Today marked yet another huge milestone. The last leg of the journey has begun. I can honestly say I've never in my life felt this pregnant and this full of babies before. After so many previous pregnancies and having already carried twins I find it a bit odd for this pregnancy to be so different. Maybe just due to the fact I'm 5 years older than the last time I carried twins or perhaps due to the fact there's just 5 more children and the responsibilities that go with them than there were the last time around. Babies are both head down....a very reassuring and peaceful thing for me at this point since I never did have 2 vertex babies while pregnant with twins the 1st time....but they are also big enough that there is constantly the feeling of 2 little butts being up under my rib cage which makes for lots of shortness of breath and total loss of appetite. I find it humorous to bend over and only be able to go so far due to now compressing baby parts within...mainly bony little butts. You can only smash them up so much before your body refuses to cooperate. How grateful I am for this and how long I have waited for these days to come. So, I refuse to gripe or be overcome with complaints of discomfort. These are sweet days that will be over all too soon and our daily routine will take on a whole new life as we transition into what our family will become.
So it is that I eat with great purpose and count every gram of protein that goes into my mouth and I sleep knowing I will not be this tired forever. And I watch my body expand knowing it is only a matter of mere weeks before I will be running again. I embrace the feminine curves that exist and the new and temporary roundness my body has grown into because I know, more now than ever, that there is never a guarantee I will ever do this again. It's an amazing thing to have these 2 little boys flourishing within after all we have survived over the last year of life.
27 weeks marks the beginning of the 3rd trimester. It actually is a little daunting to think of these babies coming any earlier than their due date. Having made it all 40 weeks the first time I am quite certain there is no reason I should have a problem doing it a second time. The goal is to have everything completely ready by 37 weeks for the "just in case" but if it goes anything like last time we'll be in for yet another 3 week wait....and honestly, that is fine with me. All the more time to prepare and birth in cooler weather. I'd love to have two 7 lb babies so that has become my new goal. Garrison was a mere 6'4 while Grant did make it over the 7 lb mark by 2 ozs. Although.....little 5 lb babies sound entirely easy to deliver. Based on the fill factor of the uterus right now I am quite sure we're already up to 5 lbs each! Ok...so maybe only 2 lbs but it feels like no less than 5 lbs per baby at the rate I'm going.
On the home front...and I'll elaborate at a later date....the dishwasher motor burned up so everything is being washed by hand by a myriad of living dishwashers, the vacuum cleaner blew up so everything is being swept which triples the amount of time where floors are concerned, the dogs got ahold of a cat..but it lived...maybe, then went on the very next day to get ahold of a kitten...not that we couldn't spare a few. I was a little of the mindset to throw a few more out there since we seem to be a bit prolific in that area of life. And all within a 48 hr time span an 8 ft rat snake got into the coop and ate an entire day's worth of eggs...some 2 1/2 dz. In his generosity he left 4 for us. He was so exceedingly fat by the end of it that he fell off the ledge of the coop, rolled into the floor and took off out the door....no longer fitting through the hole by which he entered. Lovely. Grayson ran to get Brad as Evye was instructed to keep an eye on the snake. She, of course, freaked when it decided to start moving so came running to the house. He got away.
The kitten that was stupid enough to enter the backyard today only succeeded in getting it's back 2 legs broken so with Brad on shift Grayson, armed with his .22, had to finish it off. That was fun and only succeeded in setting the girls off for hours on end. Evye is beginning to develop a much tougher spirit due to our rural living experiences, however, Aubrey is still quite sensitive to the plight of all living creatures and only proceeded to cry for no less than 2 entire hours. Tomorrow all cats, minus 2, are headed for the shelter. I'm done with dogs vs cats, chickens vs snakes, feral cats vs chickens and home vs mice. On the mouse note....we still have yet to catch the little turd. It's amazing how fast you overcome it all and just learn to sleep despite the fact there is a mouse in your house somewhere. And in all of our rural farm living we had our 1st real encounter with a black widow today. I must say I was completely and totally impressed with how much the children know and how well they have been trained. I think we always hope they understand the extreme importance of it all but are always wondering just how far it sunk in....especially with a bunch of little insect loving boys.
Grant went out to find the baseball mitt that has been in the open playhouse for quite some time now. After all of the excitement finally died down I was able to get the entire story. He knew, even at the age of 5, to check it for spiders before sticking his hand into it. When only holding it with a pincher grasp and twirling it around the black widow with her web and egg sack was discovered in the mitt part of the glove. He was inspecting it as he walked so by the time the spider was discovered he was already in the house. He dropped it immediately and the spider went running...across our living room floor no less...and a whole bunch of excited little boys started yelling. I inspected it to verify that it was indeed a black widow...in which it undoubtedly was, we know them well now....and promptly did away with it.
Oh the joys of rural living. All the things that you don't exactly know you're signing up for when you commit to this lifestyle.
So, anyway, onward to the last 12 or so weeks of the pregnancy. If it would ever cool down below 100 I might think of getting baby boy stuff down from the attic and preparing a little. Until then I'm blissfully pregnant without really a thing ready. 12 weeks, though much shorter than 40, is still a long time away.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Picture Journey of a Twin Pregnancy - 26 weeks
A little brutal honesty here concerning vanity in its finest form. We took pictures a few days ago in order to document week 26 and post as promised. But....I was so horrified by the amount of weight I have put on that I refused to post....despite the fact the goal is to gain 40 pounds and I have put on a mere 22 and still have 14 weeks left to go. If I only put on a pound a week from here on out that'd make a grand total of 36 pounds for the entire pregnancy. But, a few nights later as I crawled into bed I realized my legs look like logs....as in, they are abnormally out of proportion to the rest of my body by more than just a little. My feet are quite the phenomenon based on the fact they remain perfectly normal and maintain their very foot like appearance....and do not appear to be paws at this point.....but my thighs down to my calves look like they belong on a foreign body not belonging to the top half of me. But I also had never even taken the time to sit that day besides the 3 meals I had eaten and maybe had I just propped my feet up for a bit it might've helped my cause out a little....so I did...that night after kids were in bed. And, I finally realized what a shame it would be to quit the picture taking based on sheer dislike of bodily figure and how I would miss a twin pregnancy grow...as the one and only picture I have at all of my 1st twin pregnancy was taken at 39 weeks. That wasn't entirely intentional. I just never really thought to document the growth of a pregnancy before Garrett.
So, here it is in all of its glory, swelling and all, 2 babies at 26 weeks. And I am now regularly asked by total strangers when I am due. This becomes more than a little annoying since I have only ever once in my life been asked this before this pregnancy...and it was at 37 weeks with the 1st round of twins. So, to be asked this at a mere 26 weeks with a whopping 14 yet to go is a bit irritating and really just brings up desires to go smacking people....mostly when they just stand there and gasp obnoxiously or let their mouth unappealingly gape open and then continue on to cluck their tongues and wag their heads. I'm not really sure at this point if it's due to what they must horrifically envision my size expanding to or if it's due to the news of there being 2 in there and then having to do mathematical figures eventually ending up at 10....which never ceases to amaze me when it takes a good 2 minutes for people to add 8+2.
And I find it odd to be caught struggling with whether to let people in on our miraculous little secret that 2 abide in there. I think I just always assumed I'd be shouting it from the rooftops if we were ever to show up with twins again. But now being here, I can't just let them assume there's only 1 when they go on about how elephantized I am but to declare twins never fails to get the tongue clucking, head wagging thing going....and then the stories and the information about how their sister's, uncle's, cousin's, best friend's, mom's, grandma's, step sister's aunt had 12 sets of twins for a total of 59 kids. Most days I find it entirely amusing but with the heat and the seeming inability to ever get cooled off I find it more desirable to take these people out rather than find them interesting right now.
