After Christmas Randomness

Outside my window...
Supposedly a thunderstorm. Thinking that this storm and all this lightening, thunder and 70 mph winds sure are ferocious.  More appropriate forecast would be: "Steady rain." NC seriously needs to work on its ability to storm. However....rain of any sort is always and forever reason to celebrate! Taking down the Christmas tree, cleaning house, organizing, hot soup, and cold rainy day showing of the Fox and the Hound followed by some game playing. Doesn't get much better than that! And there is an amazing peace and crazy joy that goes with the last few things remaining in the basement being on raised pallets as it floods again. Basement woes...dealt with.

I am thinking....
that out of the first 10 kids we never had one that did not begin sleeping through the night between the ages of 3-5 months....a few even earlier. I have now decided that roly poly, tubby, super content and amazingly happy 9 1/2 month old Gates is nowhere near being adorable at 11:30pm, 2:14am, 5:18am...and then again at 8:32am. This every 3 hour milk habit he has going is nowhere near being even remotely wonderful or cute at those hours. I have now come to the conclusion that he needs a continuous feed milk drip all through the night so that I can once again remember what sleep feels like. Poor Baby C is in for a rude awakening tonight as he comes to realize the milk train made its last middle of the night stop last night.


I am thankful.....
for the new treadmill. However...training your kid for a 5K is a bit odd when one is left cheering them on and encouraging from the sidelines without working one muscle or exerting any effort whatsoever.  I think I like running outside together much better...but a treadmill will definitely suffice on the rainy days, I suppose. Owning one sounded entirely wonderful in theory, as that is all she begged for as a Christmas gift.....but fitting it in 1500 sq ft with 13 people and it being the size of a Dodge truck and all....proving a bit interesting. Thankful that our cats now live happily outside with dogs....cause I just really hate cats. And that patient husband took the time to pull up every last carpet staple that still existed. Now on to tackle rooms 2 and 3 and do some ripping out of carpet there....and more staple pulling. I'm just really ready to paint something.


I am wearing....
clothes.


I am hearing....
not the smoke alarms that beeped incessantly for days. Despite batteries being in, batteries being out, breakers on, breakers off, alarms reset or totally unset, they finally saw fit to quit their every 30 second 24 hour chirping after fire husband was home long enough to figure out the problem and fix it. Thankfully he has  more patience than I possess and his tactic was a little kinder and gentler than hammering the crap out of them....since that approach didn't go so well for kids and I.


I am pondering.....
what's worse...the total embarrassment of having to fess up and tell date night husband only 45 minutes into the night out that something is really not right, puking may be imminent, the entire world is in slow motion and hearing is muted....or him now mandating I drown myself in an entire gallon of water every. single. day. Just for the record...water is entirely capable of producing heartburn.



I am wondering....
what people do with pregnant pictures of strange people they've never met. Lately there has been a surge of interest in the pregnant and post baby pics on here dating all the way back to baby #6 when I began picture documenting each baby journey. St Petersburg Russia seems to have an intense interest in them along with several other locations that appear to be copying them and using them for other purposes. Makes me wonder if they're just trying to figure out if I've truly physically carried every one of our kids or if some pervert is doing other more questionable things. Oh the joy of the public world wide web and the people who stalk it. Based on the number of pictures that have been clicked on and copied from this blog I'm quite certain there is a family with 11 children that look stunningly similar to our's and a pregnant mom who resembles me in a shocking manner living somewhere on a blog in a foreign country. I've decided to spare us all this pregnancy and refrain from posting any more pregnant pics......or, at least refrain from subjecting everyone to the misery of a pregnant chick in jeans and a sports bra until I figure out how to begin watermarking pics. I probably should grow the patience to begin watermarking all of the pictures uploaded on here. Fun.


I  am reading......
not the People magazine I bought about the CT shooting and each of its victims. I purchased it in an effort to know each of the names and faces so that we can pray by name for each family that suffered such tremendous loss. But it just makes me depressed every single time I look at the cover of it. I have instead now gathered the names from a news article and we are praying that way.


I am hoping.....
that the 22 qt roaster oven we got for Christmas proves itself entirely more adept at cooking than I am. Cause I fully intend to throw all that crap in there and just walk away.


