written Jan 22, 2007
Well, we're both still very much in shock at the results we were given over the weekend. I had my prenatal appt before the sono so we talked through the whole timing thing and then confirmed by measurements and prenatal stuff that I am around 12-13 wks....exactly where I thought I was. So, we went on over for the sono to confirm those findings..........and our biggest joke of the pregnancy came true. Instead of a big 12 wk uterus and the possibility of another set of twins like everyone was thinking the tech said.........Well, definitely just one baby and you're AT LEAST 16 wks and probably around 17. By the end of the sono and baby's measurements, which are probably small for it's age at this point, (which would mean I'm probably even farther along than 16 wks) it said I am 16 wks and 1 day. Accuracy is probably not great at this point so he said that there's a possibility I could be as far as 18 wks. Bone measurements gave a 16 wk date and weight est gave an 18 wk date. The baby weighs 5 oz which is standard for an 18 wk baby. It came in as 16 wks in bone measurements, which are the more inaccurate of the two, but a 16 wk baby is only around 3 oz. After talking it over with the tech and midwife they said it is probably very accurate to date the pregnancy at 17 wks. So, that gives me the due date of somewhere between June 30th-July 5th. It blew me away. He said he could definitely tell gender on a 16-18 wk baby and asked if we wanted to know. The whole plan was to have our 1st surprise baby but with the shock of being so much farther along than either of us thought, I'd had enough shock for the day. Twins would have been easier to fathom than already being 1/2 way done. I looked over at Brad and said that to be that far along and not know means it's definitely a boy. There's no way a pregnancy would be this easy with a girl. I freakin didn't even know I was pregnant and am already 1/2 done with the entire pregnancy. So, he said sure, go ahead and let us in on the secret. So..........much to Brad's dismay......
It's yet another BOY!!!!!!
hahahaha! Though he wasn't laughing at the moment! So, #5 boy it is. Girls are definitely on a losing streak here.
So, here I am pregnant and really truly 1/2 way done with the pregnancy. And for the fun of it.......this baby may just be baby #7 born on 7/7/07! I'd gladly wait around for that! Watch me go until the 17th! HA! That'd be about par for this pregnancy!!!
And to top it all off......my lack of weight gain had concerned me when I was thinking I was only 12 wks. I've now lost a total of 2 pds with absolutely no weight gain at all since becoming pregnant and am this far along. They said not to worry. Baby looks good and is developing great. The only reason the baby may appear smaller and actually be even farther along than the 16 it measured in the sono is due to variations in growth as the bigger they get and being unable to get good solid measurements due to the baby already being a larger size. They've all said the earlier the sono is done the more accurate they are. But he said I am definitely not any less than 16 wks....but no farther than 18. Wow! Now this is the way to be pregnant! HA! So, everyone decided to date it at 17 wks.
Well, as far as the children's thoughts on a baby boy go.......it's taken Evye a little longer to get used to the idea. Her 1st words were, "But I didn't want a boy." LOL! The thought of yet another boy even took Grayson by surprise, I think. The Chinese baby predictor calendar thing that they say is 98% accurate said girl for us. So, when I told Grayson his 1st words were "Well, the computer was just wrong!" HA! I then had to explain, not realizing how seriously he took the computer and a fun prediction for its word!!! The excitement has started to kick in for him though and he's talking non stop about how he can teach them all to ride bikes without training wheels since he's a pro at it, since he started when he was 4! LOL! And how he can teach them the difference between rattlesnakes and rat snakes! I told him that was more than fine with me and he could easily take over that part of their early childhood education! After all, he's got a small army under him that will be willing and ready, not to mention eager, to learn! Evye's still getting used to the idea. I just said lovingly, "Evye, you know how much you love Garrett. You're a little mother to him and he loves you to pieces. How can you say you don't want another boy? Think of what you would've missed out on had we not had Garrett!!!" She just looked at me and said matter of factly "Well, Garrett's ok and I like him but I don't know about this baby." I had to laugh then. Aubrey's still so carefree it doesn't even register with her. She just said "It's a boy???!!!! Yea!!!!" and started jumping up and down. She would've done the same with a girl! Evye stood there dismayed by Aubrey's response and said "No Aubrey......it's a BOY!!!!!" like she didn't understand the full impact of it. HA!
We decided to go ahead and come up with a name as soon as we could for the children to start seeing it as a baby instead of a "boy" since everybody expected girl. We thought it would help, which it has. All of the older 5 are already calling him by name, which gets them all excited and starts the questions of what he will look like and and if he'll have red hair like Grant or blond like everybody else. It seems like a name suddenly makes the baby a person to them instead of an unwanted gender! HA! So, on the name thing, I thought it would take forever since Garrett was supposedly the last G name Brad liked. He could not stand Gavin last time around. But this time suddenly he has declared that this baby is already our Gavin. Too funny! I'm fine with that since I like the name. He says Gage is still out since it makes him want to go look at the pressure stuff on his truck. I forgot that everything on the side of a firetruck is a gauge for every kind of pressure they have on there!!! But, if Gavin was so out last time and it's suddenly the name this time then I have no doubt that our next baby boy is probably going to be Gage! LOL! So, for whatever reason, Brad is obsessed with having a name immediately after we find out what each baby is. So, the lack of a middle name was driving him crazy! LOL! It's been an ongoing debate since we walked out of the sono office! Anyway, after going through tons of random names that we just pulled out of the air and seemed to sound good it ended in this. Last night we were laying in bed and in the dark I just said "What about Gavin Quint since he's our 5th boy? That'd have some great meaning behind it and it sounds really great and strong." It was quiet for a minute and then suddenly he said "That's it!!!" I laughed thinking he was being funny and he said he was serious and that it is definitely the name this baby is supposed to have. I was just joking because they call the ladder trucks quints........and I knew he'd blow it off with some smart comment....especially knowing what he thinks of Gage and what it makes him think of!!! LOL! I love the fact that it means he's our 5th and I love the name itself. But, seeing as how I love the name and he blew me away with his love for it too we now have a baby boy named.........
Gavin Quint
So, that's the latest on us. So, by the end of it we may have a baby on Brad's birthday, possibly the 4th or baby #7 on 7/7/07......or we could've missed it again and end up not having the kid until the end of July!! hahahaha!!!! Who knows! Anyway, the boys are on a winning streak for now! One more and we'll have our own 6 man team!
Friday, March 23, 2007
A quick...or not so quick...overview of recent happenings
written Jan 5, 2007...letter to a friend
Man........it's been chaos here. Everytime I get to a point where I can sit down and think something else happens that I have to deal with. Whatever happened to moving out to nowhere and living the relaxing do-nothing life??!! The house still hasn't sold so money wise we got ourselves in a really not so great situation. Isn't that the story of our lives? Things are looking up though and the dude next door has a friend that Brad used to ride bikes with and his realtor knows Brad and used to ride bikes with that whole crew too. So, the bike dude really wants the house but made an offer 15 grand below what we were asking. I think he thought it was a friend to friend sale so we'd go easy on him. Brad talked to him and told him there's no way in hell we could get away with that. We're breaking even as it is. So, he likes the house so much he's having it appraised. The appraisal will come back above our asking price and he said as long as he knows it's a fair price then he wants to do it. So, we'll see. We're waiting on all the appraisal stuff now.
But in the meantime, Brad went and got a 2nd job. He's welding now at a steel company on his days off. His hours are 6a-6p 6 days a week. On his days coming off shift they let him arrive at 8. But, it's in the industrial part of SA so it takes about an hour to get there. So, he leaves at 4:30 in the morning when he's home and doesn't return until about 7:15 each night. On the days he's coming off shift he just goes straight there so we don't see him from 5:30 one morning until 7:30 the next night. It sucks. Kind of feels like what we just came out of. But, on a good note, the money is great and he's making more then we've had in our entire marriage. So, we've decided he'll do this for a year or year and a 1/2 and that'll give us enough time to do what we need to do on this end so far as big stuff we need and can never afford. Everybody's skin is dying out here due to how rough the water is. The chlorine in it is outrageous since we're the 1st stop from the water plant on it's way into SA. It's ruined many loads of dark laundry already. So, we have to get a filter for that, water softener, bigger hot water heater and a bunch of other big ticket items we'll never get otherwise. After his year and 1/2 at the steel place the town has offered for him to get on with the water dept part time. So, he'll work for the water dept on his days off after that, if all goes as planned.