On that note...today while in town and in a fairly reasonable mood to tolerate strangers we paused to wait for Mother to catch up. Nearby a woman and her 2 daughters were discussing our entourage loudly. Loud enough, in fact, that it was quite obnoxious and could not be ignored.....
"I say 2 sets of twins."
"No, they've gotta be quadruplets."
"Naw, just triplets and a younger one."
"Well....are the girls twins too cause that'd make like 3 sets of twins."
"Do you think she's having twins again or she's just due next week?"
"I bet she's having twins...look at all the ones she's already got."
"Well, they're all really pretty kids and they're all so happy."
"They're all so well behaved...they probably homeschool."
"Well, I still say, 2 sets of twins."
"Naa, at least triplets but I think quadruplets. They kinda look identical."
"I think there's 8 total."
Ok people...seriously....identical???? They've got hair that's dark blond, bright red, white blond and strawberry blondish-red. Not to mention, two of them are five years old and one of them is barely thee years old....little bit of height difference going on, don't you think? And do you need a stronger prescription for the spectacle thing going on over your eyeballs or did you just not bother to look at their faces???? I could care less if they actually think they're quads. It's actually a compliment, I think. I mean..who on earth has quads??? But when you stand there and just get louder and louder and louder until somebody finally acknowledges you it gets a little irritating...especially when they're just downright obnoxious about it.
At this point I looked at the children in which every last one of them are staring at these 3 obnoxious females discussing our life. I have no problem...most days...with inquiring minds. But, just ask already. So, on this note I quietly gave instructions for the children to quit staring and ole Bertha seized the opportunity to dive in to which I replied, "No, only 1 set of twins but we do have another on the way." With raucous laughter and good natured slaps to one another's backs, "I knew it!! She's got that twin look and belly going."...more words, more words, more questions. Ummm.....so woman....how exactly does a 26 week twin belly differ from a single full term uterus and how would you, in all of your infinite wisdom, know the difference? And how exactly does one have a "twin look" to her.....besides needing the words "wide load" tattooed across each butt cheek. Who knows. Actually....on that note, apparently that woman does.
"Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven." Soooo...given the attitude that went along with the last few paragraphs I'd say mine's just flickering right now..... but I'm working on it.
On a more positive note though....I had a stranger come up to us a few days ago and after lovingly admiring each and every one of the children, their behaviour and how beautiful they all are, she went on to say I had the most amazingly feminine curves she'd ever seen on a pregnant woman and then went on to add that if she ever looked as beautiful as I do while pregnant then maybe she would've gone on to have 10 children also. I quickly assessed that she was an angel sent straight from heaven whose sheer purpose was to encourage the gestating soul.
Anyway...all of that to get to the point.
So, here it is in all of its glory, swelling and all, 2 babies at 26 weeks. And I am now regularly asked by total strangers when I am due. This becomes more than a little annoying since I have only ever once in my life been asked this before this pregnancy...and it was at 37 weeks with the 1st round of twins. So, to be asked this at a mere 26 weeks with a whopping 14 yet to go is a bit irritating and really just brings up desires to go smacking people....mostly when they just stand there and gasp obnoxiously or let their mouth unappealingly gape open and then continue on to cluck their tongues and wag their heads. I'm not really sure at this point if it's due to what they must horrifically envision my size expanding to or if it's due to the news of there being 2 in there and then having to do mathematical figures eventually ending up at 10....which never ceases to amaze me when it takes a good 2 minutes for people to add 8+2.
And I find it odd to be caught struggling with whether to let people in on our miraculous little secret that 2 abide in there. I think I just always assumed I'd be shouting it from the rooftops if we were ever to show up with twins again. But now being here, I can't just let them assume there's only 1 when they go on about how elephantized I am but to declare twins never fails to get the tongue clucking, head wagging thing going....and then the stories and the information about how their sister's, uncle's, cousin's, best friend's, mom's, grandma's, step sister's aunt had 12 sets of twins for a total of 59 kids. Most days I find it entirely amusing but with the heat and the seeming inability to ever get cooled off I find it more desirable to take these people out rather than find them interesting right now.
On that note...today while in town and in a fairly reasonable mood to tolerate strangers we paused to wait for Mother to catch up. Nearby a woman and her 2 daughters were discussing our entourage loudly. Loud enough, in fact, that it was quite obnoxious and could not be ignored.....
"I say 2 sets of twins."
"No, they've gotta be quadruplets."
"Naw, just triplets and a younger one."
"Well....are the girls twins too cause that'd make like 3 sets of twins."
"Do you think she's having twins again or she's just due next week?"
"I bet she's having twins...look at all the ones she's already got."
"Well, they're all really pretty kids and they're all so happy."
"They're all so well behaved...they probably homeschool."
"Well, I still say, 2 sets of twins."
"Naa, at least triplets but I think quadruplets. They kinda look identical."
"I think there's 8 total."
Ok people...seriously....identical???? They've got hair that's dark blond, bright red, white blond and strawberry blondish-red. Not to mention, two of them are five years old and one of them is barely thee years old....little bit of height difference going on, don't you think? And do you need a stronger prescription for the spectacle thing going on over your eyeballs or did you just not bother to look at their faces???? I could care less if they actually think they're quads. It's actually a compliment, I think. I mean..who on earth has quads??? But when you stand there and just get louder and louder and louder until somebody finally acknowledges you it gets a little irritating...especially when they're just downright obnoxious about it.
At this point I looked at the children in which every last one of them are staring at these 3 obnoxious females discussing our life. I have no problem...most days...with inquiring minds. But, just ask already. So, on this note I quietly gave instructions for the children to quit staring and ole Bertha seized the opportunity to dive in to which I replied, "No, only 1 set of twins but we do have another on the way." With raucous laughter and good natured slaps to one another's backs, "I knew it!! She's got that twin look and belly going."...more words, more words, more questions. Ummm.....so woman....how exactly does a 26 week twin belly differ from a single full term uterus and how would you, in all of your infinite wisdom, know the difference? And how exactly does one have a "twin look" to her.....besides needing the words "wide load" tattooed across each butt cheek. Who knows. Actually....on that note, apparently that woman does.
"Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven." Soooo...given the attitude that went along with the last few paragraphs I'd say mine's just flickering right now..... but I'm working on it.
On a more positive note though....I had a stranger come up to us a few days ago and after lovingly admiring each and every one of the children, their behaviour and how beautiful they all are, she went on to say I had the most amazingly feminine curves she'd ever seen on a pregnant woman and then went on to add that if she ever looked as beautiful as I do while pregnant then maybe she would've gone on to have 10 children also. I quickly assessed that she was an angel sent straight from heaven whose sheer purpose was to encourage the gestating soul.
Anyway...all of that to get to the point.
26 weeks with twins!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Who knew....
that no matter how many times a 4 year old flushes the toilet a golf ball will not go down nor will the poop that's in there with it....but little army men will.
that it is possible to eat oatmeal 5 nights out of 7 and still have children cheer when you say it's for dinner again...at least the 5 and under crowd.
that you can cry for no apparent reason and appear to be a hormonally imbalanced being when your husband has been gone for 72 hours and still has 24 left to go.
that you can really actually run over rude people's feet with your cart in Wal Mart if you are mad enough...and then make it appear an accident as you smile graciously and state that you thought the cart would clear them.
that it is possible to feel as sexy as you ever have in your entire life and then plummet to the depths of unsexiness within a 2 hr period when your 7 year old comes in to discuss the varicose veins you might have going...
