Spanking a Pumpkin....or Two

So, after having not bought myself anything personally for sheer pleasure in a very long time I decided to splurge a little. Brad and I went out for a date Friday night....what used to be a seemingly rare event in our marriage and is now becoming a more and more frequent thing with great thanks to Mother who is more than willing to keep all of the children.....and we set out for, yes, of course, Wal Mart.......the place of choice for our date nights. Romantic, huh? It doesn't matter what we have planned to do we always seem to end up on its doorstep. So, we end up on the coffee and tea isle and I see the little can gleaming from afar and from within its special display. Like a full moon on a clear night it glimmered with its International House title and pictures of autumn leaves and big round orange pumpkins splashed across the display. There it sat in all of its glory printed boldly on the can "Limited Edition Pumpkin Spice". Now, if you've ever been a fan of anything International House you know that this by far had to exceed anything ever imagined as far as taste goes for their company. I had visions floating through my head of sitting quietly curled up on a cold rainy night and under mounds of covers writing on here or reading any of my newly acquired books from Ebay. I thought of nursing sweet Gavin and him sleeping soundly against me as I drank in my pumpkin coffee in the comfort of my own home curled up in the most wonderful place on earth. Brad's voice snapped me back to attention as he glanced over at what I gazed at and said ever so bluntly, "He'd be up for days" (meaning, of course, Gavin). Like a successfully hunted dove my warm fuzzy thoughts quickly hit dirt and, though I knew he was completely correct, I tried not to show my disappointment. Gavin would indeed be up for days, if not weeks, on this stuff. And for the price that goes along with their name I couldn't really justify paying 10.00 per little tiny can. (For the gullible, it was really 2.87 per can). So, we finished up our trip and headed towards checkout, without the much desired and longed for can of coffee, as Gavin slept peacefully against my chest in his Snugli. But, upon arriving home I was obsessed with thoughts of warm pumpkin coffee. I could almost taste the smooth, rich, creamy pumpkin flavor going down. That was all Friday night. All day Saturday I found my thoughts returning to the little brown autumn can with its little cup and saucer of smoking coffee and cinnamon sticks pictured on the front. So, once Mother and I got out with the children I again found myself back at Wal Mart to pick up her needed stuff and, of course, the inevitable trip back to pick up the 3 items we forgot and couldn't live without........like hairbands for the girls' hair. I was about ready to shave Aubrey's head since we've been out of hair bands for a few days now. So, before that impulse became too much to stifle I decided we NEEDED hairbands, lest she sport a new bur and mix in way too well with the boys. While there we drifted conveniently over to the coffee/tea/honey/peanut butter isle and there it sat still gleaming and this time only two little stars shone since the entire display had been eagerly bought up by obsessed seasonal fanatics like myself. I hurriedly rushed over to those two and threw them in.....one for Mother and one for me. I figured we could afford a little splurge and it had been forever since I'd indulged. Living with Gavin on caffeine was an entirely small price to pay for the indulgence this would be! At least that was the general thought at the moment. So, with visions of cold nights spent under big warm blankets and pumpkin coffee in hand I finished up the shopping excursion with Mother. But after an entire bowl of oatmeal loaded with my daily 2 T. dose of coconut oil and then a microwave cookie bowl the coffee sounded sickening by the time we got around to the thought of it last night. So, this morning we opened my can up and I drank in the smell before ever making us each a cup. I closed my prized treasure back up and left it on the counter.

Anyone see anything coming?

Mother went to get ready and I headed for my room to finish up what needed to be done. Awhile later Grayson came in saying, "Mom! They need to be spanked! They made a MESS!!!! A BIG one. They got into your coffee stuff and it's sticky too." Thoughts raced through my head thinking "Surely not.....not my coffee!" Of course it was. I ran to the kitchen and in the split second it took to get there I had already reached an alarmingly sinful level of anger. I looked at the empty counter and there sat just that.......nothing. My eyes dropped to the floor and powdered pumpkin coated everything with a light dust. There on top of the majority of the biggest part of it was a towel that a 3 year old.....or 2......had obviously tossed on top and swiped back and forth successfully scattering the sticky dust quite beyond where it originally lied in their efforts to clean up their disaster zone. But 3 year olds were nowhere to be found. My eyes panned the room and there on the couch sat both of them with plastic spoons heaped with my coffee in hand. I had tuned in just in time to see Grant generously give Garrett a big ole bite of his scoop before shoveling the remainder into his own mouth. A pumpkin trail lay between the kitchen and den. Just as I said loudly, "WHAT are y'all doing????!!!!!" both boys jumped in surprise at having been caught and both spoons went flying......sending coffee all over the couch. Garrison hurriedly shoved the can into my hands, as they had been eating it out of the can, of course. Garrett looked up and smiled ever so happily accentuating the sticky coffee clown ring around his mouth.

So, with spankin spoon in hand I began to pop 2 little butts. With the 1st pop on the 1st one pumpkined coffee dust flew everywhere. It quite resembled spanking a dusty rug. With each pop of the spoon the air began to smell more and more like an autumn day. And I was only on twin #1. So, with Grant next in line, again the coffee flew and the scent of a crisp autumn day, leaves crunching underfoot and Thanksgiving only got headier. I seriously could've just taken them around the house and given them a shake in one room and then another and air freshened the whole entire house. I couldn't help but wonder if spanking a pumpkin would even come close to smelling like this.

Wee Willie Winkie

I sent brown sticky aromatic kids to their bed and began the clean up. Of course, Gavin was hungry by this time so Mother, in all of her greatness, cleaned up the entire pumpkin mess. I had taken into the morning equation Gavin having had a cup but what was not anticipated was Garrison, Grant and Garrett all having had the equivalent of 15 cups. So, not only was Gavin up for more than his fair share of hours but guess who else had no nap????? Yep.........everyone one of them...at least everyone of them that were involved in the coffee debacle, which would be everyone of the younger ones except Aubrey. So, despite the fact that they were wired and had enough caffeine on board to climb Mt Everest I still put them down to "rest". All 3 of them successfully cackled and laughed hysterically for 2 solid hours and showed no signs of ever growing tired in the next 48. I finally released them from their naptime jail and we set off for more lake adventures before Mother had to leave for home.

Grayson counted over 200 deer. I lost track of how many of them were bucks. I've always wanted to see a buck up close and until now have been unable to ever glimpse one. For the 1st time last Sunday, while the children and I took a drive with Brad, I was able to see my 1st one up close. Today, 1/4 of what we counted were probably bucks. The pictures say it all. So, despite the fact that I didn't have a warm mug of pumpkin coffee to enjoy on the drive....and seeing as how it's still 85 and 90 during the days it wasn't really one of those cold pumpkin coffee moments anyway.....the drive was still awe inspiring. One of those drives where you realize what it is to be one with God when you are so one with all of nature in its most natural and wild form.

If you look close you can see in the background up against the white trailers another huge herd of them.

