adoring love for absolutely everything about me....but why ask that of him? Why blimp up and and ask him to accept the new fat globuled, lump-a-dump woman in his bed? I want to respect him enough to keep myself up. And more importantly, I want to respect myself enough so that I never end back up where I have come from. I know what it is to feel like an insurmountable mountain stands looming. I know what it is to have to lose 40, 50 and 60 lbs. But because of it I have learned to accept myself and my body....appreciate the determination that was born due to struggles.....the drive, the strength to break through to the other side and stay there. So when I run.....I run. Not because I always have and not because it just comes naturally. Not because I am feathery light and can just take off infinitely. I am, in fact, a very sturdily built individual that has learned what it is to get in shape and hopefully stay there. And, for the record, it does feel really good to finally be at peace with myself, to accept what I see in the mirror because I know I have tried. It feels good to think that even after having birthed 8 children the body can recover to a state that is actually better than before it began. I may never be the American dream, the cover of any magazine or any man's fantasy but I have the love, respect and total admiration of my husband that loves everything about me...from my heart and everything I am within, to the determined fiery individual that propels through life at breakneck speeds, to the body he can come home to. I finally have arms that can do 154 pushups. I have legs that show that I can run 3 miles. And I have a butt that shows I have the ability to do 50 jump squats. Still so strange to me and so very far from where I began my weight journey in life. If I can do it...anyone can. So I run, I stay in shape and I keep myself up because I actually am beginning to like myself and it feels good to finally be at that place in life. I've never known before what it is to like my own body. And I run because I am desperately in love with my husband and want him to greatly desire returning home to me...to be the only woman that ever occupies his mind, to be the one that consumes his thoughts, and to be the person he is totally in love with in every way...in every aspect.....spirit, mind, body, soul.
16 comments:
You had me at the Max Lucado quote. I've been following your blog for months and months. I e-mailed your page to friends, we talked about you on the phone, I quoted you to my husband. And now I've lost you at 'fat pig'. I'm 5'4" and am expecting our 6th. You would see me and call me the 'fat mom with the gobules and the tummy overhang' even though I'm not that big. You would think I don't love my husband, don't love myself, don't care what people think, hate our marriage and eat for comfort. I do weigh 40 pounds more than when my husband and I met. After every one of our 5 children there was 8 pounds I couldn't WHIP OFF my body, no matter how much dieting or how many crunches I did. My washboard tummy is gone and it's replaced by a cushy one with stretchmarks. My OB says that with the stomach muscle separation that happened with my 3rd, that tightness won't return unless I have the muscles surgically stitched back together. If you were me, I can imagine you would scrape the money together and do it, because your are NOT that fat pig mommy with the stained T-shirt. (Oh, and yes, there have been moments when I look down and find a stain, freshly deposited from one of my gorgeous babies. I don't freak out. It's a shirt. It doesn't speak for my body, my marriage, my family, my homeschooling, or myself. I change it.) I can see you're not at peace with your body and with its changing shape. There was so much hatred of FAT in your blog... I'm still reeling. I was never thin, but never fat. My sister is obese and even she doesn't speak like you do. I'll pray for your spirit, the wounds you carry, the burden you bear with battling the 'fat' mom you know is lurking right around the next corner. And my husband? He's lost a lot of hair since we met. Does that make him slovenly and a bad husband because he doesn't wear a tupee or get hair implants? I don't judge our relationship on the fact he looks different than when we met (I think he's only gotten sexier as he's gotten older, but he hates his bald spot.) Anyway, I know this won't be posted, but I wanted to let you know that those fat mommies you see, they're not skinny people gone to hell on a cookie wagon. They may have been chubby before children, may have been bad dressers before, may let their children go without a haircut for a long time - and it doesn't mean they don't care. Perhaps they just have bigger concerns than making sure their butt is undimpled. Your blog was always inspiring, I can't believe this kind of body-centric view came from this page. We are flesh and spirit, but the flesh will pass away... I'm going to go meditate, recharge the love I feel and gratitude I feel for this body I was given, that also blessed me and my husband with 5 (6) babies. I love it, dimples and globules and stretch marks. Oh, you might check out 'Shape of a Mother', a site where real women post their before and after baby bodies. Some great, same good, some scary. It's all real, and maybe you can find some comfort there and let go of the pain. God bless you on your journey.
P.S. About working to be the only woman your husband desires, keeping fit isn't the way. I know two perfectly kept women, bodies toned and tanned, no marks or dimples and both of their husbands strayed. Listen to him when he says that he loves you, and will love you no matter your shape. The insecurity you feel about your body won't change until you really hear him.