I am going......
to unearth the measuring tape, make a trip to Home Depot and  mount shelves in the laundry closet, the hall closet, the baby crib closet and the kids' closet turned sleeping bag/blanket storage. I'm then going to organize every square inch of this house and make it as fully optimal, practical and functional for us as it gets. It'll be interesting to see how long it takes husband to appear once he hears the power drill fire up...probably not even a full minute.


I am smelling.....
pumpkin air freshener....and a ton of it.

Me: Why does it smell so good in here?

Aubrey: Cause it stunk.

Me: Well, then it should still stink.

Aubrey: Well....it doesn't now.

Me: I know. That's the problem. Why does it not still stink?

Aubrey: Cause Baby A wreaked so I sprayed stuff everywhere.

Me: You sprayed way too much.

Aubrey: Not really. He stunk soooo bad.

Me: And if you're the one that sprayed it then why does A smell like it too?

Aubrey: Cause I sprayed him too.


Soooo........you just can't ever quite argue with Aubrey logic.


I am noticing.....
that being reduced to using a baby washcloth in the shower while pregnant is like trying to wash the titanic with a cotton ball. It would also be helpful when placing heater within bathroom for an enjoyable showering experience to actually turn it all the way to heat instead of merely making it to the fan setting. Little breezy. Little chilly.



I am remembering......
the fact I will probably never change another carport lightbulb again....and if I do it certainly won't take any 60 minutes to accomplish...as hammering out the glass to the fixture is just a much faster approach that doesn't quite fry the brain, and is, in fact, quite therapeutic. Fixtures that require a PhD to remove are just plain stupid and manufacturally deficit.



Life in pics.....
Apparently there's not gonna be any until I can figure out how to begin watermarking and claiming ownership of my own pictures. And a post without pictures is just so entirely boring. Nobody ever survives all the words.

Deep in the Heart of Texas

1,700 miles away.....lies a little house on the prairie. And it used to be home....and in some way always will be. How my heart misses this place. Radio plays lilting melody, sweet lyrics..."I'll be home for Christmas if only in my dreams"....and my heart wanders....home. As we celebrate Christmas here, practice old traditions, set new ones, far away from all family and old friends I see our little house that sits on 3 acres where children were conceived, born, grew and played. They hunted, they trapped, they shot, chickens, cats, dogs, horses, donkeys, goats. Tiny west Texas town, everyone knew us, we knew everyone. And for but a moment I allow myself to miss it. I let thoughts, sentimental in every regard, return and remember everything we left behind. The learned art...disciplined act of not looking back again... laid down on this cold Christmas Eve. Quiet house, walls inhale, exhale with the rhythmic breaths they each take. Trees, silver and bare, graceful as they dance in their nakedness, sway in the wind beyond. They whisper of Christmases past, Christmas present, and all the ones to come. And I ponder where we are in life, how far we've come from this very moment 12 months ago.... giving away the last 50.00 to our name....to this place of abundance...presents for children, abundant food, so much to give and not just take. We watch their faces as we pray. We teach and we remind them of the words we have so come to intimately understand....words we all know by heart...."I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want." Ph 4:12. And I just stand in awe of our life, what  God has done and the lengths to which He has taken us  to show His love, His mercy and teach us lessons no one just ever willingly signs up for and wants to learn. And as thankful as I am to be here and have been brought 1700 miles away from home to know what we know now and understand to such greater depths.....I ponder how I can miss it so much.


It's a constant effort to not grow angry....even still. To know that our tiny little dream now sits 16,000 below the price for which we bought it and another 15,000 that is not even reflected of what all we put into it....tankless water heater, water softener, hard floors, massive brand new a/c and heater, transitioning it all over to gas....everything. Things, material comforts and conveniences I yearn for here. And it sits in a tiny Texas town. And we're here....in a concrete jungle....where property lines, fences and people abound. And sometimes I just kinda miss it.....and I still wanna go home....where prairie winds blow, stars are by the millions, lightening shows far exceed the most elaborate fireworks exhibition and the thunder rolls across sky for hundreds of miles.