Oh...and on one more note. I weighed the other morning. Working through all of this emotionally has seemed to have quite the effect on my weight. I think so much of a weight issue is tied to what baggage we carry spiritually. In most of my life I have seen that dealing with the inmost person often deals with the weight issue. I have learned I am no different in this area. As I have sorted through all of this and found myself digging deeper than I have in a very long while my weight has begun to fall again. So, feeling quite on the lighter side of things, I decided to try the scale once more. I am now lower than I have been since Gavin was born. I have lost another 10 pounds. With victorious feelings rising within I found the courage to don my favorite size 7 jeans....last worn at the everybody birthday party last year. Soooooooo.............it's definitely safe to say I got them on but I became quite the walking hazard after buttoning them. Anyone of my 6 walking children were at risk since the majority of them stand at eye level with the button on my jeans. I legitimately feared one of them would eventually become the victim of a button being shot across the room with blowtorch force. And with a nice, completely unbecoming roll hanging over the top of the jeans I decided to shed them and put on my slenderizing gear in order to surprise Brad for our date and wear the jeans and be the complete package of a wife....slender, sexy and all. I fluffed my hair out to curly mode and left it down and began the assault on my body to fit into these jeans. First the control top and control thigh panty hose went on and then went the girdle to slim down the thighs. I again tried the jeans and the button went much easier this time and the thought of being responsible for my children's blindness, should the button give way, lessened a little. But with a glance in the mirror it was still apparent there was still more that needed sucking up and tucking in to avoid the lumpy effect. So, I added still more......like a waist cincher.....until I got the desired look. I again buttoned up the jeans, this time with no effort at all.........by this point if it had taken effort I would have been seriously disturbed. And again, I checked the mirror and this time a lovely figure reflected back. I marveled at how much of my inside status has to do with my outside status. So much of the time it seems I have stayed frustrated with myself and appearance and finally when I focus on the innermost parts of myself and what it is God is trying to do within me the work outwardly begins. So, with a very light heart and an outward self confidence I finished readying myself. I noticed that there was some difficulty bending down to bathe Gavin but I figured if I was going to suck it all up and get it all in then I'd just have to live with it. I obviously wasn't thinking in terms of having to wear this for more than 15 minutes at a time when I rigged myself up in my new straightjacket. So, with some difficulty and a small amount of discomfort I bathed my baby. Still feeling like it was worth it all I pranced around in front of Brad and made sure he noticed what I had done as far as looking good goes. I tucked my black shirt in for the 1st time in 10 months, donned my cowhide belt and let my curly hair go. Well.....the 1st problem was encountered upon trying to hike my leg up into his truck. Let's see here.......blood restricting pantyhose, girdle, corset and spandex jeans. That's a recipe for a straightjacket from quite the unpleasant place. I managed to fold myself up and whisper a prayer that the button on my jeans held. By the time we climbed in and out of the truck for the 104th time that night I could feel the 4 inch indentions into my skin. Determined not to breathe a word to Brad about what it took to get myself into that attire I stayed quiet....up until the end of Wal Mart. Finally when attempting to get in, and with him waiting by my door, I started laughing, mouthed an expletive and told him no amount of vanity or striving to please your husband was worth this. He grinned and told me he didn't even know why I bothered with it. I just told him I refuse to buy into the whole 5 extra, unloseable, permanent pounds per child. That'd be 35 permanent pounds for me. Oh.....I got news. There's no way! He thanked me for caring so much, kissed me and aided my efforts in attempting to get in. As we were driving I couldn't help but think of some of the stories he's told of where they have to strip MVA (motor vehicle accident) victim's down and what a shock those guys would be in for if they started in on me in my present state!!! They'd never get down to skin. When we first got married I used to think about that all the time and after hearing some of his stories I always kept my legs shaved in the event that I ever needed paramedic services and be found with unshaved legs. That went out the window about 3 years into our marriage. Now they just get shaved when I have time and I just hope the guys on call don't have a problem with it if they ever have to run on me. Now I'd just probably be the 1st unfoldable victim they'd ever had.....with unshaved legs to boot. And you know, I definitely have never understood the whole "I haven't had a shower since the baby's been born" thing.......but now, the shaving of the legs part is completely understandable. Get in, get clean, get out. For freakin gosh, put the kid in a bouncer or swing or crib and get in the freakin shower. If he cries, he cries. Baby's do that. When Brad commuted I took afternoon showers all the time. Grayson watched Evye and Aubrey while Garrison and Grant played happily in their saucers. When Grayson was little and everybody was at work I'd stick him in the bouncer or his crib and just leave the shower door open and get it all done.





Alright, major bunny trail there. Anyway, despite my unbendable status and the restrictions of my self inflicted, undergarment straightjacket I successfully made it back into my favorite jeans. Now just another 15 or 20 pds to go and I'll be able to slide them on, minus the jailsuit underneath.

3 big bucks, 1 doe and a fawn with spots behind the doe

Another buck....these are just a few of the many pics we got of bucks and entire herds

Overcoming and random thoughts

So, I have worked hard in an effort to overcome the funk that I have been in. It's been a much needed heart, mind and soul re-evaluation but it's also gotten me more than a bit down. All of it is completely overcome-able, by the loving mercy and grace of God, and it is denying his ability to help at this point if I choose to stay down in the dumps. My heart still aches for the Farley family and I still sit and weep for them as I read through her blog and watch the video but it has started a work in me. I think the Lord has used it to accomplish so much more than I ever thought possible by the story of a family I've never met and probably never will. And, now for the sake of everybody's sanity around me, I seriously need to pick up and move forward with what God is doing in me through it all. I'm still mulling over and trying desperately to understand why God works in some of the ways He does and why this dear family had to suffer for the betterment of everyone else that their story has helped. I continually wonder, and I feel that their hearts probably cry out in question too at the deepest point of their grieving, why in the world did it have to be them to suffer such loss to help people they will never even know or see? Why in the world couldn't have God chosen someone else. All I can really say is that the Lord must really love them and see something in them that allowed Him to work through their lives in this way. Many are called but few are chosen. And I know from my own personal journey that "chosen" can be utterly despised and it can become a term that fills one with resentment upon hearing it in their biggest time of hurt. I have been told so many times by people mentoring me and then through prophesies that have been spoken over me that I have been chosen for something so great in the Kingdom....that my life story is so completely unfathomable at points that it is apparent to all of those looking in that I have a very specific purpose and calling to fulfill here, a specific calling for my life. That God is weaving a storybook worthy life through mine and giving me a testimony and ministry for something so incredibly great that it defies even the grandest imagination. They have all used the same Scripture verse (Matt 22:14 - Many are called, but few are chosen.) and I came to a point of really despising it. In fact I came to a place of honestly hating it. I resented it and put up a wall when it was spoken over me and I hated it when someone would hear some of my story, or when in mentoring me, speak it in reference to my life. I have called out on way more than one occasion that if this is what it is to be "chosen" I don't want it anymore. I wanted to give it all up so that I could lead a seemingly "normal" life and that the Spiritual warfare over my heart, mind and soul would dissipate to some extent so that I could function in some extent of normalcy. Then one night in the midst of the words, prophesies and trials I became so convicted as I cried out. I saw in my mind the Lord gently releasing me from my "duty to Him" and saying gently that it was fine and that I had done well. He would go find another willing to fulfill His purpose. It broke me and I realized that night that I wanted to serve Him and fulfill His purposes more than I wanted to be comfortable in this world. It is never said in the Bible that being chosen is anywhere near easy.....quite the opposite. And to be chosen you must stand strong and hold fast to your trust and utmost faith in God that He brought you here for a very specific purpose. He will give the overabundant grace to not only endure but to stand strong while He is stretching and growing you. Then eventually life begins to flourish and bloom to bring about what it is He sought to accomplish through your life......even during the darkest hours, and often times those darkest hours were spent on what seemed to be barren and desolate desert land. His purpose is so large I have learned that we will never be able to see it in a lifetime. Only in Heaven will the broad picture be able to be grasped or understood.

And in my heart I know that this is what the Farley family is. The Lord saw something so incredible in them that could withstand this and shine His glory in their darkest days in order to be a living testament of Himself and an example of what it is not to let go when God seemingly allows havoc to have been wreaked on your life.

