Picture Journey Delay

I have hit the 10 wk milestone but have refrained from taking any pictures today since my stomach seemed to shrink anyway. I'm of the current mindset that I'll wait until I feel a little better and spare any and all from being exposed to me in all of my glory while sick. Maybe I'll be feeling a little more glomorous tomorrow and will try to update then. Or maybe I'll just conveniently skip week 10. It is fairly safe to say that I am having mercy on you as I stay quarantined and sequestered in my tiny piece of the world without being visible to anyone. I suppose when a dr says you look sick you can honestly walk away feeling quite confident in your ability to play the part. Soooo...maybe tomorrow. Or maybe next week.

The Art of Survival

For my bored tortured self who is supposed to be in bed but is desperate for something to do. And for the bored at heart who are desperate for any amount of reading material.

So, survival......the art of it.....I desperately need to learn it....cause I seriously haven't gotten it down at this point. I would love to say that I am quite the expert and have it all figured out. That when we all get sick my children rise at hours of the day unknown to man and bake bread, make breakfast, tend to the younger ones, carry on with their school endeavors, romantically throw mealtime scraps to the chickens scratching about in our yard and, overall, recreate Little House on the Prairie in our modern day America. But...what exactly happens when all but one of the older ones falls entirely sick and the house is left with a ton of energetic younger ones far from being anywhere near sick??? Oh, dear sweet reality, who never lurks far around the corner...or well, really....who never got around the corner to begin with.

Yesterday was day 4 of me being really really sick. And, honestly, I'm sick of this crap. We've gone an entire year and a half at a time without having anyone get anything major. Maybe a little mild fever here or there with a lone kid but that's about the worst of it. No dr, no meds, no anything. But by the time fever rose and could only be managed but not broken with Tylenol I was successfully floating right along in my boat of misery. "Selflessness: The act of carrying on singlehandedly with absolutely no help when you feel like crap and only have visions of your bed. When 8 younger people depend on you and you choose to continue on despite your current misery. Or....more aptly put...when you have no choice in the matter and you must carry on no matter how bad you're ready to just go to bed and make the world go away."

Despite our best efforts at carrying on Grayson carried the load of absolutely everything while I laid in bed piled under a comforter and about 15 sleeping bags. 6 faithful kids saw fit to occupy the bed with me, hypnotic TV trance overcoming them as they watched hour after hour of Little House on the Prairie. Ever responsible 12 year old carried on with the preparation of meals, getting a load or two of wash in, supervising rowdy little toddler sister and the changing of her diapers.

By yesterday morning I was desperate to hear baby's heartbeat. But the act of being on the road by 8am with 6 sick children and 2 healthy in tow and feeling like absolute crap myself was a feat in and of itself. I eventually called on husband who sat waiting at the station for us and cried to him. Nervousness of trying to find a heartbeat wreaked havoc on emotions and exhaustion overtook the body. I told him I can't do this all on my own and that I need help. 2 loads of wash a day will never in a lifetime cut it. Wash is held on a near sacred level in this house due to the fact that if it is not respected it will come back to bite you in the butt....for more than a day on end. Soooo...you don't ever fail to do wash. And the kitchen....it was unfair to expect a 12 year old to not only carry on with laundry but take care of a 16 month old, fix every meal and clean it all up along with carry out all outdoor responsibilities where animals are concerned. Everywhere I turned a sea of crap pervaded. Feverish children who had been awakened too early all cried and I could hardly get myself dressed. So, I cried it all out to husband and begged for rescue. But he had work and was committed to staying in town yet again and then was back on shift as instructor with a class to teach. Rescue saving husband wasn't seeming so heroic at the moment.

I finally gave in and gave instructions to load grouchy, pajama clad children in van. Minimal makeup was applied..enough to look alive but that was about the extent of it. On the road. Phone call put in to dear mother. Please help. Arrangements were made and promises of arriving the following day. Sweet help. On the way. But still a day away.

At the sight of us concerned husband made an immediate appointment for me to be seen. I have quite the dislike of dr's. And it was, afterall, all viral anyway. Once sweet baby's heartbeat was finally heard we made our way over to the appointment. I expertly sat there and told the doc I was quite sure it's all viral and there's nothing he can do. It'd just run its course. Quick throat culture reveals strep. Said I tested so positive it took less than 30 seconds for it to appear. According to him, I'm really sick and it's no wonder I feel like total and absolute crap...complete with fever for days on end. He lovingly told me I "felt" sick and looked sick. How on earth does a person "feel" sick to another person???? As for the "looking sick"....how can I thank you enough sweet dr for the loving compliment???? I will be forever endeared to you. Antibiotic given and instructions to stay in bed for at least 2 days. I laughed. It wasn't until I got home, felt better and started moving around that I discovered just why exactly he told me to stay in bed. It quickly turned back into the sheer art of trying to survive with a ton of sick kids and a few healthy ones. Oh the joy.

With prescription filled, husband brought home the rarely taken antibiotic and there was finally hope of feeling better. The night went by relatively pain free and I was able to blissfully get more than a few hours of sleep......until my bedside became a revolving door permitting every kid we ever had or ever thought about having into our room. My first greeting was by a wailing, red headed 5 year old, "Mama....I can't find Grayson anywhere. He's not in the room with me and he's not anywhere. And my head hurts...(more obnoxious wailing)....and I need water so bad. (wailing)" I heroically rise to the occasion feeling pretty good and pain free myself and walk to the kitchen. Dosing out what must be the 986th 2 tsp cup of pain eliminating Motrin in a week's time I hand it over. Dig through our swiftly disappearing array of cups that we never seem to have enough of and finally guide him back to bed. With a heavy, 2am hoist into midair to assure him his beloved older brother sleeps soundly right above him I then place him back in his own bed and find my way back to my own.

Round 2. I drift back off still feeling pretty good and doped up on my illegal dose of Tylenol when a mere 45 minutes later I again am greeted by a middle of the night visitor. This time a crying 7 year old girl who is quite convinced her "hade-ache" will not even allow her to sleep or think. Fun. Once again I feel feverished forehead, rise..still in a quite pain free state...and make my way back to the kitchen to dose out yet another round of Motrin or Tylenol or whatever I could fumble through in the darkness. Blinding kitchen light as I search for the 2 tsp mark...talk her into crying quietly until it all kicks in so she doesn't wake the entire household....and lead her back to bed. Rearrange covers and tuck her back into bed to eliminate what I can of the "hade-ache".

Back to my own bed.

Round 3. 4:00 am. Yet another bedside greeting not so entirely welcome. This time feeling my own personal discomfort, throat screamed, neck ached and my own throbbing headache was making me more than aware of its presence. Husband still continues to sleep soundly through hourly bouts of wailing kids, as he must make his way to the station come dark, early morning. 2 year old cries pierce the head like a knife and patience is now waning a bit. I rise once again and take his pea sized bladder to the toilet. Despite the fact he has been fully potty trained now for 9 entire months I still put him in a diaper for my own nighttime assurance. I have no desire to go changing sheets at 2 or 3 am despite the fact he wakes up dry 98% of the time. The other 2% is what I refuse to deal with during my sacred hours of sleep. He rises to pee once in the middle of the night almost every night and rarely is this a bother....but the rarely wasn't quite applying to this seemingly infinite night. He stays irritated over the fact he's awake at such God forbidden hours of the night and so he continues to wail obnoxiously, having taken obvious lessons from his 5 year old brother. Diaper off. Bare butt on toilet. Firm instructions to quiet the loud dark cries. Infinite amount of pee from a bladder the size of a grape. Pj's put back on to short little legs. Back down the hallway for the 474th time that night. Back to bed with him. Covers. Car placed back in hand. Door shut. Back to bed for me but by this time I'm seeing it'll probably be short lived.