 That being said, I know we've been brought here for a reason. Our children, each and every one of them, given supernatural favor and superbly loved by so many. How surrounded we are in this place, how loved our family has become, how easy the people are to love here. Oldest excels in biking, scouts, hiking, camping. He lives outdoors and is loved and favored by all. Friendships abound, and he flourishes in this land. Girls compete in sports, surrounded by friends and coaches, loved by so very many, favor given in every area. Little boys join scouts and follow in uncle's and big brother's footsteps as they begin their personal journeys to Eagle. Jiu jitsuing husband continues to rank up under one of the most respected teachers in the region, teaching and training children as he goes. We have access to one of the most elite Y's in the area. Children all rock climb, swim, run track, meet friends to do it all together. They flourish here and we have been given relationships that far outweigh anything in life we have ever known.


And I know this place in life is a good one. Children and husband are all happy and they each flourish in their own individual strengths and help each other in their weaknesses...encouraging, pushing, motivating and staying active. Life beyond chickens and the coop. Homeschool group, field trips, co-op...life, church, activity, community. The introvert misses the simplicity, the obscurity, the quiet. Sharing lone Texas highways with cattle ranchers and cotton farmers. But even in looking back I've reached a place of contentment here. We're here for such a time and place as this. I don't know how long we'll be in our little house buried down in the forest but I do know we've been chosen for this job, to lay ourselves down....and in growing in this place we have learned to improvise, adapt and overcome...to not only make the best of it all but to flourish here....to live simply, to live with purpose, to possess only what we need. Memories made in tiny spaces, bonded by what we have overcome as a family and all that we know we are capable when called to rise above, to live closely together as both family and friends....unity that can only come from walking the road we've walked and our children learning these principles early in life. And in learning the often painful act of continually overcoming self we have been given the ability to speak into another man's life...to possibly change his life, and perhaps that of his family's, forever. Maybe we came 1700 miles just to paint 1500 sq ft of walls, replace every sq ft of flooring, fix some toilets, replace some windows, mount some ceiling fans, replace a dishwasher and stove, install some shelving, and put many, many man hours into a forested, overgrown yard....to make all the ugly into some form of beautiful...to give a man hope that had none. Maybe we've been brought here to grow, to learn kindness, to learn the act of absolute selflessness when all of flesh screams otherwise, to show mercy and grace like what we have been given in life, to expand children's worlds, to give back a small portion of all that we have been given. Maybe we've been brought here for all of that...and more. And maybe in 10 years when black belt has been achieved and Eagle has been earned for many scouting sons we'll move on to snowy, mountainy Colorado where wide open spaces and cattle ranches still exist. Or maybe we'll just go home and settle in the Austin hill country close to friends and family...or maybe we'll just stay put, having laid years of roots here within our lives and that of our children's. Who knows. But I do know on this Christmas Eve, as blustery winds blow in a bitter, cold front across the plains of Texas....I just still kinda miss home....and it's ok to miss it sometimes.


When thoughts turn homeward...



Early Christmas morning fun. We celebrate this holiday and shift husband's first full 96 off since beginning work for the county last March, almost 10 months ago.  In an effort to enjoy it to its fullest we opted to finish up to-do list Sat, celebrate Christmas Sunday, and spend remaining 2 days, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, just enjoying children and time together with gift opening, clean up and all assembly already done. Christmas Day, last day of 96, will be spent playing games, eating good food and just down time together as an entire family. With games like Mad Gab, Taboo, Pictionary and the like there will be lots of laughs and lots of memories made on a day full of food, fun and nothing but each other and the entire reason for Christmas to celebrate.

We also celebrate the 14 week milestone today. Since losing our baby boy at 14 weeks this has now become one of the biggest milestones to hit. And while I know so well that one is never fully guaranteed anything in life...reaching this week in pregnancy has become a sacred point. So, as we celebrate so many things in life this week we also celebrate a sweet growing baby...and 14 weeks of pregnancy!

 Trampoline assembly party. We have learned the hard way that craigslist is good for pretty much everything but trampolines. When you have 10 jumping for hours every day you're just better off spending money on a quality one that will hold up to the task asked of it.

Twins and twins.

Christmas morning group. So it might would've been cute if A and B had stayed dressed in warm clothes....and a fire was lit...and the stockings were still up. A fire was eventually raging in the fireplace to warm the house up and A and B did rediscover their warm pj's soon after this...but the stockings never made it back up, as they were too full to stick back on.

The messy, fun of it all. It remained a doll stroller for .5 seconds before transitioning into a real live baby stroller.

When you just can't cook....even when you try....

The inspiration for the beginning of meaningful Christmas baking traditions with children....

