To Live Publicly

Due to the massive number of requests asking to once again make the blog public or permit readership while private and after much consideration and debate we have decided in favor of once again making it available to all. The testimony of God's goodness that it has become far outweighs those with ill intent, dislike and/or contempt for our family. I didn't realize the many ways people are capable of finding others until I shut it down publicly. It's quite sobering how easy it is to track down someone in the world. The point has come that approving the many people asking for permission to read is defeating the entire purpose, as I am far from knowing everyone personally that is emailing and finding us via so many different routes. It makes it very difficult to discern who is friend and foe. However, the amount of people coming forward now with such encouragement and love for our family, those from around the world, is overwhelming. I truly never imagined how far our story has reached, thus the decision to open it back up. When one makes the decision to live so differently and so radically, and then so publicly put it all out there on the line....entire journey and all of emotions entailed....there will be opinions...haters and lovers alike.

So, for those of you that have written to support us and found us in so many different ways, thank you for your encouragement and immense love for our family. For all of you, I open this back up. For all of the ups and downs, hills and valleys, highs and lows, I wouldn't trade this journey. We wouldn't be the people we are, our children would not be the people they are becoming, we would have missed so much of what we have seen had we chosen the easy road, one of least resistance or the life of comfort people have come to believe is "deserved" or "owed". While I am never a huge fan of the learning curve I'd do it all over again to know what we know now, to be kept humble, grounded in reality, to be kept honest, and to continually be so aware of how much we have yet to learn and how far we still have to go. And in the end it just really doesn't matter if people have any negative opinions of us when we are secure in who we are and possess the strength we need to overcome. What matters is knowing that we are secure in our relationship with Jesus Christ, that we forever remain aware and refrain from succumbing to a life of mediocrity or ever becoming mere pew warmers within a church, that we continue to learn how to walk out life in utter contentment filled with joy and an abiding peace that is so often lacked in others...that our children will grow to be balanced, well rounded people that are full of character, humility, integrity, that possess a deep abiding compassion for others and the ability to stay light hearted and maintain the bigger picture with an amazing sense of humor...to refrain from ever taking themselves or life too seriously and losing perspective. Most importantly, that we continue to learn as individuals and teach our children how not to judge the heart of others, because we do not know the hurt, the history, or the pain that goes on behind the actions of lashing out or condemnation of others...or in landlord's case, the pain and emptiness that results in the inability to deal with anything. Our job is to unconditionally love others and draw healthy boundaries that we deem appropriate for our own family which, at times, includes taking a break from the public eye until all of life settles a bit.

We are so sincerely humbled by the overwhelming outpouring of love and support that has been shown to our family through all of the different avenues people have found to contact us. It is an absolutely amazing thing to be so loved by so many. Here's to blogging, speaking truth, keeping it real and blazing our own trail.

Put a Little Love in Your Heart

That undoubtedly has to be one of the worst 70's songs I've ever had get stuck in the head....but the message is true, nonetheless. If you ever take the time to think through the words...or google them cause listening to it is just pretty painful....it is  undeniable in its point. And all of the world really is a better place for it. As we have worked and worked...and then worked some more....hearts are being changed in no small way. Mine probably the most of all. Neighbors thanking us profusely for the work we are doing. We now know them all by name, as they stop asking us if we have bought the place and if not, why in the world we are doing so much work to it. It's provided an amazing way to share the very real love of Jesus with others. And I'm not talking "if you accept Jesus in your heart we'll all go to heaven singing Kumbaya in a happy little chariot". I mean where you tell them that when people's actions are less than thrilling and all of being screams to hate...you love anyway because that's how I've been loved. Amazing grace...because there's just no reason I should know the freedom I know. Family member so close to me still so trapped, so enslaved, still being so ripped apart  from inside out. And I stand in awe through falling tears of the freedom I know and the joy that abounds in my own life, my husband's and that of our children's. How humbling this whole process is becoming. The joy of giving is unrivaled. Transformation of heart occurs when giving is practiced. Random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty....they change the heart and head. Anger dissipates, joy takes root, fulfillment begins to bloom and loving the ugly suddenly seems not only possible but the only right thing to do....and beautiful. Suddenly it transforms into the beautiful ugly.

This man next door....he wants to know why....why we are doing this....why we bother....why we love.  He's never known anything like it. Heart softened. He begs us not to go....not find anywhere else to live. Slowly, doors to bless him and share openly into his life are opened...all because we got out in the heat and worked a little....all because I swallowed pride, an outrageous bad attitude and overcame self. All because there is a God that is so much bigger than I am and there is a world so massive and so filled with such hurt, crying out to be loved. Who am I to take the grace that has been extended to me by a loving merciful God and not extend it to others? So we work with our hands and heart as we love the unloveable.