Oneday I will backtrack and fill in the empty spaces and write out the testimony that God has given me thus far in the story of my life. It is anyone's guess where it all will end up since the journey is far from over. I think I'm kind of like an onion and the Lord just continues to peel away the layers. Maybe oneday He'll get down to the deepest part of me and reach the core. The more He peels and the more He moves within me the more I realize how very much more there is to go. Maybe in the peeling He will be able to use my life to minister to someone else that would never have sought Him out or never have been reached otherwise. Or maybe it's just to encourage those that are walking down similar roads.......that someone with a past and someone so completely human and mortal with so many faults and is so very real can live the blessed life that I do......yes, the blessed life that includes even those times when I go missing in action for days on end and am eventually hunted down by scent......or kids......and found buried 4 ft deep in the utility room with a chewed up, faded snorkel as my only survival tool for fresh air.....or on hands and knees under the kitchen table scrubbing up petrified yogurt and banana and all sorts of other unidentifiable objects that rival even the latest technology in adhesives.

I don't know. I think I'm still searching for whatever it is He seeks to use me for to further His Kingdom here on earth. Aren't we all in some form or fashion though? After all of everything I've lived through in my short 32 years I'm a bit curious to see just what He plans on doing with it in the end. Who knows. Maybe the soul reason for my life and what He has allowed within it was in order to raise my children based on the way my experiences have changed me. Maybe what I have lived, and as I grow even now, changed me in ways I will never even know and because of that He has been able to raise the next George Mueller, John Wesley, Clara Barton, Florence Nightengale or George Washington by pouring through me as His vessel. Just maybe.

The Blessing of Life

It seems these last few days have been burdened and overshadowed with the cruel reality of life. I have been weepy and in almost a sort of grieving process. Grieving for this precious family, saddened by how convicted I have become of my actions and how completely I have the ability to take our very life for granted, our healthy beautiful children that we have been so extravagantly blessed with, our home, our happy, content, loved filled marriage, the very breath that we take each and every moment. I have learned these past few days through the very hard lessons that God is striving to teach me that we are not ever guaranteed another breath, another moment, another second, another hour with the ones we love so much. The very breath we breathe can be so completely blown out so easily like a little birthday candle that was set on the boys' cake. With one gentle breath of God we are gone and home in His arms.

Curtis, my brother in law, came so close very recently to having his life snuffed out. That incident seemed to lift the veil that cast the shadows over his life and opened his eyes to what it is life is all about. He is so incredibly radically changed. I honestly have never seen a man so changed. It was enough to get my attention and start a thought process within me that would begin a journey of looking at my own life through a microscope.

After the birthday party a deep convicting work started within me because I saw so much of myself in his old ways. We are very much alike in regard to type A personalities and having completely unrealistic expectations of life itself and as a whole. Jackie and I used to tease over the years that I was like Curtis and she was like Brad......laid back and not as entirely concerned with the details. And that must be the reason we had successful marriages since we were polar opposites from our spouses. I could never have stayed married to Curtis and she and Brad wouldn't have made an entirely dynamic couple given their more laid back nature about the small things. I realized through Curtis though that I am alot like he used to be. I stay irritated alot of the time because I want an immaculate house at all times, the children lined up perfectly like little ducks, all school work done in a military fashion down to the minute, the schedule run like I am the captain of a ship with all hands on deck. I was also busy living up to many expectations I felt had been put upon us by different people. Whether spoken or unspoken.....I knew they existed. I know how irritated I tend to stay and there were days that I would sit down and cry fearing the memories of myself that I am building for the children. Instead of utilizing the time to make things better I fear I made it worse since it was only compounded by my frustrations.

I think that birthday day a work started within our family, within me, that I was completely unprepared for. As the weeks have passed I have become acutely aware of the passing of time, the reality of life and death. I thought it was a bit morbid and, honestly, my own thoughts began to scare me.....as if they were some premonition to events that lie ahead. As I have come to embrace this time and really search for what this all means I think it is just a very natural part of working through it and understanding that life is very short......and not a guarantee.

This all seems a bit pointless and a bit like rambling as I sit here trying to sort through all of this. Some works are so deep I'm truly not sure they were ever meant to be put on paper. It seems, as I write, very shallow compared to the depth of the thoughts that churn within my heart and mind.

The last few nights have been rather sleepless as I lay in bed contemplating all of this and the meaning and existence of the life I've been given. I don't even pretend to know it all. I have gotten on some blogs where they have many children and they seem to have every answer in the book for perfectly behaved children and the key to life in their hands. I feel humbled and embarrassed by my searching heart and the fact I am still so naive even with these children God has placed within my life to raise. I don't feel lost but I do feel that there is so much more to life than what I currently see and I know there is so much more to our story than I can ever envision. There is still so much I really don't know. Relationships, family, friends, children, my past, my present, my future, life, death ....all dance before me in the dark morning hours. God has mightily used the Farley family to firmly grab hold of me and not let go. Something that should seem so far away in the world has become so real to me. I read back through some of her earliest entries and I became so convicted because I saw myself in her words. I am that person. I am that everyday Christian that throws the "Bless you brother" over their shoulder when leaving church, the pat on the back that says cheerily, "Yes, God is good!" and walks on throwing around the weight of God like a fly by night greeting. I am the person that when one says "I'll pray for you" tends to think it's a little Bible beater-ish. I am the one that struggles each morning to get up and truly cry out to God. I wrestle with prayer time and doing it consistently. I honestly think "Bless you brother", "Praise God!!!", "God is good" and "I'll pray for you" statements are often times truly phrases that many throw around with no weight behind any of it. I think often times they are learned within the church and become a habit with no meaning behind them anymore. I know people like this. I think there are so many with religious spirits that seek to glorify themselves when proclaiming how good God is or seeking to bring attention to themselves by being so "Godly"that it has become a turnoff for me. So, in that light and being so fearful of ever becoming what I have seen in some, I have tended to stay away and never really further my walk in an effort to distance myself from ever becoming like those I have seen and known.

But in her story I saw myself. I saw the everyday Christian suddenly snapped to attention and drawn closer to the Lord as she walks out this heartbreaking story. And it became a reality that it could've been me. That could be me holding my baby fighting the battle of loving and losing while gaining Life through it all. It could be me having to draw closer through the intense pain being experienced. And I became so overwhelmed that I wept because it isn't me and that we have been spared from so much yet so burdened for them that they have to walk down that road.

In the midst of my sleepless nights and tears God used the baby goat pretty heavily through all of this. After seeing something so traumatic it was easy to lay in bed and have visions of the whole event float mindlessly through my head. I found it hard not to focus on what had happened. Nights have been restless trying to sort through emotions, visions of what we saw, and the overwhelming need to pray for the Farley's as I remembered the goat and envisioned what they are having to cope with.

On Monday we went and tended to the baby goat. Grayson, Evye and I took a laundry basket filled with towels and blankets and gently placed her in it. After tending to her wounds, we lifted the basket and carried her inside to keep the flies away and infection at bay. We learned that Brad could not come home since they were at minimum and I would have to shoot her. So, thinking she might have a small chance at survival we put her in the bathroom in her basket. She made encouraging noises but struggled for life. Finally, after a few hours I went to try and get her in a better position and she wasn't really breathing in between her cries. After realizing there was nothing left to do and if I moved her neck, which was broken we later discovered, would fall and suffocate her. So, I left and finally wept out every emotion I was feeling. The overwhelming reality of life and how it is given and taken away so quickly came pummeling down. The story of the Farley's laid heavy on my heart and I cried all of that out while trying to deal with the goat and everything God is trying to work through in my life right now. I called Brad and finally sobbed it out to him and then Mother called and by that time I couldn't quit crying. The bathroom noises stopped and I knew she was dead. Nobody wanted to go back in there. Brad got a guy to fill in for him a couple of hours while he came home to go dump her and try to school the children on lessons of the food chain and death. Brad returned to work and later that evening after I'd taken a nap the children and I took a drive. We headed to Mother's for a much needed coke and Grayson stayed with her for the night. He woke her up with his nightmares, which we rarely have ever dealt with in any of the children.