Just one more note! I didn't think it would post directly to the site, since most say the comment is waiting for review. And I did read this blog over again (and once more), just to make sure I hadn't over-reacted before I posted the comment. I also had my husband read my post to make sure I wasnt't breathing fire (which I can do!) and he thought it was a pretty good description of my body and our life. Please feel free to delete these comments if you feel they don't carry the conversational thread, I won't be offended. I'm sorry if you felt the comment wasn't the right repsonse to your post, since it was supposed to be inspiring. But from THIS SIDE, this is what it looked like. Take care and God bless!
To: "Things That Last Said"
Me thinketh thou protest too much. If YOU were happy with the way things are in your life....this blog would not have hit such a sore spot with you.
Nikki is just human and she has finally disappointed you with her blog. She has fallen off the pedestool you put her on and now she resides right at the same level you are and you are angry. From the looks of it, returning three times to state your case looks a little more like a spurned worshipper of Nikki instead of a supportive reader or friend. Believe it or not, even though you have publicly decided to reject her, she is an amazing person...faults and all.
Grace is part of the Christian walk is it not?
Ironically I had decided to begin again on a new health routine on today, on this first day of March. I accidentally found this blog over the weekend, before this post, and was really inspired by it. I logged on today and saw this 'controversial' post and had to put in my two cents.
I am the mom of four and I have about 30 pounds to lose but for different reasons than Nikki. I think we all have our own levels of comfort with who we are and for me its about health as much as looks. My mom died young and I dont want to follow her path. I respect you, Nikki, for pushing yourself to keep a fitness level that's comfortable to you. I totally get how your feelings are tied into your past. (esp. since I have two older sisters who were the glamorous ones while I was the tomboy who never thought I'd get a date)
Thanks for encouraging me on my own fresh start. I have a game plan and I have a goal and your post really helped me get excited about this next month of my new, healthier life.
judy
justonefoot.blogspot.com
That was a VERY transparent blog entry, Nikki. It must have been difficult to type and yet cathartic at the same time. Thank you for sharing so openly the things that others try to hide and forget. This entry got me to wondering if I could run a mile (even at a slow clip) and I might just have to lace up the old sneakers and give it a try!
Well, if you read my first and third post, I didn't know they'd pop right up. Most blogs wait for the author to approve so I didn't write that thinking it would go directly onto the site and therefore PUBLICLY. Secondly, I hardly worshipped her! There are many things I downright disagreed with (the nose ring??) but then, that's what real people are like, we disagree and find common ground. But perhaps in every relationship (if you can call a writer and reader of a blog in a relationship) where one has to openly disagree with the other. And that's why I posted. I never said she wasn't amazing either. So, the public spurning, isn't in my nature and wasn't intended.
But then most people shy away from speaking out, just for the reason of what happened here. Someone will take their comments and turn it back on them, saying they themselves exhibit all the issues they've brought to light. Of course, I'm not happy being 40 pounds overweight, but calling myself a 'fat pig' or imagining my husband leaving his 'sloppy wife' is very negative and wouldn't do me any good. So, onward and upward! My last post (and visit), for real. :)
To Judy, everybody responds in different ways and I'm glad you were inspired! Good luck everybody being the healthiest, inside and out, as we can be.
Wow Nikki...I am always in awe of how you are so able to openly and eloquently lay out your innermost thoughts for the world to see. What a gift this will be to your children as they come of age and have their own demons to battle. About me? I am exactly your size. 5' 7" and 158 lbs which is 2 lbs lighter than prior to conceiving our 4th and 35 lbs heavier than prior to our 1st. I am happy with where I am, I am also a runner and will never be stick thin. I have curves, muscles and a backside my hubby finds endearing because it exists.
I find your blog to be highly inspirational and most thought provoking and do hope that such negativity will not diminish future posts...although I'm guessing it will not. Having many step siblings who fall into the Laura Ingalls Wilder homeschooling way of life, I find the way you and your hubby live your life to be a refreshing breath of air. Your words help me keep it real in my own mind and help me try to remember that perfection does not exist...life it too real to be perfect. Love ya!
Hi All! MY two cents I guess. I read Nikki's post and was really depressed. It was hard for me to sleep! It brought up the fears I have that someone will see me in my big Tshirt- probably with a stain! -And my kids with their dirty hands and uncut hair... Not all the time, but sometimes it happens we all look a little rough. Usually we clean up real nice! Anyway, I thought that if she saw us walking down the street she would defintely think that I was a fat pig too! And my husband didn't want to come home to his fat wife! I'm having a baby in 6 weeks and maternity wear never fits right so I just wear big clothes. I probably look sloppy...