...or really I woulda been happy with even this....

...quite thrilled, actually....

.....and......the reality.

So yeah....let's not do this again....ever.

The Conspiracy Theory: more truth than fiction

I've sat to write many times over the last few days. With heavy heart...nothing seems to come. It seems trivial to gripe about my inability to cook, how I chose the absolute worst time of year to rip out carpet, as we will live on subfloors until the chaos of birthday parties, Christmas parties, Christmas functions, and errand running is over...not to mention there are still 100,000 more staples to pull out.  Everything seems.....trivial. It's not about gun control. It's not about school security. It's not about homeschooling vs the public school system. It's not about republican vs democrat, conservative vs liberal, or who's to blame. I get on facebook to see a wall full of arguments and political unrest. Home schoolers stating, "So glad my children are home with me and away from the public school system these days" and hundreds more that follow behind with similar statements. We live in denial if we think our families...our children.....are safe because they're home. When we step out of our front door anymore we are putting ourselves and our children at risk. Movie theatres, Walmart, simply grabbing a cup of coffee or a sandwich on the go. It's taken place in all of these places. Walmart. March 7, 2010. My 1st cousin and her husband were at Walmart in east Texas with their 2 year old. Gunman entered and open fired on everyone. My cousin's husband, an off duty deputy sheriff, sent cousin and baby running to back of store and he stayed and engaged the shooter, hitting the shooter multiple times and taking a bullet in his own chest. He lived, the shooter did not. We have had public shooting hit very close to home...in a very literal sense....and greatly affect close family members.


Two of the many articles and news coverage surrounding the Walmart shooting in east Texas found here and here.


Considering the horrendous massacres of the Batman shooting and now the elementary school shooting I think there is so much more at stake.....things the general public refuses to think about....doesn't want to think about. Because if they do....where do we go from here? We are, sadly, a nation that does not know what it is to stand up and fight. It's easier to play the victim than stand up and fight a tyrannical government. Food Inc, anyone? The government has a way, quick and efficient in every sense, of silencing its opposers or those that would dare question. But I do question. I question a lot. And these are exactly my thoughts on it all. A blog I could've very well written with my own thoughts. Questions that run deep. Deep gut instincts that tell of things that lie buried deep, so much more, an undercurrent of civil unrest and agendas that are far from good and honorable. A nation, leaders that no longer possess a conscience....no matter their political affiliation.....with agendas that will destroy anything and everything to gain the power they seek. I think there is more truth to this than we will ever even begin to know.


My heart grieves so deeply for the families of the children that were lost. I know the government is corrupt and there is no end to its quest for power.....women and children all expendable. Whatever it takes to get the attention of the world and turn the tides in their favor. What better way than fear tactics? I know we live in a wicked immoral society that has forgotten the God on which the founding fathers based this country. I know this nation has become so arrogant and so self centered they think they can actually make it without total reliance on God. Yet when something of this atrocity happens they all turn to God and run screaming...."Where is He? If there is a God than how could He allow this to happen....innocent women and children?" Ummmm....people....you kinda did away with Him over the course of the last 30 years. We've allowed Him to be taken absolutely completely out of schools, you've taken Him out of the government, He is not allowed to exist within our nation anymore....and then you want His protection? It's just sad to me to watch the division of a country that's strongest asset used to be its unity. Christians by far being some of the worst....arrogant, self righteous hypocrites that will turn on each other whenever boundaries are drawn....no one wanting adherence to respect for others...just themselves and their reputation. It has become the demise of the nation. And while the Christians self destruct in their divisiveness between each other and all attention is turned to destroying another with religious rhetoric, who's holier than thou, who's reputation was jeopardized by speaking truth, who has more kids, who doesn't use birth control, who's going to hell cause they do, who has on a dress, who has more Bible knowledge and schooling....they have taken God out of schools, they have taken Him out of the government, they have taken Him out of anything and everything they can...and then everyone sits bewildered and consternated while wondering what just happened when America itself begins to self destruct.  We live in a society where people are cruel to one another. Kindness is few and far between. People attain more joy from putting others in their place rather than lending a helping hand. Children are seen as a bother and do nothing but obstruct the isles of shoppers on more important missions. Children are raised by screens, and do not even know what to do when turned loose outside. They don't even know what it is to play without the aid of a device thinking for them or engaging them. When being seated at a restaurant not long ago we passed a table of a mother and father and two children ages around 7 and 9. Two children sat with laptops before them and a movie playing, headphones on.....at their table...while they all ate. What happened to a family meal? It has become so rare to see a vehicle going down road with children not looking at a screen of some sort that children and I have begun to count the ones that are actually engaged in conversation with their children. People watching....it's an amazing thing. Most days we come home with a total count of about 2 vehicles where parents and children were conversing. One day we counted not even one. Parents are usually on cell phones and kids are looking at a tv screen or handheld screens of some sort....no one talking within the vehicle. It leaves me to wonder what is said when conversation does occur. People, not just children, live within the screen these days...a world far beyond the reality of the right here, right now....the faces before them. And my heart just hurts. The motto has become "Don't teach children what to think. Teach them how to think." And while I agree with this 100% it has also been used to fuel the movement of letting them choose their own religion..if they choose one to begin with. What happened to instilling the characters, morals, values and respect for the one and only God into the lives and hearts of our children? Writing His truth upon the tablet of their hearts? While teaching children to think for themselves you don't allow them to run out in the street and then let you know if a car was coming, stand by and watch them step off into a pool and yell at them to let you know if they've figured out if they can swim...or allow them to open the oven door and figure out if it was hot. There's guidance there. We teach them truth, facts, faith, morals, values, ethics and then how to apply it for themselves.