The last 2 days as we have tried to explain to the children the reality of the loss of the goat I have had all of these life thoughts swirling through my head. God continues to use it as so much more than just a goat dying. To me, it is the reality of life, as I watch other circumstances around me. As I contemplate what it is Curtis went through and the realization he has come to about life and my heart becomes so convicted about what other families are living out I realize how truly wonderful my life is. I am beginning to understand a little more fully what it is to truly embrace the life I have been given and the treasure I have in Brad and the children. As the wife of a firefighter and paramedic I know I am not ever guaranteed a future of growing old with him. I think sometimes I write that in a way of reassuring myself that it will happen. I function normally day to day as if he has the most mundane job in the world but burning buildings are not always the worst enemy. Inattentive speeding motorist flying by a wreck he's working is only 1 mere example of what danger lies in his path everyday. Dangers that he is daily protected from as we pray in the morning and at night as the mercy of the Lord continues to surround us and protect our family. Kelly and I have talked about it before and if we ever really thought about it we'd always live crippled by fear. So, as wives of these men, we just don't really ever focus on it. But never have I been so aware of how much grace and mercy we are daily given and how much life is worth, how very much in love I am with Brad and my children. Never have I felt so compelled to hold them near and treasure each and every minute I am graciously given with them. All of this has made me contemplate what kind of wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend that I am. I wept in remorse as I came to see in myself what I so despise. If I were a friend of myself I know I would stay constantly frustrated with me. I have begun to see the things I long to have the Lord change within me. I cry out to be a better person because if it is my last day or the last day of one of my sweet children's lives or Brad's precious life I want to know I lived life to its very fullest with each and every one of them and that I was the very best and had fulfilled every purpose God has ordained for me here on this earth.......or that I aided them in fulfilling their purpose should He take one of them. I want to live my life like I may die tomorrow.

The Farley Family

The Farley Family

(Forgot to add...just click on their name above to read their story)

There are no words to even come close to how heavy my heart is and how much it aches for this dear family. I have been following their story and am so grieved for them but so amazed by their walk. I have no doubt that I would've failed long ago if I had been called to walk this journey that they walk.

It has been a morning of sheer torture for now. Mostly because this family weighs so heavy on my heart. As I struggled and cried for this family this morning already making it a very tough morning, I had an allergy attack where I was seriously debating the need for an epi shot, downed 5 tsp of Benadryl, used my inhaler, Sudafed, Mucinex, and all of the other stuff on hand for when this occurs. In the midst of all of this taking place Tigger, our 80 pd German Shepherd, again got ahold of one of the baby goats, this time the smallest one, and there is no hope of her living. I do not have anything here to shoot her with to go ahead and put her down so I am waiting on Brad to get home as we try and make her as comfortable as possible until then. She is in one of our bathrooms in a laundry basket as I listen to her baby goat cries. I know there is absolutely nothing in the world that could even start to try and correlate this goat to this family's story but in my mind there is something that makes it all seem so real to me..........so very hard to watch something you love struggle so much. It is just a goat for us......but for this family the pain is so much more than inconceivable as they struggle with all of life and the understanding of pain watching their newborn baby girl try to live. I was already up many times throughout the night last night praying for and thinking about this family. Then having the goat to deal with this morning, as I watch her struggle to live and fight for each breath, reality sort of hit me about the incomprehensible journey this family has walked. The Lord has used our baby goat in a way to make real what seems like a story somewhere far away in the world. It may be crass to even dare compare the two but it has made this story so real to me. I cannot imagine their pain, their agony, as I gaze into my little Gavin's eyes and watch him smile and listen to him coo to me. As he nurses in his complete and total health I cry out at the uncertainty of life and what it is God seeks to do in a situation like this family is having to walk. There are no words ever to even come close. I know the Lord gives each person the grace to deal with whatever He has called you to walk but I don't know that I would've ever journeyed down the road they walk with as much grace, dignity, faith and trust in the Lord that they have exuded. Please pray for them today and in the days, and even years, following this time in their life as they struggle with turning over their newborn baby girl into the hands of the Lord. There truly are no words.

Happy 3rd Birthday Garrison and Grant!!!

September 20

Again, where does the time go???? 3 already? There's not much more that I can say that hasn't been said 15 million other times in this blog. It just goes by so fast. I've been really convicted lately about time, time management and how little time I have with each one of them...how short life is. I think the Lord is really trying to get my attention in this area so that I make the most out of it. It seems like just yesterday I was going through the horrendous ordeal of dr's and trying to fight my way through it all. Talks of a c-section and threats of being taken to court for endangering the 2 of them for refusing to consent to it and on and on. The whole 39th week of my pregnancy was spent in tears and on the phone begging other dr's to take me and give me a chance at delivering them naturally. All of them said no. I prayed and cried and stayed mad through most of it. Brad was commuting and stayed stressed about it the majority of the time. It was pretty awful. Then in a merciful and miraculous way the Lord moved and one of the midwives I had contacted called and said to call her backup dr and that he was interested in our case. I called and God moved mountains through a physician that was willing for the Lord to use him as His vessel and work wonders through his hands and life. I had my 1st appt with him at 39 wks exactly and 4 days later at 39 wks and 4 days I went into labor with them on my own. He delivered them completely naturally after only 4 hrs of labor with Garrison, my sweet Baby A, coming head first and Grant, my precious Baby B, delivered breech. I wonder if they will ever have a birthday that I am not in awe and so grateful for the work the Lord is capable of doing and what He did during that whole time in my life. I wonder sometimes if they will ever have a birthday that I do not think about their birth story. It still is so amazing to me. The two of them are so amazing to me. Technically and statistically there is no reason in the world that I should've had twins. I was supposedly way too young, there are none in my family and I had only had 3 previous children. They truly are miracles and I continue to be so blessed by them.


Garrison is always the leader and the one who can get Grant to laugh harder than anybody. He's so entirely social and is happy as long as he's in the middle of absolutely everything that's going on. He's got such a great sense of humor and he knows he can steal the show. He's so smart, well spoken and lovable. He's just getting so big.

Grant is forever the quiet, gentle one. He still would just rather sit in a quiet little corner while being content in the activity of everyone else while he messes and figures out how the world works. He's a pro at taking apart absolutely everything to see how it works and a screwdriver is his best friend...despite the fact he still remains a little inept at using it. He's sooooo smart. At 3am after a bathroom trip he lost his dirt bike in the bed and was more than a little distraught over not being able to find it. In the dark and with everyone else around him asleep in the room he drug out Evye's wall shelf that has yet to be hung and stacked everything he could find on it to elevate it as much as he could. He then stood on it and tried desperately to reach the pull chain for the ceiling fan light. He successfully fell off, made a huge thud and cried. Everyone else in the room slept through it all. He came and got me and I was quite shocked at the sight that greeted me when I walked into the dark room. Only the moonlight illuminated the silhouettes of everything he'd drug out in the middle of the night in his attempt at turning a light on. Self sufficient little guy in his life-threatening attempts to do it all on his own. Knowing immediately what the problem was I felt around in the bed to no avail and finally turned on the bathroom light. He hurriedly climbed into bed and began a 3am search for his beloved dirt bike. It was found on his pillow. He laughed and curled up with it so I tucked him in and, after putting everything back up where it belonged, went back to bed.

