Total Exhaustion

Well......I am miserably behind in my blogging attempts. Not for lack of anything worthy to write about.....only due to lack of energy and time. And well.....maybe if I hadn't ingeniously chunked a toy in the general direction of the keyboard and expertly blown off about 5 keys..the space bar being the the hardest one nailed....I might could've brought myself to write a little earlier this week. ButIfounditextremelyfrustratingtryingtotypeoutemailsthatlookedlikethis. Not to mention trying to actually blog with this nuisance. Emails aggravated me so much that I finally just quit writing them. I figured they could wait. Oh yes....lest I forget in years to come....my toy pitching was not due to any amount of pent up rage....just sheer laziness on my part in actually requiring my butt to get out of the bed and place the toy gently in the basket as apparently should've been done. Note to self......toy basket needs to be on floor and not on computer desk from now on. Should I miss again in my lazy state, that shows no signs of waning, the computer will stand a substantially better chance at not being harmed when bad aim does occur. Though I might add that 6 toys did hit the basket with the expert aim of a professional toy pitcher before the baby rain maker decided to go astray and wipe out the keyboard. Buy anyway....we now have an ergonomically designed wireless keyboard and mouse. Ummmmm...........can we just say that was not my idea. And when they do go missing...which is inevitable.....I shall not be the one taking the blame. It is pretty cool though. And it took Grant all of 3 minutes to have the old mouse completely taken apart and the pieces lined up. Our little mechanical genius at work on anything and everything that we have approved for play. I must say...the destruction of it was not exactly what I had in mind but he seemed to learn something new as he processed the parts and pieces and filed them somewhere far away in his head.....with the thousands of other things he has seen fit to disassemble in his insatiably curious state.

What they do when I'm not watching

So, more on the ever changing body. How is it that this can be my 8th and I still find myself daydreaming and wondering about who this new tiny person is and will be and noticing all of the different things about my body, like it is my 1st baby all over again? I have been asked so many times in the last few days how I cope with the morning sickness...which is more night sickness for me....and the absolute incapacitating exhaustion while still managing a house and 7 other children so young. It caused me to do some soul searching and I finally realized that the Lord does indeed give you the grace to carry out what He has called you to do. If I only had 1 baby right now or if this was my 1st I would undoubtedly see no other way out but the bed. I would declare myself incapable of normal daily life and probably give in to self indulgence in my feelings of rotteness right now. But I once read that motherhood is the journey out of self centeredness and that is so, so true...more so than I could've ever known going into this part of life. I daily die and give up my own life to meet the needs of these ones that God has so graciously given us and allowed us to raise. I'm not so good at it sometimes but I do it. I force myself out of bed in the mornings and I rise to greet 7, usually smiling, faces and 7 eager hearts to see what a new days holds. I forge ahead..sometimes with force to get through the next hours....as I busy myself with daily tasks..instead of focusing on how I am feeling at this stage. The smells endured as I feed everybody and the sights beheld as I look at food that longs to turn the stomach is just overcome due to an amazing amount of grace and mercy that God bestows on those who He has called. I have done nothing but sleep....and chunk toys at the computer....for the last 2 days. But there has been an ability to do that. And when there is not I am given the ability to overcome. But yesterday I was blessed with 3 1/2 hrs of undisturbed sleep. And once I entered this part of life it is those things that I have come to be thankful for and those things that truly bless me. Today, as the new floor was laid, I was able to sleep again completely and totally undisturbed. Since our bedroom was out of commission I just crashed on the boys' bottom bunk as they laid down for their naps. It was such a novelty and they were so excited to have me join their room that they didn't fight their own sleep much and we all 5 drifted off for hours. The room also held a very distraught Aubrey who needed sleep due to having become an emotional wreck since her glittery shoes were thrown away. They had begun to stink due to the fact she has worn them for months now without taking them off. I have had to force her to take them off for bed. And so she has slept with them beside her and then first thing in the morning she straps them once again to her feet. She has worn them for no less than 9 hrs a day for at least 8 wks....probably more. Stink does not even begin to do them justice. So....her world was turned upside down today when they hit the trashcan. I had mercy on her, dug them back out and instead hid them in the top of the closet....which now the closet stinks...as I trouble shoot how to clean them. Febreeze will not even begin to solve that stink problem. So...in her emotionally drained state she fell asleep with the boys and I.

Baby's 1st sunburn...beautiful park days are back again

But I am good and God does indeed give rest to the weary and give His children rest. He revives and gives the strength to carry on. If you knew exactly how tired I am at this point you would know that these words are no less than a miracle right now and something I have come to rely on the Lord for. His strength for when I cannot rest and the knowledge that He does give rest in His time.

Sunset

And so far my strange and absurd cravings have turned towards hinting that this may indeed actually be a girl. I have yet to crave the same thing on any given day...except for the now long gone longings for weeks of nothing but potato soup and Malt O Meal. Ugh! That just makes me sick to even think about it. In fact..I had made so much potato soup since I was consuming so much of it that once that craving died there is still tons in the frig. And I have yet to muster up the inner courage to open up the containers to dump it. Something that was so incredible only a week ago is now what has the ability to send me running to the nearest trash can. So now we have graduated to grape jelly, tons and tons of red meat, eggs with rice and brown gravy...for breakfast I might add, toast.....did I mention with grape jelly???, and egg salad....it's a good thing Easter left us with plenty of boiled eggs. And you know you have a ton of kids when you allow each one to have 6 eggs to personally color and you end up with 42 boiled eggs....since of course no one could even believe we would leave Gavin out of the group. Amazingly 6 little people just stepped right up and volunteered to color his eggs too so that there, of course, would be no exclusion of anyone no matter their size. Imagine that. That adds up to a whopping 3 1/2 dozen boiled eggs. When I was little we each got a dozen to color. I thought about it and if we dare attempted to follow with that same much loved tradition here we would have no less than 84 boiled eggs. It's a good thing that egg salad sandwiches are much loved by everyone here. Cause we've eaten a ton of them in the last few days. The long time passed down family favorite recipe:

8 boiled eggs

1/2 c mayo (we do light Miracle Whip)

1 tsp mustard

1/4 tsp Paprika

salt to taste

Of course we giganticized this recipe so we altered the measurements of everything. Even Evye loves it........and that's saying alot.