"Mom, you sure have a lot of bumps on your legs (as she lovingly runs her hand over the "bumps"). And they're really ugly but that's ok cause God put them there, so they're really not ugly even though they kinda are. And your legs sure are big. But that's ok too cause God just made them that way and I still love you a lot. I just hope mine don't ever look like that." Thank you, sweet daughter. What a lovely job we've done of teaching you social etiquette.
that it is possible to outgrow all of your normal maternity clothes at 26 weeks pregnant with twins.
that you can stay excessively hot even with the thermostat set on 65. And your husband will be inwardly thrilled all while complaining about and fearing the electric bill to come.
that 1 lone cat can reproduce into 19 cats within an 18 month period of time.
that you can have a 12 year old shooting a pellet gun, 6 other kids running around with buckets and cans, a 21 month old squealing and clapping, and a mom armed with a broom and still not catch a mouse running freely in the house.
that you can scare your kids into staying in bed by telling them the mouse is hungry and will bite their toes off if their feet hit the floor again....and they will believe every word of it. But in all actuality, the mouse could live off the crumbs on the floor for no less than 12 months and if it happens to cross the kitchen floor in the right spot the floor itself may act as a sticky trap gluing it to the spot for an easy catch in the morning.....saving us the expense of a mouse trap. And no...the mouse has not stuck to the floor yet...but one can only hope.
that you CAN go to sleep despite the knowledge a mouse is on the loose and may be under your bed....but you dream about it.
that once you have fleas it takes an act of God to get rid of them.
it is perfectly acceptable to cry and be overwhelmed by fleas...only if you are pregnant.
that you can get hot and remain hot for the next 20 weeks of your life without ever cooling off.
that it is both acceptable and perfectly reasonable to duct tape your baby's diaper onto her cause you're so fed up with changing peed on crib sheets no less than twice a day and sometimes 3 times a day.
that you can take a shower and actually forget to wash off....who does that????
I'm sure I'll think of more but, for now, that sums up the last few days of our life.
that it is possible to eat oatmeal 5 nights out of 7 and still have children cheer when you say it's for dinner again...at least the 5 and under crowd.
that you can cry for no apparent reason and appear to be a hormonally imbalanced being when your husband has been gone for 72 hours and still has 24 left to go.
that you can really actually run over rude people's feet with your cart in Wal Mart if you are mad enough...and then make it appear an accident as you smile graciously and state that you thought the cart would clear them.
that it is possible to feel as sexy as you ever have in your entire life and then plummet to the depths of unsexiness within a 2 hr period when your 7 year old comes in to discuss the varicose veins you might have going...
"Mom, you sure have a lot of bumps on your legs (as she lovingly runs her hand over the "bumps"). And they're really ugly but that's ok cause God put them there, so they're really not ugly even though they kinda are. And your legs sure are big. But that's ok too cause God just made them that way and I still love you a lot. I just hope mine don't ever look like that." Thank you, sweet daughter. What a lovely job we've done of teaching you social etiquette.
that it is possible to outgrow all of your normal maternity clothes at 26 weeks pregnant with twins.
that you can stay excessively hot even with the thermostat set on 65. And your husband will be inwardly thrilled all while complaining about and fearing the electric bill to come.
that 1 lone cat can reproduce into 19 cats within an 18 month period of time.
that you can have a 12 year old shooting a pellet gun, 6 other kids running around with buckets and cans, a 21 month old squealing and clapping, and a mom armed with a broom and still not catch a mouse running freely in the house.
that you can scare your kids into staying in bed by telling them the mouse is hungry and will bite their toes off if their feet hit the floor again....and they will believe every word of it. But in all actuality, the mouse could live off the crumbs on the floor for no less than 12 months and if it happens to cross the kitchen floor in the right spot the floor itself may act as a sticky trap gluing it to the spot for an easy catch in the morning.....saving us the expense of a mouse trap. And no...the mouse has not stuck to the floor yet...but one can only hope.
that you CAN go to sleep despite the knowledge a mouse is on the loose and may be under your bed....but you dream about it.
that once you have fleas it takes an act of God to get rid of them.
it is perfectly acceptable to cry and be overwhelmed by fleas...only if you are pregnant.
that you can get hot and remain hot for the next 20 weeks of your life without ever cooling off.
that it is both acceptable and perfectly reasonable to duct tape your baby's diaper onto her cause you're so fed up with changing peed on crib sheets no less than twice a day and sometimes 3 times a day.
that you can take a shower and actually forget to wash off....who does that????
I'm sure I'll think of more but, for now, that sums up the last few days of our life.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
26 Weeks
This poor blog has been woefully neglected. I have now set a record for the longest period in blogging history to go without a post. There is a restlessness that pervades that makes writing difficult. Writer's block perhaps or maybe just sheer preoccupation with life and the upcoming changes. Lots of thought being given to the birth itself, lots of research on updating a few needed things and lots of back and forthing to town for misc things that have come up. We usually go in only once or so a week with 2 trips a month being all day grocery shopping, errand running affairs. But, I think the children and I have been to town at least 8 times in the last 2 weeks.
How grateful I am to have older children mixed with younger ones now. How amazing are their abilities to keep things running. Between us all the house stays clean. I think back 5 years a go and the 1st time we ever experienced a twin pregnancy and twin babies and how overwhelmed I was all the time. 2 newborns with an absent husband and only a 6 year old, a 3 year old and an 18 month old left at home to help. The house was disastrous and my days were filled with lots of just meeting immediate needs of children to survive. I look at our life now and the house is clean, straight and organized, younger ones are happy and supervised and older ones playful and content in the company of everyone. Even the younger ones amaze me with their ability to step up and do any task assigned to them.
In my busyness over the weekend I somehow managed to forget we had Brad's parents coming in for a quick visit. With him away on shift and both older children in town for a gun show and some swimming in the big pools I was left at home with only the younger 6....which made for a shockingly quiet day. The day had been lazy, kitchen not yet cleaned up from breakfast, hair twisted up into a clip, not much need for makeup, lunch now underway, toys strewn about the floor while busy children played and bathroom in need of cleaning after only 2 days worth of use. I sat back and didn't fuss too much with it all......until the reminder call came saying parents would arrive in an hour. And, like a drill sergeant put into action I put every person to work. In 45 minutes with one 7 year old and 5 children 5 and under the house was immaculate, makeup was on, and the bathroom cleaned. Aubrey expertly did the kitchen after many weeks of experience now and the 4 little boys picked up, straightened up, took trash out, made beds and dressed both themselves and the younger ones in matching clothes...the easiest, most painless way to stay organized and make dressing easy for them all to help each other. Garrison, Grant and Garrett can all read numbers for sizes and they each dress and can easily help Gavin into his clothes...no questions as to who wears what outfit for the day. They usually all agree on whatever they want to match in and then dress themselves accordingly. I love this system. Aubrey bathed Ivye while I quickly cleaned the bathrooms and while little boys straightened house I showered, dressed and quickly applied some makeup. With time to spare, they all played on starfall while we waited for the arrival of grandparents. How grateful I am for what we have and this place in life where we are. It gave me great hope and lessened the nervousness that when babies arrive life will not only continue to carry on very normally but that we will all be hugely successful at keeping the pace we do now....and far from long ago with our 1st set of twin babies, this time around will include a clean organized house with dishes that stay done and bathrooms that stay clean. There is nothing that makes me crazier and is more mentally debilitating than clutter and crap absolutely everywhere you look...and a seemingly endless overwhelming to-do lists that is unattainable for one person. I love that our children know how to do this stuff, that they have been well trained and that they happily carry out household and outside duties. How proud I am of each of them....and how absolutely amazing it is to see each of them in action from the oldest to the youngest.