Round 4. By the time the next greeter came calling my own head was ravaged by its own personal headache, any and all pain meds that had been taken earlier in the night had long since worn off and my own body was now begging for healing sleep. I tried to refrain from staring longingly in sleeping husband's direction as I listened to the complaint now coming from a 9 year old. Everything hurts. Throat hurts. Stomach hurts. Head hurts. Feel like puking. At these words with little to no patience left and now dealing with a pretty self sufficient 9 year old I was about done with my little entourage of early morning visitors. She whines it all out hanging over the bed melodramatically. At the realization of the puking statement I sat up way too fast for my own good and told her to back the crap up and run for the toilet. She didn't need me there to puke with her. And why would she come hang over me when she needs to freakin puke???? No mercy. Maybe had she been the 1st visitor of the night things would've gone a bit differently for her. But, as was, she was gonig on the 50th and there was little to no tolerance left for any of them. So maternal....I know. So, back down the dark hallway she went and the sounds of puking could obnoxiously be heard throughout the house. Thankfully everyone else was sick enough and doped up enough they managed to sleep through her heaving. I didn't even rise for that one. She reenters yet again way too cheery for that hour of the night...or morning by this point....and says she puked....(oh really, honey?? I wouldn't have ever known)....and feels much better. She is now headed back to bed. Thank you so much dear for waking me for that.

More Tylenol on my part and I lie there waiting..since trying to sleep is, at this point, obviously quite pointless. The next little visitor comes, I rise for him. The next older one comes and I cold heartedly tell her to get another drink of water, there's nothing more I can do and to go back to bed. I'll give her a cold washrag and more pain relieving crap in the morning if I manage to wake up....which is not likely at this point. If I don't...just grab a glass of water and get yourself a cold washrag. I'll check on you when I wake up.....if I wake up.

Husband's belt jingles in the darkness. Keys rattle as they are placed in pocket and I am vaguely aware..in some far away, sleep induced world. At some point I must've slept. And I sleepily wonder exactly how many children I slept through...and then realize I don't really care at this point. True selflessness, for sure. He comes to me, mutters something about how sorry he is I don't feel good. He weaves his hands through massive amounts of hair, twirling fingers through sleepy curls. Big warm calloused hand feels forehead, fingers brush face. I lay there unresponsiveness. So romantic. So lovely. Things I have to say but exhaustion pervades. He kisses hair, and moves down to kiss forehead. Smells of soap, toothpaste, mouthwash, manly deodorant and everything fresh and good and clean and masculine wake my senses. Words muttered softly against forehead, "I love you." In my half dead state I manage back quite meaningfully, "I love you too". Just as softly and quietly he is gone and I try not to think about how in a mere hour and a half I am left to face the day alone with a houseful of sick kids and trying to get over this crap myself. So I roll over and go back to sleep and avoid the thought. Afterall...the troops have been called in and Mother will arrive today to save the day and rescue the house from going to hell in a handbasket.....but on second thought...it already has.

Now on to health and wellness....and a clean house.

The Sound of an Unborn Heart

Despite my best efforts at remaining calm during this pregnancy and purposing not to be overcome with fear I must admit that it is very easy to succumb to it all. I don't want to be obsessive...but I just kinda am. At a mere 9 wks all morning sickness blissfully began to fade into non existence. Stomach growth began to slow...so, it kind of needed to since at the rate I was going I stood to be about the size of a small city by full term...and I began to lose weight. It's more than a bit abnormal for me to lose any amount of weight after a test comes back positive and the only time I have ever lost is when baby ceased to grow....so, not a record for anything promising. As days passed and I became more and more aware of my body the more I had myself convinced that this pregnancy would too end in yet more heartache. Somehow thoughts got away from me and I envisioned listening for a heartbeat and being met with silence once more. Road trip for a sonogram and seeing a screen yet again of a tiny lifeless baby. Tumultuous dark nights are filled with dreams of going to court to deal with what is left of Aubrey's case and then losing this baby. Sitting there listening to the details, to the lies I know will come in court, having to relive it all. The age old battle of good vs evil as warfare is waged in the heavenlies...in our lives. Vivid images of a still, tiny, lifeless gray and white form on a screen. The dread. What still lie in wait to overcome. The overwhelming heartache of it all. Things apparently not so easily healed or overcome.

With call put in to dearly loved and understanding midwife the children and I drove in to meet Brad and make our way over to her home. And there, as she listened, we heard the sweet beating of our unborn baby's heart...strong, healthy, fast paced, tiny beating heart. And the emotions were a little overwhelming. In the past I've watched people cry as they hear their baby for the first time but, being a person of little tears...up until a year ago, at least....I've never been that crying parent. In all honesty, I've never really understood the emotion behind the tears that come from the sound of baby's heartbeat. Each baby's heartbeat has always been a massive milestone and a reason to celebrate in every sense of the word. But, today it suddenly became a deeply intense emotional moment as we stood quietly listening to the sound of an unborn heart......sweet, unborn baby being so quietly formed and fashioned within...so unknown to us yet so desperately loved and so desperately wanted. The miracle that it all just is.

Sweet baby, what color are your eyes that God is so intricately forming? Will you have red hair like them or as brown as Ivye-girl's? Will you be another happy carefree spirit or yet another feisty little firecracker that blows through life at whirlwind speeds? My heart is free to love you, my tiny one. I wait for the day we can look at you and see what God has used the 2 of us to create....how amazing and how humbling to know that He used the two of us as vessels to create you. Sweet baby of mine. You live. You grow.

I am a Woman

The reasons I choose this way of life....why it is I do this. In response to the many comments and questions I am continually asked by America's self centered mentality, "Why do you do this to yourself???"...referring to why I have let myself become "overrun" with children and "wasted my life away" giving all of my time to a ton of little ankle biters. And to the many statements, "You need to take time for yourself. You've given enough years of your life to children. Now go have some fun and do what you want to do....without kids!" And, yes. I have had all of those very things said to me on numerous occasions. I thought this was a fitting response...despite the fact that most of the people that have ever questioned it will never read this.


I am a woman. My willingness to carry life is the revenge, the antidote, the great rebuttal of every murder, every abortion, every genocide. I sustain humanity. Deep inside of me, life grows. I am death's opposition. I have pushed back the hand of darkness today. I have caused there to be a weakening tremor among the ranks of those set on earth's destruction. Today a vibration that calls angels to attention echoed throughout time. Our laughter threatened hell today.


I dined with the greats of God's army. I made their meals and tied their shoes. Today I walked with greatness, and when they tired I carried them. I have poured myself out for the cause today.


It is finally quiet but life stirs inside of me. Gaining strength, the pulse of life sends a constant reminder to both good and evil that I have yielded myself to Heaven and now carry its dream. No angel has ever had such a privilege, nor any man. I am humbled by the honor. I am great with destiny.


I birth the freedom fighters. In the great war, I am a leader of underground resistance. I smile at the disguise of my troops, surrounded by a host of warriors, destiny swirling, invisible yet tangible, and the anointing to alter history. Our footsteps marking land for conquest, we move undetected through the common places.


