Labor of Love: A Few Days of Rest

Sweet time spent with family. We do good here and make it all work....and then family comes and hearts long for home. Oneday we will find our normal here. To have come from a close knit family to this new land...leaving absolutely everything and everyone behind...it's still new territory even 18 months later. While there are many advantages to geographical distance when there has never before existed any in life...there is just as much longing to return to all those we love and left behind. And my heart just yearns for home somedays when we are so loved on by those still 1700 miles away. Far way friends and family that love us in so many ways. 2 day visit with Pawpaw, my dad, enabled us to take a few days off from seemingly endless projects and workload. How thankful I am for those who come this direction....those who look past and understand all the chaotic mess of love and projects taking place around here. No kitchen cabinet doors/drawers, primed bookshelf, no couches, rough...to say the least...floors.....yet they come and love us anyway. How grateful I am for family and old friends along with all of the new with which we are surrounded with here. It is an amazing thing to be loved in life and something I just don't take for granted at all. Tears were shed, lots and lots of hugs, upon his departure. We look forward to all of those still left to visit before the end of the year.  And the two days off while he was here offered an amazing, much needed reprieve from the workload 

3 miles, 30 minutes, 1 of those miles run at an incline of 4. 5 minute warm up and 5 minute cool down swiftly walked at an incline of 10. And she smiles! It's a race to keep up with her these days. Love this girl and her determination.

Back to work. Multitasking. He finally got strapped to the back in an Ergo. Day 1 of kitchen cabinet doors/drawers/bookshelf shelves!

This just gives a whole new dimension to barefoot and pregnant. I may not exactly be barefoot but the whole baby on hip, paintbrush, and pregnant....kinda lookin like it just meets the criteria. Nothing like being a little stereotypical. Sexy.

And Day 2! Which almost resulted in completion of 1st coat of priming all...except for 2 doors....which dinner interrupted. Day 3 resulted in no pictures but the completion of 2nd coat on every piece. Beautiful days outside make for much progress inside. There's only around 172 pieces to try and get done...strung out, laid out, and propped up....everywhere. I don't exactly have the energy to pull the all nighters right now and it's just a little bit maddening to paint 2, stop to change a diaper, paint one, stop to clean up a mess, paint 2, stop to feed kids, paint half of one, stop to monitor location of everyone. But hey....only 3 days and everything is primed. On to paint! Hinges and hardware, such as knobs and pulls, are just way more expensive than what I'd originally thought so getting everything back on and in may take a few paychecks. But....at least the labor intensive part is half way done. 

The chain gang.  We've realized that there is no way we will be done with everything before warmer weather and snakes return. Right now we've had to break it up into manageable pieces already. Basement now stands in water 75% of time. It drives mice up into house and we now have massive mice problems...yet again. Sigh. Professionals have said that due to years and years of infestation problems this is not anywhere near being an overnight fix and will take many months of treatments as we demouse all of their many nesting sites within cracked walls, crevices and such. So, with increased rain we deal with another round of mice. It's being dealt with...but basement must be 100% emptied in order to reduce space to mere concrete and eliminate all hiding/nesting spaces. So, what little we had left now has to go also. As a result, we will stop the actual house improvement after kitchen/living are complete and move to basement. Once those are accomplished we'll return to house to tackle office/dining and then on to bathrooms and bedrooms. But the yard....yeah. And the warm weather....and the snakes....and the kids all over it. In an effort to knock out several things at once we have begun assigning projects and put everyone to work on specific task. The amazing joy of tons of kids! We are capable of knocking out many things at once. They have been assigned to raking yard into piles. We'll begin burning on Monday. One of the amazing things about living in the Amazon....you can burn all the time...anytime of the year! There is no burn ban here....a sheer novelty in and of itself. Leaves, twigs, sticks...everything. No bagging required. So....children have worked their butts off within the past week as they rake leafy autumn carnage into burn piles. So it is that we have had to delegate and they tackle outside while I work feverishly trying to finish up living/kitchen in order to move on and tackle basement....again.  I do love that they know how to work...and work well. Hopefully summer will prove to be productive as far as yard goes. Right now, concern is just the forest floor, snakes that abide due to it and getting that dealt with. Come summer maybe we can actually do some planting, landscaping, and grass growing. And just maybe it'll provide yet another way to get back into shape quickly after baby. 