So, that's the story there. On the pregnant note, I still have yet to have a sono. It's so screwed up. We finally decided on a midwife in Abilene that's delivered a few of the guys' babies at the station and I really do like her. She comes here for all of my appts and she'll do a homebirth, which I really really want. But she has her quirks too, as all lay midwives do. She won't take a patient that drinks Aspartame. Uh, what? And then she doesn't believe in sonograms at all. So, she wants to date the pregnancy by "natural" ways. Sorry, but that boat doesn't float with me. She said baby will come when baby is ready and since I've never been overly late we'll just see when the kid gets here.....sometime in June or July. I at least wants a general idea of a MONTH the kid's coming in! She doesn't believe my dates at all and said there was no way I was only around 8 or 9 wks at my 1st appt at the beginning of Dec. Her theory is that I took 3 bad tests in Oct and have really been pregnant the whole time. She's dating the pregnancy based on the period I had over Labor Day.......which makes me due June 12th???!!!! That means I'm currently 16 or 17 freakin wks along! There's no way. Because we were able to hear a heartbeat she said I was definitely no less then 12 wks at that appt we had since hearing the heartbeat before 12 wks is impossible. I got news, that's not all entirely true. So, I did a ton of research and it is possible to hear a heartbeat as early as 8 or 9 wks, though it's not the norm. 9-10 wks seems to be not so abnormal so I could've easily been around 9 wks. There's no way I took 3 bad tests. And I know my own body well enough now to know when I feel pregnant. I got the pos. test on Nov 19th and I wasn't even really feeling all that pregnant yet. A week after I took the test is when everything set in. I think I might could've gotten a pos a few days before that since I had an awful headache earlier in the week, which is typical for a pregnant me. But, that would've only been 4 days before I took it on the 19th. So, she said we'd meet in the middle and figure my due date as June 30th, which dated the pregnancy at 12 wks at my appt. She thinks I was as far long as 14 or 15 wks at my appt but settled with 12 for me. I asked her just how in the world she thought we would ever know if there were 2 in there or if I'd ever have an accurate due date and she said we'd go based on feeling movement. I'm supposed to freakin put a check on the calendar each day I feel movement and when it becomes consistent and I feel it everyday then we'll for sure know I'm right at 16 wks. What??? And she said there's no reason to think there's 2 in there at this point since I was measuring exactly right for 12 wks. Well, if I was only 8 or 9 wks wouldn't I be measuring ahead in that case? She said we'd definitely know by Feb if there's 2 or not. It's not at all accurate to go based on whether you can hear 2 heartbeats or not since it is common in a twin pregnancy to never hear a 2nd baby's heartbeat. There was a lady in Dec that gave birth to 5 and 3 pd twins at 35 wks and never knew she was pregnant with 2. She thought it was just 1 big baby and they never heard a 2nd heartbeat, though they both had kind of suspected twins. Ok, that's just not me. I'd dearly love to have twins at home.....but not going down this road. So, Brad and I agreed to go to the college in Midland, a 2 hr drive, to get a free sono by the tech school there. I had an appt set up on Dec 15th and we had to cancel. We had no money for gas and Grant had an ear infection that had to be seen that day before we headed into the weekend and Brad wouldn't budge on it. So, I got really mad and then chilled out about it. So, that was the last day of the school semester for them and she said to call back on Jan 2nd when they reopened!!! The 2nd???!!!! So, Mother came for a little over a week after Christmas and because of Brad's job he couldn't go so she was now going to go with me. We figured we'd make a road trip out of it and have some fun. The children were out of school so we were going to load the whole crew up and go. I called every hour on the 2nd and they finally informed me that she was out for the "presidential holiday" and didn't know when she'd return. They didn't think she'd be back in until school started on the 16th!!!! So, after getting up at the crack of dawn and having everybody ready to leave that morning we didn't go and are now waiting for the 16th. And to make it even more complicated, Brad and I don't want to decide for good on a midwife until we have the sonogram done. Neither one of us feel comfortable with her delivering twins so if there is, by some slim chance, more than 1 we'll definitely go back to Denton. If there's just 1 then I'll just get an estimated due date at the sono and go with the midwife here since she is the most experienced in this area and has done tons of single births. I honestly, at this point, don't have a clue as to what to think. I'm so confused at to how any there are in there, how far along I am and when I'm really due. I know I'm freakin huge, which could be due to the fact it is, afterall, kid #7 or it could be more than 1 or it could be that I am actually 1/2 way through the pregnancy and don't even know it. Ugh! Whatever. I'm kind of to the point now where it's like...well, I can't stay pregnant forever and so at some point 1 or 2 or 3 kids will eventually pop out sometime in the summer. HA! Oh, the joy. So, that's where we are on that. No real news......just mass confusion, I guess. Although Brad and I have decided that this baby will be a surprise baby since we're to the point now where we have more than a few of each gender and we've always found out so we both think it'd be fun to be surprised. But now the joke is that I'll go in for the sonogram and I'll be so far along that they'll go "Oh.........it's a .......!!!!" and it'll all be blown. Brad thinks the whole thing is really funny and he gets a kick out of seeing how many more wrenches can be thrown into the process to delay finding out anything. I cried on the 2nd when the sono got postponed until the 16th and then got it all out of my system and think I finally don't care anymore. I mean, in all reality, we will undoubtedly know at some point in the summer. I like to be spontaneous but I like doing it on my own terms when I decide to be spontaneous and not when it's out of my control.. HA!
So, on another note, we're really praying about what to do with the children and schooling next fall. I really really want to bring them home. My heart will always be to homeschool. But in order to pull it off Ive got to get my shit together. So, for the last few weeks I've done nothing but research and put together a program that'll work. The school's ok and they are both honor students and making more headway then I ever thought possible. BUT, they dropped the ball on the dyslexia program for him and he could be doing so much more. Evye's gotten caught up in all these little girly cat fights and who's looking at who and who's wearing what. I know it'll come at some point.........but when she's freakin 6???!!!! We'd have to order the dyslexia program which in itself if 2,500 bucks. There's no quality friends either of them have made. The majority of the kids here are white trash in a big way. So, on the social end not much is beneficial other then learning how to make good choices. I really don't want to interfere with a good thing but then again my heart longs to bring them back home. So, we're praying. We'll use a curriculum that'll keep both me and the children accountable and I'll send in everything so that the academy will issue report cards and they'll be tested at the end of every year like they are in school. I've got everything lined out mentally and am working on getting it all organized to pull it all together by the time we start but the only thing still left in question is what to do with all of the toddlers.........cause there's a lot of them! HA! Garrison and Grant will be close to 3, and Garrett will be about 16 months when we start. And then the new baby will be fairly easy since I can nurse and meet it's needs while we school. That's the least of the issues. If we do it I'll just integrate Aubrey into school. If we kept them in public school Aubrey would be starting Pre-K in the fall anyway. She'd freakin go from 7:30-4 everyday just like every other grade in the school. I just don't get that. When I was little kindergarten was a 1/2 day. Now even Pre-K goes 7:30-4! What in the world do they do all day???!!!! I do know Pre-K takes a nap up there which to me is just ridiculous. I might as well put her in daycare. Anyway, it's all still very much in the prayer process right now. I just want guidance and wisdom to make the best decision. Part of the "large purchase plan" is to do a massive swingset for us since this town has absolutely nothing to offer on that end and that'd at least give our little ones somewhere to go. So, that'd be used as part of school too if we bring them home. We want to put in a small running track on the acre attached to the backyard. One of the neighbors has a John Deere that we could easily do an oval layout for a track. But if we choose to bring them home it will be somewhat of a large affair getting stuff ready here so we can do it the right way instead of hitting and missing it when we're in the mood to actually sit down and work. And, get this! Mother's agreed to come the last weekend of every month or the 1st weekend of the month and have a cooking weekend in which we'll cook the entire month's worth of breakfasts and dinners. I figure if I can get in the habit before the baby comes that'll take off a bunch of the load here since there's NO where to go for food that's close and then if we end up homeschooling again it'll greatly ease the meal burden. I'm just making a monthly menu and we cook it all at one time and I can unfreeze the next day's the night before. I figure that'll cut down on Evye's pickiness too since I've got it printed out and there's no choice or question about what the meal consists of. So, that'll help with everything on that end.
Anyway, that's about all of the new stuff going on on our end. The water guy apparently has a thing going for me......or our entire family. Not sure which. Maybe a little of both. Anyway, it's like "Dude.....do you freakin see all the kids that swarm the door when you come over and are you blind to the belly that proceeds me to the door to greet you???!!!!!" Anyway, he comes over ALL the time so that's a pain in the butt sometimes. After showing up unexpected as much as he has I'm amazed he ever comes back. So far, he's seen me from absolutely no make-up to no bra and Brad's jogging suit pants that inevitably slide down so that the crotch ends up around my knees. Why he finds us so appealing I'll never know. But he's over all the time. I guess when you're used to a quiet somewhat private life and then you move here where the door is always considered open it's kind of culture shock for me.
Oh, and the church here is screwed up! It makes me miss home. So, we gave up on the little Baptist one across the street and are trying ones out in town. The one here is so dead. There is nothing here at all and I'm past the point of wanting the fellowship. I really want to get something out of it...instead of putting so much into it. I think it's more of a ministry for us to go to that church then it is to be ministered to when we go. Because we hadn't gone in 6 wks due to Brad being on shift and then everybody being sick forever they quit calling for nursery workers. We are the reason they need a nursery. So, when I showed up on Christmas Eve they told me just to bring them all up to the service. Brad was on shift and I looked at them and then looked at my crew. Um........no. So, we just went home. Anyway, that was the last straw for me with all of the other stuff going on over there so we're visiting around in SA.
Man........it's been chaos here. Everytime I get to a point where I can sit down and think something else happens that I have to deal with. Whatever happened to moving out to nowhere and living the relaxing do-nothing life??!! The house still hasn't sold so money wise we got ourselves in a really not so great situation. Isn't that the story of our lives? Things are looking up though and the dude next door has a friend that Brad used to ride bikes with and his realtor knows Brad and used to ride bikes with that whole crew too. So, the bike dude really wants the house but made an offer 15 grand below what we were asking. I think he thought it was a friend to friend sale so we'd go easy on him. Brad talked to him and told him there's no way in hell we could get away with that. We're breaking even as it is. So, he likes the house so much he's having it appraised. The appraisal will come back above our asking price and he said as long as he knows it's a fair price then he wants to do it. So, we'll see. We're waiting on all the appraisal stuff now.
But in the meantime, Brad went and got a 2nd job. He's welding now at a steel company on his days off. His hours are 6a-6p 6 days a week. On his days coming off shift they let him arrive at 8. But, it's in the industrial part of SA so it takes about an hour to get there. So, he leaves at 4:30 in the morning when he's home and doesn't return until about 7:15 each night. On the days he's coming off shift he just goes straight there so we don't see him from 5:30 one morning until 7:30 the next night. It sucks. Kind of feels like what we just came out of. But, on a good note, the money is great and he's making more then we've had in our entire marriage. So, we've decided he'll do this for a year or year and a 1/2 and that'll give us enough time to do what we need to do on this end so far as big stuff we need and can never afford. Everybody's skin is dying out here due to how rough the water is. The chlorine in it is outrageous since we're the 1st stop from the water plant on it's way into SA. It's ruined many loads of dark laundry already. So, we have to get a filter for that, water softener, bigger hot water heater and a bunch of other big ticket items we'll never get otherwise. After his year and 1/2 at the steel place the town has offered for him to get on with the water dept part time. So, he'll work for the water dept on his days off after that, if all goes as planned.