So, on a to-do note, I need to take more pics. To say that I have grown a bit is a little of an understatement. Exhaustion is becoming a huge hurdle to overcome as well. Maybe it's just due to the fact I was 5 years younger last time I carried twins or maybe it's just due to the fact there were only 3 other children and not 8 running around. I stay so sleepy that I find it completely irritating and grow exasperated with it constantly interfering with the daily routine. It's about like being doped up on Benadryl 24/7. For those reasons my mind is not completely focused on any one thing at this point...especially writing....or the lack thereof.
In order to have feet propped up to keep varicose veins and swelling to a minimum I've begun to read at night instead of the many hours spent computering. Many hours of blogging and email time have transitioned into voraciously finishing off tons of Francine Rivers books with a massive glass of water or a cup of chamomile tea and some sunflower seeds or almonds. And, most nights, I think my brain is just too tired to function and think of any words that might possibly be construed as interesting to the rest of mankind.
So it is that 26 weeks has arrived. Pictures to come tomorrow. 3rd trimester officially begins a week from today. Next sonogram has been set for Sept 7th to see our sweet growing boys once more. I think we have a definite decision on names too!!
And on a funny, what they say note....I suppose this is when you know that your children have become aware of the 2 inch height difference between parents, as I am 5'7 and shorter husband is a mere 5'5. This was lovingly stated in the endearing question posed by 4 year old Garrett.
"Mom, when I get big just like you and Daddy....but not Daddy cause Daddy's just a little bit big but a whole lot little.....I can say damn, right?"
How grateful I am to have older children mixed with younger ones now. How amazing are their abilities to keep things running. Between us all the house stays clean. I think back 5 years a go and the 1st time we ever experienced a twin pregnancy and twin babies and how overwhelmed I was all the time. 2 newborns with an absent husband and only a 6 year old, a 3 year old and an 18 month old left at home to help. The house was disastrous and my days were filled with lots of just meeting immediate needs of children to survive. I look at our life now and the house is clean, straight and organized, younger ones are happy and supervised and older ones playful and content in the company of everyone. Even the younger ones amaze me with their ability to step up and do any task assigned to them.
In my busyness over the weekend I somehow managed to forget we had Brad's parents coming in for a quick visit. With him away on shift and both older children in town for a gun show and some swimming in the big pools I was left at home with only the younger 6....which made for a shockingly quiet day. The day had been lazy, kitchen not yet cleaned up from breakfast, hair twisted up into a clip, not much need for makeup, lunch now underway, toys strewn about the floor while busy children played and bathroom in need of cleaning after only 2 days worth of use. I sat back and didn't fuss too much with it all......until the reminder call came saying parents would arrive in an hour. And, like a drill sergeant put into action I put every person to work. In 45 minutes with one 7 year old and 5 children 5 and under the house was immaculate, makeup was on, and the bathroom cleaned. Aubrey expertly did the kitchen after many weeks of experience now and the 4 little boys picked up, straightened up, took trash out, made beds and dressed both themselves and the younger ones in matching clothes...the easiest, most painless way to stay organized and make dressing easy for them all to help each other. Garrison, Grant and Garrett can all read numbers for sizes and they each dress and can easily help Gavin into his clothes...no questions as to who wears what outfit for the day. They usually all agree on whatever they want to match in and then dress themselves accordingly. I love this system. Aubrey bathed Ivye while I quickly cleaned the bathrooms and while little boys straightened house I showered, dressed and quickly applied some makeup. With time to spare, they all played on starfall while we waited for the arrival of grandparents. How grateful I am for what we have and this place in life where we are. It gave me great hope and lessened the nervousness that when babies arrive life will not only continue to carry on very normally but that we will all be hugely successful at keeping the pace we do now....and far from long ago with our 1st set of twin babies, this time around will include a clean organized house with dishes that stay done and bathrooms that stay clean. There is nothing that makes me crazier and is more mentally debilitating than clutter and crap absolutely everywhere you look...and a seemingly endless overwhelming to-do lists that is unattainable for one person. I love that our children know how to do this stuff, that they have been well trained and that they happily carry out household and outside duties. How proud I am of each of them....and how absolutely amazing it is to see each of them in action from the oldest to the youngest.
So, on a to-do note, I need to take more pics. To say that I have grown a bit is a little of an understatement. Exhaustion is becoming a huge hurdle to overcome as well. Maybe it's just due to the fact I was 5 years younger last time I carried twins or maybe it's just due to the fact there were only 3 other children and not 8 running around. I stay so sleepy that I find it completely irritating and grow exasperated with it constantly interfering with the daily routine. It's about like being doped up on Benadryl 24/7. For those reasons my mind is not completely focused on any one thing at this point...especially writing....or the lack thereof.
In order to have feet propped up to keep varicose veins and swelling to a minimum I've begun to read at night instead of the many hours spent computering. Many hours of blogging and email time have transitioned into voraciously finishing off tons of Francine Rivers books with a massive glass of water or a cup of chamomile tea and some sunflower seeds or almonds. And, most nights, I think my brain is just too tired to function and think of any words that might possibly be construed as interesting to the rest of mankind.
So it is that 26 weeks has arrived. Pictures to come tomorrow. 3rd trimester officially begins a week from today. Next sonogram has been set for Sept 7th to see our sweet growing boys once more. I think we have a definite decision on names too!!
And on a funny, what they say note....I suppose this is when you know that your children have become aware of the 2 inch height difference between parents, as I am 5'7 and shorter husband is a mere 5'5. This was lovingly stated in the endearing question posed by 4 year old Garrett.
"Mom, when I get big just like you and Daddy....but not Daddy cause Daddy's just a little bit big but a whole lot little.....I can say damn, right?"
Thursday, July 08, 2010
To Heed His Voice
literally.
I hesitate to put fingers to keyboard. I know...more than I ever have due to the past year we have lived.....that this world can be full of love and kindness and uplifting each other up in prayer but I also know that just as fully as it can be engulfed in encouragement it can also be overcome with criticism and judgement from others. I know most people...large families specifically...would never bring themselves to blog these types of incidents but I find it not only important but life changing and yet another way that the Lord comes redeeming and saving......the effects from difficult, seemingly devastating lessons He has taken the time to teach us over the years of parenting.
Many people have the tendency to judge critically, to say that one has too many children by the time they get to a point where they cannot keep track of the ones for which they are responsible, that our parental ways are lax or, in general, that we should've paid more attention. I find in this though, as I have pondered it all since it took place, that I personally know of dear friends from only 2-3 children all the way up to 11 that have situations that occur that could have been prevented in some form or fashion. One family having lost their 2 year old on an east coast beach. After intense search efforts police found him a mile and a half down the beach unharmed. Another family in which their 2 year old wandered down their long hilly driveway away from the rest of the family and was turned into police after stopping traffic on an enormously busy Keller street. CPS was brought in to investigate the family. Another whose 2 year old drowned in a small pond after wandering away from the gathering at a family reunion. In these stories and many others unmentioned I have also found that the large families are the ones most harshly judged due to people carelessly presuming it is due to lack of ability to care for all of which God has blessed one with, their reliance on older children to look out for younger ones and so forth. If nothing else after all of these years with many children I have discovered that we have that many more people aware of what is taking place and that many more eyes to watch and minds aware of the circumstances around them all.