My priming buddy finally gave it up.

All the continual dirty mess of love. It takes a constant making peace with it all and settling heart and mind to be ok with the continual state of disarray and unorganization going on. But....little by little we're getting there. 

Maybe I could just go around taking foot sizes to see who knew it was in the floor and failed to pick it up.

And here they come! They only get bigger from here. Boys were just more than a little bit thrilled. They were ready to rip out the .22's. As it was, the shovel seemed to work just fine.

Ready to burn!

These piles will be pulled away from fence and fed into ditch fires once we begin. The ability to just burn it all is still just such a huge novelty. Sooooooo much better than shoveling into bed of truck and hauling to compost site for weeks and weeks on end as was done last year. Who knew burning leaves could be so thrilling. It's the little stuff in life!

And the wildlife emerges once more...and completely thrills kids.

1st coat vs 2nd coat of primer! Ready for paint! At least the one on the right is. 

One of the many reasons painting gets interrupted 50 freakin thousand times. The mess up, tear up duo.

Inseparable duo. Their relationship is so amazing for husband and I to observe. She won't leave him and she's got him completely wrapped around her little finger. There's not much he wouldn't do for her tiny little self...including begging for her to stay up WAY past her bedtime! "Mom, it's just her and she's so happy. She'll be cool and lay still. She just wants to hang out." This is about how she goes to sleep every night daddy's on shift. She loves him more than life itself.

Spring! Painter's tape going on....yep...still waiting for 2nd coat of paint before I can take it off. But, before I can put 2nd coat on I need the above sink light completed. Holding pattern. Again. But the daffodils are pretty amazing and so much fun to have growing wild in yard!

The Essence of Life in Pics

In continuation of the last post....what baby looks like all tucked up under clothes. 27 weeks! 13 more to go. It's actually progressing a little too swiftly for me. So much to do. But sweet tiny girl is entirely active and definitely making her presence known while everybody falls in love with her....weeks before she is ever even held in their arms. 

Rockin' the shades. Pretty tough, amazing, sweet girl. No tears or even whining despite eye dilation... and she walked away with a strong prescription for her 1st set of glasses. Exciting things for a 4 year old! She was under the impression she had been so big it got her out of a carseat for the day so she promptly buckled up in the big seat....and then just as promptly got moved over to her carseat that sat right beside her. Pretty sweet company for the afternoon. Afternoon together and errand running that followed...and a little bit of Chik Fil A lunch. 

The 3 Musketeers. Rowdy, red slushie drinking, loud, tackling each other to the ground in total fits of laughter....rowdy...boys!!! All the best of brotherhood. And once again....little bit of twin height difference going on. When Grant is barefoot or Garrett has shoes on they are now exact same height and often mistaken for 1st set of twins......when the 3 of them are not busy being guessed as triplets or quadruplets...as Gavin is rarely ever missing from the group. 

 What boys do all day. Tree climbing, wrestling matches on trampoline, dirt digging, leafy tree branch fort building, bike riding, basketball playing, brick jumping kids. Just a taste of everyday life around here that makes me smile. Clearing the brick and landing on feet....all part of the obstacle course they concocted. 

This amazing girl is an inspiration to everybody. From struggling 4 mile hiker to avid runner. Hoping to to chronicle our weight journey with her in a later post when I possess more time to write. And honestly, I know what a super sensitive issue this topic is among people, especially when children are involved, and how VAST and strongly people feel about how it should be handled....and the total freedom they feel in voicing those strong opinions and whether they feel we have handled it well or not. So, my courage has wavered in writing about any of our journey with her. But, due to so many around us seeing the change within her, how her self confidence has grown in such vast amounts and the physical changes of her body, I have been asked to tell our story and also write about all that we have walked. So, hopefully, I will have some time to be able to share it all...without offending anybody and everybody out there as I tackle the subject of weight....especially those issues that center around overweight children.