So, that's the story there. On the pregnant note, I still have yet to have a sono. It's so screwed up. We finally decided on a midwife in Abilene that's delivered a few of the guys' babies at the station and I really do like her. She comes here for all of my appts and she'll do a homebirth, which I really really want. But she has her quirks too, as all lay midwives do. She won't take a patient that drinks Aspartame. Uh, what? And then she doesn't believe in sonograms at all. So, she wants to date the pregnancy by "natural" ways. Sorry, but that boat doesn't float with me. She said baby will come when baby is ready and since I've never been overly late we'll just see when the kid gets here.....sometime in June or July. I at least wants a general idea of a MONTH the kid's coming in! She doesn't believe my dates at all and said there was no way I was only around 8 or 9 wks at my 1st appt at the beginning of Dec. Her theory is that I took 3 bad tests in Oct and have really been pregnant the whole time. She's dating the pregnancy based on the period I had over Labor Day.......which makes me due June 12th???!!!! That means I'm currently 16 or 17 freakin wks along! There's no way. Because we were able to hear a heartbeat she said I was definitely no less then 12 wks at that appt we had since hearing the heartbeat before 12 wks is impossible. I got news, that's not all entirely true. So, I did a ton of research and it is possible to hear a heartbeat as early as 8 or 9 wks, though it's not the norm. 9-10 wks seems to be not so abnormal so I could've easily been around 9 wks. There's no way I took 3 bad tests. And I know my own body well enough now to know when I feel pregnant. I got the pos. test on Nov 19th and I wasn't even really feeling all that pregnant yet. A week after I took the test is when everything set in. I think I might could've gotten a pos a few days before that since I had an awful headache earlier in the week, which is typical for a pregnant me. But, that would've only been 4 days before I took it on the 19th. So, she said we'd meet in the middle and figure my due date as June 30th, which dated the pregnancy at 12 wks at my appt. She thinks I was as far long as 14 or 15 wks at my appt but settled with 12 for me. I asked her just how in the world she thought we would ever know if there were 2 in there or if I'd ever have an accurate due date and she said we'd go based on feeling movement. I'm supposed to freakin put a check on the calendar each day I feel movement and when it becomes consistent and I feel it everyday then we'll for sure know I'm right at 16 wks. What??? And she said there's no reason to think there's 2 in there at this point since I was measuring exactly right for 12 wks. Well, if I was only 8 or 9 wks wouldn't I be measuring ahead in that case? She said we'd definitely know by Feb if there's 2 or not. It's not at all accurate to go based on whether you can hear 2 heartbeats or not since it is common in a twin pregnancy to never hear a 2nd baby's heartbeat. There was a lady in Dec that gave birth to 5 and 3 pd twins at 35 wks and never knew she was pregnant with 2. She thought it was just 1 big baby and they never heard a 2nd heartbeat, though they both had kind of suspected twins. Ok, that's just not me. I'd dearly love to have twins at home.....but not going down this road. So, Brad and I agreed to go to the college in Midland, a 2 hr drive, to get a free sono by the tech school there. I had an appt set up on Dec 15th and we had to cancel. We had no money for gas and Grant had an ear infection that had to be seen that day before we headed into the weekend and Brad wouldn't budge on it. So, I got really mad and then chilled out about it. So, that was the last day of the school semester for them and she said to call back on Jan 2nd when they reopened!!! The 2nd???!!!! So, Mother came for a little over a week after Christmas and because of Brad's job he couldn't go so she was now going to go with me. We figured we'd make a road trip out of it and have some fun. The children were out of school so we were going to load the whole crew up and go. I called every hour on the 2nd and they finally informed me that she was out for the "presidential holiday" and didn't know when she'd return. They didn't think she'd be back in until school started on the 16th!!!! So, after getting up at the crack of dawn and having everybody ready to leave that morning we didn't go and are now waiting for the 16th. And to make it even more complicated, Brad and I don't want to decide for good on a midwife until we have the sonogram done. Neither one of us feel comfortable with her delivering twins so if there is, by some slim chance, more than 1 we'll definitely go back to Denton. If there's just 1 then I'll just get an estimated due date at the sono and go with the midwife here since she is the most experienced in this area and has done tons of single births. I honestly, at this point, don't have a clue as to what to think. I'm so confused at to how any there are in there, how far along I am and when I'm really due. I know I'm freakin huge, which could be due to the fact it is, afterall, kid #7 or it could be more than 1 or it could be that I am actually 1/2 way through the pregnancy and don't even know it. Ugh! Whatever. I'm kind of to the point now where it's like...well, I can't stay pregnant forever and so at some point 1 or 2 or 3 kids will eventually pop out sometime in the summer. HA! Oh, the joy. So, that's where we are on that. No real news......just mass confusion, I guess. Although Brad and I have decided that this baby will be a surprise baby since we're to the point now where we have more than a few of each gender and we've always found out so we both think it'd be fun to be surprised. But now the joke is that I'll go in for the sonogram and I'll be so far along that they'll go "Oh.........it's a .......!!!!" and it'll all be blown. Brad thinks the whole thing is really funny and he gets a kick out of seeing how many more wrenches can be thrown into the process to delay finding out anything. I cried on the 2nd when the sono got postponed until the 16th and then got it all out of my system and think I finally don't care anymore. I mean, in all reality, we will undoubtedly know at some point in the summer. I like to be spontaneous but I like doing it on my own terms when I decide to be spontaneous and not when it's out of my control.. HA!
So, on another note, we're really praying about what to do with the children and schooling next fall. I really really want to bring them home. My heart will always be to homeschool. But in order to pull it off Ive got to get my shit together. So, for the last few weeks I've done nothing but research and put together a program that'll work. The school's ok and they are both honor students and making more headway then I ever thought possible. BUT, they dropped the ball on the dyslexia program for him and he could be doing so much more. Evye's gotten caught up in all these little girly cat fights and who's looking at who and who's wearing what. I know it'll come at some point.........but when she's freakin 6???!!!! We'd have to order the dyslexia program which in itself if 2,500 bucks. There's no quality friends either of them have made. The majority of the kids here are white trash in a big way. So, on the social end not much is beneficial other then learning how to make good choices. I really don't want to interfere with a good thing but then again my heart longs to bring them back home. So, we're praying. We'll use a curriculum that'll keep both me and the children accountable and I'll send in everything so that the academy will issue report cards and they'll be tested at the end of every year like they are in school. I've got everything lined out mentally and am working on getting it all organized to pull it all together by the time we start but the only thing still left in question is what to do with all of the toddlers.........cause there's a lot of them! HA! Garrison and Grant will be close to 3, and Garrett will be about 16 months when we start. And then the new baby will be fairly easy since I can nurse and meet it's needs while we school. That's the least of the issues. If we do it I'll just integrate Aubrey into school. If we kept them in public school Aubrey would be starting Pre-K in the fall anyway. She'd freakin go from 7:30-4 everyday just like every other grade in the school. I just don't get that. When I was little kindergarten was a 1/2 day. Now even Pre-K goes 7:30-4! What in the world do they do all day???!!!! I do know Pre-K takes a nap up there which to me is just ridiculous. I might as well put her in daycare. Anyway, it's all still very much in the prayer process right now. I just want guidance and wisdom to make the best decision. Part of the "large purchase plan" is to do a massive swingset for us since this town has absolutely nothing to offer on that end and that'd at least give our little ones somewhere to go. So, that'd be used as part of school too if we bring them home. We want to put in a small running track on the acre attached to the backyard. One of the neighbors has a John Deere that we could easily do an oval layout for a track. But if we choose to bring them home it will be somewhat of a large affair getting stuff ready here so we can do it the right way instead of hitting and missing it when we're in the mood to actually sit down and work. And, get this! Mother's agreed to come the last weekend of every month or the 1st weekend of the month and have a cooking weekend in which we'll cook the entire month's worth of breakfasts and dinners. I figure if I can get in the habit before the baby comes that'll take off a bunch of the load here since there's NO where to go for food that's close and then if we end up homeschooling again it'll greatly ease the meal burden. I'm just making a monthly menu and we cook it all at one time and I can unfreeze the next day's the night before. I figure that'll cut down on Evye's pickiness too since I've got it printed out and there's no choice or question about what the meal consists of. So, that'll help with everything on that end.
Anyway, that's about all of the new stuff going on on our end. The water guy apparently has a thing going for me......or our entire family. Not sure which. Maybe a little of both. Anyway, it's like "Dude.....do you freakin see all the kids that swarm the door when you come over and are you blind to the belly that proceeds me to the door to greet you???!!!!!" Anyway, he comes over ALL the time so that's a pain in the butt sometimes. After showing up unexpected as much as he has I'm amazed he ever comes back. So far, he's seen me from absolutely no make-up to no bra and Brad's jogging suit pants that inevitably slide down so that the crotch ends up around my knees. Why he finds us so appealing I'll never know. But he's over all the time. I guess when you're used to a quiet somewhat private life and then you move here where the door is always considered open it's kind of culture shock for me.
Oh, and the church here is screwed up! It makes me miss home. So, we gave up on the little Baptist one across the street and are trying ones out in town. The one here is so dead. There is nothing here at all and I'm past the point of wanting the fellowship. I really want to get something out of it...instead of putting so much into it. I think it's more of a ministry for us to go to that church then it is to be ministered to when we go. Because we hadn't gone in 6 wks due to Brad being on shift and then everybody being sick forever they quit calling for nursery workers. We are the reason they need a nursery. So, when I showed up on Christmas Eve they told me just to bring them all up to the service. Brad was on shift and I looked at them and then looked at my crew. Um........no. So, we just went home. Anyway, that was the last straw for me with all of the other stuff going on over there so we're visiting around in SA.