Now......on the more humorous, not so sentimental side of it is that they are just turning 3 and I have given birth twice since their birth!! Our family has indeed been so very blessed with children and for some reason the Lord saw something in me that could handle so many children so close in age. I'm still looking for whatever He saw!!!! I love every minute of it.....every minute of this crazy, chaotic, busy, noisy life. That seems to be a bit of a contradictory statement since I sit here in the deathly quiet of the afternoon as the little 5 sleep and Grayson and Evye fold clothes!!!

The birthday promise

So, having celebrated their birthday a little early, for their real birthday Brad worked and the children and I took off to explore undiscovered territory. With not really any real destination in mind we started by beginning our journey with the 1st entry to our Historical Marker project, since this was, afterall, supposed to be a field trip. Since there are so many markers out here we've decided as part of our history this year and learning about America's past we are going to not only stop and read all the markers but take pictures and make a book of both markers and the areas they are located. So, we steered in the direction of one we knew we have not already read....though at some point we will backtrack and take pics of those as well. This is what we found. I fell in love with it. The little cemetery is off of a seldom traveled 2 lane highway located in the hills. As we walked through them and I read and explained all of the graves the cows bellowed and the wind sighed through the trees. I've found my burial site for when I die. I told Brad that and he seemed to think it was a little morbid. But it's true. I've never really found anyplace that ever seemed fitting to be buried. Even the little town cemetery here has a cold, unhomey feel to it. And I'm not so stupid as to think it'll really make me any difference if I'm dead but I want it to be somewhere that the family can go and truly feel at peace and know that it is a place that they can come and pray, away from it all, or just come and sit for awhile.

And speaking of morbid....I got to thinking the other day how morbid Teddy Grahams are. It's one thing to eat little faceless, shaped animal crackers but if you look at Teddy Grahams really good they have eyes, noses, mouths, little ears and everything. They even have a freakin belly button. And they're smiling at you. As I got down to the bottom of the box I was faced with a graveyard of little teddy arms and legs and little bear parts. I took out a handful and one piece was even smiling at me. It just seemed kind of strange to me. I bet if you listen close enough you can hear a faint "Don't eat me!" before you pop it in. It seemed a little kin to cannibalism......or bearibalism or whatever you would call it. Apparently it didn't stop me too much seeing as how I ate the entire box for lunch....including the little teddy graveyard at the bottom. Healthy, I know. And speaking of healthy......I am down 12 pounds. I guess a ton of grilled chicken, salad and raw veggies along with a box of Teddy Grahams don't quite glue themselves to the butt like Blue Bell. Who would've thought?

Anyway, back to the field trip....here's some of what we saw at the cemetery.

Outside the cemetery.....I didn't feel like unbuckling everybody at the moment.

Here's everybody else

Garrison, Garrett and Gavin all sit on the middle row and Evye, Grant and Aubrey have the back. Grayson has to sit up front since we ran out of room in the back when Gavin came along.

An entire family. The mother is on the far left, the father is 2nd and their 2 children. The mother died when she was really young and the children were 1 and 3 years old.

Other headstones.

Then we headed on out to the lake to find some new trails....and find we did!

A funny much needed bathroom break for the boys.

And one for the girls....with some help from big brother.

And, if one must tell the whole truth, the girls were so skitzed out about the whole massive spiderweb/cricket/stenchy heat thing going on in the bathroom that they ended up taking after their brothers and doing it in wide open spaces...as nature intended.

More discoveries

On our way home.....a herd of deer we encountered. If you click on the pic you can see the ones that ran off in the brush after we stopped to look. They were all out grazing. We stopped counting at 12 and there were still more that went uncounted! In the closer pic you can see the that the fawn still has her spots.

Happy Birthday Boys!!!!!!!

Bloggerdom

Why is it so very hard to get into gear somedays???? I have successfully done pretty much nothing but change dirty diapers, nurse a baby and sit at the computer all day long. And where are my other children???? They would be left to their own wiles and growing quite feral. With every intention of tackling school at naptime, with me still trying to get over this sinus crap, and preferring a much more peaceful environment to school in today they cheered at the delay. Having celebrated Garrison's and Grant's birthday a little early last night, fearing Brad might get called in for OT on Thurs we insanely gave them their presents. The idea of what we got them sounded great at the moment while standing in Wal Mart looking at them but I obviously did not think thoroughly through my gift choice before buying. We bought one for Grayson when he was their age and so it only seemed fitting to get them one also. BUT......when Grayson was their age we did not have 6 other children in the house and we did not have 2 his age. So, we insanely bought them rescue vehicles since they are so in love with the engine and medic when we go visit Brad at work. And yes.........they light up and they have sirens.........LOTS of sirens. If I just thought life was noisy before their birthday purchase it paled to what it is now. Needless to say, the boys are in love with their new toys......ask me on a different day and I might give some sort of positive answer like any good parent would at seeing their child delight in receiving something they desired.

What powdered Crystal Light looks like after it's been dumped out, stomped in and then exposed to concrete

So, as I sat listening to "What's your ETA? We'll be there in 2 minutes!" as sirens, screeching and horns blew through the house I found a world of bloggers that left me stunned. Somehow I got on somewhere and then went from there to other links and, well, you know how it goes. There are Christian mom blog rings, creative writer blog rings, just plain old sharing parenting experiences blog rings, how you feed your dog blog rings, how you bite your nails blog rings, how your baby poops blog rings, what style of clothes you wear blog rings, and on and on it goes. Alright, well maybe not for the latter 4 but, oh my freakin gosh, who has time to do all of this crap and get around on the web like that??? People like me who need to be doing other things but are instead sitting in front of their computer all day, quite clearly. Some of these people have 4 or 5 kids. I have my brood of 7 and don't even have time to start fishing through all of the sites, though I really longed to browse through some of them. I couldn't help but keep thinking...where are these peoples' kids while they do all of this???!!!!! I can tell you where mine were. Running around the house naked, laughing hysterically as they had a burping contest, digging in the frig, having stick horse wrecks in the hallway, seeing which new apparatus toy won in the medic vs. bat chief car race.....taking place in the same hallway the stick horse war was being waged in......all while Garrett went around terrorizing everybody with the long handled broom by hitting them over the heads and gleefully enjoying everyone's painful reactions to his assaults. He's definitely in the cause and effect phase of toddlerhood. Oh yea...I can't leave out the "Stop, Drop and Roll" contest that was being carried out as they strived to see who could make the biggest thud on our pier and beam floors. When it finally sounded like someone had successfully gone through the floor they would consider the game won and start all over again.

Daddy Time

I was quite astounded by what I found though. Here I am holed up in my own little world doing my Pamper diapers and buying my girls dresses off of Ebay while these moms are out there whipping out humorous or thought provoking or Bible teaching or all of the above blogs, making their cloth diapers that cover their babies' behinds, homeschooling, baking their own bread at all times (I'm getting closer to it!), setting gourmet meals before their families, sewing their very way through life as they dress their children with their homemade clothes....all as they participate in online blog Bible studies, contests, doing specific day of the week themes, keeping up with each other on their rings, etc. If I did all of that I'd be back to my 96 hr day. It's probably a really good thing that I read The Myth of the Perfect Family article when I did.

And I found that on the days that I tend to stay in front of the computer my butt grows by the foot. Seriously.....I watched it on my little pedometer and when I ignore my kids and play on the computer all day I only ever get up to like 3,000 steps a day. But on the days I don't get on until after everybody's in bed and the house is detailed for the night I'm up to around 8,000 p/ day. I still have yet to hit my 10,000 steps a day goal. I guess it's hard to get up to 10,000 when all you do is pace your house all day. I tried walking in the evening for about a week but the mosquitoes are sooooooo bad right now and the nocturnal wildlife around here is less than appealing to me. Snakes, tarantulas, humidity, mosquitoes, gnats, and all kind of other foreign little species of things come and visit me as I walk. No good.