Today I was the barrier between evil and innocence. I was the gate keeper watching over the hope of mankind, and no intruder trespassed. There is not an hour of day or night when I turn from my post. The fierceness of my love is unmatched on earth.


And because I smiled instead of frowned the world will know the power of grace. Hope has feet, and it will run to the corners of earth, because I stood up against destruction.


I am a woman. I am a mother. I am the keeper and sustainer of life here on earth. Heaven stands in honor of my mission. No one else can carry my call. I am the daughter of Eve. Eve has been redeemed. I am the opposition of death. I am a woman.


written by Christianna Reed Maas, 2010

I am hell's worst threat. The army is birthed. It grows, is trained, gains strength and surges around me while in my care. Great yet undetected is the work I do.

Picture Journey - 9 weeks

I had a really good day today and nausea was at a minimum. I figured I'd take pics on a good day rather than waiting til I feel like crap and dreading it. So, here's 9 wks a day early. I'm thinking I won't exactly grow exponentially overnight so it's pretty safe to say I'll look alot like this tomorrow at exactly 9wks.

Today at 9 wks

And for comparison.....last week at 8 wks

Today's closer up at 9 wks. Call me crazy, but I kinda see growth. Ok....so not really. But it's still fun to post for lack of anything better to do.

And, for the record, it's interesting when I really do take pics with each pregnancy to see how one changes over time and how differently I carry each baby. I looked back in the blog files and in March of '08 there's 4 and 7 wk pics of me with Ivye. However, those were the last pics that were taken until I was some 36 or so wks along. I think I was actually bigger with her than I am this baby but it's hard to tell.

I've decided to participate in the Pregnancy Round-Up updates at Larger Family Life, so if you're pregnant and blogging about it and would like to join in visit over there and link up also.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

The Simple Woman's Daybook

Outside my window......dark early quiet morning

I am thinking......it is illegal to be up this early.

I am thankful for.......the fact that I do not have to go to work, that the youngest 7 children have never been in daycare like Grayson had to be, that I can spend all day every day with them, that we do not have to rush around in the mornings for them to be on time, me to be on time, but that we can sit and have Bible and pray in our pj's when the urge hits. I am thankful that I am the one that has the honor of teaching each of them and instructing them...that I never have to hear Ivye cry as I leave her in the morning, that I am not envious of the woman who holds my baby, comforts her and is doing my job, that teachers are not telling me the funny things my children do or say but it is me that is right there with them laughing over them and with them, enjoying everything about them. I dealt with that once in life. I am so grateful and so thankful to be where I am.

I am wearing......sweat pants and fire husband's t-shirt, un-geled hair that is a bit unruly with big rowdy curls but super soft. I forgot just how soft hair is when you actually don't gel it. Socks, no shoes...as always.

I am remembering........that I used to like coffee. Now I just like the idea of coffee.

I am going......to run today??? Maybe??? And try not to fall asleep sitting up while teaching children.

I am reading........Weight Watchers newest magazine

I am hoping.......that I do not dry heave today while cleaning bathrooms like I did yesterday. Time for Evye to once again take over that aspect of household duties....for the next 7 months and the rest of life.

I am hearing.....blissfully sweet nothingness.

Noticing that......there is not really a good point to rising this early when I just fall asleep while praying.

Pondering these words......"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." John 14:27

From the kitchen.......hot chocolate and homemade whole wheat pumpkin-applesauce muffins awaiting lots of hungry children when they awake.

Around the house........a bunch of stuff that needs to be cleaned that I have absolutely no energy to accomplish.

One of my favorite things......5 good looking, clean cut little boys. There is nothing quite like looking at them after fresh haircuts. And saving 75.00 (15.00 p/ boy at our old barber shop) every 5 wks due to having mastered the art of doing it myself...and doing it well, I might add....after lots of trial and error.

From my picture journal......

Before haircuts.....after pics to follow

The Republican Reply

NOTE: This post contains controversial material to some. If you think you might be offended...don't read it. If you are offended, keep your opinions to yourself.

Wal Mart...grocery/town day. Kind older man stands in produce section waiting for our train to pass. As we continue to file before him he stares and stares and then just plain gawks. Eventually, as we grab cluster after cluster of bananas for banana loving children he poses the infamous, so entirely unoriginal question to supervising husband....."Are these all your's?" Husband smiles and returns kindly, "Yes sir, they sure are." Old man continues, "Well....just how many are there?" With Grayson and Evye an isle over picking out lemons patient husband answers, "Well....there's 6 here...and 2 over there pickin' out somethin", pointing in their gerenal direction. Not so entirely mathematical old man restates, "Well.....6 here and 2 over there? So...how many?" My smart mouth immediately had an instant reply that I have learned so well to keep to myself over the years. Answers such as...."Well, sir....we homeschool and the last time I checked 6+2 made something like 11." Or other things such as, "Well, 6 and 2 sir...that's a grand total of 14, of course." But, of course, I refrained. Patient husband replied just as Grayson and Evye rounded the corner, "Well, here they all are. There's 8 of 'em." So, of course, old man replies...."8???!!! 8????" I couldn't help it so I blithely threw in the fact there's another one on the way for a grand total of 9....clarifying the 9 part to make sure he wasn't thrown for another loop and subtracted 9 or added 4 or something of that nature.

Old man continues on greeting children and, in general, being pretty pleasant and amiable. And I've learned that rarely do these kind, amused people ever have anything negative to say. Usually they are the ones telling stories of growing up in homes of 12 and 13 children. As he carried on I grew lax and put my comeback gun, always loaded with ammo, away. Cause honestly..there's just not many negative statements we haven't heard at this point...and I have a response loaded and ready for all of them.

"Don't you know what causes that???" Yep...it's an addiction actually, but it's ok cause we're married so it's all legal.

"Y'all need to buy a TV!!" We have one but we only get the porn channels.

"You have your hands full!!!" Oh really...I hadn't noticed.

"Better you than me!!!" With an attititude like that..you're exactly right.

"You have more patience than a saint!!" Not really. That's why they all behave so well.

"I couldn't stand my own 2! I don't know how you do it!!"...and for the record...yes...someone actually said those very words. How sad is it when you proclaim that you can't stand your own kids???? So....the reply...."I actually make mine behave so that I can enjoy them."

And on and on and on it could go.We've heard them all. And, honestly, if the people seem genuine and not out to make a statement, hurt feelings or condemn children or lifestyle than I speak honestly and openly with them. I tell them how hard we work at it and how it takes many years of consistency to reach this point. That it certainly did not come overnight. But the ones that just come up and make the one liners, shake their heads out of disgust, are just out to say stupid stuff, have no intent to encourage, or just do all of the above...those are the ones for which I have no tolerance.

So anyway, old man continues on, stating that he'll take Gavin and Ivye off our hands. Ivye-girl, perched high in her backpack on her beloved daddy's back, wrapped old man around her finger and stole his heart away. She seems to know that smiling, jabbering and sucking her thumb holding floppy eared puppy is enough to melt anyone's heart. And, of course, Gavin just stood quietly by grinning from ear to ear....the only thing he ever does. Happy, carefree, little 2 year old that seriously never stops grinning. It is safe to say he is content with all of life. Finally, nearing the end of the conversation, old man turns to Garrison and states, "Well, boy....you be good for your parents and don't give 'em any trouble cause they obviously got a problem."