14 or 15 wks pregnant???!!!!!!
written Dec 15, 2006
Let me start with saying I just tested 3 1/2 wks ago and so was thinking I'm about 8 wks along. So, Carol, our midwife, came today and as soon as the doppler hit my stomach there was a booming heartbeat very loud and clear. She said right then that I'm at least an easy 12 wks. I"m measuring right at 12 wks too for the average mom. I usually measure 2 wks smaller than norm though so that makes me 14 or 15 wks????!!!! She listened all over and we heard the placenta, cord, my femoral artery (or some artery of some sort) and she is 99% sure it's just one. She said going based on just 1 heartbeat is not reliable since at this very early stage they can very easily drown the other out and one can be deeper than the one that is being heard so well. But based on the fact that I am measuring right where I should be that we are going based on 1 baby....especially since I've now lost 2 pds from starting weight. I thought I'd gained 2 but when I got on the scale this morning I'm lower than I when I even got pregnant. She said I'm definitely due in June....not July. My due date as of now is the 30th, but very well could be the 12th of June!! If it is truly the 30th of June I may go a few days late and I can still have baby #7 in 7/07! LOL! I can't freakin believe I'm this pregnant! I'm still kind of in shock and still taking it all in. How I could have been pregnant for 2 1/2 months, maybe even longer, and not have known is really foreign to me. I just don't get it. And I know I can't be measuring farther ahead for twins and us mistaking it for me being farther along since we heard a very clear distinct heartbeat so immediate and so well. So, there's no arguing that I'm at least 12 wks. Unless, it's possible to hear the heartbeat before 12 wks....which she said rarely ever happens. We weren't able to hear it with Garrett until rigth at 12. We tried at 10 and it just wasn't audible.
So, she said at the end of the appt that we'll keep an eye out for another baby but we're going based on 1 until I can get in at the college for a sonogram, which opens back on the 2nd. But, I know now even more that there's just 1. There's no way there's 2 in there with all of that info I was handed today. I'm still just in absolute shock that I've been pregnant for a little over 3 months, probably around 3 1/2 and maybe even 4!!! She said I'm at least 12 wks and very possibly could be more like 15. If we go based on my last period on Labor Day that'd make me 15 wks! I told her there's no way in the world I'm that pregnant. I KNOW I'm not that far along. She said she didn't think so either due to my measurements but I always measure about 2 cm smaller than average with a single baby. I measured 12 cm today which would put me at 14 or 15 wks with a single baby. So, she reached a guesstimate of 12 wks based on average women's measurements. She said we'd leave it at 12 wks right now until we have a better idea by the beginning of me feeling baby's movement.
Wow! What a day! How can you just not know you're pregnant......after you've been pregnant as many times as I have????!!!!!! I thought those were just stories people told you about. So, 1 baby it is and I'm due sometime between June 12 and the 30th........as opposed to July 26th like I thought!!! I'm still in shock. Does that really happen? 3 neg tests and to not even feel pregnant???!!!! Oh well. I guess I got really blessed this go round!!! LOL! I'm either 1/3 or as much as almost 1/2 way through the pregnancy!!!
Love,
Nikki
Let me start with saying I just tested 3 1/2 wks ago and so was thinking I'm about 8 wks along. So, Carol, our midwife, came today and as soon as the doppler hit my stomach there was a booming heartbeat very loud and clear. She said right then that I'm at least an easy 12 wks. I"m measuring right at 12 wks too for the average mom. I usually measure 2 wks smaller than norm though so that makes me 14 or 15 wks????!!!! She listened all over and we heard the placenta, cord, my femoral artery (or some artery of some sort) and she is 99% sure it's just one. She said going based on just 1 heartbeat is not reliable since at this very early stage they can very easily drown the other out and one can be deeper than the one that is being heard so well. But based on the fact that I am measuring right where I should be that we are going based on 1 baby....especially since I've now lost 2 pds from starting weight. I thought I'd gained 2 but when I got on the scale this morning I'm lower than I when I even got pregnant. She said I'm definitely due in June....not July. My due date as of now is the 30th, but very well could be the 12th of June!! If it is truly the 30th of June I may go a few days late and I can still have baby #7 in 7/07! LOL! I can't freakin believe I'm this pregnant! I'm still kind of in shock and still taking it all in. How I could have been pregnant for 2 1/2 months, maybe even longer, and not have known is really foreign to me. I just don't get it. And I know I can't be measuring farther ahead for twins and us mistaking it for me being farther along since we heard a very clear distinct heartbeat so immediate and so well. So, there's no arguing that I'm at least 12 wks. Unless, it's possible to hear the heartbeat before 12 wks....which she said rarely ever happens. We weren't able to hear it with Garrett until rigth at 12. We tried at 10 and it just wasn't audible.
So, she said at the end of the appt that we'll keep an eye out for another baby but we're going based on 1 until I can get in at the college for a sonogram, which opens back on the 2nd. But, I know now even more that there's just 1. There's no way there's 2 in there with all of that info I was handed today. I'm still just in absolute shock that I've been pregnant for a little over 3 months, probably around 3 1/2 and maybe even 4!!! She said I'm at least 12 wks and very possibly could be more like 15. If we go based on my last period on Labor Day that'd make me 15 wks! I told her there's no way in the world I'm that pregnant. I KNOW I'm not that far along. She said she didn't think so either due to my measurements but I always measure about 2 cm smaller than average with a single baby. I measured 12 cm today which would put me at 14 or 15 wks with a single baby. So, she reached a guesstimate of 12 wks based on average women's measurements. She said we'd leave it at 12 wks right now until we have a better idea by the beginning of me feeling baby's movement.
Wow! What a day! How can you just not know you're pregnant......after you've been pregnant as many times as I have????!!!!!! I thought those were just stories people told you about. So, 1 baby it is and I'm due sometime between June 12 and the 30th........as opposed to July 26th like I thought!!! I'm still in shock. Does that really happen? 3 neg tests and to not even feel pregnant???!!!! Oh well. I guess I got really blessed this go round!!! LOL! I'm either 1/3 or as much as almost 1/2 way through the pregnancy!!!
Love,
Nikki
The children are now in public school
written Sept 22, 2006
Well, after much prayer and many deep deep discussions Brad and I decided to put the children in school. It was a very hard decision to make but in the end we had a total peace and knew God has placed us here for a very special reason and that we've been truly blessed. That's definitely not to say it hasn't been hard, especially on me, but the more we walk this out the more incredible it is. They have only ever had 1 student with dyslexia that they knew of and never even seen a student with it as severe as Grayson and are doing absolutely everything they can for him. They are working with us intently so that we can all watch him succeed. They have resources and funds that we haven't had and probably won't ever have. They have ordered Grayson a laptop to do both his classroom and homework on so that the empty piece of paper is no longer such a barrier for him resulting in breakdowns where he can't even process anything due to his fear of it. The school is also paying for the principle, his teacher and me to go to the Scottish Rite Dyslexia Conference at the end of Oct. so that we can all learn how to better help him. His teacher is absolutely incredible and is so greatly appreciated. She has assigned a different student to him everyday as his aide. It has only helped her classroom and everyone thinks it's fun. The students strive to do well so that they might be his aide for the following day and he doesn't get tired of any one particular student and having to worry about personality clashes or resenting anyone. The students read and write for him and basically take the fear out of learning. And the teacher takes him to the back of the class and listens to him do his reading to her instead of making him do it in front of the class. She has been full of praise and he comes home everyday more and more confident saying the teacher said he reads so good that he will be reading with the class in not long at all. He is absolutely flourishing and loving everything about it. It keeps him challenged and has taken the boredom out of his days. His attitude has improved dramatically and when he is home he is so grateful for the time off and that he can play that he doesn't bother griping about anything.
The school is going far above and beyond what any school I have ever known would do. His teacher is amazed at his mathematical abilities. I tried to really explain everything I could to them about him before he started school but it still amazed them. I told them he is way ahead in math but cannot spell at all and can only read on a 1st grade level. They have all been blown away by his precision in math. And for his tests today his teacher modified them for him so that the barriers were removed and allowed him to truly test instead of being inhibited by the fact he cannot read the tests or write answers. I was so impressed. I have never given him a test before due to how volatile he is if it is anything less than perfect, so I was very unsure as to how he would handle tests in a public school system with real grades. He made 100 on math and did pretty well in spelling too......which is a huge, huge thing. He reversed his "d" to a "b" in the word "hard" so when she asked him to spell it verbally and he did it correctly she allowed him to change it on the test and patted him saying that those letters are confusing and we all get them mixed up sometimes. Because his handwriting is only barely legible, another huge characteristic of dyslexia, she asked him to spell audibly a few more words that appeared misspelled on his test. When he did it correctly she allowed him to erase his test words and write them better so that they could be read, saying to just try and write as best he could so that she didn't mistake them and mark them wrong by accident. He said she patted his back and told him that his letters are looking better and better everyday. So, he is surrounded by affirmation and it makes a huge difference that it's from someone who teaches kids his age and not his own mom. She also has modified schooling for him and has given him 1st grade words and 1st grade level books as reading assignments as she assesses and gets a feel for where he is. The whole experience has been positive and has put him at complete ease. I think he has completely smitten his teacher and she is head over heels for him. It's hard not to love him though when you see him striving so hard to do well and then struggling so hard and beating himself up over it.
Today he had 3 tests and made 100 on both geography and math and came in really well in spelling, though he wasn't sure of what his grade ended up being on that. He said they were given a blank map and a list of the states and needed to put the state names on the states. The class studied it last week before he was enrolled and hasn't been over it but once since he's been there. The teacher was so shocked that he got all but 2 right that she gave him a 100 on it since he did better than anyone in the class. I have to admit that though we may not have been too great at homeschooling I loved geography and we were constantly going over states and countries. We have map placemats, globes everywhere, and maps on the walls so he had a huge headstart. Evye can even point out accurately almost every state. And Grayson can precisely place almost every country in the continent of Africa. But it was so gratifying for me and such an ego booster for Grayson to blow his teacher's mind with that. So, he is doing very well in every area. I thought it was so great. His little aide read off the state names to him, he pointed out where they went and then she wrote them in for him, according to Grayson. It was a sweet mental picture of him working together with another student and feeling so successful. And he LOVES science! I knew he would. We just couldn't ever get past reading and writing to ever make it to the fun stuff so we had just kind of integrated that in with Scouts. He has a real science book now and just eats it up and amazes me with how much he retains from it.