It has begun

And it's only been 3 wks and not 4 but I am so taken with the swiftly changing and expanding miracle of a woman's pregnant body that I have cheated it by a week and taken more pics. So, now there's a 4 wk and 7 wk pic. What'd you think? Did it grow? And this 7 wk pic of course looks like I did when I was freakin 6 1/2 months pregnant with Grayson.....but after 7 kids what can I say? It just knows what to do and it does it! And I'm sure in the years to come I will no longer see the background of dirty clothes..I was going to crop it out but then it cropped some of my butt out and make the pic look funny...not that my butt couldn't have afforded to have been cropped out...there's certainly enough of it there. God's creation is an amazing thing.

HAHA! That sentence did not exactly come at the right time in that paragraph. Alright let's rephrase here...God's creation is an amazing thing when the equation of my butt is not being taken into consideration.

4 wks

7 wks

So.....thrown onto our weekly chaos Brad was put on light duty. To have grown so accustomed to a fireman's shift and then to suddenly be dumped completely out of it and put on a daytime 8-5 schedule has the ability to turn one's world upside down. That was torture. And it seemed that he was gone for days....maybe because he was. He tore up his shoulder while on duty and after writhing in pain over the entire weekend was finally able to get it checked out on Monday. He was instructed not to even lift Gavin with that arm which therefore rendered him very incapable or lifting patients or the vent fan. So it was that they gave him the dire predictions of what would probably be an inevitable surgery and weeks of light duty. That was not what either of us had in mind. So I called on our ever wonderful circle of prayer warriors that God has surrounded us with here. After a week of LD and his 2nd assessment he was released this past Thurs. with a stunned dr that said he figured that surgery was just a given having seen the amount of pain he was in and the range of movement he had....or the lack thereof. Pain free and back to normal, very happy to be back on shift and not sitting idly and board beyond imagination behind a desk, he is back in the seat of the trucks.

Between getting the van fixed....dropping it off, being without for awhile and then having to pick it back up.....along with the whole light duty thing and the floors being laid with yet more people still coming to measure other areas of the house for flooring and the JBF Sale approaching way too fast I am kind of tired. I still have the 3 boxes still waiting to be priced, tagged and hung and I'm about to the point where I'm ready to quit. I have to have everything there by Wed night and the thought is overwhelming to me at this point. I have committed to work it for 8 hrs to receive 75% instead of 70% but I am silently wondering how I will pull it off. I am thinking that maybe what is left can wait until the fall sale and I will just take what comes from this and apply it where I can and not attempt to work it. The children and I are taking off for the Smokey Mountains sometime here in the next 2 wks in which we will then be gone for an entire 7-8 days. Preparing for that is a feat in and of itself. In which we will only turn around and come home to need to leave again for another 7 days at the end of April while the original floors are restored. I am excited beyond all belief but I am also cautious due to my level of pukiness and fatigue at this point. The homeschool bookfair is also at the beginning of May. I hope that I am over this by that time. I have not even bothered to figure out when 12 wks is due to the fact that I can hardly see the end of the present week. I don't remember ever feeling quite this bad with any of the others. the girls were always the ones I grew sick with but not quite to this extent from what I remember. I think it has just been 6 years since I have been through a pregnancy like this so it just seems worse now. Come on week 12!

Easter Day Blues

Well........I woke on yesterday's rainy, muddy, wonderful morning to one with fever, 3 with congestion and a sick husband. The morning sickness and fatigue have just now set in in full force. It is soooo bad. At the rate I was going I thought I was going to escape it. I'm just now 6 wks and since I found out at 3 wks I figured if I was going to have it I would've had it by now. Not the case! I can't even look at food and nothing sounds even remotely good. Looking at the uncovered dip in the frig was enough to send me running to the bathroom. And who knew mint floss could spur a puke attack. Since my stomach is mostly empty at any given moment it just causes bouts of dry heaving or gagging episodes. Things that I ate yesterday are enough to turn my stomach today. And to think that a week ago I was doubting the fact I really am pregnant since I felt sooooooo good! It's hard to do anything but sleep.

I couldn't bring myself to even look at food to think about an Easter meal. And everybody's under the weather. I have finally decided that Easter is officially postponed this year and we are taking a rain check on it. As a result they're all eating PB and honey for lunch and chicken spaghetti for dinner...if I can muster the courage to smell the chicken. And the boiled eggs may or may not get colored and certainly are not being hunted down today. Why in the world would morning sickness and the exhaustion wait til 6 wks to set in???? The good news is that I only have 6 wks of it to go instead of a full 3 months of it. And Brad's hopes are rising that it might actually be a girl this time since I am never sick with any of the boys. Admittedly, I might be a little disappointed if it's a girl. I am absolutely loving the house being over run with boys. And I love how close in age all of the little ones are and the fact that they're all boys. But we're still waiting to use the name Ivye so I'm longing to name another girl. Who knows. The only thing I do know is that I'm sick enough right now to be pregnant with 3 girls. I seriously wondered there for awhile if I had a stomach virus. But given the fact nobody has anything even remotely stomach related going on and the fact that my nausea is triggered by certain key factors like smell and sight I am quite sure it's just all baby related. I'm going to laugh if it comes out a boy.....so much for the whole gender based morning sickness record I have going. So much for not feeling very pregnant!!!