Well...that just ruined it. And I've never heard that one before. That we have a problem. It was said half jokingly, half making a point....but still....the mindset of the world. My quick firing brain drew a blank. I had absolutely no rehearsed response to that one and that just irritated me further. Not ever one to be quick witted with an easy response to anything the world throws, I usually take it all home, mull it over and then 3 or 4 hrs later the perfect comeback dawns within my brain and I wonder for hours why I couldn't have thought of it when I needed it.

Husband's quick, laid back reply...."Well sir, the last time I checked raising 9 more Republicans wasn't a problem seeing as how we don't have enough in congress as it is and somehow we ended up with the president we've got."

Sweet hero husband saving the day....saving the moment....making such a poignant point in such a kind but blunt way, speaking truth in return to criticism. There's a reason I fall more in love with him everyday. This is just one of the many.

And, of course, with a retort like that, it has either successfully shut them up as fast as possible and sent them off huffing and puffing about the injustice they feel has been done to them...or you make a fan for life. I think it is safe to say that the old cowboy that day walked away as our #1 fan and that our "problem" wasn't seen as such a problem after all.

So I was Going to Run Today

Healthy little kids after hours and hours hard at play in the sun. Garrett's busy griping over the fact he wasn't the one that was called upon to hold Ivye. In the pic he is trying to explain how he promises he will do a better job and "probably" will not drop her. I thought the "probably" he threw in there was a nice little added touch to his convincing argument.

I actually had myself convinced that I would. And then...of course.....like everyday before, I didn't. I awoke early to Grayson gently nudging me telling me to come to the kitchen...he and Evye had a surprise. It was a park day with all of the local homeschoolers and the children were quite desperate to go...and would obviously go to any lengths to get us all there. Knowing that I have slept and puked away the last 2-3 weeks I think they were realizing that the odds of us making it there were pretty slim. So, in all of their desperation, they woke everyone at the crack of dawn....pretty literally....and had them all dressed and sitting at the table with a massive breakfast prepared. It was this sight that greeted me by the time I finally made it to the kitchen table. Lots of bright eyed, entirely happy children sitting before plates of scrambled eggs, bacon and homemade biscuits. Pretty impressive. Despite the fact that piling up in less than an hour, running errands and making egg deliveries then gravitating our way to the park sounded less than enthusing I could not ignore the massive amount of effort they had put in and the feast that sat before everyone. To have all of the little ones already ready with shoes on...despite the fact that a choice few were sporting flip flops....and then a picnic lunch already thrown together in sacks was amazing to me. I know they are fully capable of these things but when they actually rise to the occasion without anything ever being asked of them, not having to be told anything and knowing the job so well that they left nothing unfinished and could do it as well as I would was such an early morning encouragement....to know that we really are getting somewhere and really are making progress on this journey despite the fact that somedays just seem like 3 steps forward 2 step back type of days....or even weeks...or yep...sometimes, just months. To continually remind them day after day to say "yes ma'am's and no ma'am's...yes sir's and no sir's" and then to actually have them greet people, talk confidently and use what they have to be continually reminded and taught each day is just encouragement to a mother's heart....that they really are getting all of this stuff.



Feeling quite the love for them all at the moment, I threw on jeans and a t-shirt, fingered my hair into a ponytail, did what I could to look presentable in the short amount of time I was given and we were off to the park...stopping for egg deliveries and errands along the way. Feeling quite grand and very little nausea I figured this sun drenched, windy day was going to be perfect....and it was up...until about 2pm. I had every confidence that my feet would tread lightly as I effortlessly covered 2 miles. I laugh now, though at the time it was seeming like quite an excellent and unquestionable endeavor. I even had the blog post mentally pre-titled "Overcoming Self" and had already laid out in my ever blogging brain about how miserable I have felt yet chose valiantly this day to overcome it all and choose success...cause, as we all know so well, success breeds success, now doesn't it? Ummm......yeah. So it doesn't quite end like that and my blog post is not exactly titled about how I expertly overcame myself and was both strong and courageous enough to put misery aside for the day.



The day turned into hours and hours of fun as pale winter children were kissed pink...or red, really....by spring's 1st real rays of potent sun. Sweet companionship and visiting I have dearly missed since going into hermit like status during all of the events that surrounded this last year. Why is it when one needs people the most it is then they crawl into holes and hide themselves away??? Or actually...I think it may just be a me thing and not a so easily grouped assessment of "everyone". Over the course of the last year as I refused to talk to anyone, receive help or even desired to be near anyone at all I realize how deeply the relationships were missed and how entirely thankful I am to have the sweet, nonjudgmental families around us that we do....the support and cherished friendships they all offer. So, today turned into a day of reconnecting and just loving those that God has been so good in which to surround us with in every way.



2pm, nasty peanut butter and honey sandwiches...the thought of which turns the stomach....then hunger, then lots of hunger.....then the oh so familiar feelings of nausea. At 2:30 we packed up and headed home, as everyone else headed in their own direction too. But, by then, the tide had turned and it was too late. The grand feelings of playing Hercules and heroically overcoming any amount of discomfort with sheer strength and determination had swiftly faded into non existence.


Soooo...back to square one and we'll start over again tomorrow. Maybe if I rise and do it during the "good hours", which I have yet to determine when exactly those are...I might have some success in the deal. Cause I am going to do this. I will do this. Despite the fact I feel like my weight has doubled and my feet are made of lead and the fact I surmise that my blood volume has now tripled in a mere 8 weeks...I have every intention of following through and really truly doing this. So it is that I will buck up, get control, lace up the running shoes and take off.....as soon as I can actually see straight and the sheer act of movement itself does not result in hours of nausea. So maybe I'll have a good morning tomorrow....in the rain....in the 49 below cold front blowing in....and I'll take off in it. I doubt it, but one can always hope.

The pictures don't exactly do Gavin justice. I think the flash may have evened out the red a little....but as of now he actually closely resembles Bob the Tomato. I think he has to be the cutest thing ever. His perfectly round little head currently looks like a little cherry tomato perched perfectly on top of a little 2 year old body.

Picture Journey - 8 weeks

I think being so nauseous leads to feelings of complete and total unsexiness, not to mention feelings of rounding out in every way. Definite growth this week. I almost didn't post any picture today due to feeling lumpy and bloated and sick and not very picture worthy....like anybody ever feels picture worthy...except for modeling brother, that is. There is no doubt he is always feeling picture worthy...with good cause though. I think I would too if I looked like him. But anyway...8 wks is 8 wks and it's a huge milestone. So, instead of putting up last week's pic to compare growth I figured it's the completion of the 1st month. So I did comparison pics from beginning to current. I know nobody in their right mind cares anything about seeing this from week to week but it's amusing to me, so why not??? Month to month is probably more interesting since there's more noticeable growth there but it's something kind of interesting to help pass the time and keep the weeks going by fairly swiftly. The rounder I get the harder it is to post these though. Go figure. The whole point was to watch it all grow....well, the stomach that is. Hopefully not the butt and thighs and everything else...except for boobs, of course. Growing boobs would not be seen as any problem at all. They seem to have shrunk up to something like a wanna-be A cup after nursing 8 kids. But, sadly....in each pregnancy I only notice the ever expanding butt, hips and thighs and ever shrinking boobs. For a brief period in life after each baby I have grand nursing boobs but then they shrivel back up to nothingness....more nothingness than even before. So anyway...enough with boob analysis. On to modesty....a fitting topic after dropping this one.







