The Reality of Commitment

Well, I seriously underestimated what a toll being pregnant would take this time around. I pretty much failed to plan in the severe exhaustion, and the extent of the morning sickness has taken me a little by surprise, as I am one who rarely is affected by it.....unless it's a girl. So, maybe that just means we have a little Charlye growing within. Who knows. I do know that in my one and only attempt to get out and run it was quickly thwarted with a trip back down the road and to the toilet. Not exactly sure why I didn't see fit just to puke on the side of the road ...suppose I was worried about the few and far between passer-bys and the hundreds of eyes this tiny town seems to possess. And though I should've pressed through it and kept going and was, in fact, acutely aware of that....I didn't. It didn't help that once I returned home last weekend it seemed a few had come down with a little fever. Nothing major but enough to interrupt our daily routine. It ran through the 1st two and then a couple days later ran through another 2 and then as the week passed pretty much all 8 of them had contracted it a couple at a time. And by yesterday I wasn't feeling so grand myself. Fever and cold compounded on top of all day morning sickness seems to take a small toll on one's body. Hard working husband has either been on shift or vortexing so he's been home very little throughout the last week. With the worst of the little virus having made its way through everybody and tons of juiced veggies, garlic and grapefruit seed extract we are now all pretty much on the mend. Now if my energy level would improve I think we'd be pretty much back to our routine. I'm thinking I'm just going to go suck it up and run later today. Maybe the running in and of itself will help breed energy instead of sapping it away like you think it will do. The adrenaline dump that always comes from a good workout is quite addictive and actually boost the energy levels enough to usually get me through the remainder of the day. The hard part is overcoming the exhaustion enough to get to that point. So the reality has begun to sink in of just how large the commitment is to run through this pregnancy. But I am highly driven, motivated and quite the determined one so I shall prevail..for does it not say that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me...sometimes in a very literal sense and also when the cruel mind games and the "I can'ts" seem to overwhelm the brain. Not only can I do this but I will do this. So I rise to my feet in an effort to keep my butt from growing wider by the day and in an effort to train my mind to overcome the obstacles and my body to submit to the demands made of it and the things required of it. I am committed to this and I will not fall back nor will I regress. So it is that I press forth and overcome myself in order to honor my commitment and keep the goal in sight.



We met with the new local midwife this past week and immediately bonded and feel in love with her. She is the answer to some of our most fervent prayers while living here. No more back and forthing to Dallas, no more trying to figure it all out, no more traveling while in active labor and no more babies arriving unassisted on the bathroom floor.....though he, by far, has been the best birth. It's exciting. We will end up being able to have a sonogram with this baby. It's been tentatively scheduled for late May around the 18 week milestone. The plan was to go without one this time around but endearing impatient husband cannot stand the 9 month gender wait and after the last pregnancy I just want to get to the huge milestones of hearing a sweet, strong heartbeat and then finally being able to see a healthy, growing baby flourishing within. We were given the option of an earlier sonogram to reassure us wit this baby having just been through everything we have but after discussing we both opted on a later one when we could also find out gender as well. I think for the first time since finding out my heart is beginning to quicken at the thought of a baby again and the distance I felt is beginning to be replaced with excitement and love for this tiny person we have yet to know. Thoughts I have pushed and shoved to the back are beginning to come forward and take shape....questions as to who this baby is, what it will look like and just who it will be, as the wall of fear is slowly torn down and the attachment and bond begins to grow.


I will work on again becoming more regular about posting. I am feeling less than creative and lack massive amounts of enthusiasm in most everything right now as I fight off exhaustion. But as I work on overcoming so will I work on being more consistent on this end of our life. God is doing such great things. Great and mighty things are taking place within our lives. Change. Blessed change. How great is our God.