We missed being at church. It was a good stay home, under the covers, watching Little House on the Prairie type of day though. Not that I ever had a chance to do any of that...but the children enjoyed the down time.

Searching the World Over

Alright......so this news may be new to some of you and I'll backtrack later when I don't have 104 kids running around in a feral state due to me being on the computer and them trying to escape school. And we're heading into town in about an hour so I can't really sit here doing nothing....like I presently am. But...let me preface this with the fact that for many months now we have been in limbo about where we belong. Brad felt strongly that the Lord was urging us to move on and I was supportive despite my absolute love for this place because I long to see him succeed and be wildly happy about what he does in life. I love our home here....I love living here..more than anything in the world and know that we have been incredibly, exceedingly blessed beyond all measure. So...in my tears and agony of having to leave this place I have done nothing but think on everything I do not like here and weigh out what I do want to go back to in FW.....which was not a lot. In fact.....like, maybe only 1 or 2 things so that I was vehemently refusing to even being open to going back. So, I finally fall in love with being near family again and the children actually getting to grow up with tons of cousins and I fall in love with the rain and the absence of scorpions, rattlesnakes, black widows and the absence of the overall threat to life that is present here. I fall in love with a house on 6 acres with no neighbors that have corncobs forcefully shoved up their rears as I envision myself in this house on a hill with huge picture windows and a chicken coop and a 6 stall barn and fenced and cross fenced with pipe fencing and wood floors and 4 bedrooms and a garden with rainy weather to keep it among the living. I fall in love with being near our midwife again and being near stores. All while I silently still mourn leaving the big country stars, the west TX prairie winds and the love of small town life behind. So, I emotionally detach myself from here in an effort to embrace this new part of our lives and come to terms with leaving the dream that we had here. So....I cry and cry over leaving and finally embrace the newness of returning home to FW, family and a place that I once never wanted to see again. To say that it is an emotional roller coaster doesn't quite seem to do it justice. And we've been doing this for months now. He first tested with Border Patrol and is only weeks away from being offered a job with them. But we have decided against it since he will be required to work 14 hr days 5 days a week and we will be stationed more than likely in another state for 3-5 years. Grayson is coming into an age where Brad needs to be here with him and actively train him up and raise him into the man that he will become instead of choosing this time to be gone more now than ever. So, we finally both decided that family indeed comes first before his profession. But I had to ready myself for months while we went through this process of being able to pick up and leave here with a very huge potential of living in Arizona or even as far as Calif. After we both decided it would sacrifice the family and children to much we then explored the whole going back to FW thing. There were many many different reasons for doing it. Reasons I was so entirely opposed to until I began to see his point of view and the resources we have there that do not exist here. So.....many many months of emotions and turmoil of where to go and what to do. Which leads to this week and this entry....written to a few dear friends 2 nights ago.


More to our ever evolving saga of a life journey with too many directions. Have I ever said I'm kind of sick of this crap? Cause I am. We found out today due to the mess of our last house and the awful reality of what selling it became that our mortgage credit is ruined. We knew that but since we operate debt free except for housing it didn't really matter. And we are almost to the point where we will be operating debt free where housing is concerned. Given the fact that we were going to have a little less than 1/2 of the asking price of the new house to put down we didn't dream we wouldn't be able to get financing for the remainder left. But in setting up an appt today to see the house while we're in FW on Wed we went ahead and called a mortgage company to let them know and go ahead and get preapproved. We can't even get approved!! It's written in our credit report as a "Paid Foreclosure". So..after mourning the thought of leaving here and finally saying my goodbyes emotionally and telling everyone we're moving Brad has deemed this is the "blunt no" that we have prayed for and it's the end of the line. We're staying here. What the crap???? Alright..in the last few months I have done nothing but obsess over every negative thing about this place to get my heart to let go of it. Because I have loved it here. So...I finally got really really excited about moving once we found our little dream home that we could afford and grow old in. And now this? I told him I wouldn't take just 1 mortgage company's answer as the end and to keep checking since somebody would work with us. But he is pretty sure that this is the shut door we have asked the Lord for. So....after getting so excited about living close to my sister and her crew again and being close to my midwife and stores again we're back in the boat we started in......like, we just got out of it and swam in circles and then got back in. I cried all night tonight. I was mad at him, mad at the whole situation, mad about being asked to leave, made about staying here, mad about being so emotional about all of it and just wanting to settle in permanently somewhere. I'm not quite the drifter he is and I'm tired of the whole move/stay here game. And rarely in my life have I ever been mad at him or mad about anything much in general. I remain pretty even keeled about most of life.