So, as far as modesty....I was watching the Duggar's last night and it got me to thinking. The show that aired documented the 1st time she was able to hold their preemie girl. She made the comment about modesty and how the point was to see the baby's skin but not the mama's skin. I know this is a huge thing to some people. But I figure I run like this when it's hot and, honestly, it's just not a big deal to me. It's all pretty much women readers so it just doesn't bother me. If it does offend....then really...just skip the pics. My children see me like this, I swim like this, run this way and so on. As long as there are no boobs hanging out or nudity going on it's just all real life. Well....I guess boobs and nudity would be real life too. But that's just a little too much of real life for the average reader. Anyway...Duggar's made me think. Modesty is modesty and this is acceptable to me. As much as I admire families that have such extreme modesty convictions.....I just don't. I love seeing a growing baby stomach on other women since it's just all so amazing. So to see mine grow and document it all is no less of a miracle or any less amazing. I love having the ability to watch it. And I post it publicly cause it's just something to post about....and it's interesting...at least to me....and it's kinda fun. And if we ever do get a reality show I'll be sure to prance around in running gear and jeans so that I'm not living a double standard dressing like Ma Ingalls on reality TV yet posing 1/2 naked on my life blog. I'll do everyone a favor and try to refrain from stripping if we ever hit it big.

The beginning - 5 wks

Today at 8 weeks...and yep.....it's really kinda big for any normal 8 wk pregnancy but that is entirely typical for me with every pregnancy after having carried twins. I am fully aware that my 8 wk stomach looks like it should be on a woman that is more like 12-14 wks. I seriously was this big at 16 wks with Grayson. I suppose that's the difference between #1 and #10. (So I originally had written "the difference between #1 and #8" before I edited it since I apparently can't count my own children and pregnancies. Go figure.) And why is it when your stomach gets bigger it makes your butt look bigger??? Maybe cause it just is bigger. Hopefully when the stomach really projects out there it'll minimize the booty.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

The Simple Woman's Daybook

Outside my window.....darkness and sweet, slow, steady, soaking rain

I am thinking.....that I have never dealt with this much morning sickness in a pregnancy...ever.

I am thankful for......the fact that I am so sick. Means health growing baby resides within.

I am wearing....sick clothes. Sweat pants with a sweat shirt...socks, no shoes. Hair all contained within a clippie.

I am remembering......that I took Benadryl to help with the nausea but it only worked for about half an hour.

I am going......to not think about how nauseated I am right now and not think about how I have not run in days.

I am reading......how not to be nauseated in pregnancy.

I am hoping.......this will end very soon.

I am hearing.......steady rain on a tin roof and a whole bunch of kids all in one room having the time of their life and fighting sleep.

Noticing that......I am not a very productive or functional person right now. And that the baby over on the side bar is looking alot more like a baby instead of like a scary, alien type mass of tissue. Still a little foreign looking though.

Pondering these words......the only thing I'm pondering right now is how not to puke.

From the kitchen.....disgustingness.

Around the house.....smells that contain all kinds of nastiness and lead to yet more nausea.

One of my favorite things......the 2nd trimester.

From my picture journal.....

The lawn mower currently won't start so this is how they busied themselves a few days ago. They thought it so hysterically funny that cars were actually stopping, considering this a road block. Most vehicles actually went around it to avoid running over it. When the few and far between vehicle came through they would all hide and roll in laughter as drivers debated on whether to run over the new obstacle in the road. It only got bigger and taller as they continued to pile mounds and mounds of grass on top of what's already there.

More Boringness

For lack of any other better title. Cause that's about what it is at this rate. Life and the happenings of us. Why people want to read this crap I'm not quite sure...but if it amuses, read on. After the past year we just survived it seems as though each post is a bit over the top on the boring scale...except, of course, those about weight issues. But I'm glad for boring. Normal, routine life is a good thing...a very good thing. I would rather a hundred times over have nothing to write about than all of the issues I have had to document over the past year. So, boring is a blessing.



My lazy Sunday morning consisted of not waking until 8am instead of the usual 7am, thanks to daylight savings. One may be robbed of an hour but at least it looks like you got to sleep late in the deal. So I awoke to go dig 3 dvds out of the Blue-ray, moved on to clean up the dumped out bag of pretzels all over the floor and then on from there to tackle the spilled cup of water all over the kitchen counter. I think by the time one reaches this point in life they become an expert at digging all kinds of crap out of VCR's and DVD players. It took all of less than 5 minutes to correct the 3 dvd problem. In my parenting years I have successfully dug toast, Cheerios, peanut butter and honey sandwiches, matchbox cars, toy guns, and babydoll bottles out of VCR players...along with a whole myriad of other things that I probably could recall if I thought long enough. As for DVD and CD players, I've dug mostly flat graham crackers and way too many discs out of those. I think 7 at one time has been our record....and that required the help of technical husband that actually managed to be entirely successful at it without harming the device. That one amazed me since my impatience had already gotten the better of me long before he had ever accomplished his mission. I was of the opinion that if you bashed it long enough, drop kicked it out the door down some concrete steps or took a hammer to it the discs were bound to be freed at some point in the deal. They were eventually set free by a more patient than I husband without any harm done to any of the items involved. Amazing what patience will accomplish. I wouldn't know because I never seem to get to that point.



Bunny trails. Back to this morning. After washing little hands of dog poop...I didn't even desire to know how that one came about but since we seem to have an abundance of both dog poop and little hands going it wasn't all that surprising......I'd already had my fill of the day in only an hour's worth of time. So, as any health conscious parent does, I loaded everybody up and we headed off to eat the breakfast of champions....nothing less than donuts. Nothing quite like a solid disc of sugar to heal the few still ailing and power boost the immune system. We slowly worked our way home doing less than the speed limit just to perturb the rest of the world and watch them grow irritated at our daycare van presumed to be chalked full of daycare children....on a Sunday, yes. I never cease to be amazed by the number of stupid people in this world. Am I a daycare provider.....um, sure....on a Sunday with the rest of the daycare facilities open in the world. Recently I was asked if I run an orphanage. Seriously, people...an orphanage???? But, whatever. Let's see....what else? I was guessed the other day for 22 years old and commended for my heroic deeds of running a foster home to so many at my young age. Awhile back I was asked how I manage so many younger brothers and sisters. I was guessed for 20 and how great it is that these were all my nieces and nephews and how blessed they'll be for having an aunt that is willing to keep them all at one time. Then the last time we did a town day Brad was asked how many are our's and how many are foster. Though we haven't said anything about this baby to all of the amused when we're out I did gleefully announce that we had just discovered the upcoming arrival of yet another baby. That was for sheer shock value, of course....and it was worth the reaction, as always.



So it is that we only perturbed the city travelers hell bent on doing 95 through the nowhere areas of Texas. All of the locals with their big ole cowboy hats and even bigger trucks were doing 60 right along with us enjoying the absolutely beautiful, 81 degree, lazy spring Sunday. If anything grew here I might go plant a garden or some flowers or something. I suppose I could go plant a cactus or two to add to the 200 we've already got going. But anyway, so it was that our presumed daycare crew laughed and chatted all the way home with our 2 dozen healthy sprinkle donuts and 2 dozen donut holes. My food loving stomach couldn't even tolerate the thought of donuts so my twisty donut was eagerly devoured by a bunch of little guys thrilled with the fact people can actually "braid" a donut. I managed to get down a little less than half a cup of banana nut coffee...which wasn't so great given the fact I despise banana flavored anything. Why I got it...who knows. So, unbeknownst to me, little coffee loving boys finished that off too. So much for a nap anytime in the near future. I suppose it's no wonder they're currently setting record heights on the trampolines. Actually, I think they've moved on to the slide and have successfully dish soaped it up, attached the water hose to it and are now sliding down it in their jeans at breakneck speeds.