So, some were missing for this pic but it was a fun snapshot of some of the crew with daddy.

Oh for the time I would give just to be able to sit for a day and scroll through this stuff!!! Although I much rather have my hands full.....yes I hear it ALL the time.....than empty with way too much time on my hands to scroll through blog rings and no children to love on. We are definitely blessed...despite the cramped up time that leaves for very little leisurely computer time. THIS is my computer leisurely time. I rather write it than read it, I suppose.

And on another way too many kids note......I've been telling everyone that asks that Gavin is 7 wks old. It occurred to me last night that he is probably older than that...seeing as how I've been telling people that for a few weeks now. I got to thinking about it and with what I came up with he was well over 2 months old. So, I got out the calendar and figured it up. He's 10 wks old now!!! How can that be???!!!!! I even refigured it because I simply didn't believe it the first time. How is it that with your 1st one you tell people their age in weeks until their like 452 wks or so...and then you wise up and figure you ought to transition to giving their age in months and so you do that until their around 82 months or so. And then by #7 you can't even get close to guessing their age and when you do figure it out you don't believe it. I think my brain gave up on remembering any sort of number, no matter their origin, when I began attempting to teach the review of regrouping and double digit division to two fidgety kids while my brain is quoting by memory the words to Homeward Bound or Toy Story as it plays for the 402nd time. And what's funny about the age thing is that I was just gazing at him and loving on him marveling over how very alert and vocal he is and how very much control he has over motor skills for a little 7 wk old. Maybe because he's almost a freakin month older than that!

Speaking of......my 7 wk old is wanting to nurse so I shall go comfort him and fill his small 7 wk old tummy. You know, if I say that too much out of sheer sarcasm it WILL stick and I'll be telling people that for another 7 wks.

Time with Mother

Sometimes I wonder if it's normal to be so torn between feelings of how incredibly bittersweet yet how absolutely wonderful life is. Is it normal to feel like crying over certain, rather trivial, less than momentous events? I think I'll always wonder.

I spent all day Saturday shopping and just enjoying the friendship of Mother as we reacquainted ourselves with Brady. For my belated birthday present Brad kept the children all day while Mother and I spent the day out. It was so much fun. I don't really like to get away from the children that much. We rarely have babysitters and, more often than not, I rather just have them with me. I love the company that they are and how much fun they have become at all of their different ages. I love how Grayson and Evye are getting old enough to really take in all of life's experiences. It just seems so sad to me to leave them behind. But every once in awhile there's a day that comes along that is a much needed day off and a day just to enjoy what is now a few and far between event when I am childless for a day.........or well, almost childless since Gavin is kind of attached at the boob for now. We sat for a long lunch at some hole in the wall restaurant I am quite certain no one else in the world knows about. The kind of place where the waitress tells you her life story........and by the time we left I was quite certain she had. Something about how her daughter has an 8 month old baby girl that is so spoiled rotten you have to constantly bounce and walk her or she screams. And that same daughter is now in the hospital giving birth to her 2nd baby at this very minute as we speak. Ummmmmmm, what was that????? Last time I checked a pregnancy was 40 wks along, technically 9 or 10 months depending on how you figure it. But it definitely is no shorter than that.....spoken from experience. I asked again how old her baby was and she said she's 8 months. Alrighty then.....whatever you say. So, on that perplexing note we left. And then we shopped. We stayed hours in the glass and breakables section just because we could. We smelled candles until our noses were on sensory overload and our heads ached due to aroma overdose. We laughed until our sides hurt at the most insane things. I think we must've carried the stroller up no less than 50 different staircases. And every time we did it just got funnier. We talked about anything and everything.......from the miraculous work God is doing in our family and how things change.... all the way down to the case of the unflushable piece of poop that the children hysterically encountered Friday morning. Yes, we covered the bases.

But, as the day came to an end the same bittersweet feeling set in. How short, how entirely fleeting our time here on earth is. These days won't last forever.....nor do I want them to. But on the other end of that is how precious and short the time is with the people that surround me. It's the same feeling that overcomes me as we say good-bye to Nanny and Pawpaw not knowing if it will be the last time that we ever see them. The same feeling that came as we said goodbye to Jackie and Curtis and Daddy and Scott as they pulled away after Saturday's party. The day was perfect and the healing insurmountable and then the inevitable partings to go back to each and every one's own life. And this time I have with Mother, with the children, won't last forever. People age, things change and I'm not sure what I would ever do without her female friendship and companionship in life. Sometimes I look at Grayson and marvel over how big he is. These 10 years have gone by so fast. Will I look up in 10 more years at my 20 year old son towering over me, hugging him close and remembering the little 9 year old boy that stands before me today? The endearing green eyes that smile "I love you", the hands that offer up mounds of hand picked wild flowers, the mischievous grin that says he's wrapped rubber bands around the kitchen sink sprayer yet again. Will I have done everything with him that I wanted to before he became the strong grown man filled with so much character that we prayed so hard for him to become? Will he know just how very much I love him? Will he know what an absolute joy he is to me? Will I be the friend to Evye in her 17 year old emerging womanhood that Mother has become to me? Will she know how very proud of her I am, of who she is and who she will become? In the chaos and busyness of everyday life right now do they perceive how desperately in love I am with them? And will Aubrey in her 15 year old self have the self confidence I never had at her age? Will Brad and I have raised her to see how absolutely beautiful she is and give her the confidence I always lacked in my younger years? I pray that her bold personality serves her well in life and that God uses it to it's very fullest potential. I pray that she stays yeilded to Him so that she becomes a powerhouse for His use. And Garrison and Grant won't stay 3 forever. I will miss them this age. I will miss raising toddler twins. Will we ever be blessed with twins again? How overwhelmed with gratefulness I am for the blessing of the two of them. How much they have changed me. How much they have changed our family. How mightily God has used them to change our hearts and minds about more children. And I wonder who Garrett and Gavin will become. Will the light, life and love of all of their older brothers and sisters live in them as they grow in their individuality? I think with each new one a part of the older children live on in the younger ones as they are taught, loved and played with by them all. Will people see a better me in the lives of my children?

These days that seemingly creep by in turtle-time at times and at others soar on the wings of eagles weld themselves into weeks, months, years and then decades. Brad will never question my love for him nor I his in this ever changing world.....and together in our abyss of love we will watch the world change, our lives change, our children grow, babies come and gradparents go as sunsets fade away into years. I can't imagine going through the ebb and flow of life without the comfort of him by my side. Time is the most amazing thing....it brings about the grandest of all of life's events. It brings new life. And yet it brings about the worst of everything too. It brings about the inevitable process of aging and life being taken. How fleeting and short it all is.

Sinus Trouble

I have yet another sinus infection and it's quite the struggle to carry on as normal when all I can think about is the bed. It's amazing to me how one part of your body can make you feel so freakin awful. I didn't think I was running fever until mid day when I kept having to pop the Tylenol to keep pain at bay and my fever down. Of course, Brad's on shift today and I have no help so I just slept in....in my former life that used to be til noon........in my present life sleeping in is now til 8, if that. We went ahead and tackled school.......which I'm not exactly sure was the wisest thing given my irritability and overall feelings of crap. We started late which made the day drag out a little longer. I finally was able to lay down with Aubrey while Grayson and Evye watched and tended to Garrett as they folded clothes.......seeing as how Garrett's nap was over about 5 minutes after I laid down. I felt a little better after I got up.

