When You've Trained Your Children Too Well

I forgot to add that during Saturday's outing I came to realize that the training one works so hard to instill in children can potentially backfire on one at times.

From previous experience I know full well that a dirty diaper will not only stay on the Suburban running board after being placed there but make it all the way home and still be in the exact same place on the said running board when you arrive home. This has been done many times....and not once has it failed to arrive home safely. And I must say the intention was not exactly to have it fall off but it wasn't exactly to greet it still sitting there when we arrived home either. I began laying it there thinking that it would ride comfortably outside the Suburban and save the occupants from a world of stink inside until we got to a trash can at the next destination....correctly assuming that it will stay put at lower in-town speeds. What I failed to take into account is that not only would it stay put at lower in-town speeds but that it would stay put at higher, 80 mph, out of town speeds too.

So, as I drove I began to smell the infamous stink of a breastfed baby.......and I must add here that he does not poop every day. So, when he does poop it usually rivals the contents of the Indian ocean. The sour, curl your toes smell did not take long to waft through the entire Suburban and overcome the occupants therein. As we arrived at our next stop I went to work changing him while Brad and some of the children headed into the store. Though the clothes had been spared the diaper itself was filled to maximum holding capacity...and threatening spillage that, upon reaching its failure point, would rival the Hoover Dam. So, I wiped and cleaned and powdered in an all out frontal assault to conquer the overpowering smell of what has been trapped for days in a nursing baby. I've got news....looks can be deceiving. The sweetest, cutest, most lovable, endearing, kissable, cherub cheeked angel baby can harbor smells within them that give a septic tank a run for its money.

With that now over and a much cleaner, freshened up, lotioned up, good smelling, kissable baby now bundled in my arms and shielded from the bitter winds I tossed the diaper onto the running board. After nursing him I buckled him back up and we took off for our next stop on our to-do list. Evye had chosen to ride with Brad and Garrison and Grant so I had Grayson, Garrett and Gavin. The nauseatingly sour smell stayed with us. I chalked it up to having waited too long to change the diaper and the now contaminated air was circulating throughout the vents of the blowing heater and coming back to cheerfully greet us yet again. After our notorious trip into Wal Mart we again climbed back into the Suburban and, after sitting in it for a minute, even Grayson mentioned the nasty smell. So we rode home finally growing accustomed to the foul air. Soon it was not even noticeable and was forgotten. We unloaded groceries and did our usual clean out and the doors were shut for the night. Morning dawned and the little ones were ready to roll. I went out to move the Suburban so they had the entire paved area for their wheels. Upon opening the door I was bowled over by the smell that hit me like a brick. I am quite assured that had I not been a parent used to dealing with these issues I might would have considered puking. I went into the house and approached Grayson and Evye about the diaper that had been changed on Gavin about 18 hrs ago now. Neither of them knew what had come of it. Knowing from the conversation that Grayson really had no clue where it went I quickly realized Evye wasn't quite understanding the whole story and just going along with Grayson's side of it in her cluelessness. Seeking to tell the story in a different light and ask exactly where the dirty diaper had gone she still maintained her innocence. Finally a little exasperated I asked,

"EVYE......the diaper I changed on Gavin when we were at Big 5. I laid it on the running board. You went in the store with Daddy and then came back out and stood talking to me with the window rolled down. Then you went and rode in Daddy's truck. During that time did you do anything with the diaper that was on the running board?"

In typical Evye fashion a light bulb went off and her eyes lit up. In complete understanding she said,

"Ohhhhhhh! That one! I put it back in the Suburban."

In total disbelief I asked, "WHY would you do that????!!!!!!!"

With big, blue, honest eyes she stated, "Well.......I didn't want to litter."

So, having looked for it myself and having been unable to locate the source of the offending smell I asked, "Where did you put it?"

She answered, "Well....I didn't want anybody to step on it so I stuck it under your seat."

Ugh!!!! No wonder! I sent her out to get it immediately. It took a good 3 days to finally rid the nastiness so that we were free to ride in a pleasant, odoriferously free environment. But I suppose it has never been so apparent that we have environmentally friendly children that are very aware of picking up and keeping the world free of all litter.....assuring a little too well that it is being preserved for many future generations.