And Evye started the week in 1st grade and by the end of the week we had a parent/ teacher conference to discuss the fact that she was not ready at all for 1st grade. Her teacher's words were that she was lost and overwhelmed and Brad and I watched each day as she grew more and more depressed and finally by Wed didn't want to go back to school at all because she was the only one in her class that couldn't do anything. She was feeling very beaten down. So, she was moved to kindergarten and she is thriving. I was having a pretty hard time with it and beating myself up over it since I was the one that was so inconsistent with her last year as I struggled to help Grayson along. But the principle and teacher both said that she is by far the youngest in kindergarten and was not even 6 yet when classes began for 1st grade on Aug 16th. So, technically, had the state dates changed as school has been moved up over the years she wouldn't have even been eligible for 1st. The cut off birth date for an age for a grade level is still Sept 1st like it was when I was starting school. But since then school's starting date has been consistently moved up over the years and is now starting in early to mid Aug. So, after a heart to heart talk with the 1st grade teacher and the principle we decided it would be best to put her in kindergarten. It made a ton of difference and she is now flourishing too. All that she's concerned with is the fact that she FINALLY got to use her new glue and scissors.........and she got to paint too! HA! She came home today all smiles.
My only gripe right now is how long they are gone. I think I've cried more over that than anything. I think I bordered on co-dependency. The house is so quiet and vacant, and strangely and hauntingly peaceful without them home. The 3 younger ones are usually out in the driveway waiting for them to get home and as soon as the older 2 come into view on their bikes they all run to greet them and they all have a hugging and kissing reunion. I think Evye misses Garrett the most. She's like a little mother hen to him. When she gets home if he's sleeping she'll ask to go wake him up and if he's awake she runs over to him, picks him up and starts kissing him all over his chubby round face. He rewards her with bigger than life smiles and all kinds of coos and bubbly talk. It's pretty sweet. But Grayson and Evye are gone from 7:20 until 3:50 every day. They get a huge free breakfast and lunch but breakfast is from 7:30 until 7:55 and class starts at 8. And then class doesn't get out until 3:45 due to a new thing they have going. This is the 1st year they get out that late and it's killing all of the teachers and a bunch of the kids so hopefully next year they'll go back to letting out at 3. Even kindergartners go all day from 8 to "4". When I was little kindergarten was only a 1/2 day! And Pre-K is now also a state certified grade level! I had no clue! The school is considered Pre-K-12th. A degreed certified teacher has to teach it too! Pretty amazing! I wonder if by 2020 they'll have Pre-toddler and start with 6 month old babies. HA! Anyway, if we continue and the children flourish both academically and behaviorally and their character stays in tact through it all we will discuss going yet another year. I told Brad just as we took homeschooling one year at a time so we will take public school one year at a time. We will continue to pray and walk in obedience to what we are being led to do. If we do continue on with the school though that means Aubrey will start next year in Pre-K. I don't even want to think about the boys starting school ever. I can't even imagine not having them with me always. I cried Monday after we took Grayson and Evye and then I cried all day Tues and Wed. The day just isn't the same without them. I think I'll sob the day Garrison and Grant start school. I think they may just conveniently skip Pre-K. I think I may cry tears of relief when Aubrey starts Pre-K though! HA! I think she'll absolutely flourish and do wonders........ as long as she's not expelled due to beating the other kids up. She'll probably make headlines and be the 1st Pre-K student ever expelled due to outbursts and crimes committed against fellow students! No, in all honesty, the older she gets the easier it is to talk out her problems and frustrations with her and resolve them a little better instead of going into the Tasmanian devil thing every time she has a crisis. She really is an amazing kid and so entirely interesting to raise. I think she's my talking, breathing reminder to stay on my knees when it comes to parenting.
Anyway, that's the latest update on the school thing. Grayson has blown everybody away with his maturity, adult conversation ability and great manners. And they all have said Evye is so gentle hearted, mild and sweet and that she is a joy to teach. Oh, and the school has a strict dress code......which I didn't know public school's even had. If violated your parents will be called to bring you a change of clothes and you will not be allowed to return to class until properly clothed.
- For boys some of the stuff is....shirts must always be tucked in, they cannot have hair over their collar or bangs in the eyes, must be clean shaven, their hair must be layered in a suitable cut for males, no drastic hair dying and pants must be worn up around the waist and are not allowed to hang down and sag in an improper fit. No piercings or visible tattoos of any kind are allowed. Boys 5th grade and under are allowed to wear shorts but after that all boys must wear jeans, still maintaining their tucked in shirts.
- for girls some of the stuff is......no midriffs can be bared at any time, no slits in skirts, no visible tattoos, no cleavage showing, no skirts or dresses shorter than 4 inches above kneecaps, no drastic hair dying and so on.
Pretty incredible. You don't really realize how much of a difference it makes until you've been to the school and realize how well mannered they all are and how great the older students look and behave. And the older students all help take care of and watch out for the younger ones. Evye loves the attention she gets from the older girls and boys. And Grayson is so impressed that the older boys and all 6 of the football players have come up to him, introduced themselves and noticed him. A bunch of them call him by name now and that makes his day. It's just so cool, rewarding and great to see them excelling in every area including academics and character. Oh.......and at recess Evye walks across the dirt street and feeds the horses in the pasture handfuls of grass she's gathered! My kind of recess!
Well, after much prayer and many deep deep discussions Brad and I decided to put the children in school. It was a very hard decision to make but in the end we had a total peace and knew God has placed us here for a very special reason and that we've been truly blessed. That's definitely not to say it hasn't been hard, especially on me, but the more we walk this out the more incredible it is. They have only ever had 1 student with dyslexia that they knew of and never even seen a student with it as severe as Grayson and are doing absolutely everything they can for him. They are working with us intently so that we can all watch him succeed. They have resources and funds that we haven't had and probably won't ever have. They have ordered Grayson a laptop to do both his classroom and homework on so that the empty piece of paper is no longer such a barrier for him resulting in breakdowns where he can't even process anything due to his fear of it. The school is also paying for the principle, his teacher and me to go to the Scottish Rite Dyslexia Conference at the end of Oct. so that we can all learn how to better help him. His teacher is absolutely incredible and is so greatly appreciated. She has assigned a different student to him everyday as his aide. It has only helped her classroom and everyone thinks it's fun. The students strive to do well so that they might be his aide for the following day and he doesn't get tired of any one particular student and having to worry about personality clashes or resenting anyone. The students read and write for him and basically take the fear out of learning. And the teacher takes him to the back of the class and listens to him do his reading to her instead of making him do it in front of the class. She has been full of praise and he comes home everyday more and more confident saying the teacher said he reads so good that he will be reading with the class in not long at all. He is absolutely flourishing and loving everything about it. It keeps him challenged and has taken the boredom out of his days. His attitude has improved dramatically and when he is home he is so grateful for the time off and that he can play that he doesn't bother griping about anything.
The school is going far above and beyond what any school I have ever known would do. His teacher is amazed at his mathematical abilities. I tried to really explain everything I could to them about him before he started school but it still amazed them. I told them he is way ahead in math but cannot spell at all and can only read on a 1st grade level. They have all been blown away by his precision in math. And for his tests today his teacher modified them for him so that the barriers were removed and allowed him to truly test instead of being inhibited by the fact he cannot read the tests or write answers. I was so impressed. I have never given him a test before due to how volatile he is if it is anything less than perfect, so I was very unsure as to how he would handle tests in a public school system with real grades. He made 100 on math and did pretty well in spelling too......which is a huge, huge thing. He reversed his "d" to a "b" in the word "hard" so when she asked him to spell it verbally and he did it correctly she allowed him to change it on the test and patted him saying that those letters are confusing and we all get them mixed up sometimes. Because his handwriting is only barely legible, another huge characteristic of dyslexia, she asked him to spell audibly a few more words that appeared misspelled on his test. When he did it correctly she allowed him to erase his test words and write them better so that they could be read, saying to just try and write as best he could so that she didn't mistake them and mark them wrong by accident. He said she patted his back and told him that his letters are looking better and better everyday. So, he is surrounded by affirmation and it makes a huge difference that it's from someone who teaches kids his age and not his own mom. She also has modified schooling for him and has given him 1st grade words and 1st grade level books as reading assignments as she assesses and gets a feel for where he is. The whole experience has been positive and has put him at complete ease. I think he has completely smitten his teacher and she is head over heels for him. It's hard not to love him though when you see him striving so hard to do well and then struggling so hard and beating himself up over it.
Today he had 3 tests and made 100 on both geography and math and came in really well in spelling, though he wasn't sure of what his grade ended up being on that. He said they were given a blank map and a list of the states and needed to put the state names on the states. The class studied it last week before he was enrolled and hasn't been over it but once since he's been there. The teacher was so shocked that he got all but 2 right that she gave him a 100 on it since he did better than anyone in the class. I have to admit that though we may not have been too great at homeschooling I loved geography and we were constantly going over states and countries. We have map placemats, globes everywhere, and maps on the walls so he had a huge headstart. Evye can even point out accurately almost every state. And Grayson can precisely place almost every country in the continent of Africa. But it was so gratifying for me and such an ego booster for Grayson to blow his teacher's mind with that. So, he is doing very well in every area. I thought it was so great. His little aide read off the state names to him, he pointed out where they went and then she wrote them in for him, according to Grayson. It was a sweet mental picture of him working together with another student and feeling so successful. And he LOVES science! I knew he would. We just couldn't ever get past reading and writing to ever make it to the fun stuff so we had just kind of integrated that in with Scouts. He has a real science book now and just eats it up and amazes me with how much he retains from it.And Evye started the week in 1st grade and by the end of the week we had a parent/ teacher conference to discuss the fact that she was not ready at all for 1st grade. Her teacher's words were that she was lost and overwhelmed and Brad and I watched each day as she grew more and more depressed and finally by Wed didn't want to go back to school at all because she was the only one in her class that couldn't do anything. She was feeling very beaten down. So, she was moved to kindergarten and she is thriving. I was having a pretty hard time with it and beating myself up over it since I was the one that was so inconsistent with her last year as I struggled to help Grayson along. But the principle and teacher both said that she is by far the youngest in kindergarten and was not even 6 yet when classes began for 1st grade on Aug 16th. So, technically, had the state dates changed as school has been moved up over the years she wouldn't have even been eligible for 1st. The cut off birth date for an age for a grade level is still Sept 1st like it was when I was starting school. But since then school's starting date has been consistently moved up over the years and is now starting in early to mid Aug. So, after a heart to heart talk with the 1st grade teacher and the principle we decided it would be best to put her in kindergarten. It made a ton of difference and she is now flourishing too. All that she's concerned with is the fact that she FINALLY got to use her new glue and scissors.........and she got to paint too! HA! She came home today all smiles.