Shift husband absent. White car pulls to gate and man awaits. I walk to greet. Humbly, soft spoken, eyes averted while shoe draws circles in gravel  he talks. Yard...it looks so nice. So much work. Tons and tons of work. He's seen us working hours. So many so thankful on street. He's come to help....whopping 18 inch gas chainsaw in hand. "I'm at your service. Just tell me what to do, what you need cut, and I'll do it all." Oldest son shakes neighbor man's hand and thanks him, grateful happy tears fill own eyes and suddenly I don't know whether to cry, laugh, hug his neck or just let him work. He fires up saw and proceeds to quickly eliminate every tree outside of fence and a few within that had proven too much for our small saw. He then continues on to cut it all into firewood. Boys stacked an entire winter's worth of wood while neighbor man skillfully sliced through trees like butter. And I stood watching the work of a God that is so much bigger than I am....who sends help in the most unexpected ways and times....and angels in the form of quiet men that live down street.

He talks as we discuss work and he tells stories of how house and yard looked 20 years ago when landlord's mom once lived here. Gardens, flowers, grass, shrubs. He told childhood stories of landlord, abandoned by father, mother and grandmother raising him, both dying, and now miserable existence of present with wife and children. After much work angel neighbor leaves with promises to return to accomplish more.  I thank him profusely for his kindness as he grows excited with us over changes and improvements to seemingly abandoned home. I serve a pretty big God that sends neighborhood men armed with chainsaws to finish what was started and that I am incapable of doing.

So we talk to landlord to find a workable solution for everybody as end of 12 month lease draws near. So many repairs needed for house, too many for public servant income landlord to ever fix, too many for lazy nature to ever get around to fixing. Fans, light fixtures, toilets, windows, non working dishwasher, basement now continually standing in water, carpet, mile long dryer vent that prevents any load from drying, plug outlets that refuse to grip any plugs making power to anything impossible, non working a/c. Talk of significantly reducing rent as we improve and make needed repairs each month. Everyone benefits. And while it is far from ever being the dream we envisioned from coming up here, 1700 miles away from home and everything we have ever loved or known God is moving within the hearts of people and lives are changed. But while we are here and are changed heart begins to beat a little faster when we drive through gates of property....this place that no longer feels like dungeon buried in forest, this place where hearts have now been invested and attitudes change.

Before from the mailbox....

After from the mailbox.....Same angle and shot. Still working on it and we're far from done.....but....making progress!

Nothing like a little red latex super unwashable paint. I think what didn't make it on the chair added a nice touch to the plethora of color already taking place on the carpet. Plethora....what a word. Everytime I use it it just really sounds as though, and even seems as though, it's definition should be one of puking and all things puke related. So...since it's not one of my favorite words the usage of it here is very purposeful....seeing as how carpet and plethora just belong together. Kinda sounds like a growth or disease too. Carpet...puke, growth....it all goes together.

World's largest form of living disgustingness.

Working...

Kinda full

Wasting time while waiting for Grayson to reemerge from grocery store. The summer of no makeup....but the tiny girl is pretty cute!

The 120 year old tree. Oh the stories it could tell. Below it peacefully sits a small family cemetery of 5 graves dating back to 1888.

Rambling old farm house

midnight walmart trips

The backyard natural playground project

Hundreds of caterpillars

The new chicken coop run.

Chicken Vision!

It is highly recommended that one refrain from all attempts of taking down trees 60 ft and above in height without being a professional logger.

Nothing like being used as a headrest.

When you're just a little bit loved...

Twinship at its best. Nothing like pulling each other's teeth.

The Return to Physically Fit

With the many other things taking place right now, and that have taken place within the last little while, tracking the journey back down was not exactly a priority. But once again, I have been reminded how very much I love feeling strong, staying active and knowing I can conquer whatever looms ahead. I love having the ability to do 150 squats, 50 pushups, climb trees, chainsaw them all down, dig, run,  and overcome. And with the possession of both inner and outer strength, I know that while we work in the heat, humidity, and rain I will not pass out or lay down on ground...in dirt....after a mere hour's worth of work. It will not result in hyperventilation and I will not yell to my children that I fear passing out and to go grab me a coke such as yard working landlord saw fit to experience yesterday. He really seriously did that...in his yard....after an hour's worth of work....in front of the children....all outside with me. He then called it a day, retreated to deck, smoked a cigarette and drunk a coke. So.....I run, I do 150 squats, I do 50 pushups, I dig, I climb trees and I conquer....to not pass out in the yard...with the snakes. I conquer to refrain from embarrassingly humorous incidents such as those. I do find it a bit sweet and a little ironic that as soon as we decide to set to work giving entire rent house a facelift and fixing every broken thing both within and without neighbor landlord begins work on his own place. 

Sooo..... the return to being in shape. The background just sucks. But it's as good as it's gonna get. And picture quality....gotta love phone pics. Oneday we'll have a new camera again. But...I'm in the same size as I was after running and P90Xing after Graham and Gatlin came along. It was taken in same clothes for comparison purposes. Except for being a totally different color...and the background being tremendously worse.... the pics following G&G2 and this time around look almost the same. Goes to show that it will indeed get some results whether it's following baby #1....or 9&10...or 11! Still have some progress to make and personal goals to meet....but we're on the right track!