Yet I am met with home schoolers left at home for endless hours, parents who know not what their children do on the internet, large families that breed older children to watch younger ones all day while mom accomplishes busyness and errand running, church goers that find it easier to lash out and judge..tear down and destroy than to affirm and build up, a generation of spoiled, apathetic children that do not know the importance of voting and want the world handed to them on a silver platter. A generation that thinks they are owed every comfort in life, has never known loss, has never known true need, has never been taught how to work, doesn't know what it is to overcome discomfort, and does not even begin to know what it is to suffer for the sake of Christ or what it is to forsake it all and follow Him. They know nothing of total dependency on Him. He has become merely a free ticket into Heaven for most.


And we wonder why America has gone so far downhill. In countries where there is a legal automatic weapon in every household they have no such massacres occurring. In our apathy as citizens we have elected in, over the course of time, a tyrannical government hungry for power. We have ceased to educate ourselves and have allowed the medical profession to dictate our health care.....hundreds upon hundreds of needless cesareans being performed, an absolute overdose in our children of immunizations, prescriptions written out for a a fingernail ache and then multiple ones written out for the side effects of the first one....and we accept this.....we seem to want this...because dr's know best.  They have the degree. Never mind the multi billion dollar industry medicine has become. The welfare of the patients has been forgotten while the money hungry, drug pushers and companies behind it all have grown starry eyed in their lust of the American dollar.


While my heart aches beyond words for the families of these children I stay cautious that this is only the beginning of more slaughter to come. One little boy was merely 2 days younger than Garrett. One of them a twin. I absolutely cannot fathom losing one of our twins....the void that would live on in the surviving one. One of them had 2 younger siblings the ages of Gavin and Ivye. That would be like having to explain to the two of them why their best buddy is never returning home. One of them the "baby" of their family. How do you survive that? And I think of all the things I could write about....and it's all just trivial.