Sooooo......after screaming and yelling at the kids due to my emotional issues I finally came out of my room and told them.....at 9pm....to load up and we were taking off for Sonic to get away. At this point I had been on the phone with him for an hour and nobody had eaten and they were all starved....and supposed to have been in bed an hour and a half ago. So...Grayson and Evye load them all up while I put shoes and socks on me and feed Gavin. So Aubrey, Garrison, Grant and Garrett are all buckled up in their carseats for 20 or so minutes while they wait on me. I finally make my way out there and Grayson informed me that our passenger door is now broken. Now, I love the van but it has some issues. I would never gripe about it because it has been such a huge blessing to us and it was indeed a gift from God. But firstly...the arm rest swings round and round in circles on the passenger seat. Secondly, you can't unlock the passenger door or the backdoor with the key for whatever crapped out reason. Thirdly, you can't open the door to the back seats from the inside. Someone has to get out of the front passenger side and let everybody in the back out. So now....the passenger door is now broken and you can open it from the inside but not the outside. So...front passenger door opens from inside not out and back passenger door opens from outside not in. Oh my freakin gosh. The day wasn't getting any better. So Grayson, in his attempt to show me the obvious screw up, shuts the door and says, "See, you can't open it." I was irritated and told him something to the effect that I never doubted him to begin with. I instructed him to just get in and so he goes to open the door he can open and it's locked. Now granted...when we bought this piece of crap it came with 1...yes 1....only 1....key. It was not on a keychain or anything. Just a lone key that screamed it would be lost or locked within in only a matter of months....and with our life probably only weeks. So with the van running and the heater going full blast due to the last time we were in it and it is now 75 outside the 4 are locked within. I'd had it by that point and I screamed and vented and jumped up and down and basically threw an all out fit. After trying to coax Aubrey for an hour to get past the pain and lean as far up as she could to punch the lock button she failed miserably to do so and I grew even more frustrated.....if that's possible. We tried everything. I tried getting her to unbuckle her seat from the seat of the van so she could stand up with her carseat just glued to her butt but that didn't work. She got her chest piece undone but never could get her legs out from the 5 point. And yes....we did this for an hour....and they'd already been in there for 20 minutes before this escapade. By this time I was back to crying again. And by this time I was REALLY mad at Brad because I have asked him so many times to go get a copy of the key made. So I called him crying and told him he ruined the day and I was stuck here when I was ready to move home and nothing in life ever stayed the same and why does God require you to be willing to up and leave and force one to emotionally separate yourself from a thing or place only to dump you right back in it and leave you where you started and now the children were all locked in the van and I couldn't get them out. He was trying to comfort me until I got to that little part about the children and then he suddenly said, "What??????" I said crying, "Yea! They're all stuck out there and no one can get to them and it's been over an hour now." He ended up calling the water dude.....the same dude that fessed up to Brad that he wants to do me, so I now think he's the grossest thing around......and gets him to come over and bail me out. Ummmmm.....yea....thanks, honey. This is still snowballing downhill uncontrollably.....do you see that??? So the water dude works on it for another 20 minutes and finally unscrews the window where Aubrey is so that we can pull it open a little farther. I finally get my whole arm in there and press the release latch on her legs. She bails out and immediately unlocks the doors. The dude's so paranoid that I'm gonna forget the pins are out of the window and it's going to blow off while in transit that he gets into the van and starts putting the pins back in after he told me to just have Brad do it when he gets home in the morning. So...now he's inside our van and we're unloading since it's way past 10 and everything in small town Texas has been closed for over an hour. Grant's wailing that he didn't get Sonic, Aubrey's on cloud nine that she saved the day and is proclaiming her lifesaving heroic deeds to anyone and everyone that will...or will not....listen (it didn't really seem to matter to her) and it's pretty much chaos. Somewhere in there somebody shut the water dude in the van and seeing as how you can't open the door from the inside he was now stuck. I have no clue for how long. Aubrey pointed to it saying..."Oh look mom, the man's stuck in the van!!!!" I looked out to see every van door shut and since the windows are tinted you couldn't see much inside. I stared in horror as I instructed them to go set him free. Once they open the van door he 1/2 stumbled 1/2 fell out and said "Uh....Uh....look kids.....don't do that again." By this time I'm so emotionally drained that I start laughing and then I couldn't quit laughing and continued to laugh hysterically in a now sociopathic, emotionally overwrought way. Apparently he has claustrophobia issues and that didn't do much for his cause. He stammered and stuttered and said that was the last time he'd ever climb into that van and then left. I fed everybody a bowl of cereal and some choc chip cookies and sent them all to bed.

So, that's how my day ended. I'm tired, drained and depressed....though I did get a good laugh after watching him get jailed in our van and then fall out of it upon his release. I'm tired beyond all exhaustion. Tired doesn't even come close to doing it justice. I can hardly stay awake. And my heartburn is so bad I think I might puke if I don't eat the whole bottle of Tums before then.


Oh yea.......can't forget....the frig door never got locked yesterday and Garrett ate an entire 6 pk of yogurt by himself. As a result, due to his lactose intolerant digestive tract, he had diarrhea in the worst way. So I went to change his 15th crappy diaper before I put him to bed. After the change I went to roll it up and secure it a little too forcefully in my tense state, I suppose. I figured that little part out about the time green runny poop shot out of it at lightening force speeds and hit my hand and spray painted the floor.....and when the brute force was over it then just fell in green runny plops onto the wood. I guess I rolled it up a little too tight in my irritable mood. I was so mad by that point I chunked it at the floor with my unpoooped on hand and, just as forensics would have it, it then exploded into a green diarrhea bomb upon meeting up with the floor. Needless to say....I wasn't very happy.


And then to top all of this off, we finally received the final "no" from the one last shot we had at it and that mortgage dude also said it wasn't do-able to try and finance it...despite the amount of money we have going into it. Not to mention what a drastically hard time we would have selling the house we're in due to the market. He said plenty of people will want it buy it but pretty much no one can buy it. No one's getting financed right now. So....I was still mad about it. I finally laid down and just took a 2 1/2 hr nap while Brad kept the older 2 quiet and oversaw chores and the little ones all slept. I still wasn't all together with it when I woke up and in my little funk of an attitude was still moping around. Somehow I ended up tripping over the mop handle that was drooping out of the mop bucket and took a nose dive into the floor. Ummmm.....can we say graceful at its finest???? Thankfully Brad was outside when it happened and walked in just in time to see me pulling myself up off the floor. I fell shoulder first into the floor and then deflated my right boob and then took out what little is left of the right side of my brain. I think that's the thinking side so I'm relatively sure most of it was already gone anyway. My right shoulder now burns beyond all measure and my boob is trying desperately to air itself back up. As soon as Brad walked through the door he was met by 52 kids all trying to outshout each other telling him of my less than graceful catastrophe. So the rest of the day Aubrey walks around the house saying "Mom!!! Mom!!!! Why'd you just do that? Why'd you just fall like this?" as she'd throw herself violently onto the floor and make huge resounding thuds through the house. Yes, Aubrey. Thank you. I think I got that part when I personally experienced it earlier.