With vortex spraying husband having been gone this entire past week on his 96 and now back on shift today it leaves the day free to do pretty much anything. It's not imperative house stay straight and clean and nothing really seems to have an immediate need for attention. If I can get to a point where I can actually move without being overcome with nausea the plan is to vacuum out the van once the children are done cleaning it out and then remove the 4th row seat. Tomorrow is a town day and the 4th seat has begun to be claustrophobic once more. Way too much stuff with nowhere to go. So, I'll see if we can't manage to accomplish that this afternoon. I've actually thought that if there were 2 in there by some miracle this time around that the 4th row would then be mandatory...unless we could rig a system up like friends have done that enables them to now move the longer 4th row seat up to take the place of the shorter 3rd row seat......perfectly fitting 3 on the first row, 3 on the 2nd and then 4 on the 3rd for a grand total of 10.



On the twin note......I rarely let my mind wander to the thought of twins in a pregnancy anymore due to the fact that with 3 single babies before twins and 3 single babies after twins I highly doubt they will occur again. But given how sick and exhausted I have been it does leave the mind to wonder at times. The argument on that one......I wasn't sick once with my twin pregnancy yet have been this entirely sick with 2 of the single girl pregnancies I have had. So, it pretty much rules the twin debate out on that one. And I'm not nearly big enough right now for there to be 2 in there. Then given the fact it took so many days to ever get a positive test result even furthers the fact there is indeed just one healthy growing baby....and growing away it is, obvious by the outrageous nausea that is having to be dealt with. The midwife did question us as to what our plan is if we were to discover twins again, but that is asked every pregnancy just to cover the bases and have a plan in mind if it were to occur. For the curious....the answer????? We'd have them right here at home, as planned...much to the dismay of the world.



Statistics say that once you are over the age of 30 or 35...depends on where you get your info as to what age is given.....that your chances of twins increase. Stats also say that a large number of previous pregnancies also increases one's chance and then once you've had a fraternal set you're something like twice as likely to have another set. I also found that women frequently conceive twins after a miscarriage due to imbalanced hormones still being so out of whack. So.....who knows. I doubt it but there's always a small chance in there. I'm just exceedingly glad for one baby after thinking there may never be even one more. I also am skeptical of anymore twins due to the fact that the boys were conceived after royally messing up the order in which I was taking the birth control pill. Firefighting husband lost his job, no insurance coverage, no refills on medications....then unexpected pregnancy. In all of my wisdom I just began taking leftover, forgotten pills of what I had on hand. Not knowing any semblance of order really mattered I quickly figured out that it really kinda did when a positive pregnancy test popped up at what seemed like the worst timing in the world. 12 weeks later we assumed I had miscarried since problems within the pregnancy occurred. A sonogram at 14 wks shocked us all by revealing not just one but 2 very active, healthy babies. According to the dr, the messed up order in which the pills were taken resulted in my hormones going into hyper drive and releasing more than one egg. Thus.....twins.



Given the fact there are no twins on my side of the family....except for a fraternal set of girls my 1st cousin had a year later....the likelihood of conceiving them again is small. So, my mind doesn't dwell there. It used to. In fact, it used to be all that I could focus on in a pregnancy and was actually and admittedly, disappointing to finally have an ultrasound with each successive one after the boys and have it only reveal 1. But, honestly and in all truth.....I rarely let my mind wander there anymore. I think after what we have been through I am humbled and amazed we are even pregnant again to begin with. And, dare I say......though I would absolutely more than anything love to have another set.....I am grateful for the workload of only 1. Thoughts of nursing 2 again make me tired just thinking about it. Lots and lots of long nights. That is, really, the only thing that seems daunting at the thought of having 2 again. I never really succeeded at tandem nursing so it was that I nursed one at a time...and I nursed and I nursed and I nursed. All day long and all night long. For a 9 month period in my life I actually mooed and had thoughts of legally changing my name to Bessie. But that time in life passed....as they all seem to so quickly do.



So, when I think of twins, it does make me a little tired. But I also know that it will be drastically different if we were to do it again. We no longer are surviving commuting years with absent husband gone 10 days at a time and only home for 3 while I try to manage a 6, 3 and 18 month old with newborn twins...and keep a house, and do all of the errand running and all of the grocery shopping alone with them all.....which I did and actually became very amazingly good at. By the end of it all I had even mastered the art of taking all 5 of them everywhere with me from dr's appts to shopping to major grocery trips. We had a system in place and I found through those years that one is given the grace to rise to the occasion and whatever is called of them at the time. God is good and merciful and though those were some of the hardest years we have ever survived we found a way to make it all work. Twins would be different now and I do know that to some degree. Many more children, lots of older ones, chores divided into groups in which they are all accomplished. Wash stays both done and folded, dishes stay done, floors stay clean, bathrooms are not too disgusting. Lots more help loading and unloading into vehicles, traveling, and just living on the go in general. So, if it were to ever happen again we would be blessed beyond measure. But if it does not I am grateful for my one at a time babies and the ease in which I can wear them, backpack them, sleepywrap them, load and unload them, travel with them, feed them and so on.



Now that I have successfully wasted away the afternoon while children dish soap their way down slides and across trampolines I will attempt to go vacuum out the van and remove the strange and foreign petri dish worthy fuzzies that are growing within. Ok....not really. That one even grosses me out. But I will go supervise to make sure the petrified Chik Fil A chicken , bread that's been mistaken for rocks, wienies that have turned illegal colors and trampled goldfish have found their way into a trash sack and the way has been paved for my vacuuming endeavors. Then I, in all of my superman like strength, will attempt to remove all of the seats with a ton of Grayson's help and vacuum it out like a hotel...since it is, afterall, the size of a hotel when all seats have been evacuated. Then we will again hoist 3 of the 4 100 lb seats back up into it and ready it for tomorrow's town day. Then perhaps I will move on to cut all 5 of the boys' hair since I am not so fond of toting fuzzy headed little ewoks around town with me.



So, onward to productiveness......maybe.

The Reality of Commitment

Well, I seriously underestimated what a toll being pregnant would take this time around. I pretty much failed to plan in the severe exhaustion, and the extent of the morning sickness has taken me a little by surprise, as I am one who rarely is affected by it.....unless it's a girl. So, maybe that just means we have a little Charlye growing within. Who knows. I do know that in my one and only attempt to get out and run it was quickly thwarted with a trip back down the road and to the toilet. Not exactly sure why I didn't see fit just to puke on the side of the road ...suppose I was worried about the few and far between passer-bys and the hundreds of eyes this tiny town seems to possess. And though I should've pressed through it and kept going and was, in fact, acutely aware of that....I didn't. It didn't help that once I returned home last weekend it seemed a few had come down with a little fever. Nothing major but enough to interrupt our daily routine. It ran through the 1st two and then a couple days later ran through another 2 and then as the week passed pretty much all 8 of them had contracted it a couple at a time. And by yesterday I wasn't feeling so grand myself. Fever and cold compounded on top of all day morning sickness seems to take a small toll on one's body. Hard working husband has either been on shift or vortexing so he's been home very little throughout the last week. With the worst of the little virus having made its way through everybody and tons of juiced veggies, garlic and grapefruit seed extract we are now all pretty much on the mend. Now if my energy level would improve I think we'd be pretty much back to our routine. I'm thinking I'm just going to go suck it up and run later today. Maybe the running in and of itself will help breed energy instead of sapping it away like you think it will do. The adrenaline dump that always comes from a good workout is quite addictive and actually boost the energy levels enough to usually get me through the remainder of the day. The hard part is overcoming the exhaustion enough to get to that point. So the reality has begun to sink in of just how large the commitment is to run through this pregnancy. But I am highly driven, motivated and quite the determined one so I shall prevail..for does it not say that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...sometimes in a very literal sense and also when the cruel mind games and the "I can'ts" seem to overwhelm the brain. Not only can I do this but I will do this. So I rise to my feet in an effort to keep my butt from growing wider by the day and in an effort to train my mind to overcome the obstacles and my body to submit to the demands made of it and the things required of it. I am committed to this and I will not fall back nor will I regress. So it is that I press forth and overcome myself in order to honor my commitment and keep the goal in sight.