5 months post partum after Baby 11

And for fun.....blurry but funny. 

Late Night Rowdies

Outside my window....

the green canopy that is now above head height, 2 extension cords, a tree saw, some tree pruners, 2 garden rakes, a shovel, and a 1/4 acre....along with a ditch full....of brush piles....and no truck to haul them off with. I have a match.

I am thinking.....

that I may never have use of my left hand again. Though it ended up not being broken, falling from dead trees is definitely not a recommended sport I desire to take up.

I am thankful......

that tanning can cure such severe eczema when all other medications, prescriptions and natural remedies have failed for so many years....and with it comes the benefit of feeling pretty hot....literally. 

I am wearing....

does this statement ever really matter? Seriously....that's about like uselessly stating what somebody had for dinner. Who really cares. Ummm......nobody. But to humor the daybook thing.....because at times, this blog becomes nothing but random daybook posts for fillers, until I can actually sit long enough to think coherently again.....I am wearing gray knit capri pants and a nursing tanktop. However, the yoga pants are fixin to be traded out for some running shorts to go work in the yard.

I am hearing.....

Dave Loggins begging me to come to Boston.

I am pondering.....

that pushups with a useless left hand are not only entirely painful but pretty much impossible.

I am reading.....

landscape design sites and books....but none of them match what I see in my head.

I am wondering.....

that given the state of the basement right now, whether fixing up this house is like trying to polish a turd or if we'll discover that it's just a diamond in the rough. Thinking it might be a little of the former.

I am hoping.....

for a weekend honeymoon to a little cabin nestled on the beach below Hatteras for our upcoming anniversary. 

I am going.....

outside in the 75 degree weather. And while the high at home is 106, our high here is merely 82. And when the afternoon rains come, like they do every afternoon, I will continue to work...because we have all discovered how much fun it is to continue working while it pours. There is something amazingly fun, wild and crazy....and something comforting along with a little raw and organic.....about gardening in the rain and thunder. Hair and clothes sticking to skin, tasting of sweat and work, and feeling alive and free in every way.

I am noticing....

that with shift husband working and scouting son water sliding down the Blueridge mountains right now that it's just me and the snakes left to greet each other out in the yard today.

I am remembering.....

that shaved legs slathered with Bath and Body body butter is capable of making skin feel like velvet...and it smells good too!

On my mind....

some thoughts cannot be penned......

Life......

Before lining up with the others for a haircut. The longest his hair has ever gotten. And at this length it turns fairly orange. 

 My yard crew....building sandcastles and twig forts.

 The size of us vs. the trees we are waging forest war with. 

My fellow tree trimmer.

The last storm that flooded the basement resulted in this lightening strike in downtown WF and also struck a house and blew out the entire inner wall in the next town. Pretty awesome.

Evye standing at the base of the monster tree. It was kinda big.

The unthinkable. Playing at the McDonald's playground. I think the last kid to have done this was oldest son at the age of 2. The look of horror by all McDonald's employees was worth it all. The manager even found it within himself to come make us aware of the wet conditions of the playground and inform me that any injuries suffered were at our expense. Thought that was very kind of him. It was the equivalent of playing at a water park.....so they loved it. 

Trying to picture journey the inconsistent P90X and running routine. Haven't proved to be consistent at all with pictures so here's a few recent post baby taken yesterday. He'll be 5 months old tomorrow. It always goes so fast. My sweet little happy guy. No makeup and plastered hair stuck to head due to having worked outside all day. Oh well. You get the general idea.  And no...I didn't work in yard in jeans. We had to run to Walmart and have camping son at church, thus the jeans.

The brown door didn't prove to be the best backdrop for assessing any results. I'll do a redo tomorrow or Monday with better lighting and a lighter backdrop so I'll be better able to tell results....and maybe actually put some makeup on and help the whole picture cause out a little. The thighs...I can work for months but am fully aware of the fact they're never going away. But....they are size 8 jeans! And I put the hair up...cause from the front it just looks like one big witchy pyramid until I can get it washed from having been outside in 83% humidity all day. 

Big, happy 5 month old boy of mine.

What they do at 1am after skyping with TX cousin.

 How does one even begin to take her seriously when she is standing there looking like this attempting to tell a long dramatic story about life???

I love this boy.

And this is a long 5.13 minutes but it's life at its finest....if you make it through til the end. This would be after a full day of swimming...thus the backed up laundry...again. 9pm, bedtime should've been an hour previous to this, everybody waiting for daddy to arrive home before they head to bed, and super rowdy after 1.00 hamburgers, root beer, apple sauce, cookies, and pudding cups. I tried to edit it to make it a bit shorter and cut out the Lollipop song...but finally gave up due to impatience with it all. However, it is quite entertaining to watch Ivye sing Lollipop. It's pretty comical watching the wrestling boys and everybody working around them rolling all over the place. All 12 of us...in a 9x10 room. And the carpet....yep. It's there....and it's still horrifically carpet. But it works. And we're not homeless.