My only gripe right now is how long they are gone. I think I've cried more over that than anything. I think I bordered on co-dependency. The house is so quiet and vacant, and strangely and hauntingly peaceful without them home. The 3 younger ones are usually out in the driveway waiting for them to get home and as soon as the older 2 come into view on their bikes they all run to greet them and they all have a hugging and kissing reunion. I think Evye misses Garrett the most. She's like a little mother hen to him. When she gets home if he's sleeping she'll ask to go wake him up and if he's awake she runs over to him, picks him up and starts kissing him all over his chubby round face. He rewards her with bigger than life smiles and all kinds of coos and bubbly talk. It's pretty sweet. But Grayson and Evye are gone from 7:20 until 3:50 every day. They get a huge free breakfast and lunch but breakfast is from 7:30 until 7:55 and class starts at 8. And then class doesn't get out until 3:45 due to a new thing they have going. This is the 1st year they get out that late and it's killing all of the teachers and a bunch of the kids so hopefully next year they'll go back to letting out at 3. Even kindergartners go all day from 8 to "4". When I was little kindergarten was only a 1/2 day! And Pre-K is now also a state certified grade level! I had no clue! The school is considered Pre-K-12th. A degreed certified teacher has to teach it too! Pretty amazing! I wonder if by 2020 they'll have Pre-toddler and start with 6 month old babies. HA! Anyway, if we continue and the children flourish both academically and behaviorally and their character stays in tact through it all we will discuss going yet another year. I told Brad just as we took homeschooling one year at a time so we will take public school one year at a time. We will continue to pray and walk in obedience to what we are being led to do. If we do continue on with the school though that means Aubrey will start next year in Pre-K. I don't even want to think about the boys starting school ever. I can't even imagine not having them with me always. I cried Monday after we took Grayson and Evye and then I cried all day Tues and Wed. The day just isn't the same without them. I think I'll sob the day Garrison and Grant start school. I think they may just conveniently skip Pre-K. I think I may cry tears of relief when Aubrey starts Pre-K though! HA! I think she'll absolutely flourish and do wonders........ as long as she's not expelled due to beating the other kids up. She'll probably make headlines and be the 1st Pre-K student ever expelled due to outbursts and crimes committed against fellow students! No, in all honesty, the older she gets the easier it is to talk out her problems and frustrations with her and resolve them a little better instead of going into the Tasmanian devil thing every time she has a crisis. She really is an amazing kid and so entirely interesting to raise. I think she's my talking, breathing reminder to stay on my knees when it comes to parenting.
Anyway, that's the latest update on the school thing. Grayson has blown everybody away with his maturity, adult conversation ability and great manners. And they all have said Evye is so gentle hearted, mild and sweet and that she is a joy to teach. Oh, and the school has a strict dress code......which I didn't know public school's even had. If violated your parents will be called to bring you a change of clothes and you will not be allowed to return to class until properly clothed.
- For boys some of the stuff is....shirts must always be tucked in, they cannot have hair over their collar or bangs in the eyes, must be clean shaven, their hair must be layered in a suitable cut for males, no drastic hair dying and pants must be worn up around the waist and are not allowed to hang down and sag in an improper fit. No piercings or visible tattoos of any kind are allowed. Boys 5th grade and under are allowed to wear shorts but after that all boys must wear jeans, still maintaining their tucked in shirts.
- for girls some of the stuff is......no midriffs can be bared at any time, no slits in skirts, no visible tattoos, no cleavage showing, no skirts or dresses shorter than 4 inches above kneecaps, no drastic hair dying and so on.
Pretty incredible. You don't really realize how much of a difference it makes until you've been to the school and realize how well mannered they all are and how great the older students look and behave. And the older students all help take care of and watch out for the younger ones. Evye loves the attention she gets from the older girls and boys. And Grayson is so impressed that the older boys and all 6 of the football players have come up to him, introduced themselves and noticed him. A bunch of them call him by name now and that makes his day. It's just so cool, rewarding and great to see them excelling in every area including academics and character. Oh.......and at recess Evye walks across the dirt street and feeds the horses in the pasture handfuls of grass she's gathered! My kind of recess!
Country life coming to life
written Sept 20, 2006Country life at its best. Not only did we have the joy of encountering it........it was in the playroom where the children have played for the last few days. Since I can't send our pics we looked it up and ID'd it on the web. It was a juvenile..........I'm really glad we didn't encounter it full grown!!!!!!!!!......despite the fact it's non-venomous it grows to 6 ft in length! And on our way to locate a glove in the workshop we then nearly stepped on a massive tarantula! We took pics of it too but, of course, can't send those either. The thing was as big as a tupperware lid! It was all hairy and everything......just like the pics in books that you want to forever stay in the books. And then on my way out to get a bucket on the front porch to put the snake in a freakin bat flew out of the rafters and scared the crap out of me. Needless to say, I've had all of the nocturnal wildlife I can take for awhile. But I did stand in absolute awe of the millions and millions of stars up above and how absolutely amazing they are in their numbers and bright brilliance as Brad shot the snake to death. After coming in and identifying what kind it was AFTER he shot it then he got all mad that he killed it. It was a fiesty little booger and freakin struck at us every time we even shined the light on it. He could strike so far that he came 1/2 way out of the bucket...............not my thing at all. Snakes, tarantulas and bats all in a day's work. Ugh!
I'm really truly glad it wasn't a rattlesnake though. 3 neighbors have sent word around that they've found baby rattlesnakes in their flowerbeds up next to their houses. One was so tiny it only had one rattle and you couldn't even hear it until you got down close to it. That freaked me out. Hopefully the dogs' noise will help keep them at bay. Obviously, it didn't really phase this guy.
http://www.houstonherp.com/TxRat.html
http://www.bugsinthenews.com/Texas%20Snake%20Web/juvenile_texas_rat_snake_Oct03_Frisco.htm
Successfully Moved
Written Sept 11, 2006
Well, we did it! We all lived through the move and it is amazing! We definitely couldn't have done it without Mother and Granny!!! We loaded, unloaded, lifted, carried, strained and everything else all together. We all had the bruises to prove it too and looked like we'd been victims of domestic abuse! But it was so worth it. The 4 of us stayed up late more than just one night after the children were in bed and laughed until we cried due to exhaustion and the late night funnies. It's been an amazing journey and the move itself was just as amazing. Not even the rain on moving day could dampen anybody's spirit. As we made the beautiful drive God seemed to keep saying that this was not about mourning what we are leaving but that He was pouring out through the rain incredible showers of blessings on us as we follow His direction for our lives. As we move on in our journey we are being blessed as we go. He laid before us the most breathtaking portrait in the landscape than I ever remember. The clouds shrouded the tops of the hills as we made our way through. It felt like a dream and the end of a 3 year chapter.....or finally the beginning of a new one.
I still wake up and feel like it's a dream and that we'll be going back in a few days. It's too beautiful and homey to be real. Once we'd been here a couple of days we drove into San Angelo and even that was amazing. Land and ranches surrounded us and the hills rose up in the far off distance standing tall and seemingly touching heaven. On our way there we drove through miles and miles of untouched land and we passed 10 deer on our way home. We've already met a huge portion of the town. Not even the rain could squelch people's curiosity when we arrived and they came out from all corners of the town to get a peek at the newcomers. We quit counting after 8 the number of times one Suburban drove by! They said that was the busiest day on our street in years. HA! Several brave souls came by the very next day and stopped to introduce themselves. Before Mother left we were able to get out and walk around on the property behind us that will soon be our's too. We were able to go in the old cotton gen that was closed up in 1940 that sits in the middle of overgrown grass and trees. It was so amazing. Several massive white owls flew out the broken windows as we entered. The old machinery still sits exactly as it was left almost 70 years ago and an old cotton harvesting tractor sits all rusted beyond the bldg in the tall grass. On our walk back from seeing all of that we met an elderly couple out sitting on their porch. We introduced ourselves and they already knew exactly who we were. We sat and talked on their porch for a couple of hours as the wind blew through their huge pecan trees and dangled the hummingbird feeders and windchimes. They told us who lived where and who does what. He was born and raised here in this tiny town and she was born and raised in one not far from here and together they painted an amazing historic picture. Time is so much slower here. It really is a different way of life. Nobody even locks the doors to their houses and they all leave the keys in their cars. It's like a book that's unfolding in real life and I'm actually living it. This is where I want to raise our family. We truly have come home. They hugged and loved on the children like we'd always known them and they were their's. The people here are so amazing. It's like coming home to family. They've already asked Brad to run for city council! The joke of running for mayor and winning due to the size of our family quickly became reality when they realized how active we want to be in the community. The church has already asked me to be their substitute pianist and have asked Brad to set his drums up and play. I just don't think I expected to be so readily welcomed and embraced in this tiny town. Instead of neighbors it's like a family. The water man, the only city employee, came by to welcome us and called us by name before we even introduced ourselves.
The biggest thing in town is the Fri night football game every week and, true to what we'd heard about town parties, they have a fellowship called 5th quarter after the game where the entire town congregates at the church and eats. It's a potluck and all of the old women in town cook tons of cookies and cakes and the church grills hot dogs and hamburgers. It didn't take Grayson and Evye long to make friends and meet the entire town. They all know Grayson by name at the post office now, which he rides his bike too every day now, and the lady at the convenient store hugs he and Evye and calls them by name when they ride up on their bikes. I got to meet her at church on Sun and she is something else! She loves the two of them to pieces. Everybody in town has fallen in love with Garrison and Grant and just eats them up. Somehow Evye and Aubrey attracted the teenage and pre-teen group and have a fan club now. They've invited all the girls to the house and so we now have a group of girls that sit and braid the girls' hair and paint fingernails and hold Garrett for hours on end while watching the boys while they play. It's rare that any of them are inside anymore so between trying to tend to the wasp stings, ant bites, scrapes, and mosquito bites and nurse Garrett in between it all makes it hard to get any boxes unpacked. And outside play out here makes for some dirty kids!!!! So far since we've been here the older 5 haven't been able to avoid a bath even one night. You can practically write in the dirt on their foreheads.