So, now here we are back where we started. What is that saying about how you search the world over to find yourself only to return home to find it? Yep....that's where we are. So, once again I am allowing myself to fully embrace where we are in life and fall head over heels in love again with our little home off the dirt road with the neighbors that have corncobs inconveniently misplaced within their bodies. I have embrace our stars and the night sky, the hail storms, the wind and the seldom traveled roads out here. I have fallen back in love with the Kickapoo and meandering wandering curvy drives out to the lake and the thousands of historical markers that I was mourning the loss of never reading before we left. So, here we are back where we started and I am once again in love with life and the new family and people God has so lovingly surrounded us with here.

Overheard Today and Other Musings

So....this conversation actually took place today!!! Kids are so weird!

Aubrey (a little frustrated)- "Evye please tie my bow on the back of my dress. I can't do it!"

Evye (a little put out) - "No, Aubrey. You do it."

Aubrey - "Please Evye!"

Evye - "Oh....alright"........long pause......"Ewwwwww, it's all wet. Mom, she put it in her mouth and chewed on it!!!"

Me - "Evye just tie it. She doesn't have infectious deseases. I promise."

Evye (a little perturbed while picking up the ribbons to be tied)- "That's just gross! There's spit all over it!"

Aubrey (seeking to rectify the situation and let the truth be known) - "No. No Evye! It's not spit....it just fell in the water when I went potty and it touched my poop!"

In horror I glanced back over there to see what Evye's response would now be. If Aubrey's confession didn't gross me out Evye's surely did.

Evye, having dropped the ribbons in her distaste for spit, now replied - "Oh.....ok"..... pausing to yell at me...."It's not spit, Mom."..........and she tied it!!!!!!!

What is up with that?????!!!!!!!! And what was that little part I put in there about not having infectious deseases????? Of all the things I could have said! I was grossed out....apparently Evye wasn't after the truth was known. Ugh!

So.....more on life around here. Things are nearing completion as I do the tail end of things for the JBF sale. I know for certain that no one will ever fully understand the undertaking that this was and still is. Especially when clothes so easily overwhelm me all of the time. So for me to have to not only mess with the clothes but mess with boxes upon boxes upon boxes and categorize, sort and price them was requiring the very utmost patience I have to give forth. I feel as though I should be nearing millionaire status as this stuff sells off. Oh my...how very glad I am to finally have this portion of decluttering almost behind me. Now have I learned my lesson???? YES! I have now learned what our personal limit is for each child on clothing and how many...or rather how many they do not.....require. I refuse to be so over run by clothes again. I was so very proud as I hack away at this stuff. The floor lady came the other day to give us an estimate on the floors and she went looking in closets as she followed the types of flooring. As she opened our linen closet instead of being mauled by blankets, sheets and haphazard crap coming out to attack her like the boggy creek monster she was greeted by a closet that seriously could've been showcased on HGTV. I had no clue some stranger would go opening closet doors but the feeling that came when she did was unrivaled by most anything. A moment that made me proud. And the great thing.....every closet looks like that now. But....in all honesty....I am tired and ready for a break. I am tired of sorting, pinning, hanging, pricing, Ebaying, garage saling. and all of the prep for all of this stuff. My motivation that propels me forward at this point is the money that will come from all of this. So....I trudge onward and obstinately stick to the task at hand. It seriously is like working a full 40 hr wk though. The children are keeping up the house......with a little forced motivation behind it, commonly known as a cattle prod....or a tazar has crossed my mind the last few days......while I try and tackle all of this. I'm ready for it to be over and just rest in the joy of this baby and all of Gavin's new accomplishments. He's a pro at sitting now and can now walk very well while holding onto anyone's hands. He still refuses any sort of tummy time so I'm not real sure he'll ever know that he can get up on hands and knees if he'd give it some time and effort. Oh well. Evye crawled for only a mere 2 wks and she was definitely no worse for the wear. He seems more impressed by his ability to sit, stand and walk with assistance. And he's sooooooo happy about it.

Yes....the mattress is getting lowered tomorrow.

Anyway.....all of that to say I'm ready to stop making a career out of how I let my life overtake me and now trying to gain it back and just ready to enjoy all of my children once more. I'm kind of tired of being irritated with them because of things taking place unbeknownst to me. As I stay holed up in the bedroom trying to sort my life away they are devouring 3 6 packs of yogurt, 2 boxes of Nutrigrain bars, the jar of grape jelly and the rest of the honey bear....as they then proceed to string the leftover trash of plastic spoons, yogurt cups, wrappers and other incredible finds all over the carport. Oh yes....did I mention the coin jar that Aubrey lovingly found and shared with all of her younger siblings. She graciously handed out money so they could all "buy groceries at Wal Mart" together. That particular Wal Mart would be the one she made under the picnic table on the porch. But of course, in Garrett's hand anything become a missile in the hands of one of the world's leading child pitchers and so he proceeds to chunk them like a pro at anything and everything moving.....thus resulting in a seeming gold mind when one comes to observe the shiny glittering pavement of our carport covered in money. It resembles a bit of a waterless wishing well at this point.

