It is Official

.....I absolutely loathe making bread. I do not mind buying my bread at Sam's and spending 800.00 a month on breadatary needs. I hate bread. Maybe in my next life or at heaven's commercial kitchen counter I will make a perfect loaf.....but until then I have reached a peace with buying bread. So maybe there's not much peace at all really but I am so mad at this point that I feel like just buying out Mrs Baird's bakery so that our bread needs will be met for the rest of our life....and we'll be eating unhealthy bread forever and supplying the rest of the world with unhealthy, cancer inducing, preservative injected bread. I hate the mess it makes. It does not bode well with my OCD ways of cleanliness. It makes a mess. It blows newly ground up wheat flour all over the kitchen, me, any child that happens to be standing nearby and all over the already mud caked floors. I hate bread. I really just hate it. Maybe someday there will be more bread in the pan that is shapeable than sticking to my hands. Maybe oneday it will rise higher than 2 inches and not fall after it reaches record breaking heights....assuming it ever does....but then again it won't ever have the chance since I am never attempting it again. Maybe someday I will actually attend a bread class and figure out what the crap is wrong with it. But until then, and even after........I hate bread and I hope to never see the kitchen again. I hate cooking.

And I found this to even further make my point in giving up in the kitchen.

1. More than 98% of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years: infant mortality rates were unacceptably high: many women died in childbirth: and disease such a typhoid, yellow fever and influenza ravaged entire nations.

4. More than 90% of all violent crimes are committed within 24 hrs of eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough". It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average North American eats more bread than that in one month.

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water begged for bread in as little as 2 days.

8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter and even cold cuts.

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90% water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product turning you into a soggy, gooey bread pudding person or even worse yet...leading to lifelong dehydration and ultimate death.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 240 degrees Celsius. That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

12. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

You can find all of the above info at StumbleUpon.

So.....point made. I loathe bread....despise it....hate it. And I won't be seeing my kitchen again anytime in the near future. I hate cooking. And if any of my children look at me again today and make the statement..."It's flat" I fear they will not see tomorrow. And on that note, you would do well not to ask my children to sing any accolades of me or of my mothering ability or maternal instincts anytime in the next few days....or really, the rest of their lives......as I'm sure it will take them a lifetime to get over the wrath I brought upon the entire household this morning. The kitchen makes me an irrational person. And I'm seriously not even joking. It seems laughable but I cannot stress how much I hate bread and the fact I am really truly serious in all regards...and I just hate cooking. My kitchen can burn and go to hell and I will be a better person because of it....and my whole entire family will fare better than they have today. As far as I'm concerned, my children can live on prepackaged cereal and frozen waffles the rest of their lives and the only real food they get will come from Brad's station acquired cooking skills. I really really just hate bread....and cooking....and the kitchen. I depise it.

And I hate blogger cause it won't put spaces between any paragraphs.....ever.