Almost everyone in the town works at the school and the pastor's wife, our next door neighbor, teaches 3 of the grades while one of the most incredible women we have met teaches some of the older grades. Last year they combined 3 grades since there weren't enough children to make up each of their grade levels! It's more like a homeschool helpout program than it is a school. It truly is so different here. It's like family members teaching in the school and like a cross of Papa was a Preacher school days and Little House on the Prairie days. They take really great field trips to the farms and ranches and local working cotton gens. Most of the children that we've met and all of them in church still say "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am" and "yes sir" and "no sir" and call everyone by Mr and Ms. I love the spirit and the heart of everyone here. It really is like a rural farming community and almost back to the one room classroom. Not only are they Christians but we go to church with them, they are our next door neighbors, we know them and hug them every time we see them and know each person at the school by name and many of them were even homeschoolers. The thought has crossed my mind and we are diligently praying about putting the children in school. Many of the parents here homeschooled before coming to Paint Rock so there are many homeschool minded families in the school system that are actively involved with everything that takes place. They still not only pray in school but pray for each other. We talked at length at church with the people that hold positions in the school and they've all said that due to the size of the class Grayson can be worked with and pretty much privately tutored in his class. I think there's 5 in the 3rd grade. Every grade is in the same bldg so Grayson and Evye would still do everything together except their actual classes. I've both cried and rejoiced in this whole debate and never realized how hard it is to let go of so many pre-conceived ideas and even pride I didn't even know I had. But it is amazing to see that God has truly been with us every step of the entire way and has directly put us in a place that can be of so much help to Grayson and so carefully orchestrated putting us right in the middle of a bunch of like-minded people. After so many years of struggling and all of the tears God has heard every cry of our lonely journey and put us in a place where Grayson can have one on one teaching free of charge and by devout Christians that are trained to help him. We're having lunch with everybody on Fri to discuss it some more at length and ask more questions about the politics of it and how they as a school can get around what the state mandates to teach, which they say they have a pretty good way of doing. They still teach creation, and like I said, pray for each other in the school. Nothing is set in stone yet and we are still praying very hard. It depends very much on the politics and conviction of the school and also if they want to hold Grayson back a grade or two. We are not willing to hold him back since it would devastate him and could be overcome at home so we'll just continue to pray for direction and explore this new area. But it's just absolutely amazing to me that when you wait on God, even when it seems like forever, how vast and complete His blessings are when He does finally begin to move......even down to the town He places us in.
And we truly are completely TV-less here, whether we like or not! We'd turned it off before we moved except for the occasional news or allowing the children to watch a cartoon during the really hot days but since we don't have satellite here and that is the only way to get any channel at all we just don't have any reception for anything. So, with the exception of Einstein for Garrett we live completely without the TV. It's just so different here in so many ways. We truly do sit around and play board games at night with the children or read books instead of watching the TV. But the lack of TV has a downfall too since without anything out here we have to have a dial up connection for the computer. I've tried twice to send pics of everything here but the dial up just can't hack it. The other night I started sending the pics right before bed so it could work on it all night but when I got up they were only 25% sent and it had disconnected from the internet since it does that automatically after 3 hours. So, I have yet to find a way to send pics but I'll figure something out. We may just have to download them to a disc and mail them or bring them with us when we come into town.
Oh, and at our little Baptist church on Sun they had up on the podium that Sunday School attendance this week was 13 and last week was 19! HA! It was too funny. It's been 25 years since I went to Sunday School. Grayson and Evye made up the Sunday School class for their age, though they said usually there are a few more, and the younger 4 made up the entire nursery. It was really kind of pathetic because I looked up and realized in the middle of the service I had forgotten about Garrett and left him down there when my intent was to keep him with me. They were all so excited to have them all though so it worked out great. And we don't have to worry about them getting sick when they're the only ones in there! HA! And my Sunday School class was a riot. I sat with about 9 other women that were at least 50 years my senior and when reading the lesson missed about every 3rd word on the page. To give you a clue, some of their names were Edna, Mary Jim, Verna and Mazie. The 89 year old led the class and it was a hoot. I couldn't help but fall in love with them. There's a younger women's class that meets but apparently the leader of that was out of town so I got put in there with the older ones. They all begged me to join their class instead and said they are all young at heart. HA! They told me that since I have 6 children that I'll need their mentorship! hahahahaha! They all wanted to know the names and ages of the children and wanted to meet them after church was over. They all hugged them and asked Evye about her love of horses and told Grayson stories about when they themselves were little and caught the biggest lizards and frogs in the county! At one point the 89 year old was griping about the fact that the church doesn't have VBS anymore and then she said seriously, "Lord knows I shouldn't be griping about it since I'm not willing to work it." I couldn't help but laugh out-loud. All of the other women patted and reassured her saying that after 30 years of putting in her time she deserved a break. It was funny!
I love it here. I love the fact that we have been so readily embraced and that the children are so loved. I love how many true and dear friends we have made in such a short amount of time. I love how sincere everyone is. I love how slow and simple life is. I love our little house and what a gift from God it is. 3 people came forward after hearing that Mickey (the guy that Brad works with and sold us the house) had sold it and said they didn't have any idea that his house was for sale and would've bought it in a heartbeat for top dollar. Mickey said laughingly that he didn't even know his house was for sale and it just kind of sold. HA! He lives with his family out on their 400 acre ranch now in their hunting cabin until they can get their house built. But Brad and I just realize more and more everyday how blessed we have been and how carefully God has laid out every step of our way, even during the darkest parts when we couldn't see or make sense of anything.
Alright, I could go on forever. We've almost gotten everything organized and the majority unpacked so hopefully I can work on the pics and they won't be long in coming.....however they come! Mother's coming back down here to stay for awhile to help some more with unpacking so I'm feeling pretty settled. We're going to paint so we won't be hanging stuff on the walls until that's done but everything else is pretty organized and at least live-able.
Oh.......and we also have added a new member to the family. A little black cat seems to have adopted the children so after giving it milk for a few days we finally bought food for it and it's officially our's. They named him Smokey.......original, I know. This is only like the 15th cat they've named Smokey. I think this one is a keeper though.....whether we like it or not! HA!
Well, we did it! We all lived through the move and it is amazing! We definitely couldn't have done it without Mother and Granny!!! We loaded, unloaded, lifted, carried, strained and everything else all together. We all had the bruises to prove it too and looked like we'd been victims of domestic abuse! But it was so worth it. The 4 of us stayed up late more than just one night after the children were in bed and laughed until we cried due to exhaustion and the late night funnies. It's been an amazing journey and the move itself was just as amazing. Not even the rain on moving day could dampen anybody's spirit. As we made the beautiful drive God seemed to keep saying that this was not about mourning what we are leaving but that He was pouring out through the rain incredible showers of blessings on us as we follow His direction for our lives. As we move on in our journey we are being blessed as we go. He laid before us the most breathtaking portrait in the landscape than I ever remember. The clouds shrouded the tops of the hills as we made our way through. It felt like a dream and the end of a 3 year chapter.....or finally the beginning of a new one.
I still wake up and feel like it's a dream and that we'll be going back in a few days. It's too beautiful and homey to be real. Once we'd been here a couple of days we drove into San Angelo and even that was amazing. Land and ranches surrounded us and the hills rose up in the far off distance standing tall and seemingly touching heaven. On our way there we drove through miles and miles of untouched land and we passed 10 deer on our way home. We've already met a huge portion of the town. Not even the rain could squelch people's curiosity when we arrived and they came out from all corners of the town to get a peek at the newcomers. We quit counting after 8 the number of times one Suburban drove by! They said that was the busiest day on our street in years. HA! Several brave souls came by the very next day and stopped to introduce themselves. Before Mother left we were able to get out and walk around on the property behind us that will soon be our's too. We were able to go in the old cotton gen that was closed up in 1940 that sits in the middle of overgrown grass and trees. It was so amazing. Several massive white owls flew out the broken windows as we entered. The old machinery still sits exactly as it was left almost 70 years ago and an old cotton harvesting tractor sits all rusted beyond the bldg in the tall grass. On our walk back from seeing all of that we met an elderly couple out sitting on their porch. We introduced ourselves and they already knew exactly who we were. We sat and talked on their porch for a couple of hours as the wind blew through their huge pecan trees and dangled the hummingbird feeders and windchimes. They told us who lived where and who does what. He was born and raised here in this tiny town and she was born and raised in one not far from here and together they painted an amazing historic picture. Time is so much slower here. It really is a different way of life. Nobody even locks the doors to their houses and they all leave the keys in their cars. It's like a book that's unfolding in real life and I'm actually living it. This is where I want to raise our family. We truly have come home. They hugged and loved on the children like we'd always known them and they were their's. The people here are so amazing. It's like coming home to family. They've already asked Brad to run for city council! The joke of running for mayor and winning due to the size of our family quickly became reality when they realized how active we want to be in the community. The church has already asked me to be their substitute pianist and have asked Brad to set his drums up and play. I just don't think I expected to be so readily welcomed and embraced in this tiny town. Instead of neighbors it's like a family. The water man, the only city employee, came by to welcome us and called us by name before we even introduced ourselves.