To end....begin by just honoring the parents that no longer have this opportunity with their children anymore. Turn off the screens for everybody and just...interact. The agenda of the government may be overwhelming and the motives that fueled the actions of last week may be so far above our heads that it spins the brain....but if nothing else....just engage your children, teach them right from wrong...and know what is going through their head. And for parents everywhere...teach your children kindness. Actions speak louder than any amount of words....and they always have. For those within the church....stop calling church elders for every little gripe about another member, all the wrongs you have suffered, filing complaints with your church board over teachings you dislike, shunning those you have self righteously perceived lesser than yourself. Learn, once more, as an adult, what it is to be kind, to show kindness...and then perhaps you have the ability to model it by example...teach it and instill it....within the hearts of your children. But it doesn't take being a Christian to just be kind. Remember and teach your children that every set of eyes you come into contact with, every physical body mass you pass, is a soul, a person with a story, a person with as much hurt in their life as you have, a person that has seen and experienced thousands of things in life that has shaped them into the person they are. Behind the outlash of actions and words of others lies hurt they've never overcome, rejection that has never been healed, acceptance that's never been felt, insecurities that confidence never overcame, childhood abuse of which they've never spoken, spousal abuse that has enslaved and embittered them. Show kindness wherever you do. Take the time to talk to people instead of seeing anyone in your way as a bother. Look at it as divine intervention that you are there at that time and place in each other's lives....if only for but a moment. That cash register clerk you just treated like shit...is there in your life for a reason...if only for but that moment in time. That mom with the 2 screaming kids occupying "your" space on the isle has probably had a hell of a day and could just use some encouragement instead of the glaring, hellish looks being cast her way. Remember what it is to be kind....find it within yourself, teach it to your children, hold them accountable for their actions, hold them accountable for their use of time, set screen boundaries and engage them, run your errands together as a family, set moral boundaries for yourself so your children learn what it is to be kind and show mercy. Get back to the basics of loving each other and setting appropriate boundaries in life for both yourself and for your children. Embrace life, the people that have filled it, and engage the hearts of your children and those around you....and perhaps it will be enough of a beginning to turn the self destructive acts of this country around. And while it's a little naive to think that kindness, respect for others and attentiveness to our children's hearts are enough to turn this nation around it's sure more of a start than we have going right now.

¹¹ When Solomon had finished the temple of the Lord and the royal palace, and had succeeded in carrying out all he had in mind to do in the temple of the Lord and in his own palace, ¹² the Lord appeared to him at night and said:

“I have heard your prayer and have chosen this place for myself as a temple for sacrifices.

¹³ “When I shut up the heavens so that there is no rain, or command locusts to devour the land or send a plague among my people, ¹⁴ if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my faceand turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.¹⁵ Now my eyes will be open and my ears attentive to the prayers offered in this place. ¹⁶ I have chosen and consecrated this temple so that my Name may be there forever. My eyes and my heart will always be there.

¹⁷ “As for you, if you walk before me faithfully as David your father did, and do all I command, and observe my decrees and laws, ¹⁸ I will establish your royal throne, as I covenanted with David your father when I said, ‘You shall never fail to have a successor to rule over Israel.’

¹⁹ “But if you^[a] turn away and forsake the decrees and commands I have given you^[b] and go off to serve other gods and worship them, ²⁰ then I will uproot Israel from my land, which I have given them, and will reject this temple I have consecrated for my Name. I will make it a byword and an object of ridicule among all peoples. ²¹ This temple will become a heap of rubble. All^[c] who pass by will be appalled and say, ‘Why has the Lord done such a thing to this land and to this temple?’ ²² People will answer, ‘Because they have forsaken the Lord, the God of their ancestors, who brought them out of Egypt, and have embraced other gods, worshiping and serving them—that is why he brought all this disaster on them.’”
2 Chronicles 7:11-22

We're Gonna Have a Baby!

There is absolutely nothing I take for granted about the ability to get pregnant and carry a baby to full term. After a 2nd trimester loss and an intense, traumatic 13 week miscarriage I have become acutely aware of just how fragile life is...from the very beginning, the very first fledgling beat of a tiny new heart. Creation in all of its magnitude, sovereignty of God in all of its perfection...molding, shaping, bringing into existence a person never before created and never again will live. Gift of all of life.

The longer I live, the more people we meet, the more life stories we are told....this ability to have children is no small thing. I watch close friends suffer multiple losses. We grieve with them and mourn the loss of their babies at very early stages, later stages and even full term...and the depth of the gift of health and the number of children we have been given overwhelms both head and heart. God's goodness is incomprehensible. In our loss His goodness was seen, the story He has given us an unexpectedly amazing one, and in our children that live, both in death and here with us, His existence evident in every way.

In this season when all of world focuses on obligatory gift giving, getting...focus seems to be lost and buying frenzy ensues. Pictures of a pretty Baby laid in wooden feeding trough, surrounded by animals housed under primitive barn roof, seems to be more of a ploy cloaked in religious propaganda to fuel the economy. What really took place, the depth of the reality of what happened to a woman's body, the magnitude of Who lies under the barn roof, that a King was born into a barn made temple that night, Creator of Heaven and earth held in arms of humans that night. It's pretty incomprehensible to me....the magnitude of it all. I think of the very real way Mary carried a baby, was pregnant with a baby, and birthed a baby....this process body will experience yet again in a mere 28 or so weeks. I think of what she went through and the fact baby grows within me at this very moment...and all is made so real. Reality of entire story few ever contemplate.