But then, as always, I tend to be a little obsessive about the boys' hair and if it starts even looking a little fuzzy it drives me insane. There is no reason to have orphan like looking kids and it just aggravates me to even look at them when they start looking orphan-y......I think I just made up a new word with that one. Strange and kind of obsessive, I know.......but, it's just the blunt truth. So, I valiantly overcame myself and feelings of self pity over feeling so crapped out and set to work on all 4 boys. Given Gavin's completely baldest of bald heads there's not much to do on his hair...or lack thereof.....just yet. You know, it's quite amazing to me how we can go from having a kid like Garrett with soooooo much hair that it's almost like having a white headed mini gorilla in 16 month old human form to the very next kid after him being so entirely bald it leaves me hoping that he will maybe at some point have hair in his life for his sake. It's still just so amazing and amusing to me how differently genetic make up can be and can differ in one family. There's absolutely no denying at all that they're all related but after I got finished shaving heads I looked at the massive pile of hair and there was brown, red, blonde and white. How can they look so much alike and have every different hair color in the book? And how in the world did all of those different hair colors from me and Brad? It never ceases to amaze me how our heritage and the generations play into our children's lives. I wish so much sometimes that Grandpa could've seen them and that the children had been able to know the great heritage they have and how incredible of a person he was...that he could've been to them what he was to me. Sometimes it hard not to wonder why so many people my age still have their granddad around when mine died 22 years ago. Sometimes it's really something to think of the magnitude of what it might would've changed in my life had he lived. Would Grayson even be here? Would I have married Brad? Probably not. Where would I be? It's something how 1 event has the potential to alter the rest of your life. "For He causes all things to work together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28. And indeed He did.

Alright......well, that was just a major case of chasing bunnies. So, I felt bad and cut the boys' hair. And I suppose everyone's starting to settle into the school routine. The only disastrous mess that the younger ones managed to accomplish today while the older ones schooled was making a grand attempt at showering themselves. They had been great and been playing "quietly"......which is always on the relative end of things....and then quietly disappeared as we were wrapped up in getting math out of the way. I went looking for them when I realized no one was watching Homeward Bound or even anywhere near to play with the toys that lay in the floor. I found them all 4 butt naked in the DRY shower with a WET soap filled loofah all scrubbing each other off. Garrison was by far the soapiest since it appeared he was quite taken with the bubbles and attention being showered upon him........quite literally. But Grant and Garrett were not far behind in the soap rankings and Aubrey, of course, was just as naked as the other 3 but pristinely dry and bubbleless since she was the one heading up the event and in charge of soaping down the others. But they all smelled really good and, except for a few cases of screaming due to stinging eyes, they were all immensely enjoying their waterless shower. You know......it wouldn't really surprise me if somebody actually came out with a waterless shower someday. They have dry ice so what's to say somebody won't invent dry water..........and after today's episode I think I may have given birth to the 4 that will.

Well, seeing as how I still feel like a piece of poo I think I'll go down a bottle of Nyquil and then another of Benadryl and see if that will help get me through the night.

Encouraging and Wise Words

I found this on Denise's blog and she got it off of Your Sacred Calling's blog. To read the rest of the article you can go to Your Sacred Calling. This is incredible and it really hit home with me since I tend to have a lot of those "honest depiction, real life, down-to-earth days" around here. It is very hard work at times but it has the most incredibly miraculous rewards at the end of the day. Usually I don't even have a chance to get to the end of the day before I am reminded by 2 sweet chubby arms wrapped around my neck or tiny little lips pressing hard to mine or a thrown-over-the-shoulder "I love you, Mom" or a Milky Way that mysteriously showed up on the kitchen cabinet after they walked up to the gas station or a brand new glass of water sitting where my empty one was.

And the idolatry part is so true. I find myself elevating other large families a little too high sometimes since I tend to look at their older children and want so badly for my kids to grow similarly in maturity as they age. I tend to put them on a pedestal and elevate the idea of their older children and how mature and submissive they seem. And surely, as all families do, I am quite sure they struggle with issues that face parents raising teenagers. But it seems like such a perfect picture and the children all seem so well rounded. It's hard sometimes looking at other people's large families and seeing their seemingly perfect toddlers that never dig into any crap at all....and then living with my rowdy, curious little crew that I find impossible to watch every minute of every day. I'm still trying to figure out exactly how to manage my swiftly growing family without beating them every minute of every hour.

And it's also true being on the other end of it, having other families and/or people that lift our humble, very imperfect, way too fault filled little family to god status. As is way too evident by this blog, we fall far from even an average large family! The ones that make their own bread at all times, talk in high pitched gentle voices every minute of the day, feed their children everything in life that is whole in the food category and organic in every way, never in life stick their children in front of a video, put their babies in organic cloth diapers and the like and never in a lifetime ever find bodily functions quite as humorous as we do. We are definitely more than human and imperfect in rearing our large family. And coming from someone that has been elevated by some to that ungodly status I can tell you that what in here that is said is so much more than just a little bit true.

"It’s true; some days seem overwhelming. There are times when child rearing is just plain old “hard work.” Try as we might, our houses never stay perfectly clean, and each of our children is disobedient at least once every day. We could throw up our hands on those difficult mornings and claim for ourselves a day of defeat and failure, but God has a higher calling for us and sanctifies us through the day-to-day challenges.We’re not to serve God by pretending life is easy for us or that we have it all down perfectly, because it’s not and we don’t. The world needs an honest depiction of real down-to-earth people living out real life to the glory of God. Unbelievers will see God in us when we demonstrate contentment wherever He has us, when they see the peace He gives us in trials, and when we give rather than take.

Don’t Blame Your Idols for Your Idolatry!

Don’t make the mistake of elevating anyone else to perfection status either. The family you’ve put up on a pedestal more than likely didn’t ask to be put there and won’t be very pleased when they feel themselves crash to the floor after you discover for yourself they are fallible humans, just like the rest of us. No matter what it looks like from your vantage point, the people in the family you’ve idolized still sin, the children aren’t perfect, the mom sometimes says unkind things, the father speaks in sinful anger from time to time, and their family creates messes that have to be cleaned, just like yours does."

When God Intervenes

.......quite timely on our behalf and in hysterically funny ways. Our little family is a walking talking testimony of the grace, mercy and faithfulness of the Lord. We are proof that He does provide and care for His children. Every month our check book says this shouldn't be working and every month it does work. We do not have every thing the world dictates that is "needed" for a child.......or even an adult for that matter. We live with pegs falling out in our dishwasher due to previous hard water issues. We drive a Suburban with missing stereo and a/c knobs and a radio that has now completely given up. We do wash in a washer and dryer that the world would haughtily say is too small for their 4 person family. We live in a three bedroom house that people say is too small for their 4 person family. Our kitchen houses very few real dishes and our Tupperware is all of the plastic containers that cottage cheese and whip cream come in. But whatever the true need is God is sure to provide for us each and every time. We have learned what it is to decipher between a true need and a mere desire. We have learned what it is to prioritize and do without. We have learned what it is to treasure living debt free and the freedom it brings, despite the worldly treasures that have had to be turned down to maintain a debt free status. We have had to learn to be content with what we have when others are so far ahead compared to what we see and have. We have learned that God truly does provide...and in not a small meaningless way. When the frig is empty He brings food from creative sources. When the diapers should in no way last until a paycheck they mysteriously keep going. Maybe He makes them poop less, maybe He just continues to add to the pile like the fish and bread. Who knows. But we have everything we need and I can truly say that with all of my heart. It is hard sometimes. It is sometimes hard to watch the incredible financial security of people around us but in our hearts we both know that we truly have everything in life we ever need. And we have the most secure provision arrangement ever because the Lord our God is on our side and He cares deeply for the needs of His children.