We met with the new local midwife this past week and immediately bonded and feel in love with her. She is the answer to some of our most fervent prayers while living here. No more back and forthing to Dallas, no more trying to figure it all out, no more traveling while in active labor and no more babies arriving unassisted on the bathroom floor.....though he, by far, has been the best birth. It's exciting. We will end up being able to have a sonogram with this baby. It's been tentatively scheduled for late May around the 18 week milestone. The plan was to go without one this time around but endearing impatient husband cannot stand the 9 month gender wait and after the last pregnancy I just want to get to the huge milestones of hearing a sweet, strong heartbeat and then finally being able to see a healthy, growing baby flourishing within. We were given the option of an earlier sonogram to reassure us wit this baby having just been through everything we have but after discussing we both opted on a later one when we could also find out gender as well. I think for the first time since finding out my heart is beginning to quicken at the thought of a baby again and the distance I felt is beginning to be replaced with excitement and love for this tiny person we have yet to know. Thoughts I have pushed and shoved to the back are beginning to come forward and take shape....questions as to who this baby is, what it will look like and just who it will be, as the wall of fear is slowly torn down and the attachment and bond begins to grow.


I will work on again becoming more regular about posting. I am feeling less than creative and lack massive amounts of enthusiasm in most everything right now as I fight off exhaustion. But as I work on overcoming so will I work on being more consistent on this end of our life. God is doing such great things. Great and mighty things are taking place within our lives. Change. Blessed change. How great is our God.

Picture Journey - 7 weeks

It seems that everytime I look up it's already Wed again. So....here we go again with pictures. And, for the record, I just figured I'd do it in the same clothes every week so it's easier to gage any kind of growth at all.

Last week at 6 weeks

Today at 7 weeks...definitely growing, I think.
Closer with a serious lack of enthusiasm...but definitely getting bigger. The fact that I puked before and after this is kinda evident by the look...but it's all good.

Of Skunks and More Deer Encounters

I'm thinking that the deer guard actually pulled out the missing patch of his hair and that's what's coating the whole guard. So, so thankful for front end replacement guards, as it would've cratered the whole front end of his truck and probably totaled it.

At the moment I'm seriously fighting off massive urges of revisiting everything I have eaten today..despite the fact I have eaten in tiny quantities so this would not happen. But given my current state of wellbeing, the lack of creativity I am feeling is probably going to be widely evident in this post. If the content is overwhelmingly boring know that this too shall pass and once my normalness returns I should be back to my old self....hopefully.



This past weekend held a spontaneous trip to the Above Rubies ladies retreat after some hasty planning and arrangements for children were made. I will say that I expected to go and just be encouraged a little.....getting away from the kitchen for awhile and thoughts of the fact I would've been holding a baby boy this week. I came away so entirely blessed and absolutely amazed over how loved our family is by people I have never even met face to face. I'm not sure I ever realized just how many people read this blog and how many families there are praying for us, loving us, and following us in this little mundane thing called life. I suppose I just assumed I had my little group of 32 readers and that was about it. I always feel so small and inconsequential when I see massive, commercialized blogs with anywhere from 130 to up to as many as 700 readers. It comforts me though since I fear that if I ever had that many I would feel pressured to "produce" something or write more often than I do. Some weeks I'll write anywhere from 3-4 days a week and others...as evident by this past one....I'll manage to get around to it once. Life happens. Pretty days. Happy children. No reason to sit in front of computer for hours. But, not only was I blessed by the encouragement and ideas I always receive from other like minded mothers but I also was able to see just how many families are praying for us....loving us..and how many of you there were to meet and with which to bond. I am blessed beyond words by the dear friends that were made. So many of you I wanted to spend so much more time with...to talk to for so much longer than I did.



Returning home with rescue driving husband on shift I gathered the children up from their dearly beloved babysitter's home where they played nonstop with their crew of 10 children. It took no less than half an hour of calling for them and digging them out of acres and acres of pastures to finally all be on our way home. Finally arriving at the van door and talking excitedly the smell of nastiness abounded. With all of the little guys loaded the 3 older ones piled in and as they piled the stench, grew and grew.....and grew. Apparently boys armed with an arsenal of weapons took out a very real live skunk....and when shooting a real live skunk they apparently spray upon death. And every one of the older 3 happened to be down wind when he went off. Only 5 miles into our journey home....if that....every head except their 3 were hanging out windows...despite rain......and gasping for any amount of fresh air we could get. The skunk seriously might as well have been in the van with us. Once unloaded and only minutes into settling back home the house began to wreak. Where they were skunkiness prevailed. Bad doesn't even begin to do what I survived justice. No surprise that the van still smells like skunk. They, in all of their joy, seemed to be completely oblivious to this fact and felt it was a huge injustice when 20 minute baths were mandated for all of them. The vet's miracle skunk potion ironically works on children too. A cup of baking soda added to bath water, Dawn dish soap for hair and body...3 times over. Then rinsing with fresh water. It did the trick and while they brillo-ed off I prepared a late dinner before bedding everybody down and climbing wearily into bed myself.



Brad returned home early yesterday morning and called me out to show off yet more deer damage. Kickapoo, 60 miles an hour coming out of the valley, topping the hill, 4 deer on the run, early morning sun , head on straight into it. Despite the fact his diesel truck sports a huge front end replacement specifically for deer purposes it still did damage, so hard was the impact. It managed to sheer 2 bolts off underneath the truck due to it having bent the guard backwards. When being bent backwards it cracked the chrome that surrounds the front end grid air intake where both places of impact frmo guard into truck were made. The buck's small rack swung around and took out the front driver's headlight and shattered the yellow blinker/hazard light within. And the guard was nicely and disgustingly covered in a thick layer of deer hair....along with tiny chunks of deer gut to compliment it all and nicely round out the whole effect. So...as any family with tons of enthused kids would do, we loaded all of the children up and drove the 2 miles back to the sight, took pictures and hunted down his antler to add to the boys' collection. With older 6 piled up in the bed of the truck the dark luminous clouds decided about that time to pour forth. So in the midst of the torrential downpour we hastily finished our antler search and threw remaining kids within truck. So, we now had a total of 10 people, bunkergear, all sorts of misc vortex equipment and the abundant source of trash that seems to always occupy not so organizational husband's truck all within the cab of a Dodge quad cab. The 2 miles home were filled with thunder, lightening, lots and lots of laughter and a bit of claustrophobia. The rain left puddles that children seem to just naturally gravitate to...thus the pictures. And these were taken after lunch after they'd already been cleaned up once. They are mild in these pics compared to the 1st cleaning up session they endured. Garrett's feet and ankles were so caked with mud that I actually had to brillo pad him off that night in the bathtub.