Being pregnant....met with a thriving beating heart, the knowledge of a healthy growing baby tucked away quietly and warm within....the profoundness of that to me...there are no words. Reality of what we truly celebrate runs deep as baby grows. How grateful I am. With morning sickness having been at an all time low this pregnancy it leaves the mind to wander....and worry. Doppler is placed on abdomen. Immediately racing little heart is heard and tells all the world of its existence. And tears flow. Midwife grins...."I hear a baby."  Husband smiles broadly and watches wall clock to count heart rate. 160. Our baby grows. Act of overwhelming love between husband and I, passion and unity between two people come to life, audible to all as baby heart beats. Children eagerly await news. Once told of still racing heart hidden within the entirety of our little world cheers and names are yet again the topic of excitement. "Girl or boy?!" "How big?" "What color eyes do you think?" "Who do you think this baby will look like?" "Like me??" "Like Gates?" "Will it have red hair?" "Ivye's the only one with brown eyes...maybe it'll have brown like Ivye's and she'll finally have a buddy!" G names are discussed, girls names are argued. All of our little world filled with joy, gleeful, happy, laughing kids beginning to comprehend the absolute sacredness of life, the gift that it is, the gift of each other that every one of us in the family have been given.

1st trimester comes to close and excitement grows as we prepare to welcome this tiny new person and watch him/her grow. Sweet Baby, how much I love you already. How in awe I am over each of our children....the similiarites, the differences, all the personalities. How they make us laugh and all the joy they bring to life. What amazing purposes they each have for their individual lives. My cup overflows.....love magnified, exponential growth with each new one...a concept that can never fully be understood by analytical human mind. It can never be analyzed, never understood.....just fully lived and embraced on such an intimate, personal level.

On the topic of sweet baby....happy 9 month birthday to our roly poly baby man. How in love the whole world is with you.

With beginning of 2nd trimester also comes the return to running, hiking, and kicking some butt. With midwife approval...like I needed it to begin with....and energy returning, kids and I hit streets, trails and greenways once more. Weather is beautiful and days beckon to live outdoors. If running, P90X and hiking up until arrival day of baby can result in 2 consecutive 2 hour labors there is nothing to hold back. Nothing in me wishes to endure another 12 hour labor....though it's been a few babies since I've had to overcome that one. Nor is there anything that desires to do it within the tiny confines of a hard bathtub again. Birthing home offers spacious birth pool and home away from home for birthing baby in comfort....cause I'm just not doing that whole bathtub thing again. Ain't happenin.


Back to topic at hand.....I'm of the opinion that running and kicking butt are definitely in order.  With Christmas comes the addition of a treadmill, per one of our children's desperate pleas and since our's was left behind in the move. Now cold, east coast winter rain will not deter....not that we've had issues with it yet. While Texas home has already received snow, just as last year, we sit at a balmy 60 degrees....except for today....that's all of 46 and cloudy. Let the fun resume!

December Activities and Pics

2012 Christmas Parade! Waiting to begin. Working husband was supposed to be driving the ambulance but ran a call that lapped over into parade start time, requiring that another unit be called in to participate. Despite disappointment of not seeing daddy drive they all had a pretty good time. Oldest spent weekend camping on sandy lake shores in VA with scout troop. Wasn't quite the same without them but still so much fun. Last year at this very parade all of life felt so new, strange, out of place...everything, everyone...so foreign. This year we were surrounded by so many, both bystanders and parade participants alike, we have come to know and love, who have embraced our family, and who we have come to so dearly appreciate in life. So many FD and county guys, different people within the community, and so many in different churches due to functions, sports, church activities and scouts all intertwining within life. We were humorously approached by tons more...."You're that family with the thousand kids!!" So how does one even begin to reply to that? I just laughed..."Ummm...yes! We are!" "I see y'all in the store all the time. Oh my gosh your kids are all so beautiful and so well behaved. I can't even get my 2 kids to act like that! Your kids are just sooo happy all the time! We love to watch all the other shoppers count you as you walk by!!" I assured them we definitely have our moments...entire days....months for that matter....and thus began many conversations and meeting yet more new people while we conversed of all the kids they do have, wanted to have, never had or never wanted to have to begin with. Pretty laughable and memorable stuff on a very beautiful 63 degree day.

