So I was Going to Run Today

Healthy little kids after hours and hours hard at play in the sun. Garrett's busy griping over the fact he wasn't the one that was called upon to hold Ivye. In the pic he is trying to explain how he promises he will do a better job and "probably" will not drop her. I thought the "probably" he threw in there was a nice little added touch to his convincing argument.

I actually had myself convinced that I would. And then...of course.....like everyday before, I didn't. I awoke early to Grayson gently nudging me telling me to come to the kitchen...he and Evye had a surprise. It was a park day with all of the local homeschoolers and the children were quite desperate to go...and would obviously go to any lengths to get us all there. Knowing that I have slept and puked away the last 2-3 weeks I think they were realizing that the odds of us making it there were pretty slim. So, in all of their desperation, they woke everyone at the crack of dawn....pretty literally....and had them all dressed and sitting at the table with a massive breakfast prepared. It was this sight that greeted me by the time I finally made it to the kitchen table. Lots of bright eyed, entirely happy children sitting before plates of scrambled eggs, bacon and homemade biscuits. Pretty impressive. Despite the fact that piling up in less than an hour, running errands and making egg deliveries then gravitating our way to the park sounded less than enthusing I could not ignore the massive amount of effort they had put in and the feast that sat before everyone. To have all of the little ones already ready with shoes on...despite the fact that a choice few were sporting flip flops....and then a picnic lunch already thrown together in sacks was amazing to me. I know they are fully capable of these things but when they actually rise to the occasion without anything ever being asked of them, not having to be told anything and knowing the job so well that they left nothing unfinished and could do it as well as I would was such an early morning encouragement....to know that we really are getting somewhere and really are making progress on this journey despite the fact that somedays just seem like 3 steps forward 2 step back type of days....or even weeks...or yep...sometimes, just months. To continually remind them day after day to say "yes ma'am's and no ma'am's...yes sir's and no sir's" and then to actually have them greet people, talk confidently and use what they have to be continually reminded and taught each day is just encouragement to a mother's heart....that they really are getting all of this stuff.



Feeling quite the love for them all at the moment, I threw on jeans and a t-shirt, fingered my hair into a ponytail, did what I could to look presentable in the short amount of time I was given and we were off to the park...stopping for egg deliveries and errands along the way. Feeling quite grand and very little nausea I figured this sun drenched, windy day was going to be perfect....and it was up...until about 2pm. I had every confidence that my feet would tread lightly as I effortlessly covered 2 miles. I laugh now, though at the time it was seeming like quite an excellent and unquestionable endeavor. I even had the blog post mentally pre-titled "Overcoming Self" and had already laid out in my ever blogging brain about how miserable I have felt yet chose valiantly this day to overcome it all and choose success...cause, as we all know so well, success breeds success, now doesn't it? Ummm......yeah. So it doesn't quite end like that and my blog post is not exactly titled about how I expertly overcame myself and was both strong and courageous enough to put misery aside for the day.



The day turned into hours and hours of fun as pale winter children were kissed pink...or red, really....by spring's 1st real rays of potent sun. Sweet companionship and visiting I have dearly missed since going into hermit like status during all of the events that surrounded this last year. Why is it when one needs people the most it is then they crawl into holes and hide themselves away??? Or actually...I think it may just be a me thing and not a so easily grouped assessment of "everyone". Over the course of the last year as I refused to talk to anyone, receive help or even desired to be near anyone at all I realize how deeply the relationships were missed and how entirely thankful I am to have the sweet, nonjudgmental families around us that we do....the support and cherished friendships they all offer. So, today turned into a day of reconnecting and just loving those that God has been so good in which to surround us with in every way.



2pm, nasty peanut butter and honey sandwiches...the thought of which turns the stomach....then hunger, then lots of hunger.....then the oh so familiar feelings of nausea. At 2:30 we packed up and headed home, as everyone else headed in their own direction too. But, by then, the tide had turned and it was too late. The grand feelings of playing Hercules and heroically overcoming any amount of discomfort with sheer strength and determination had swiftly faded into non existence.


Soooo...back to square one and we'll start over again tomorrow. Maybe if I rise and do it during the "good hours", which I have yet to determine when exactly those are...I might have some success in the deal. Cause I am going to do this. I will do this. Despite the fact I feel like my weight has doubled and my feet are made of lead and the fact I surmise that my blood volume has now tripled in a mere 8 weeks...I have every intention of following through and really truly doing this. So it is that I will buck up, get control, lace up the running shoes and take off.....as soon as I can actually see straight and the sheer act of movement itself does not result in hours of nausea. So maybe I'll have a good morning tomorrow....in the rain....in the 49 below cold front blowing in....and I'll take off in it. I doubt it, but one can always hope.

The pictures don't exactly do Gavin justice. I think the flash may have evened out the red a little....but as of now he actually closely resembles Bob the Tomato. I think he has to be the cutest thing ever. His perfectly round little head currently looks like a little cherry tomato perched perfectly on top of a little 2 year old body.