And more about this pregnancy. Dr Nikki has spoken. I have now decided the gender of this baby. I have indeed decided there is yet again just 1 baby growing within and it is undoubtedly a BOY. Due to the fact I feel better than ever and suffer from little to no morning sickness...except for the occasional wretching of something absolutely horrid.....I feel absolutely fine....too fine, in fact, for it to be a girl. The only strange thing I have noticed so far about this pregnancy is that I am on sensory overload and I have an excessive thirst.....resulting in a very annoying excessive need to pee it all out. But those signs aren't looking like any real indicators for a female baby. So...as I continue on in my blissfully morning sickless state I am quite certain....like 99.9% certain this could only be a boy baby. It's just way too easy at this point to be anything else. And I am not tired enough, hungry enough and have not gained enough weight to indicate any signs of twins. So.....I march on content in knowing this is yet again just 1 single baby boy. So....on to thoughts of names for yet another boy! In all honesty...if this did turn out to be another one I would be ecstatic. I love what the little guys have in each other and I get excited about adding another one to their little play group. It is just one big rowdy tractor driving/wrestling/tackling/ball throwing/mud sliding/bug finding fest when they all get to playing together. As Gavin enters into that play circle and this new baby is welcomed into it I have visions of a yard full of little boys dirty, digging and discovering all of life as they grow up together. And if it's a little girl by some surprise she will be absolutely the most well watched and protected kid any little girl has ever known. She'll have a crew of 5 older brothers-turned-bodyguards by her side. And she'll probably be right in there in the middle of the boys while they grow, dig, find bugs and do everything boy as she holds her own with the best of them. And if she doesn't Aubrey does enough to make up for all of the stuff this potential little girl may never take interest in or do with the boys!

But in my morning sickless state my diet consists of 2 things. I am not sick at all but there are only 2 things that ever sound good. So, the morning bagel with the coconut oil had to go. But in its place I am now hooked on Malt O Meal with 2 Tbs of coconut oil, 1 1/2 tsp coco powder and a tsp or so of Rapidura. Oh my gosh....that is the best thing ever!!! It's like an Almond Joy Malt O Meal breakfast. So...that satisfies the morning craving and gives optimal nutrition. And then for lunch and dinner I eat nothing but 1 point WW Potato Soup. I'm not exactly sure I'm getting all of the calories I need a day but so far I've managed to gain 2 pds. My guess is it's due to the massive amounts of water I am drinking and a massive blood volume increase. But anyway, I just do a bowl of potato soup w/ 2 Tbs of wheat germ and a healthy pile of cheese on top to try and up calories and calcium. So, amazingly I have lived on these 2 things for days now. I am sure at some point I will manage to come up with something else to add to my diet that sounds 1/2 way decent, but for now I live on these 2 things.

Alright...and I promised myself I wouldn't do this but since I am now almost 5 wks pregnant I really do want to do an every 4 wk belly pic from the very beginning since I have never started from the onset of pregnancy. So....here is my 4 wk pic. And for the curious at heart.....yes, my stomach was completely and totally FLAT before this pregnancy started. I was back into my sz 6 jeans and was able to fit well and look good without any undergarment help. So yes! The panty hose, girdles and waist suckeruppers had been done away with quite a few months ago. But now...here I am. It seriously just senses the pregnancy hormone and just vomits itself forward. Oh well. Baby will grow into it. They always do. This wee one needs to treasure the ample swimming room it has now....especially consdering the fact it's no bigger than a grain of rice right about now. Ummmm.....you can't tell that from the side view though!

Ok......and one must ignore the no makeup thing going on and the weird look. I was trying to hurry up and take it before I was bombarded by kids that have obsessions about being included in any and all pictures.

The Little Big Brother!

Let the Pregnancy Begin!

Today's morning test...this would be the day I would've noticed something was up. I bought an Early Response test that said I could've technically tested as early as Wed but, like I said, I cheated just to see what would happen and I got my very early response on Monday, which I now know is somewhat rare! But just for the fun of it, since I had one left, here is today's test confirming everything we already knew on Monday. But it's still way too much fun to see.




So.......here I am. Really kind of not believing I am once again pregnant but absolutely ecstatic. More so than I have ever been with a pregnancy for whatever reason. Maybe there is just a freedom to embrace what we have always felt so inhibited to share, having known so many others' opinions concerning what we were "getting our selves into". Brad and I are so absolutely excited that it is unreal. And it is even more fun that each time we have more and more children getting excited with us. This is the first pregnancy Garrison and Grant have really truly understood what it all means and they are gleefully happy. Each morning they get up and pat my stomach and tell the baby good morning and each night they kiss it good night and tell baby good night. Of course, girls are rooting for girls and boys are rooting for boys. In all honesty I am kind of hoping it's another boy. I love watching the relationship between the 4 younger boys. I think I cherish even more knowing what they have that Grayson does not. Grayson envies them in a way but we just always talk about how incredible it will be when they are 8, 9 and 10 yrs old and Grayson is 16. With how much they already adore him we have talked and talked about how he can participate in their Boy Scouting days and lead them through, having already done it himself, and what a treasure that is. We talk of the treasure they have in him to be able to look up to something they so admire and what a gift it is for him to have their little hearts that so implicitly trust him.