Having personally struggled with weight from an early age and put on my first all liquid diet at the age of 11, there have been many opinions near and far on how to handle weight issues with her. With obesity running rampant on husband's side of the family and my own history we know there is a propensity for our own children to easily fall into that category. This girl has learned what it is to overcome and conquer. Through much coaching and lots of encouragement from so many around her that love her so deeply, she has learned to dig deep, push hard and find the strength that lies within inner self and make changes early in life that will benefit her the remainder of her own.  There are so many different personalities between all of our children it is fascinating for husband and I to observe them all. While some are content to just lay around and read and write indoors all day...much like I did as a child....others cannot sit still for even 5 minutes and would live outside every single minute of every day. This sweet girl has learned what it is to live an active lifestyle while still pursuing her passion of words. She has pushed so hard she has puked, there have been tears, and each day there is the absolute gratification of total victory that she has found within herself. After completion of 1st 5K she laughed and cried and was in total shock she had achieved what she has worked so hard towards. She now runs 3 miles 6 days a week and is my workout companion as we do pushups, squats and a myriad of other workout routines. Siblings rally around her and they all participate in friendly competitions, encourage, and we all run and workout together as a family. It has also benefited all of the others in strengthening their endurance abilities. How amazing it is to us to see self confidence within our children grow and the discovery within themselves of all that they are capable...to know so intimately what it is to overcome the war that wages within head and body when physical limitations are challenged. This has also drastically helped her overcome and heal from what was done to her 4 years ago and learn that she is not a victim. So much healing and learning she has the power to overcome and never be a victim again. Surrounded by so many that love her so deeply, have encouraged her and have helped her discover who lies within, embrace and love herself and all the strength she possesses. Sweet girl who can now run an entire 5k in 30 minutes 6 days a week. 3 consecutive 10 minute miles and still growing. She successfully ran 4 miles yesterday, with her 4th mile being an 11:49 mile. So, so, so proud of her.

The woes of living in a taller than you world...and you have laundry switching duty that week. Team work!

And more team work! Emptying the dryer where arms can't reach the back. And while we normally eat whole wheat/whole grain bread, the scenario taking place on top of the dryer would be the result of husband taking some of the load off of me and doing the major trip of the week. I'm just entirely thankful to have food in the house that I didn't have to go get. So, we'll make it work!  They're just not going to die cause they ate white bread for a week. 

Yet more woes of living in a tall world. It's hard to tell but she's about a foot off the ground. Just made me laugh at all they are capable of overcoming without even thinking about it. No asking for help. Just jump, hang, and wash.

Faithful guardians that never leave their side and would undoubtedly sacrifice their own life in saving their's. They take their job seriously. Ever faithful, loyal companions. I really love big dogs. 

Cold rainy weekend while daddy works and I paint shelves behind them. One aspect I have come to absolutely love about our little home....we are always together. The sense of unity that comes from always being near is pretty sweet. While the largest house we have ever lived in was our last at 2,000 sq ft, we also had a detached 600 sq ft room where they often played, and since rain was near non existent they lived outside. Since rain is frequent here and our total living space has been reduced to 1500 sq ft in its entirety it has resulted in everyone discovering the contentment of just being near to everyone else. And while some days it can serve to be rather maddening when cabin fever sets in, those days are fairly rare. The friendships it has strengthened between them, the unity between us all and the absolute necessity of making it all work has been one of the biggest advantages and adventures of being here. And I'm just not sure I'd change it at this point. While it is easily messed up by mere kid play it is also just as easily straightened back up. House cleaning is never unmanageable for anyone and it has allowed us the freedom to go and do and discover rather than being a slave to the house and keeping it clean.

I love this picture, as it just portrays so much of life here. Little people slept, crazy older ones outfitted in camping intended rain gear having basketball matches with neighbors in cold rain, some wrapped in blankets on beds reading, another at neighbor's helping babysit younger sibling and these guys completely wrapped up in a world beyond. It's just not about how much you have or don't have...it's about what you do with what you've already been given.

