We're Gonna Have a Baby!

There is absolutely nothing I take for granted about the ability to get pregnant and carry a baby to full term. After a 2nd trimester loss and an intense, traumatic 13 week miscarriage I have become acutely aware of just how fragile life is...from the very beginning, the very first fledgling beat of a tiny new heart. Creation in all of its magnitude, sovereignty of God in all of its perfection...molding, shaping, bringing into existence a person never before created and never again will live. Gift of all of life.

The longer I live, the more people we meet, the more life stories we are told....this ability to have children is no small thing. I watch close friends suffer multiple losses. We grieve with them and mourn the loss of their babies at very early stages, later stages and even full term...and the depth of the gift of health and the number of children we have been given overwhelms both head and heart. God's goodness is incomprehensible. In our loss His goodness was seen, the story He has given us an unexpectedly amazing one, and in our children that live, both in death and here with us, His existence evident in every way.

In this season when all of world focuses on obligatory gift giving, getting...focus seems to be lost and buying frenzy ensues. Pictures of a pretty Baby laid in wooden feeding trough, surrounded by animals housed under primitive barn roof, seems to be more of a ploy cloaked in religious propaganda to fuel the economy. What really took place, the depth of the reality of what happened to a woman's body, the magnitude of Who lies under the barn roof, that a King was born into a barn made temple that night, Creator of Heaven and earth held in arms of humans that night. It's pretty incomprehensible to me....the magnitude of it all. I think of the very real way Mary carried a baby, was pregnant with a baby, and birthed a baby....this process body will experience yet again in a mere 28 or so weeks. I think of what she went through and the fact baby grows within me at this very moment...and all is made so real. Reality of entire story few ever contemplate.

Being pregnant....met with a thriving beating heart, the knowledge of a healthy growing baby tucked away quietly and warm within....the profoundness of that to me...there are no words. Reality of what we truly celebrate runs deep as baby grows. How grateful I am. With morning sickness having been at an all time low this pregnancy it leaves the mind to wander....and worry. Doppler is placed on abdomen. Immediately racing little heart is heard and tells all the world of its existence. And tears flow. Midwife grins...."I hear a baby."  Husband smiles broadly and watches wall clock to count heart rate. 160. Our baby grows. Act of overwhelming love between husband and I, passion and unity between two people come to life, audible to all as baby heart beats. Children eagerly await news. Once told of still racing heart hidden within the entirety of our little world cheers and names are yet again the topic of excitement. "Girl or boy?!" "How big?" "What color eyes do you think?" "Who do you think this baby will look like?" "Like me??" "Like Gates?" "Will it have red hair?" "Ivye's the only one with brown eyes...maybe it'll have brown like Ivye's and she'll finally have a buddy!" G names are discussed, girls names are argued. All of our little world filled with joy, gleeful, happy, laughing kids beginning to comprehend the absolute sacredness of life, the gift that it is, the gift of each other that every one of us in the family have been given.

1st trimester comes to close and excitement grows as we prepare to welcome this tiny new person and watch him/her grow. Sweet Baby, how much I love you already. How in awe I am over each of our children....the similiarites, the differences, all the personalities. How they make us laugh and all the joy they bring to life. What amazing purposes they each have for their individual lives. My cup overflows.....love magnified, exponential growth with each new one...a concept that can never fully be understood by analytical human mind. It can never be analyzed, never understood.....just fully lived and embraced on such an intimate, personal level.

On the topic of sweet baby....happy 9 month birthday to our roly poly baby man. How in love the whole world is with you.

With beginning of 2nd trimester also comes the return to running, hiking, and kicking some butt. With midwife approval...like I needed it to begin with....and energy returning, kids and I hit streets, trails and greenways once more. Weather is beautiful and days beckon to live outdoors. If running, P90X and hiking up until arrival day of baby can result in 2 consecutive 2 hour labors there is nothing to hold back. Nothing in me wishes to endure another 12 hour labor....though it's been a few babies since I've had to overcome that one. Nor is there anything that desires to do it within the tiny confines of a hard bathtub again. Birthing home offers spacious birth pool and home away from home for birthing baby in comfort....cause I'm just not doing that whole bathtub thing again. Ain't happenin.


Back to topic at hand.....I'm of the opinion that running and kicking butt are definitely in order.  With Christmas comes the addition of a treadmill, per one of our children's desperate pleas and since our's was left behind in the move. Now cold, east coast winter rain will not deter....not that we've had issues with it yet. While Texas home has already received snow, just as last year, we sit at a balmy 60 degrees....except for today....that's all of 46 and cloudy. Let the fun resume!