He actually plays guns with this...and still manages to kill off all of the bad guys. He sleeps with it, he plays with it, he sticks it in his pocket and it has been his absolute favorite gun for days. Amazingly, it has yet to get lost.

Not exactly sure what was going on with Garrison here but it's still a funny picture. Gavin was way too busy running through puddles to pose for a picture.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

The Simple Woman's Daybook

Outside my window.....barking dogs, clucking chickens and busy, sticky children all climbing the sap tree

I am thinking.....that oneday when we win the lottery...despite the fact we don't play it....that we'll be moving to Missouri. 4 bdrm, 3.5 ba, 7,000 sq ft, all hardwood and tile, 110 acres, 2 ponds, barn. And it rains there so the grass grows and we could have a cow, dairy goats, horses, and donkeys again and we wouldn't spend our life savings on chicken feed cause there's actually stuff on the ground for them to eat there.

I am thankful for.....the fact that our house is only 1,800 sq ft and so easy to keep clean and for the fact that people make covered cat litter boxes so a little 16 mo old girl is no longer digging in cat litter. Yuck, yuck, yuck!!!!

I am wearing....jeans and an L.A. Fire Dept t-shirt, socks, no shoes

I am remembering......that I need to cut the boys' hair before this weekend and city council husband has a city council meeting tonight..and I haven't seen him all day

I am going......to try not to be overwhelmed by all of the ideas going through my head....homeschooling, organization, schedule, chores, things that need to be done, different ways I could do things, and on and on and on.

I am reading.....the inside of my eyelids. If I could stay awake long enough I might finish all the other books I've started.

I am hoping......to plant a garden this spring

I am hearing.......a very busy little 16 month old crunching up cat food and hollering at everybody else on the other side of the door to let her out too.

On my mind.....that oneday we will adopt from Colombia and the Philippines and maybe even Africa

Noticing that......despite the fact we did have a girls room and a boys room they are all back in one room again because they can't stand being separated. It's fine. Only one room to clean instead of two.

Pondering these words.....I'm too tired to ponder much of anything right now....but I like to think I ponder deep, meaningful stuff despite the fact it all eludes me at the present moment.

From the kitchen......brown rice and salmon with spinach salad

Around the house......open windows, wind blowing, clean bathrooms, organized closets, kinda clean floors and an overall productive day pretty much.

One of my favorite things.....places I've never been.....all of the unknown still waiting to be discovered

From my picture journal......does anybody want one???? Actually, the black one's already promised to Mother, the black and white sleeping one we're keeping and the awake one is up for grabs.

Picture Journey - 6 wks

5 weeks

6 weeks

Here's one from the same distance....kinda. I've actually lost weight...which is unheard of me for me in a pregnancy....since finding out I'm pregnant, so I think it's almost smaller. Between positive test and 5 wks I gained 4 lbs but between 4 wks and 5 wks I lost 8. So, who knows. Not what you want to see when one is wanting so desperately to see signs of growth in this tiny one. It started to shrink once we lost Gideon so now I focus on not being paranoid and obsessive about size. "God does not give us the spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Tim 1:7. My verse for this pregnancy.

Still 6 weeks....just at closer range

So this is closer than last week's so it's hard to gauge any growth from the different distances. It kinda looks like it grew. Grow, sweet baby, grow!! I stuck my stomach out so it'd at least look a little bigger. Whether that's baby or not...who knows. I think it's just me sticking my stomach out there. But at least it looks like baby! And you gotta love the hole in the knit part of the jeans....my favorite jeans ever. I'm just not ready to retire them yet.

The Simple Woman's Daybook

The Simple Woman's Daybook



Outside my window.....glorious sun and a 70 degree day





I am thinking.....that I will not be defeated and that my very name, Katherine Nicole, means "pure" and "victorious".





I am thankful for......people who look far enough to see the heart....how much I love you and appreciate you...what an encouragement you are. And I am so entirely thankful for this blog....I began documenting my own personal journey, the joys and struggles of being a wife, mother and this thing called life, as a written heritage for our children.....but what an encouragement it has turned out to be in my life though people coming together to encourage and uplift us and share in our lives....through the fire and in the victory.





I am wearing......ohhhh, here we go again with this....spandex shorts w/ wind shorts over that and a tank top...and no makeup. So entirely romantic, huh?







I am remembering......that my arm REALLY wants a tattoo....a big tattoo





I am going.......to go do more wash and supervise children that have strayed from their schoolwork on this beautiful day.





I am reading.......Managers of their Home....yes, still. This Little Mommy Stayed Home...yes, still. And Running and Pregnancy....yep...still too. And....baby name books! Gatlin Wyatt or Warren Graham for a boy perhaps and Charlotte Miel (Charlye) or Lillye Katherine for a girl, maybe.





I am hoping.......in 2 or so weeks we can hear a longed for heartbeat





I am hearing.......Capture Me by Jeremy Camp and the incessant talking of a ton of excited little boys telling me the cat lovingly deposited a dead mouse on our doorstep.





On my mind......our growing baby.





Noticing that.......I used to let stuff bother me and the disapproval of others used to crush me....and now I don't give a crap because I am secure in who I am, I know where I have come from, I know the judgement and self righteous crap I still endure by my estranged sister, and because of that I now know that when others judge me it is no longer even worth my time or effort to defend myself or try to explain it all......because I know that the Lord sees and knows intimately the true intentions of my heart. And I am free!





Pondering these words......I shall be glorious, triumphant and an overcomer in the eyes of the Lord and He shall be my strength. Holy Fire burn away my desire for anything that is not of you and is of me. I want more of you and less of me. Empty me and fill me with You...the Author and Finisher of my faith...the Beginning and the End...how infinite and powerful You are. How full of mercy and grace You are. How faithful. How kind. How merciful. Let me glorify You in all that I do...in all that I say. Break me, mold me, shape me. Do Your work within me so that my heart may be above reproach. You have saved me. You have rescued me from brokenness. You healed my hurting heart and in You I am completely and totally made whole. In You I have the strength to lose the weight and keep it off. In you I have the power and the courage to walk away from relationships that continually result in heartache and destruction. In You I have the courage to be strong and conquer. My heart is urgently desperate for you. Be my thoughts. Be my words. Let Your Spirit be my conviction, my countenence, my words. I seek to honor You in all that I do....everything, God. Everything. Without You I am nothing. Without You I can accomplish nothing. Holy Spirit, come. Come, sweet Holy Spirit. It's not about me. It's all about You. Let me follow your ways and walk in the paths of righteousness.



From the kitchen......mustard.





Around the house......scrubbed toilets, mopped floors, clean bathrooms but a kitchen that still needs a thorough cleaning.





One of my favorite things........total and complete freedom, the ability to be transparent, and the confidence.....that has been a lifetime in coming.....to love myself and be who I am and what I am in every way.





From my picture journal.......my glamorous day job. So gross, so nasty...but bringing it all back down to reality. Apparently when 2 year old's are peeing into the toilet from a side angle and put pressure on urinary muscles it pressurizes the bowel muscles as well....that are not exactly aimed in the right direction. Don't enlarge this....it's just nasty! But it's good ole real life.