Little by little by little.

I can do this. I WILL do this. Because it will be worth it all in the end and it's just not about us. It never was about us. But just in case you ever wonder....priming sucks. But, people were created to help other people. And when one fails to ever realize that or I never make our life mission to help others I have missed the entire point of life as a whole. Self centeredness and self absorption then so easily take place where hurting others....both intentionally and unintentionally....becomes a way of life. I come from a long line of victimized mentalities and self centeredness. I began this journey knowing nothing but that way of life. But somewhere in this whole thing I have learned to look beyond self and it's changed my perspective of all of life. I've realized my own attitude and perspective of life and problems are exactly how our kids will grow up to perceive life and deal with it. If I'm always a victim they will be also. If I'm constantly focused on what I don't get, don't have, what people are doing that I don't like, or all they're doing I have personal issues with....that's what our kids will grow to see in others. If I constantly have issues with people so will they. If I fail to set boundaries with others than so will they also have the propensity of being run over and boundary-less in life. I want our children to grow up knowing how to be successful in relationships...from family, to marriage, to friends, to people who screw you over, betray, seek death and destruction, to siblings they won't always agree with and with which won't always agree with them, to landlords who could easily be taken to court, to a God that could've allowed it all never to happen. But life...it's just not about us. And when one turns into self you lose sight of it all and the entire purpose of life itself as a whole. It's just not about us. It never was. Deep thoughts of the abyss as I prime, paint, and ponder this whole journey.

So I continue to paint, and tackle, and overcome with 30 jillion kids in tow as we all learn together what it is to look beyond self and give until it hurts. Cause there's just a LOT of other crap I'd rather be doing right now than priming. But, even in the midst of it all, I'm just pretty thankful for the resources to buy the primer, buy the paint, do the work and better it all. That hasn't always existed. And in the end...it will be amazing. I'm entirely thankful for older kids now who can help with the whole process too and keep it all fun. We will prevail.....cause it's just not about us. Faithfulness lies in the small things and the amount of love that was shown in the sacrifice. So.....we continue!

Picture Journey of Baby 12: 26 weeks!

14 more weeks. It's just not that far away. This entire pregnancy is rapidly progressing....probably due much to the fact that we don't really ever stop....ever. House is moving along and, though slower than I'd like, we are making progress each day. This is definitely no minor, short term, love project and will probably take the better portion of a year....possibly even longer just on interior alone. Yard....or raw forest....might be more like a decade, I'm thinking. Yep, not like we're in any danger of running out of projects anytime soon. The whole 100 Days of Real Food for this pregnancy....it's become survival mode at this point as we work diligently each day on that specific day's goal. The way I figure it...kids are doing good to even get fed...so cooking....yeah....not really happening at this point. Someday. But not now. Benefits to this whole process would be, while running is still very much a sanity saving activity, trying to fit P90X in proves difficult to say the least....and the work before us provides an entire day's worth of fairly intense physical exertion in every way...not to mention just the daily aspect of life with a comical number of kids. I run because I really absolutely have found peace, contentment, solitude, quiet, power, and staggering physical and mental discipline that comes no other way in life. So I continue to run because of what is does for me mentally and the transformation that comes because of it. P90X has been temporarily replaced with renovating 1500 square feet while axing, raking and digging up a 1 acre yard.


So, diet and exercise, while not the standard P90X routine as the last few pregnancies became, is still entirely capable of keeping one active enough to stay within a reasonable, contented range.

So I REALLY should watermark these. And I may go back and edit it....if the psychos prove to show up.  Like saying this will do any good....but it makes me feel better to put it out there for all the moral people in this world that actually have a conscious. I do ask...please refrain from copying any pictures seen on this blog or using them in any other place. Why people want pictures of some random pregnant chick....not to mention one that's already had 11 kids....I'll never know. But apparently they do. So...to those of you that this applies to...please do not copy, steal or reuse pictures in any way.

Edited to add...that's just like taking to a brick wall....so, edited with watermarked pics!