But if there is nothing else I have learned in this journey of our's in parenting it is to stay desperately in tune to the presence of the Holy Spirit. He breathes, He speaks, He is audible if you listen, if you have ever taken the time to learn how to listen and learned how to obey. To make obedience paramount in my own life and to teach it to our children is probably the one of the most crucial things one can accomplish in parenting. To raise up a generation that knows the staggering, life altering importance of obedience within their lives. Over and again as we continue to discipline our children and teach them to write the law of the Lord on the tablet of their heart and to meditate upon it day and night we have taught..."if you cannot obey the very audible voice and instruction in front of you that you can see and hear and touch how will you ever learn to obey the voice of the Lord that you cannot hear or see or touch?" God can do nothing with a defiant spirit until it is broken, an apathetic heart that does not rely on Him for every breath that it takes, an untrained ear that fails to hear. He has to be real to them in every way. He has to be something that they are so in tune with that they can see Him in what they do, they can feel Him in every way and every choice they make, they learn to hear Him as audibly as they hear us as their parents. Obedience is paramount in life...for when you cannot fall into obedience you are worthless to the work of God. It is then He must break one and how much better to be broken now than in the years to come when there is so much more at stake in life. Right now it is isolated to their small selfish hearts that every child is born with, their pride and the privileges they receive as part of living within the family. Those may be stripped as they are taught wisdom, discretion, obedience and the truths of life but it is not their marriage or their children or their careers at stake as they are brought to humility before the Lord. And someday it is very possible that their lives or the lives of those they love may hang in the balance of whether they have learned to hear and obey the voice of God.
I didn't act on it when I heard His voice and our entire family paid greatly. Because of my apathy, the shunning of His voice and my wayward heart that saw no importance in obedience we have a daughter that was raped and beaten. We have all walked down a devastating road that could've been avoided had I known what it was to act immediately in obedience...not to question, not to doubt, not to push aside the voice of the Holy Spirit. But through it all I have grown in ways I would never have grown otherwise and Brad and I have learned deep within our hearts that we are to instruct our children in the way of the Lord to teach them all that we know and to educate them so that they may be raised up into the Solomon's of the world...those that are wise and mature in their youth, that know and understand the principles of the Lord and have written them in their hearts at an early age so that they may be used greatly in the Kingdom for the purpose God has for each of their lives.
But in learning to obey and despite how hard the road has been perhaps it was the loving correction of the Lord so that the mistake was not made again. Perhaps the lives of one of our children was not lost because we have walked down the road we have. I have learned what it is to obey the tiniest command. From losing Ivye's beloved puppy and learning to pray and listen for the answer of where to look...learning to obey when I hear and being led directly to it....to even smaller things of being told to pick up something in the floor I might would have otherwise walked passed. A penny here, a pencil there, the little overwhelming things continually strewn out but His voice that says to pick it up right then. What catastrophe was avoided I'll perhaps never know...but I obeyed. Or maybe they were just practice runs to make a habit of quick and immediate obedience so that when the time really comes action is quick and without question...which brings us to early this past week.
Hot west Texas summer day. Temperatures soaring above 100 as they had for the past few days before. Children ran and played in water to find relief from scorching sun, Vortexing husband outside in shop sanding, taping, spraying...truck keys in pocket, me inside with younger napping children spending the hot afternoon cleaning, mopping, laundry. Van and truck sitting under tin roof in shade but not much relief to be found from the soaring temps...even vehicles under covered parking turned into ovens.
Sweet tiny girl tucked into crib sleeping the hot afternoon away, squirmy wiggly little 2 year old pleading to go water slide with the older ones. In my preoccupation I gave permission to forgo his nap that day and off he bounded towards freedom, sun drenched day and slippery surfaces with water. I continued on in my cleaning vigil.
5:30 instructions were given to turn off the fan within the room in which he napped so that he could gently wake up. News came that he was not napping. No recollection of the fact I had freed him from bed 2 hours earlier. So, more instructions given to go wake him again and that he was indeed sleeping and had probably gravitated to a different bed before falling asleep. It only made sense given the fact he had been absent for 2 hours. Our sweet happy, ever present Gavin. The one who plays with everybody but always without fail returns to play by my side or follow his beloved daddy around. I clean bathrooms, he drives trucks, trailers and motorcycles in tile squares beside my feet, I detail kitchen and he plays in the living area on car mats beside me, I get on computer and he drives fire trucks, ambulances and trucks with loaded trailers on the desk by my side. As I now type this he stands beside me making an engine bay out of the Jr Mint box he confiscated from the trash. My ever sweet, ever smiley, ever present one. The one who disappears for 10 minutes at a a time only to return to play by my side....my sweet little buddy.
Believing older ones were not doing a good enough job at searching beds I went to go wake him. As an empty room greeted me it was then I remembered that I'd allowed him to go free and slip n slide with the others. I looked at now done with day's job, sweaty, hard working husband and asked if Gavin had been by his side...as he loves to hang out and "spray" his trucks as Vortexing husband sprays the big ones. He had not seen Gavin all day. I fought off the rising panic as I realized it was now 2 hours and 20 minutes since I'd allowed him from bed. All that time just assuming he'd fallen asleep when he went absent from the others and missing from my side. It wasn't like him to not come back and play by my side or to not be with Brad while he worked. Entire family was instructed to start a search as we called and called his name in vain. Thinking he might have fallen asleep in some strange place, under beds, favorite hiding spots and forts were searched all to find nothing and no answer from him. The longer we called the more terror overtook my trembling heart. Something was desperately wrong.
Strict rules are followed as all vehicles and trailers stay locked at all times. But keys were gathered and the van was unlocked and searched for the possible breach of safety and forgetfulness that may have occurred. Nothing. Sweat poured down us all as we called for him and searched in the heat. Scenarios began running through my mind, knowing deep within that something was indeed terribly wrong and he was in danger. I thought through any open bodies of water in the near vicinity, which we have none, and every other possible thing that could've happened. I ran to Brad's truck to assure myself it was locked and undisturbed as children ran calling for him and Brad's voice echoed through my head as he called his name and searched the front.
Thoroughly panic-ed at this point I lifted the handle of the truck and peered through to make sure all doors were still locked. They were and there was no movement within the tinted windows as I called for him. I abandoned the truck to move on....and it was then I heard His voice. The same voice that told me to get up that night...the same voice I ignored so many months ago. The mistake that cost us so very much in life. Listening this time I turned around and went back to the empty truck. I fought off the dread and the tears and looked carefully and thoroughly through the window. There, in the back, in the floorboard, behind the driver's seat lay his still, 2 year old body. I began to cry and felt as though I could no longer even breathe as I pounded on the widows and called his name. I screamed and I cried as I beat windows and called him, but he didn't move. I couldn't leave but I needed keys. I ran to find the closest person, yelling for them to get Brad and to fetch keys. I returned to the truck to find him sitting up crying....a far cry from the scene I had just taken in with his little body motionless in the floorboard. He climbed to the front seat crying and saying over and over...."I want out. Mama, I want out." Grayson returned almost immediately with the keys as trapped 2 year old was trying to pull up on the lock. He managed to pull it up about the time Grayson hit the unlock button. I opened the door that he couldn't seem to open and pulled him from the hot confines of the truck. His body so drenched in sweat that my hands kept slipping over him as I tried to hold onto him. Water poured from his head and he was blinking profusely trying to see through the continual sea of salty water pouring from his forehead. His tiny underwear so wet that it dripped and when I stripped it off of him later I rang it out like a washcloth.
Brad rounded the corner as I set him down. He took him from me and all I could do was cry...tears of what had just happened, tears of what had just almost happened and tears that the importance of obedience had possibly just saved the life of one of our children. Maybe all of what we endured last year was to spare the life of one of them this year. He is a merciful God. Maybe had we never walked through the consequence of my own disobedience I wouldn't have known what it was to listen and obey 3 days ago.