I have taken a little bit of time to visit some pregnancy boards and having found out so very incredibly early this time I am just amazed at all of the moms still waiting, longing to get a positive test result. I scrolled through hundreds and hundreds of posts about waiting and searching for any tiny sign they might be pregnant and then those many moms coming back to say they did not get one this month. The disappointment and heartache of these women is overwhelming. And again I am absolutely brought to my knees at the blessings we have been given and how we have never struggled or known what it is to long so desperately for a baby and continually be faced with months and months of being disappointed. I have cried the last few days at the way our family has been blessed. AS they ran at the park earlier today I just sat and soaked in the sight of them all. Evye was helping Garrett up the slide...that he had just fallen off of.....Garrison and Grant were calling to each other and comparing monkey bars, Aubrey in all of her Aubrey-ness was going down the slide backwards in a sundress with socks pulled up to her knees and white glittery church shoes on while she bared her underwear to the world as she slid, Grayson was doing every obnoxious thing he could find as he and Julian, one of his closest friends, tried to outdo each other and life was good. They ran and laughed and sparkled in the sun...like jewels the Lord had poured forth onto our lives. It is something never to be taken for granted. And each new baby just adds that much more depth and more growth in every way for our little family. Why? Why has He blessed us so much when so many other's struggle? In some aspects it is hard not to feel guilty but then I realize that when so many others try and cannot and then so many can and do not want it we are the rare breed that not only can but will. We will accept these many many blessings God pours forth into our lives. Instead of growing fearful of the unknown we choose to trust Him for our every need and continue on in total abandonment to Him as we embrace these miraculous gifts. It never gets old. The euphoric feeling of the line showing up, the butterflies, the excitement, the anticipation and then watching these children grow once they arrive. seeing what exactly God has fashioned to further His kingdom from 2 mere mortal people willing to turn this area of our lives over to Him. There is something that so far outweighs joy that comes from each new baby. It is something that can never be fully accurately conveyed in any way until you are there yourself.



In these thoughts I have also seen many many families with the quiver full mentality that have gone on to have 6 or 7 children and then have unexplained years of being unable to conceive another with some of them never having anymore at all. I think as I age and I realize we now have what the world considers to be a large family I am always somewhat cautious that the Lord will step in and say that we are to move on to the next phase of life and that our childbearing years have ended for whatever reason. It sheds a whole new light on embracing each and every one because there is a sense of never fully knowing just what lay ahead and which one will be our last. There is a woman in Wal Mart that LOVES our family. Everytime we go in she makes a point to lead us to her line so that she can check us out and every time she dotes on each of the children and tells of how she only has her 3 that are each 5 yrs apart. She never used anything to inhibit conception and she never had anymore children. She tells of how she longs for a large family and what she would give to have as many as we do. And again I am just taken with how blessed we are. There are those that cannot for whatever reason and whatever different calling the Lord has placed on those special lives. And there are those that choose not to. But instead of choosing to limit the number to what fits our life and budget we have experienced things most people will never know. What joy we would've never known. I am brought to my knees at His mercy and grace as He saved us from ourselves. I absolutely cannot imagine having missed out on this in life.



And, you know....even a few short months ago when Gavin was only 4 and 5 months old the thought of being pregnant again in only a few short months was really kind of depressing. I had just gotten back into my skinny jeans and it felt good. It felt good to be noticed. But I am amazed at the work God always does in my heart when I am completely and totally submitted to His will. Because when the time came for that little line to appear my heart beat a little faster and I found myself longing to see that tiny little line pop up. The seemingly infinite seconds were in reality only a few short 10 seconds before my heart jumped and I was longing to call Brad. I am overwhelmed by God's mercy on us. And even when I again shrug back into my old former self of selfishness and vanity He is there to gently coax my heart back into focus and remind me what my purpose is and what He has so entirely blessed us with.



I find myself consumed by this pregnancy and the excitement everyone feels. For the 1st time I think Mother has fully embraced it with us and laid the fear down of me being continually overwhelmed by the needs of so many. I think she has seen that I am capable and that the children are not turning out to be ill behaved little street urchins. It makes it that much more fun when someone you love so much can actually truly be excited for us too. It's just contagious.



There are no words to express what my heart feels. The are no words to convey what the joy within longs to say.



So....on a more practical note.....typical of every pregnancy, the signs and symptoms have definitely set in. At first I dismissed it and figured it was all mental since they magically appeared only 2 days after I found out and I wasn't even supposed to find out until the end of this week. But I have decided it's definitely NOT mental. I see the bathroom more than I ever have in my entire lifetime...more than with any other pregnancy....that would be age, number of previous pregnancies and current pregnancy combined at this point I suppose.....and I have a voracious appetite...though when I eat I get about 4 mouthfuls down before I am sickened by it. Go figure. And the strangest things turn my stomach from being great into instant puke mode. The sour milk jar, Aubrey's corn dog breath, the mildewed towel all sent me over the edge. Everything is hypersensitive....smell, touch, sight, everything. The children all stood around me today and I just got claustrophobic and had to entirely clear the room. Weird,I know. But then again...I think that many kids would make anybody claustrophobic. And my poor stomach.....well, lets not go there. I refuse to post belly pics at 15 days pregnant. But it's there to see. I told Brad I think my body just senses the HCG hormone and my stomach just pukes itself forward already knowing the space that will be required of it to put forth in only a few short months. But yes, the pregnancy has begun.



Due to the fact that we are waiting to see where we are to be next and what exactly God has in store for us we are currently in waiting mode. So, instead of instantly getting back on insurance and having to go through the whole out of network pain in the butt we're just going to bide our time. So, finding out the gender of this little person may be awhile in coming. I was all ready to wait it out and make this our 1st surprise baby since our attempt at that with Gavin failed miserably but Brad is adamant that it's still a surprise no matter when we find out. It's either a surprise in the summer sometime or a surprise in Nov. He's got a point. So it is that I will more than likely have a sonogram...but as to its date or what gestational week it may occur.......we have no clue!

California Homeschool Ruling

Sign the Petition!!!