Soooo......26 weeks with Baby Lillye Caroline!!....one side....

And yes...the same jeans that have been around for the last 6 pregnancies. And it's the same egg shape that I had with Gates. Not sure what's up with that. Looks very.....egg-like.....to me. 

And the other!

And the absolute absurdity of standing in front of a wall of floor to ceiling windows for decent light while cars drive by and stare. And yes...they really do. We seem to have become North Carolina's biggest freak show attraction and cars routinely drive by, slow to a near stop while gaping in windows and pointing free ranging kids out in trees. Yes. They really do this....both cars and kids....day in and day out. And this is just a funny freaking picture cause it seems to capture absolutely everything that living in this house entails. The absurdity of it all....and the joy that has finally come from just accepting life and working with what you've been given. Lots and lots of laughter. Pretty safe to say it's no secret to neighbors and a white 2007 or so Nissan, a black Ford Explorer, burgundy minivan and black Camry...that we have a thousand and two kids....and I'm pregnant! Sooooo.....you just laugh...and wave! Cause it just feels a little bit ridiculous to be standing there with an exposed pregnant stomach and kids hanging from trees while people do drive-bys!

And some randomness....for a combination post...since it'll probably never get posted otherwise right now.

Outside my window....
Spring! Daffodils, dogwoods, chirping birds.....LOUD ones, woodpeckers, budding trees. Once again...change of seasons in a state that actually gets rain, is not drought ridden and sun fried....is absolutely breathtaking. How my heart misses wide open spaces, saddled horses, clucking chickens and obnoxious roosters, ornery donkeys, rolling hills, grazing cattle in barren pastures and cotton crops as far as eye can see....sunsets and sunrises, massive full moons rising over Texas plains, wind...constant blowing west Texas winds.....but the seasons, the weather and the rain here...pretty amazing stuff.

I am thinking...
that having the van die was like watching an old friend die. While it's a bit of an inconvenience to work with one 6 seater Dodge quad cab, house projects provide plenty to do with no need to leave house anytime soon. But....seeing it sit in driveway.....quiet and deathlike....is just kinda sad to me. I miss the massive, diesel rumbling beast. I miss having us all together everywhere we go. I miss knowing every little idiosyncrasy about it....it becoming quite the Disney-like character and taking on a life of its own within the family. Yep...I just miss the van. And if I had my way....I'd just raise it from the dead and drive it some more. I don't really want a new one...at all. Unless it's a 21+ passenger church bus with a middle isle and a/c run by a generator. Then I might just not be so opposed. And yes...I would just so seriously drive a church bus....or any bus for that matter....especially one with a toilet. But really....I just want the van back.

I am thankful....
for projects that keep the mind and heart busy and the resources He's provided to be able to tackle them all.

I am wearing....
sanding and painting clothes, barefoot, hair shoved up in clippie. Nothing sexy...for sure. Although...I am all clean with vanilla body spray and makeup on! So, that helps the cause a little.

I am hearing...
Blake Shelton informing me I'm a high he apparently wants to be on, Mercyme singing everything my heart and mind think almost every minute of every day, and Chris Tomlin...in that order.

I am pondering.....
all of life, how far we have come, wondering what is still left we can't see. All that we have learned, all that we have walked, all that we have lost and all that we have gained since June 2009. Absolute, total, blind, trust in Him, kindness, forgiveness, strength, love born out of anguish, brokenness, character, fortitude, diligence, determination, overcoming, victory, patience, peace, joy, gentleness, self control and self discipline in every way, faithfulness when world and reality scream to forsake it all and turn back. How do you ever forgive what was done to your little girl, how do you ever get over the heartbreak of relationships lost, 13 week miscarriage, dire predictions of dr's, how do you trust again, how do you continue, how do you pick up and move 1700 miles away from everything you have ever known, leaving all family....all your children have ever known....freedom and rural life. How do you ever overcome all that has been overcome in the past 4 years? Yet here we are....freer than we have ever been, happier and more fulfilled than we have ever known, more content and more secure and confident of who we are in  Him than we ever have been. Why is it all such a paradox? Why is there so much life after so much death has been experienced? Why has He been so merciful and faithful to us...to me....when I watch so many others continue in self destruction , unhappiness and continual searching. I just don't know. What I have learned is that freedom lies in letting go, in kindness to others, in rising above what flesh screams, in unconditional love, which in turn leads to forgiveness...and joy and life and absolute unprecedented freedom.