We were protected that day. Its' not a matter of large or small families and what occurs. We have heard of one too many 2 child families absent mindedly leaving a baby strapped in a carseat in Texas heat forgetting to drop them at daycare or such with the outcome being death. It's not about what we didn't do but what we did do...what we have learned and what it is to walk in obedience so that He can effectively parent through us.
So many things that day transpired that made a difference in the outcome...so many ways we were protected and that his life was spared. Many summer days truck remains parked in sunny driveway with no shady covering as working husband uses car space to work and make trips back and forth from cabinets located behind truck parking. Had it been in sun the temps within surely would not have allowed him to live as long as he did in the shaded truck. And with little boy having slipped and slid in water for a few minutes before entering truck he'd undressed from his wet swimsuit but never returned back in to be redressed in dry clothes. So, he had nothing on to further the heat rising within his body but his tiny little underwear. It was in the hottest part of the day but still he was spared.
It was finally realized that while keys remained in working husband's pocket buttons had been pushed as he moved, bent over and stood back up over and again throughout his workday. Truck had unknowingly and very unintentionally been quietly unlocked.
I'm not sure why things happen....why some children's lives seem so very short as God's plans for them and each of their families are revealed, such as Steven Curtis Chapman's little Maria or Cindy's Joel or so many of the others that did not make it. Sweet friends of friends that realized as they readied for work in the early morning their 2 year old lay lifeless in their backyard pool, the family that had the family reunion incident. I cannot comprehend the ways of God and what His bigger plan is...so much higher than what we can imagine, the bigger picture that I fail to see. But I do know that we were spared and his little life was spared. And that maybe what we went through and the road we have walked over the past year taught us to listen and heed the voice of the Lord so that when this day came the action was quick and more loss did not come to us. That I can sit here holding is happy little self close to me and hear his contagious laughter and know his sloppy kisses...to hear the "Mama, I love you" and "You're so pretty".... the way he smells my skin after a shower and buries his head into me telling me I smell good. That we can see him grow and be everything God has planned for his life. To know the importance of raising him up and each of the others to know the heart of God at an early age and to respond to what He says. Oh that they may know what it is to walk in the paths of truth and to hear the voice of the Lord so many years before I ever did. That God can use them as He did Solomon and see the years we have spent teaching them the wisdom of His words. That we will raise up Davids and Jacobs, Josephs and Moses'. That they will be used as Amos, Jonathan, Paul, Silas, Aaron and so many others that impacted the Kingdom for His greatness....that followed His will so explicitly, harbored a great passion for the heart of God despite their fallible ways, that they changed the course of history and were so significant that God found them worthy of mention in the Bible. Oh that we will raise children that make a difference and know the heart of God intimately, where passion continues to live despite the apathy of the rest of the world...children of passion and fire....that have hearts that will not turn away from Him and will walk in obedience to His voice.
We are protected. He is a loving merciful God despite everything we have come through...the fire we have endured. He is teaching and molding and shaping us as parents just as we continue to teach and shape and mold the hearts and minds of our children. Let it be that I always have an open heart to walk in accordance to His will so that I may never stray from the heart of His extravagant love and mercy.
"Be it unto me according to Your will. Let me know fully the height and breadth and depth of Your love and grace and mercy. Let me walk in obedience all the days of my life. Show me how to teach our children how to follow the instructions given to them so that they may fully be used by You all the days of their lives. Thank you for sparing us and for sparing the life of one of our very own children....that there was not more harm and devastation done....that we have a little boy to celebrate. I am humbled by Your love for me and the way You pour forth in our lives. Even when we have walked through the valley of the shadow of death throughout the past year You have been with us in every way and You have proven Yourself faithful and true in every way. Let my life and the lives of my husband and children glorify you and bring You honor. You do reign and You are great. You are merciful and your loving kindness lasts for a lifetime. Though the tears may last for a night joy does come in the morning, and our joy has come. Oh God that we may know You in ways we have never known You, see You in ways we have never seen You! You are great. You are the one and only God. Let our children rise up as Godly nations before You. Great are the plans you have for us....You have brought us back from the place from where You sent us into exile. I have sought You and I have found You. Great are Your works. Let our children walk in integrity and righteousness and speak truth in their heart. Let them honor and fear You. Turn their eyes upon You. I have trusted You through it all and have trusted in Your loving kindness. You have dealt bountifully with me. Great are Your mercies toward me."
I hesitate to put fingers to keyboard. I know...more than I ever have due to the past year we have lived.....that this world can be full of love and kindness and uplifting each other up in prayer but I also know that just as fully as it can be engulfed in encouragement it can also be overcome with criticism and judgement from others. I know most people...large families specifically...would never bring themselves to blog these types of incidents but I find it not only important but life changing and yet another way that the Lord comes redeeming and saving......the effects from difficult, seemingly devastating lessons He has taken the time to teach us over the years of parenting.
Many people have the tendency to judge critically, to say that one has too many children by the time they get to a point where they cannot keep track of the ones for which they are responsible, that our parental ways are lax or, in general, that we should've paid more attention. I find in this though, as I have pondered it all since it took place, that I personally know of dear friends from only 2-3 children all the way up to 11 that have situations that occur that could have been prevented in some form or fashion. One family having lost their 2 year old on an east coast beach. After intense search efforts police found him a mile and a half down the beach unharmed. Another family in which their 2 year old wandered down their long hilly driveway away from the rest of the family and was turned into police after stopping traffic on an enormously busy Keller street. CPS was brought in to investigate the family. Another whose 2 year old drowned in a small pond after wandering away from the gathering at a family reunion. In these stories and many others unmentioned I have also found that the large families are the ones most harshly judged due to people carelessly presuming it is due to lack of ability to care for all of which God has blessed one with, their reliance on older children to look out for younger ones and so forth. If nothing else after all of these years with many children I have discovered that we have that many more people aware of what is taking place and that many more eyes to watch and minds aware of the circumstances around them all.
But if there is nothing else I have learned in this journey of our's in parenting it is to stay desperately in tune to the presence of the Holy Spirit. He breathes, He speaks, He is audible if you listen, if you have ever taken the time to learn how to listen and learned how to obey. To make obedience paramount in my own life and to teach it to our children is probably the one of the most crucial things one can accomplish in parenting. To raise up a generation that knows the staggering, life altering importance of obedience within their lives. Over and again as we continue to discipline our children and teach them to write the law of the Lord on the tablet of their heart and to meditate upon it day and night we have taught..."if you cannot obey the very audible voice and instruction in front of you that you can see and hear and touch how will you ever learn to obey the voice of the Lord that you cannot hear or see or touch?" God can do nothing with a defiant spirit until it is broken, an apathetic heart that does not rely on Him for every breath that it takes, an untrained ear that fails to hear. He has to be real to them in every way. He has to be something that they are so in tune with that they can see Him in what they do, they can feel Him in every way and every choice they make, they learn to hear Him as audibly as they hear us as their parents. Obedience is paramount in life...for when you cannot fall into obedience you are worthless to the work of God. It is then He must break one and how much better to be broken now than in the years to come when there is so much more at stake in life. Right now it is isolated to their small selfish hearts that every child is born with, their pride and the privileges they receive as part of living within the family. Those may be stripped as they are taught wisdom, discretion, obedience and the truths of life but it is not their marriage or their children or their careers at stake as they are brought to humility before the Lord. And someday it is very possible that their lives or the lives of those they love may hang in the balance of whether they have learned to hear and obey the voice of God.