"There is no lack for my God supplies all of my needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." 2 Cor. 9:6-8

"The Lord has pleasure in the prosperity of His servant, and Abraham's blessings are mine." Psalms 35:27; Galatians 3:14

"The Lord is my shepherd and I DO NOT WANT. Jesus was made poor, that I through His poverty might have abundance. For He came that I Might have life and have it more abundantly." Ps 23:1;2, Cor 8:9, John 10:10

"With what measure I sow, it is measured unto me. I sow bountifully, therefore I reap bountifully. I give cheerfully, and my God has made all grace abound toward me and I have all sufficiency of all things - do abound to all good works." 2 Cor. 9:6-8

"Remember: A stingy planter gets a stingy crop; a lavish planter gets a lavish crop. I want each of you to take plenty of time to think it over, and make up your mind what you will give. That will protect you against sob stories and arm twisting. God loves it when the giver delights in the giving.

God can pour out the blessings, in astonishing ways so that you're ready for anything and everything, more than just ready to do what needs to be done. As one psalmist puts it,

He throws caution to the winds, giving to the needy in reckless abandon.

His right living, right giving ways never run out, never wear out.

This most generous God who gives seed to the farmer that becomes bread for your meals is more extravagant with you. He gives you something you can then give away, which grows into full formed lives, robust in God, wealthy in every way, so that you can be generous in every way producing great praise to God.

Carrying out this social relief work involves far more than helping meet the bare needs of poor Christians. It also produces abundant and bountiful thanksgivings to God. This relief offering is a prod to live at your very best, showing your gratitude to God by being openly obedient to the plain Message of Christ. You show your gratitude through your generous offerings to your needy brothers and sisters, and really toward everyone. Meanwhile, moved by the extravagance of God in your lives, they'll respond by praying for you in passionate intercession for whatever you need. That God for this gift, his gift. No language can praise Him enough."

1 Cor 9:8-15 (The Message Bible)

And on a side note, we are in the midst of listening and reading The Blessed Life by Robert Morris. We have been so convicted about these last two parts and both Brad and my heart have changed so much. How wonderful it truly is to give and not just giving physically to meet the needs of your children but being faithful to give with what small or large amount of finances He has given a family or person to work with in order to accomplish His purposes. I cannot ever explain the feeling that comes out of giving. It really truly is more blessed to give than to receive.

Alright, all of that to say, that though we may have to wait a week until payday to even be able to go anywhere in the Suburban due to an empty gas tank He truly meets our every need at the appointed time. I have been so moved by all of this and found this study to be so profound. And then when He does start doing things like this I just get excited all over to be able to see Him at work in our lives and that the children, at such an early age, can grow in strength and faith as they are able to witness His interventions and provide for our needs. I didn't intend to preach a sermon but I continue to stand in awe as we put our whole entire trust and faith in Him and watch what He does that I cannot help but document this journey.




So, today was another day of timing paycheck with immediate needs. We had supernaturally made it this far and since tomorrow is payday we now had the freedom to shop for needed items. The gas gauge has been broken on the Suburban for the last few months. It says it's empty and then it only fills up to 75.00, when it has the ability to hold 100.00 when truly empty. So, I figured it was off by about a quarter of a tank. We always filled it back up when it was on empty again which again it would only hold 75.00. So, we never tested my suspicions of how off it was. With no cash in hand and needing to put everything on a card that would go through tomorrow I couldn't exactly get cash out to pay for any here in our tiny town where gas is 15.00 a gallon.....figurative numbers here, people. So, after Mother and I sat at the end of the street discussing and trouble shooting we decided to head in. It was on empty and we had made the trip home from town last night on empty. If I figured it right we would have just enough to reach a station in town. We talked lightheartedly and laughed all the way in. I stayed tuned into the Suburban when it would lurch a little but overall things were going very smoothly. We made it into town and the Lord spared us from getting stuck anywhere on the lone highway into town. So, with the normal close exit to the station being closed we had to exit early....meaning more stop lights. We headed through the 1st green light and, though acting kind of funny, all remained fine. Then the 2nd light came. It wouldn't turn green and I knew by this point that something was indeed wrong. I refrained from saying anything. As we glided to a stop.....so did the gas. As soon as we slowed everything died. I just laughed and said, " Well, there it goes. Time's up. We're officially out of gas." Mother, being in a tired exhausted state that wasn't meshing real well with rowdy kids, kind of freaked a little and then just started praying. We sat absurdly and I pondered our present predicament. Laughing at the ridiculous situation I looked at her and asked if I should try to start it again. She said sure. So, by this time the light had gone from red to green back to red. It amazingly started again and I hurriedly put it into drive and gave the accelerator my all, successfully putting all of us through the back windshield while running the red light. I couldn't help but laugh hysterically since whiplash and a ticket were now a very real concern. So, we were off again and on the road to the gas station. Approaching the main thoroughfare and busiest street in all of town I knew if I slowed too much it'd die on us again. So, I tried to time it well with the truck in front of us and the oncoming traffic. The truck merged into traffic and, amazingly, the traffic cleared for us to only have to slow a little. But..........it still died. So, with some great momentum behind us and good coasting ability we merged onto the busiest street. I couldn't really try restarting it at this point since we were in motion. So, we coasted peacefully and slowly down Sherwood.....quite comically. I laughed as we kept getting slower and slower. Mother prayed harder. We miraculously.......and miraculous is no small, easily thrown around word here.....coasted through the turn, down into the construction gravel and back up onto the paved road that led the way to Wal Mart's gas station. Power steering had left a long time ago and so, in my laughter, I fought with the steering wheel and forcefully turned through the corners. And we coasted to a stop in the parking lot in front of the gas station. Well................we almost got there. At least we were off of the main road and out of the way. So, I tried to start it again. It wasn't sounding too promising. I gave it a rest and laughed even harder that we really had run out and the sheer absurdity of what we were doing and how close but how far we were to the solution. So, we sat and after a minute or two I turned the key again. And it started! So, just as before, I threw it into gear which threw all of us to the backseat again. By this time I'm laughing so hard that I can't breathe. All of the children are laughing at the fun of surviving multiple episodes of whiplash as we make it into the gas station. Now there were no empty spots so as we pull up to one with the tank on the wrong side another car takes it and so, as we stop to allow it the right of way, it quits again. Again I wait and then start and it fires back up. And again I throw it into gear before it has a chance to die again and again we all hit the back window. It successfully lurched us into a gas pump spot and there it died for good. Just out of sheer curiosity I tried starting it back up at the pump but every time after that it refused to start. It was quite dead with no hope of going anywhere and there we sat safely and conveniently at a perfect gas pump. We definitely were hand delivered there. I was quite amazed and incredibly grateful for the obvious miracle that it was. And it took awhile to quit laughing over it. Mother never did quite find the humor in it that I got out of it but it was definitely a very sure sign to the children that God does provide in the most creative ways that are not always our ways or what we have prayed for. What would life be without a sense of humor? I know God has to have a great sense of humor and I'm sure even He was laughing at the sight of us today. We seriously looked like the Muppet's bus lurching down the road. I half way expected it to backfire to complete the picture of absurdity we had going.



It started right up on a full tank of gas and, amazingly, the tank registered that it was completely full after that....and it took 42 gallons. That would be 111.00 compared to its usual 100.00 when empty. I guess if you ever have any gas gauge problems just run it out of gas and it should fix it.




Thank you, Lord, that you provide for us in every way and that You keep us safely in Your hands. Thank You for delivering us to our destinations safely....with a great sense of humor.