I am wondering....
how waking at the crack of dawn with shift working husband to take him to work and pick him up can be such an enjoyable experience. What started out as something that rather dreaded....as I have never in my life been a morning person....has turned to be one of our most favorite parts of the day. Early morning quiet, coffee, gentle, sweet talk, laughter, companionship, quiet early morning drive as sun comes up. Best friend. Lover of body, mind and soul. Pretty sweet time together.

I am reading....
how to make a light out of something that did not exactly start out as a light fixture. The electrical world is a large one.


I am hoping....
to cut 8 boys' hair before the end of the day today. Little optimistic.


I am going....
to do something different...and sand...and paint....while schoolbooks and pencil welding kids lay sprawled all around me and babies aid me in rotating a screwdriver on the same screw for no less than 2 hours while I sand.


I am smelling....
nothing. My nose is kinda stopped up right now. Sudafed and Mucinex...it'd be a little beneficial if they'd see fit to work right about now.



In the kitchen....
a laundry closet that needs to be painted...and a LOT of cabinet doors and drawers I really miss.


Life in pics.....



Happy 1st Birthday sweet boy!!! I can't imagine life without you in it. My heart could not possibly love you more than it already does. Sweet, content, ever happy, smiling, gentle hearted one.

Nothing in the world beats making race tracks, miniature cities, and constructing a new dirt world.

New color!

Messy, windblown, forever outdoor girl

So....for the first entire corner I really just hated it...in its entirety. But...after it all dried and a few days with it on the wall....it's growing on me!

How many kids can you cram in a playhouse...at least 9.

Hours and hours of sandy air compressor tracks and designs. 

End of season team pic. Sweet pretty girl. Front row, 2nd from right

Graduating up to playing outside with the big guys while I....sand doors and drawers. Imagine that. Beautiful weather and some pretty sweet company. 

Yes....he's in pajamas. Last one to finally get to feeling better after last week's explosive virus. It took him an entire 9 days to get over it. But...he has emerged! There is some serious contemplation and discussion taking place as they work to construct new NASCAR track. 

Done!

Early morning checking of the trucks. Even after 16 years of being a fire wife this sight just never gets old. I love the guys and I love the trucks. Uniforms don't hurt their cause any either. So much respect for these rumbling beasts and the guys that drive them. 

Filling holes before priming. Thrilling stuff. Blue painter's tape has since come off the walls! Still have to paint the baseboards and door frames...but the big walls are done! Now to start all. over. again. on the hallway. At some point. Need to finish living and kitchen first. Bookshelf happening today. Life didn't really allow that one to take place yesterday. 

Side of entertainment center that has been housed in basement. Unearthing it from the dungeon. A small glimpse of what we battle down there as we slowly tackle the larger stuff that is left. 

Mold. LOTS of it. And fuzzy.

And this is only the side of it. Front...yeah. More work. 

 Still wet...and kinda peachy/gold and nasty in color. But, as I said...it dried, daylight came...and things improved...or...color improved. 

THIS is how you tackle home improvement!! Finally some organization to the tools, materials and crap everywhere. The world's most organized, cheapest toolbox ever. 

Top drawer: all hand tools, measuring tapes, screws and nails. 

Middle: all paint supplies

Bottom: power drill, sander, all electrical stuff

Ready to be sanded!! I'm thinking it could just as easily be torn out as it could be sanded and painted. It's kinda like a barge in a 2 ft room and taking up what could be couch space. But...it stays....and I'm painting it....today!

And I've just been doing this post for over 24 hours now. So....excuse any typos and I will come back later to edit in greater detail. For now....pics and a baby update...they're doing good to even be published.