I didn't act on it when I heard His voice and our entire family paid greatly. Because of my apathy, the shunning of His voice and my wayward heart that saw no importance in obedience we have a daughter that was raped and beaten. We have all walked down a devastating road that could've been avoided had I known what it was to act immediately in obedience...not to question, not to doubt, not to push aside the voice of the Holy Spirit. But through it all I have grown in ways I would never have grown otherwise and Brad and I have learned deep within our hearts that we are to instruct our children in the way of the Lord to teach them all that we know and to educate them so that they may be raised up into the Solomon's of the world...those that are wise and mature in their youth, that know and understand the principles of the Lord and have written them in their hearts at an early age so that they may be used greatly in the Kingdom for the purpose God has for each of their lives.
But in learning to obey and despite how hard the road has been perhaps it was the loving correction of the Lord so that the mistake was not made again. Perhaps the lives of one of our children was not lost because we have walked down the road we have. I have learned what it is to obey the tiniest command. From losing Ivye's beloved puppy and learning to pray and listen for the answer of where to look...learning to obey when I hear and being led directly to it....to even smaller things of being told to pick up something in the floor I might would have otherwise walked passed. A penny here, a pencil there, the little overwhelming things continually strewn out but His voice that says to pick it up right then. What catastrophe was avoided I'll perhaps never know...but I obeyed. Or maybe they were just practice runs to make a habit of quick and immediate obedience so that when the time really comes action is quick and without question...which brings us to early this past week.
Hot west Texas summer day. Temperatures soaring above 100 as they had for the past few days before. Children ran and played in water to find relief from scorching sun, Vortexing husband outside in shop sanding, taping, spraying...truck keys in pocket, me inside with younger napping children spending the hot afternoon cleaning, mopping, laundry. Van and truck sitting under tin roof in shade but not much relief to be found from the soaring temps...even vehicles under covered parking turned into ovens.
Sweet tiny girl tucked into crib sleeping the hot afternoon away, squirmy wiggly little 2 year old pleading to go water slide with the older ones. In my preoccupation I gave permission to forgo his nap that day and off he bounded towards freedom, sun drenched day and slippery surfaces with water. I continued on in my cleaning vigil.
5:30 instructions were given to turn off the fan within the room in which he napped so that he could gently wake up. News came that he was not napping. No recollection of the fact I had freed him from bed 2 hours earlier. So, more instructions given to go wake him again and that he was indeed sleeping and had probably gravitated to a different bed before falling asleep. It only made sense given the fact he had been absent for 2 hours. Our sweet happy, ever present Gavin. The one who plays with everybody but always without fail returns to play by my side or follow his beloved daddy around. I clean bathrooms, he drives trucks, trailers and motorcycles in tile squares beside my feet, I detail kitchen and he plays in the living area on car mats beside me, I get on computer and he drives fire trucks, ambulances and trucks with loaded trailers on the desk by my side. As I now type this he stands beside me making an engine bay out of the Jr Mint box he confiscated from the trash. My ever sweet, ever smiley, ever present one. The one who disappears for 10 minutes at a a time only to return to play by my side....my sweet little buddy.
Believing older ones were not doing a good enough job at searching beds I went to go wake him. As an empty room greeted me it was then I remembered that I'd allowed him to go free and slip n slide with the others. I looked at now done with day's job, sweaty, hard working husband and asked if Gavin had been by his side...as he loves to hang out and "spray" his trucks as Vortexing husband sprays the big ones. He had not seen Gavin all day. I fought off the rising panic as I realized it was now 2 hours and 20 minutes since I'd allowed him from bed. All that time just assuming he'd fallen asleep when he went absent from the others and missing from my side. It wasn't like him to not come back and play by my side or to not be with Brad while he worked. Entire family was instructed to start a search as we called and called his name in vain. Thinking he might have fallen asleep in some strange place, under beds, favorite hiding spots and forts were searched all to find nothing and no answer from him. The longer we called the more terror overtook my trembling heart. Something was desperately wrong.
Strict rules are followed as all vehicles and trailers stay locked at all times. But keys were gathered and the van was unlocked and searched for the possible breach of safety and forgetfulness that may have occurred. Nothing. Sweat poured down us all as we called for him and searched in the heat. Scenarios began running through my mind, knowing deep within that something was indeed terribly wrong and he was in danger. I thought through any open bodies of water in the near vicinity, which we have none, and every other possible thing that could've happened. I ran to Brad's truck to assure myself it was locked and undisturbed as children ran calling for him and Brad's voice echoed through my head as he called his name and searched the front.
Thoroughly panic-ed at this point I lifted the handle of the truck and peered through to make sure all doors were still locked. They were and there was no movement within the tinted windows as I called for him. I abandoned the truck to move on....and it was then I heard His voice. The same voice that told me to get up that night...the same voice I ignored so many months ago. The mistake that cost us so very much in life. Listening this time I turned around and went back to the empty truck. I fought off the dread and the tears and looked carefully and thoroughly through the window. There, in the back, in the floorboard, behind the driver's seat lay his still, 2 year old body. I began to cry and felt as though I could no longer even breathe as I pounded on the widows and called his name. I screamed and I cried as I beat windows and called him, but he didn't move. I couldn't leave but I needed keys. I ran to find the closest person, yelling for them to get Brad and to fetch keys. I returned to the truck to find him sitting up crying....a far cry from the scene I had just taken in with his little body motionless in the floorboard. He climbed to the front seat crying and saying over and over...."I want out. Mama, I want out." Grayson returned almost immediately with the keys as trapped 2 year old was trying to pull up on the lock. He managed to pull it up about the time Grayson hit the unlock button. I opened the door that he couldn't seem to open and pulled him from the hot confines of the truck. His body so drenched in sweat that my hands kept slipping over him as I tried to hold onto him. Water poured from his head and he was blinking profusely trying to see through the continual sea of salty water pouring from his forehead. His tiny underwear so wet that it dripped and when I stripped it off of him later I rang it out like a washcloth.
Brad rounded the corner as I set him down. He took him from me and all I could do was cry...tears of what had just happened, tears of what had just almost happened and tears that the importance of obedience had possibly just saved the life of one of our children. Maybe all of what we endured last year was to spare the life of one of them this year. He is a merciful God. Maybe had we never walked through the consequence of my own disobedience I wouldn't have known what it was to listen and obey 3 days ago.
We were protected that day. Its' not a matter of large or small families and what occurs. We have heard of one too many 2 child families absent mindedly leaving a baby strapped in a carseat in Texas heat forgetting to drop them at daycare or such with the outcome being death. It's not about what we didn't do but what we did do...what we have learned and what it is to walk in obedience so that He can effectively parent through us.
So many things that day transpired that made a difference in the outcome...so many ways we were protected and that his life was spared. Many summer days truck remains parked in sunny driveway with no shady covering as working husband uses car space to work and make trips back and forth from cabinets located behind truck parking. Had it been in sun the temps within surely would not have allowed him to live as long as he did in the shaded truck. And with little boy having slipped and slid in water for a few minutes before entering truck he'd undressed from his wet swimsuit but never returned back in to be redressed in dry clothes. So, he had nothing on to further the heat rising within his body but his tiny little underwear. It was in the hottest part of the day but still he was spared.
It was finally realized that while keys remained in working husband's pocket buttons had been pushed as he moved, bent over and stood back up over and again throughout his workday. Truck had unknowingly and very unintentionally been quietly unlocked.