Park playing while waiting for Evye at basketball practice. So Gavin...yeah.....smile, son. That's just not so attractive.

He figured out pretty quick that the kids on the curb were raking in the candy. Stroller seat was quickly vacated for a more optimal candy receiving location.

 More group attempts. No one was thrilled with having to be reigned in for a pic and having to forsake their play...if only for but 5 minutes. Grant was quite adamant he was staying mad about it and poor Garrett boy....his head hurt all day with his raging sinus infection. But then group pics....they just always make me laugh. You get what you get.

And we have a deserter...and a constipated one, an angry one, a sick one, a bored one and one very ready to go play. 

And.....trying again!

And when they give up and just start playing anyway....

This year's tree decorations. They smell so good!  Everybody helped make, stir, roll out and each picked their design and cut them all out. One batch made about 20 or so ornaments of differing sizes. They turned out so well that we'll be doing more to top our Christmas gifts with.

The finished batch! Graham's was the first one broken so we'll be doing another one for him. Red ribbons were strung through holes and all were placed on tree. We used a straw to punch out the holes for the ribbons.

The recipe....

We baked at 200, the lowest setting our oven has. I'm not sure how long they stayed in there. Awhile...til I remembered them. We flipped and then stuck them in again...until I remembered them. And then they were done and dry!

Popcorn and cranberry stringing day!

...before we pulled the carpet up. Still working on living room, den and bedrooms. This has been by far one of the most fun Christmases as far as memory making experiences go. It definitely beats the store bought stuff.

She absolutely loved this. I'm pretty sure she could've happily spent an entire week doing nothing but stringing popcorn and berries.

Getting there! Good thing about a ton of kids....one 4-6 foot strand each and the tree's pretty much done...almost.

Even at 8....they're pretty inseparable. They could spread out to a full size bed but they prefer the top twin...together. 

Nothing like a sweet bathroom pic. Keeping me company while we hurriedly get ready to go. She is the world's worst about leaving her hair up but this time I managed to catch at least one side up in a pigtail!

Christmas shopping date day with some pretty sweet boys.

And it begins...

"Whoa Mom!!! You can hold a baby AND be pregnant AND walk on that thing! You're better than everybody!!!" 

Oh what it takes to be a hero in your children's eyes.

One of the many conversations while out that kept us laughing...

Old Farmer: "Are they all siblings?"

Me: "Yes sir"

Farmer: "Are they all your's?"

Me: "Yes sir, they are."

Farmer: "Did you have every one of them? Were pregnant with every one of them?"

Me: "Yes sir. Every one of them."

Farmer: "Wow! Yeah....they all look just alike. They're definitely related! Having kids does amazing things for you. You look amazing and you're absolutely beautiful."

Me: "Thank you.  They're a pretty good group of kids. They have my heart."

Farmer (counting): "10?"

Me: "There's actually 11. The oldest is 14 and he's camping this weekend so he's missing out today."

Farmer (leaning in close and patting me on the back): "Ya know...there were 11 of us. I was the youngest. We were close....so close...when we were young. We loved each other and were each others world."

He pauses for thought, looks to sky. After a moment he comes back to reality and says: "Didn't last. Nope. Didn't last at all. And then we just all started dying off...but, ya know....I sure loved growing up with them."

What the crap. I laughed out loud when he said it. What exactly do you say to that one?? Soooo...thank you for the encouragement....adult rivalry and then death?

I replied laughingly: "Well...hopefully they'll love it as much when they're older as they do now. They love having friends outside of the family but their best friends are in each other. They sure do love each other. They have a pretty good life engulfed in love."

Farmer: "Yes they do, little mama. Yes they do! Yeah...that's how it was with us..til we started fightin when we were all older and everything....then everybody started dying.... (Pause)..... But...they sure are a beautiful group of kids!! Just like their mama! And well  behaved too...all sitting there so still and happy, talking and laughing with each other. You have a great day and keep up the good work!"

I never did figure out just what exactly that conversation was supposed to be. Encouragement, compliment, reality, the potential pitfalls...or all of the above. It was definitely one of the more noteworthy conversations that took place within our day and kept Evye and I laughing.


More to come but these few notes and pics will suffice for now.