Um, so it's good you guys thought it was inspiring. But I had to defend ThingsthatLast because I kinda felt the same way. And I checked out that shape of a mother site and it was cool! Anyway, I don't think she was saying she hated Nikki or whatever somebody wrote. She was actually kinda supportive and saying she should love herself enough to not be afraid her hubby's going to leave her if she's not skiny enough!
Going with thingsthatlast. The whole blog post was good, but the fat hating words were off-putting. Still, nice site! Can't ever make the google identity work so have to just sign my name I guess.
I never realized how much you judge a book by its cover.
Wow......I'm a little overwhelmed myself, but contrary to what seems to be the popular stance here. Nik, when I read your post, I heard a healed heart with raw emotion. Is this kind of emotion with Godly character not what is needed to move forward with the passion God lays on each of our herts? There are two specific issues I saw.......the first being that if we as Christians are to bear one another's burdens, then who is anyone to so quickly judge you for sharing PUBLICLY your heart? I don't recall seeing anything on any blog that requires someone else to read it, let alone to so severely judge with such contempt another person's success. It would seem to me that your post hit a very sore spot in that person's life along with her other followers. As a leader for Weight Watchers....I earn my living in a career that deals with people every day who are making a PHYSICAL effort to attain a goal they want to attain.....which brings me to the second issue I see here. We come into this world with everything we need to accomplish every single goal we set for ourselves, be it large or small. Attaining these goals has a lot more to do with want power than it does will power. How bad do you want it? You wanted to achieve the 3 mile goal enough to overcome the "odds" in your life and do something about it. Unfortunately, very few come to that inner conviction and reality that not one single person is holding them down shoveling food in their mouth. Everything we do is a personal choice made in our own minds. But most people would rather blame and condemn others to the point that they set themselves up to always be the victim and lash out at anyone who bears the truth and hits that sore spot. I rejoice with you in your accomplishments and PRAISE GOD for your tenacity. You are an encouragement and inspiration to me to keep my weight off and have begun running because of you. I feel sorry for the people that toally meissed your heart in this post. You are absolutely a rock and very gifted. Jesus removed the dust from his feet and moved on from the cities where he was not accepted. Many people miss life. Oh well.........can't win 'em all.
Oh.....and one more thing that hit me as really comical in this escapade is the readers who post "anonomously". When kindness reigns we want the credit.....when someone wants to condemn...duh! This is the difference between light and dark. LOL!!!!!!!!
Oh wow, I was so surprised at some of the reactions to this. As one of your lucky readers that knows you in real life, I remember thinking after Tyrel was born that my weight would come off like it "seemed to" on you. You looked so good that time we were all at Producer's and Tyrel and Gavin were babies. But I was one of those people who had never had to try to lose weight. I was actually grossly skinny as a kid. Like, people made fun of me, and I was afraid people would think that my parents didn't feed me. I ate like a horse and was just super skinny. I did gain weight to look more "normal" after my tonsils had to be taken out in 6th grade. I assume that had something to do with it. But anyways, you got me running again, because I knew that after not losing weight with Tyrel, I would have to TRY after Kimber. Anyways, just thought I'd say I have always thought you look fantastic, and would never have guessed you were once overweight. You inspire me.
Wow Nikki, You are just the most honest & open person, sharing all that you have up to this point. I am reading this today, Jan 11,2011 & am looking forward to "catching up". I think most people get it that you are talking about YOU and what you have gone through in the past & the rejection you have felt. And you are talking about how YOU feel about what you should put into your life and your marriage. And, anyone who has gone from being out of shape to getting into shape knows all about the health benefits and the mental health benefits of being active. I used to run when I was young (am over 50 now) and I loved running. I miss running. And I do think I could run at some level if I had the level of WANT to that you do. I did not at all think that you were sitting in judgement on anyone, just saying if a person has the "want to" that they can accomplish their goals whatever those may be. Lastly, one thing is abundantly clear & comes shining brightly through, and that is that you have a heart after God and your desire is to be His child and a surrendered follower of Him. Blessings on your family!
Well, I just reread this after all this time with your baby count up to 11 and TWO sets of twins! You're now doing a combo of P90X and Insanity again with amazing results. Now, with even more water under the bridge regarding this totally dysfunctional family we had, I have to commend you again for letting the Lord bring out the REAL you. As I've told you probably a thousand times.... it's not where you've been that's important EXCEPT that you learned from it. The most important issue is taking what you've learned and moving forward....."No man putting his hand to the plow and looking back is fit for the kingdom of heaven." Your "weighty past" has blessed, encouraged, inspired, and made me, and Scott, better people for it. Don't know about the others, but am certain about Scott and myself. Sure do love you.
Post a Comment