Miserly Gone Really Wrong

Both Scott (my brother) and I will testify to the comical truth of this story and the fact that it is indeed way too true regrading any sort of condiment located within Mother's stash of kitchen items...much to our dismay. I still continue to laugh at Scott as we enjoy a meal at Mother's and he starts his usual checking of dates on the ketchup, mayo, mustard, milk and bread. It dates back to the days we all lived together on Spicewood. Scott, forever leery of anything that lurked within the frig, was obsessive about expiration dates....only because there was much reason to be leery of anything that it held. I'm not even sure when it all started or even why. I just know he put way too many things on his plate without checking first. Which I still find surprising since Mother, of all people, is the saint and has seemingly written the book on cleanliness and how to have an immaculate house at all times. I am quite certain her house would pass the white glove test on any given day of her life. And the same goes for the frig shelves and even the inside of her trash cans. She is the person that washes out the inside of her trash cans everytime they are emptied and wipes down the frig shelves everytime she opens the door. Her house is clean and would certainly meet any OSHA standards that exist. But it is that cleanliness that I have come to love and value and it is that same clean that feels like home. It is that that I have come to love about wherever it is she is living.

So, with that in mind one would just assume it encompasses all factors of life........which it kind of does. With the same compulsion that she keeps her house clean she also is just as compelled to be frugal in most every way. It is from her that I have learned from the best and have entered into marriage knowing every way in the book to cut corners and save money. I credit her for having taught me every way in the world to shop the best of sales and still come out with absolutely everything you had on your list.....at 1/4 of the price. So, I suppose with this miserly approach she ran her kitchen.

As she has cleaned and decluttered for this move we have been the recipients of many things that she is cleaning out. Most being food related items. As I sorted through the 3 boxes she sent home I came across the spices.........tons of them. Some of them were very familiar, bringing back childhood memories. The way she stores all of the extracts in the boxes they come in, the old little canisters she had when I was little. The similar little box of food coloring that Scott and I used to color the dough of our monster cookies.......the same monster cookies that never really ever cooked despite the numerous attempts at trying all during our childhood years.

After smiling to myself over traipsing down memory lane I set them aside...not really ever thinking much more about them. Quickly sidetracked I moved on to tend to the children's needs. Brad came through behind me and was moaning and groaning about all of the new crap we had just inherited. I assured him it was just food items that Mother and I thought we could put to use since she would be having no need for them. So, as I was bent over the washing machine I hear him holler out....."Expiration date October '77???????!!!!!!!!" I laughed at his joke. After it not getting my attention effectively he called me in there to him. After checking the date on the canisters and jar I assured him in her defense that I was positive that she had just refilled them over time. He raised his eyebrows skeptically since these were not the refilling kind and popped open the lid. Tilting it in my direction with eyebrow still raised he said, "No. This would be the real deal in there." Shocked, not believing any of it, I looked for myself. There within the little 70's brown can was the original cumin along with all of the dead weevils that the can had outlived. Surely not. I began to gather the collection of faux brown paneling cans with the 70's yellow writing and started tipping them to find stamped dates. By the end of it we had a collection going of ones that expired in 77, 78, 79 and 80. And seeing that spices are good for 2 yrs that means that the one that expired the year Scott was born meant that she purchased it the year I was born! Those little warm fuzzy memories going on...........yep, those would be not only because it brought back memories of similar ones she had....it's because those were the ones she had! I told Brad he had to call her and give her a hard time about it knowing she'd think it was just as funny as we did. So he called and accused her of trying to poison us with foreign, petrified substances.

I eagerly gathered up all of the rest I could find and had almost the entire 1970 McCormick spice collection by the end of it. We also were able to compile a late 80's collection with the same stylish wood paneling that had apparently been updated to a nice orange and brown by that decade. That food coloring box that brought back the memories......yep, that was the very box Scott and I created our many kitchen creations with. The blue coloring was dried out and stuck to every side of the bottle but the yellow and blue appeared to be in a somewhat usable condition. Suffice it to say, I didn't try it to find out.

How in the world is that possible? How in the world did that crap survive so many moves. We counted and came up with the fact it survived the Dickey move when I was all of 6 years old, the Bent Tree move 9 years later when I was 15, the Hurst move when I was around 20, the Bedford move, which by the time she moved from there I'd been married for a few years, the other Bedford move a few years later, the Saginaw move a year ago and had finally been discovered this move. That's 7 moves and 8 houses! How is that freakin possible? Frugal doesn't even come close to doing that justice. That's just plain sick. I was so amused by it I had to take some pics to document it before it was lost into the pages of history........finally. It's about time.