The Good Life

Night falls, southwest wind turns cooler, instructions given to close open windows. Children contentedly weary from a day of outside play. 5 year olds accomplished their dream of making it half way up the pecan tree, 3 year old managed to rope climb from the ground level to the second story fort, big 12 year old boy weary from a day of hard work for fellow city council member. Happy, joy-filled children that fill the open windows with contagious laughter. Smell of bread baking wafts through the air, candles lit, washing machine quietly churning, dryer blissfully humming in their all day vigils. Happy dogs barking, hens clucking, roosters crowing, swings creaking and groaning under the weight of energetic, high swinging children. If I believed in white lacy curtains I'm sure they would've fluttered romantically in the breeze but my practical loving self did away with those a few years ago. But this is my life and I am in love. I love that we are so exceedingly blessed....that we have the space and ability to care for 3 huge loyal dogs, that we live far enough out that chickens can scavenge and cluck, roosters can crow under our open windows, that I do not have to work and have the ability to stay home and teach my children, organize our home and keep it clean and straight....clean and straight being relative, of course.

I find solace in the mundane. I am comforted that life is as it should be these days. The sadness is dissipating as attention is turned elsewhere. I feel my body building strength, muscles growing strong, the feeling of being beyond defeat as my legs power forward. Posture has straightened as muscles strengthen and I run with confidence knowing I can reach my goal. There is a greatness that comes with no longer feeling like a panting elephant thudding down the road vibrating the very core of the earth.There is a confidence and courage that exist when I become light on my feet and can jump and run over anything. I know what it is free runners must feel as they conquer all of life and anything that comes into their path. I love running and the amazingly loyal and protective dogs that run by my side. I love being welcomed home as I sit on the floor and little children immediately gravitate to my lap.

House quiet for the night, children sleeping peacefully, hot shower running, steamy bathroom revealing child words scribbled on foggy mirror "I Love You!!" with a hastily drawn smiley face. I can't help but smile. The feel and smell of clean....hot water, soap, shampoo, steam. I welcome it and learn to appreciate it in a new way. Husband gone for his 24 hrs I linger awhile and contemplate my day...just how blessed I am. I think of hundreds of orphaned Haitian children, thousands of people that cry for water and food, people just like me trapped and buried with little to no hope of survival, parents mourning the loss of their children......as I stand here in my hot steamy shower, water and heat limitless as I linger. Daily run made in peace and quiet, well fed healthy children, well fed healthy dogs, well fed chickens, well fed cats, a refrigerator that cools, electricity that provides warmth and light at night, an oven that bakes, a van that runs....most of the time. My day overall beautiful and peaceful...worlds away from the chaos that exists only countries away. I do not take my life for granted.

Shower over I spray on a lavish amount of sweet smelling scent and release heavy, wet hair from its prison. Muscles weary from being called upon today I sink low into rocking chair to rock sweet smelling baby and give a rare nighttime bottle. She nestles up against me warm and protected from all of life. Sleepy grin, thumb finds its way to tiny mouth and floppy ear of beloved puppy is held against cheek. And I rock her in the quiet dark....moonlight pouring through window casting familiar shadows across floor and illuminating her sweet, tiny silhouette. Long eyelashes flutter and then close softly. How is it possible to ever take this for granted....this complete and total trust, this gift of a baby, this gift of my 8 children, this gift my life is?

I give thanks for the ordinary. I am thankful for the little fire trucks and dump trucks scattered haphazardly across the floor because it means I have happy healthy little boys that have been hard at play, for the ropes left laying out in the yard because it means that they have climbed and conquered, for the 7 children that lie sleeping in the same room because it means they have found best friends within each other and do not have any desire to be apart. I am thankful that we have the ability to take them all out to a restaurant, fill up an entire table for 10 and enjoy them....knowing that at the opposite end of the table from where sweet husband and I sit and talk they are well behaved and carrying on animated conversations about all of life. I am in awe that people come to our table and want to meet us and encourage and praise the children because there was a time in life when I was very overwhelmed with the number of children we had at that time and I thought we would never reach this point. I am thankful for the fact I am healthy and I no am no longer going through a seemingly infinite miscarriage. I am thankful I am finally able to put it behind me and look forward to what has not yet come into our life....completely and totally thankful for all of the things that already have. I am thankful for our dogs. It may seem odd to be so in love but I am an animal lover to the inner most core of my being. I love our dogs. And I am continually grateful for the ability to care for them and give the children the opportunity to grow up with dearly loved, loyal, canine companions that romp by their side....that we have the space for large dogs and lots of children to run, play and be free.

Quiet peace of nightfall, lone open window, sound of deer trotting across dirt road, 2 year old breathing sweetly as he sleeps in absent husband's vacant spot. How grateful I am for the end of a productive day....teaching, baking, running, organizing, playing and everything else in life that fulfills my inner soul. I may joke of cloth diapering, homemade wetwiping, bread baking people but I can only tease because I do it all too and it fulfills the very heart and soul of me. I am happy. I love to laugh. I love being that wild and crazy, spontaneous person that enjoys whatever the day brings with it...both expected and entirely unexpected. I love having a merry, content, fulfilled, laughing heart. I love contentment. I love happiness. I love to laugh. And I am thankful in every way for everything I have been given....for everything I have overcome this past year. It is rare for a person to know and become acquainted with his inner self like I have been forced to know my own. Despite the pain and the loss, the desperation, the hopelessness, I am thankful for how faithful God is and how good He is to me. He is indeed good all the time. Despite earthquakes, tsunamis, innocence lost, babies called home, "failed" adoptions, broken relationships.....He is good. I did not turn away from Him in my time of trouble and He did not forsake me. He is my healer...my rock, my fortress, my deliverer...the One my hearts longs for....aches for. The One in which my very being is fulfilled and comes to know utter contentment and acceptance. He has freed me from the chains of self. Freed me from the pain. Freed me from the loss of stolen innocence and the pain of losing a baby. Freed me from all of the guilt. He does heal the broken hearted and restore what has been taken. He does what He says He is going to do. He is faithful and so very good.

I am happy. I am desperately in love with my husband and my children. I am content with all of life. I love to laugh.