I'm not sure why things happen....why some children's lives seem so very short as God's plans for them and each of their families are revealed, such as Steven Curtis Chapman's little Maria or Cindy's Joel or so many of the others that did not make it. Sweet friends of friends that realized as they readied for work in the early morning their 2 year old lay lifeless in their backyard pool, the family that had the family reunion incident. I cannot comprehend the ways of God and what His bigger plan is...so much higher than what we can imagine, the bigger picture that I fail to see. But I do know that we were spared and his little life was spared. And that maybe what we went through and the road we have walked over the past year taught us to listen and heed the voice of the Lord so that when this day came the action was quick and more loss did not come to us. That I can sit here holding is happy little self close to me and hear his contagious laughter and know his sloppy kisses...to hear the "Mama, I love you" and "You're so pretty".... the way he smells my skin after a shower and buries his head into me telling me I smell good. That we can see him grow and be everything God has planned for his life. To know the importance of raising him up and each of the others to know the heart of God at an early age and to respond to what He says. Oh that they may know what it is to walk in the paths of truth and to hear the voice of the Lord so many years before I ever did. That God can use them as He did Solomon and see the years we have spent teaching them the wisdom of His words. That we will raise up Davids and Jacobs, Josephs and Moses'. That they will be used as Amos, Jonathan, Paul, Silas, Aaron and so many others that impacted the Kingdom for His greatness....that followed His will so explicitly, harbored a great passion for the heart of God despite their fallible ways, that they changed the course of history and were so significant that God found them worthy of mention in the Bible. Oh that we will raise children that make a difference and know the heart of God intimately, where passion continues to live despite the apathy of the rest of the world...children of passion and fire....that have hearts that will not turn away from Him and will walk in obedience to His voice.
We are protected. He is a loving merciful God despite everything we have come through...the fire we have endured. He is teaching and molding and shaping us as parents just as we continue to teach and shape and mold the hearts and minds of our children. Let it be that I always have an open heart to walk in accordance to His will so that I may never stray from the heart of His extravagant love and mercy.
"Be it unto me according to Your will. Let me know fully the height and breadth and depth of Your love and grace and mercy. Let me walk in obedience all the days of my life. Show me how to teach our children how to follow the instructions given to them so that they may fully be used by You all the days of their lives. Thank you for sparing us and for sparing the life of one of our very own children....that there was not more harm and devastation done....that we have a little boy to celebrate. I am humbled by Your love for me and the way You pour forth in our lives. Even when we have walked through the valley of the shadow of death throughout the past year You have been with us in every way and You have proven Yourself faithful and true in every way. Let my life and the lives of my husband and children glorify you and bring You honor. You do reign and You are great. You are merciful and your loving kindness lasts for a lifetime. Though the tears may last for a night joy does come in the morning, and our joy has come. Oh God that we may know You in ways we have never known You, see You in ways we have never seen You! You are great. You are the one and only God. Let our children rise up as Godly nations before You. Great are the plans you have for us....You have brought us back from the place from where You sent us into exile. I have sought You and I have found You. Great are Your works. Let our children walk in integrity and righteousness and speak truth in their heart. Let them honor and fear You. Turn their eyes upon You. I have trusted You through it all and have trusted in Your loving kindness. You have dealt bountifully with me. Great are Your mercies toward me."
Tuesday, July 06, 2010
It's Been Long Enough
After figuring this little trick out......the way she chose to run around the house all day.
Hard at play with her all day hat
Looking so much better but still bruised. At least both big brown eyes are once more visible.
Birthday boys. Gavin got his #3 in Daddy's 36. This cake was entirely made, layered with icing, stacked and then finished by Evye, our upcoming little cook....for which I am ever grateful.
Figuring out we're singing to him.
Sleeping with the loot...trucks and tractors with trailers...lots of them.
Sleepy girl ready for bed...with an eye that is looking much better!
Brothers...some of them
Twins...a full 2 inches difference. Pale white and tan, red haired and blond, blue eyed and green. It doesn't get much more different than this but you sure couldn't convince these 2 inseparable buddies.
Sleepy girl ready for bed...with an eye that is looking much better!
Brothers...some of them
Twins...a full 2 inches difference. Pale white and tan, red haired and blond, blue eyed and green. It doesn't get much more different than this but you sure couldn't convince these 2 inseparable buddies.
Ever our smiley, happy, carefree one
Posting has been diminished to once a week and sometimes less given the lazy summer months. Fatigue has managed to set in more than it has over the past few months along with a huge need to organize, purge and prepare for babies. Despite the fact we still have 16 weeks to go I feel the need to prepare while I can.....cook meals in advance to buy me as much time out of the kitchen as possible and preparing entire meals in advance. We will undoubtedly test the maximum capacity of our humble little 3 bedroom home by adding more babies...especially as we add more than one at a time....so organization is paramount. It always is but is more so now than ever. The girl room/boy room idea never did go over and after the novelty of separation wore off....a mere 2 nights after the fact.....the girls were back in the boys room where everyone was much happier and has stayed every since. As a result we have 3 bunkbeds set up in one room (full/twin, full/twin and twin/twin) with one sleeping space left. Ivye will bump up to the big bunkroom eventually and we will maintain the everybody bunk room with 8 now occupying it and a nursery for babies. They are quite ecstatic over the transition to come and, as every baby gone before that graduates up, they are already celebrating the upcoming graduation of Ivye into the everybody room.
Ivye's very ready to potty train so it's a just a matter of working a day or 2 with her. She'll be in panties before babies come. If I hurry up and get with it she should be in underwear full time before the end of July. She won't be 2 until November...a full month after babies come.....but she's ready now so I might as well go ahead and act on it. It's exciting. Potty training never fails to be just as huge as the walking, reading and bike riding milestones to me.
Weekend was filled with 72 hours of shift husband's absence and at-home celebrations with Mother and the children. As sun kissed children spent their days outside in water I set to work cleaning out the closet and devising new ways to speed up our laundry process and clothes folding process. As a result we have reached a new freedom where clothes and socks are concerned. Instead of the time consuming, laborious process of matching socks we now have a boys' sock basket and a girls' sock basket. When clean laundry is put away socks no longer have to be matched. Boys socks get tossed into their basket and girls get tossed into their's. Each person is responsible for grabbing a pair each morning while dressing. Even Gavin can happily and easily grab a couple that match. This has drastically reduced the time spent on clothes and made clothes folding children ecstatically happy in their chores/labors of love around the house. We have tried the safety pin thing as each child takes their socks off at the end of the day and that just resulted in lots of frustration on everyone's behalf. Safety pins ended up strewn in all corners of the house where curious little babies go grabbing and mouthing, little boys with not so adept fingers couldn't ever quite seem to get the safety pin to close....or open.....and were continually pricking themselves and needing constant help in their efforts. That was one of many of our different sock endeavors at taming the massive footed beast of the laundry. So far, this has completely saved the day...and hours.....spent dedicated to sheer socks. And now even little boys can get pulled in on laundry duty as they sort socks and toss into appropriate baskets. Gavin is quite the pro and is of the mindset that this is the most fun game of the day. The older little boys know they are being of great valued help so they do it with all of their might. And little boys are now in training to overtake the towel loads of the laundry with Aubrey as their teacher. Garrison and Grant will take over this as she will eventually be faded out of towels and moved on to real baskets of clothes while Garrett and Gavin sort socks. We are now up to having the entire previous day's worth of laundry completely done and put away in record times of only 10-20 minutes. Grayson has most outside duties such as mowing, picking up, and all animal related things so he has been phased out of most of everything indoors except for dishes. I have much faith that life will continue on relatively undisturbed when babies arrive as each of the children are trained, well prepared and grounded as we make the transition from 8 to 10.
2 little boys can daily be felt moving and stirring within as my abdomen continues to expand at a rapid rate. I am still in awe. This continues to be such a surreal journey even the second time around.
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