As a homeschooling family we used to be very very active politically while I was growing up. As life got busy my activity in it all slowed down greatly since Mother and Daddy had been the motivators behind it all. Growing up when the laws of homeschooling were still very unclear our little family was one of the many pioneering families that helped it take root. As a case in Arlington ( Arlington VS. the Arlington School District) got national coverage Mother was actively involved and fighting every step of the way for our homeschooling rights. It is something I have never taken for granted...especially having had our children in public school for awhile....but it is also something that I did not help protect either. This has been enough to spur me back into political action and rejoin the fight politically to help save the erosion of the values that are held so dear to every parent's heart and stand against what some officials are trying to enforce on every family.

This is taken from an email my sister wrote about this fight for freedom that she and her husband are now both actively involved in as this case continues.

"This is ALL over every homeschool loop you can imagine! I sent this one to you, as you can take action, too. Quickly and without much ado, just sign the petition from Home School Legal Defense Association. Michael Farris is the founder of this organization, and has personally led in the legal defense of homeschool cases across the country, as well as trained up lawyers to do the same. He's never belonged to the American Barr Assocociation, as he vehemenantly disagrees with their creeds. We went to hear him speak just last week in Dallas at Fellowship Church on Park Lane. Fascinating! He's written an amendment to the Constitution for parental rights. We are onboard at a grassroots level, with more action to follow! Go to parentalrights.org and read all about it. There's hope yet!! We're still here in America along with every other conservative, right wing adult, whether homeschooler or not. And don't forget...there's an entire new generation of young people (whose numbers out-do the liberals, as we've believed in propogating while they've aborted and birth-controlled their own) who are quickly coming of age to not only reverse some of the recent damage to our nation, but set new precedents of righteousness for future generations. I know the wicked will become more wicked and the righteous brighter towards the end of time, but there is still a world harvest of new believers that will be won to Jesus through these bright lights who will set on a hill and not under a bushel for the sake of Christ. Though a one-world government is in the prophesies of Scripture, it doesn't mean that America has to concede while we're alive!! Nor does it mean that America cannot become better before it gets worse. Maybe, we're a key instrument in this world harvest. We've been chosen from the beginning for a great purpose, and I don't think that the God-fearing founders of our nation will be dishonored...especially with so many who still believe what they fought for, in such a miserable end to our nation!"

You do not have to homeschool and you do not even have to plan on homeschooling your children. But the overall tone of this as the US heads into dictation of where we can and cannot put our children and what we are and are not allowed to do is sickening. Please pass the word! Due to this recent ruling in California Court, Michael Farris from Homeschool Legal Defense Assoc. is asking everyone, EVERYONE to visit http://www.hslda.org/ and sign the petition they will be presenting to the courts in California. Michael Farris stated you do not need to be a homeschooler or even a member of HSLDA to sign the petition. I would like to add that the only requirement for signing is that you care about the fundamental right of parents to direct the upbringing and education of their children. Please go to http://www.hslda.org/ today and sign the petition. Let's all come together and let our voices be heard. Please pass this request on to everyone to sign. This is not something to be taken lightly in any way. it is a very very serious matter in every regard. For those of you who do not know the whole story and how this ruling came about the story is wrapped in a nutshell below.

So far as of 8:15 this Sat morning this was posted on the petition page.

100,128 signatures so far!




Here is “the deal” in a nutshell (as stated by the Homeschool Legal Defense Association) –

A California Court of Appeal recently decided that homeschooling is illegal in California unless a parent is a certified teacher. (how ridiculous is that! In California the classes you take to get your credential are mostly classroom management, teacher organization & other “politically correct” classes including how to teach non English speakers - tell me WHY any home school parent would need those classes to effectively teach her own children?????)

The case arose in a confidential juvenile court proceeding. (IE - behind closed doors - how sneaky is that!) The family was represented by court-appointed attorneys and Home School Legal Defense Association did not become aware of the case until the Court of Appeal case was published on February 28, 2008.

The Court could have restricted its decision to the facts before it, but instead, it issued a broad ruling that effectively outlaws home education in California. The Court also certified its decision for publication, which means that the decision can now be cited as legal authority by all other courts in California.
The family and their California counsel are planning to appeal to the Supreme Court of California, which could result in reversal.
Another option to keep homeschooling free in California is to petition the Supreme Court of California to “depublish” the opinion. If the opinion is “depublished” then it cannot be used by other California courts and this threat to homeschool freedom will be neutralized for other California homeschoolers.
HSLDA will be formally petitioning the California Supreme Court to depublish the opinion. We would like to show that many other people, both in California and across the country, care deeply about homeschool freedom in California.
Please show your support for this effort by signing the petition today at the following link and encouraging others to do the same! (And please don’t say - “I don’t homeschool” or “I don’t live in California” - if we let our parental rights continue to get eroded - it is ONLY a matter of time before it will be an issue that DOES effect you and then you will be wishing you had made a stand!!)
https://www2.hslda.org/Registrations/DepublishingCaliforniaCourtDecision/

If you would like to hear more - Focus on the Family has a radio broadcast today over the court decision made in CA to make homeschooling illegal. http://listen.family.org/daily/A000000997.cfm

Please pass this information on to everyone who believes in parental rights!

Look What Popped Up Today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's still very very early for it to be showing up so it's light but undoubtedly there!!!! We are so so so excited!!!! Look hard and you'll see the faint little line on the left next to the dark control line on the right. The way I've figured it it's only been about 10 days, since I wasn't supposed to test until Thursday or Friday, but I cheated a little just to see if maybe it'd show up early if I am.....and it did!!!!! So......Novemeber 15th it is! Our very 1st late autumn baby.