The biggest thing in town is the Fri night football game every week and, true to what we'd heard about town parties, they have a fellowship called 5th quarter after the game where the entire town congregates at the church and eats. It's a potluck and all of the old women in town cook tons of cookies and cakes and the church grills hot dogs and hamburgers. It didn't take Grayson and Evye long to make friends and meet the entire town. They all know Grayson by name at the post office now, which he rides his bike too every day now, and the lady at the convenient store hugs he and Evye and calls them by name when they ride up on their bikes. I got to meet her at church on Sun and she is something else! She loves the two of them to pieces. Everybody in town has fallen in love with Garrison and Grant and just eats them up. Somehow Evye and Aubrey attracted the teenage and pre-teen group and have a fan club now. They've invited all the girls to the house and so we now have a group of girls that sit and braid the girls' hair and paint fingernails and hold Garrett for hours on end while watching the boys while they play. It's rare that any of them are inside anymore so between trying to tend to the wasp stings, ant bites, scrapes, and mosquito bites and nurse Garrett in between it all makes it hard to get any boxes unpacked. And outside play out here makes for some dirty kids!!!! So far since we've been here the older 5 haven't been able to avoid a bath even one night. You can practically write in the dirt on their foreheads.
Almost everyone in the town works at the school and the pastor's wife, our next door neighbor, teaches 3 of the grades while one of the most incredible women we have met teaches some of the older grades. Last year they combined 3 grades since there weren't enough children to make up each of their grade levels! It's more like a homeschool helpout program than it is a school. It truly is so different here. It's like family members teaching in the school and like a cross of Papa was a Preacher school days and Little House on the Prairie days. They take really great field trips to the farms and ranches and local working cotton gens. Most of the children that we've met and all of them in church still say "yes ma'am" and "no ma'am" and "yes sir" and "no sir" and call everyone by Mr and Ms. I love the spirit and the heart of everyone here. It really is like a rural farming community and almost back to the one room classroom. Not only are they Christians but we go to church with them, they are our next door neighbors, we know them and hug them every time we see them and know each person at the school by name and many of them were even homeschoolers. The thought has crossed my mind and we are diligently praying about putting the children in school. Many of the parents here homeschooled before coming to Paint Rock so there are many homeschool minded families in the school system that are actively involved with everything that takes place. They still not only pray in school but pray for each other. We talked at length at church with the people that hold positions in the school and they've all said that due to the size of the class Grayson can be worked with and pretty much privately tutored in his class. I think there's 5 in the 3rd grade. Every grade is in the same bldg so Grayson and Evye would still do everything together except their actual classes. I've both cried and rejoiced in this whole debate and never realized how hard it is to let go of so many pre-conceived ideas and even pride I didn't even know I had. But it is amazing to see that God has truly been with us every step of the entire way and has directly put us in a place that can be of so much help to Grayson and so carefully orchestrated putting us right in the middle of a bunch of like-minded people. After so many years of struggling and all of the tears God has heard every cry of our lonely journey and put us in a place where Grayson can have one on one teaching free of charge and by devout Christians that are trained to help him. We're having lunch with everybody on Fri to discuss it some more at length and ask more questions about the politics of it and how they as a school can get around what the state mandates to teach, which they say they have a pretty good way of doing. They still teach creation, and like I said, pray for each other in the school. Nothing is set in stone yet and we are still praying very hard. It depends very much on the politics and conviction of the school and also if they want to hold Grayson back a grade or two. We are not willing to hold him back since it would devastate him and could be overcome at home so we'll just continue to pray for direction and explore this new area. But it's just absolutely amazing to me that when you wait on God, even when it seems like forever, how vast and complete His blessings are when He does finally begin to move......even down to the town He places us in.
And we truly are completely TV-less here, whether we like or not! We'd turned it off before we moved except for the occasional news or allowing the children to watch a cartoon during the really hot days but since we don't have satellite here and that is the only way to get any channel at all we just don't have any reception for anything. So, with the exception of Einstein for Garrett we live completely without the TV. It's just so different here in so many ways. We truly do sit around and play board games at night with the children or read books instead of watching the TV. But the lack of TV has a downfall too since without anything out here we have to have a dial up connection for the computer. I've tried twice to send pics of everything here but the dial up just can't hack it. The other night I started sending the pics right before bed so it could work on it all night but when I got up they were only 25% sent and it had disconnected from the internet since it does that automatically after 3 hours. So, I have yet to find a way to send pics but I'll figure something out. We may just have to download them to a disc and mail them or bring them with us when we come into town.
Oh, and at our little Baptist church on Sun they had up on the podium that Sunday School attendance this week was 13 and last week was 19! HA! It was too funny. It's been 25 years since I went to Sunday School. Grayson and Evye made up the Sunday School class for their age, though they said usually there are a few more, and the younger 4 made up the entire nursery. It was really kind of pathetic because I looked up and realized in the middle of the service I had forgotten about Garrett and left him down there when my intent was to keep him with me. They were all so excited to have them all though so it worked out great. And we don't have to worry about them getting sick when they're the only ones in there! HA! And my Sunday School class was a riot. I sat with about 9 other women that were at least 50 years my senior and when reading the lesson missed about every 3rd word on the page. To give you a clue, some of their names were Edna, Mary Jim, Verna and Mazie. The 89 year old led the class and it was a hoot. I couldn't help but fall in love with them. There's a younger women's class that meets but apparently the leader of that was out of town so I got put in there with the older ones. They all begged me to join their class instead and said they are all young at heart. HA! They told me that since I have 6 children that I'll need their mentorship! hahahahaha! They all wanted to know the names and ages of the children and wanted to meet them after church was over. They all hugged them and asked Evye about her love of horses and told Grayson stories about when they themselves were little and caught the biggest lizards and frogs in the county! At one point the 89 year old was griping about the fact that the church doesn't have VBS anymore and then she said seriously, "Lord knows I shouldn't be griping about it since I'm not willing to work it." I couldn't help but laugh out-loud. All of the other women patted and reassured her saying that after 30 years of putting in her time she deserved a break. It was funny!
I love it here. I love the fact that we have been so readily embraced and that the children are so loved. I love how many true and dear friends we have made in such a short amount of time. I love how sincere everyone is. I love how slow and simple life is. I love our little house and what a gift from God it is. 3 people came forward after hearing that Mickey (the guy that Brad works with and sold us the house) had sold it and said they didn't have any idea that his house was for sale and would've bought it in a heartbeat for top dollar. Mickey said laughingly that he didn't even know his house was for sale and it just kind of sold. HA! He lives with his family out on their 400 acre ranch now in their hunting cabin until they can get their house built. But Brad and I just realize more and more everyday how blessed we have been and how carefully God has laid out every step of our way, even during the darkest parts when we couldn't see or make sense of anything.
Alright, I could go on forever. We've almost gotten everything organized and the majority unpacked so hopefully I can work on the pics and they won't be long in coming.....however they come! Mother's coming back down here to stay for awhile to help some more with unpacking so I'm feeling pretty settled. We're going to paint so we won't be hanging stuff on the walls until that's done but everything else is pretty organized and at least live-able.
Oh.......and we also have added a new member to the family. A little black cat seems to have adopted the children so after giving it milk for a few days we finally bought food for it and it's officially our's. They named him Smokey.......original, I know. This is only like the 15th cat they've named Smokey. I think this one is a keeper though.....whether we like it or not! HA!
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Everybody Birthday Party
Tonight we had the everybody birthday party for Daddy, Jackie, Evye, me, Channing, Garrison and Grant. I went with mixed emotions given the last get together we all had and the family stuff that seems to never end. But tonight was fun. It's so bittersweet. I don't really think I'm all that emotional about leaving and then all of the sudden we all get together and I realize how far we'll be from the family I've always been around......and then I think.......is that such a bad thing? But it is because I love them all, despite our differences and all of the pain and conflict we've all been through with each other. Not knowing when the next time will be that I ever see them again is kind of traumatic sometimes. I know Scott will ride his bike down and Daddy and I only see each other sparatically anyway. But reality is that I will probably only see Jackie and her children once a year from here on out given the separation that has grown between us and the little we see each other now. In all reality we'll see each other for this annual birthday gathering. I'm not sure they'll ever come down and see our house.
I don't know. I'm rambling. Sometimes there's just change so big in your life and you know going into it that it will never be the same and you'll never return to where you are and this is what that is for me. Brad is doing well and working up the ladder in San Angelo and there's much work to be done there and I think God may have us there to be instrumental. It seems so foreign to me to know we'll probably never return here to live and my children will actually say they are from a tiny west town TX...not that they're from here and moved there. Garrett will never remember being here at all. His whole life will be our new life. It just seems strange to me. It seems strange to me that these people I know so well that I have always been around will no longer even be close and with the miles there is also a kind of distance that takes place with a turning of direction and a parting of ways of sorts. It's a life no one will relate to. Will our children really only know each other by email pictures. Will we really watch each other's kids grow up in pictures?I wanted to cry tonight as we left. It seems like such an ending to a really long chapter. I think as hard and difficult as it's been these last 2 yrs with Brad gone I've learned how to do it all on my own and there's a certain security in that and a certain routine and sameness to the days. There's a comfort in knowing I have been given the grace for it all and what all has become familiar to me. Even the struggles of "single" parenting have become familiar and I know it can all be overcome because it always all is. I know that I've carried the load for 25 months now but to me it is the way life is and that's how I know it. So, moving to be a couple again and starting a true life together is daunting since I have had my family for so long and have become accustomed to being near them no matter what.......even when we're not even together in our marriage I've had my family. It doesn't make much sense, I know. Sometimes I'm not even sure what i'm trying to convey. It's just a feeling of many emotions that I don't know how to express. It's the intricacy with which life is woven and there are too many crossing threads to try and link them all together in the emotions I feel as every relationship is brought before me as we leave.
On another note, I got to meet Becky tonight......the girl Daddy's been with for years now.....though he's not really "with" her or whatever. She's so personable and really overly sweet. She was very easy to talk to. I don't know if I've just learned how to deal with being introverted and had to overcome it and shove it to the back for social etiquette or if I just don't care anymore. She definitely seems pretty great. She didn't look at all like what I imagined but her personality and how well kept and well spoken she is only added to her attractiveness. The more women I see Mother's age the more I realize how beautiful she really is. Sometimes I look in the mirror and want so badly to see what other people see. I atcually think it'd be better for me if I could see myself through other's eyes instead of the ones that are always so condemning. Curtis Wade told me twice how pretty I am and lately there's been numerous people that have commented but I still look in the mirror and see me.....bad hair, overweight, big legs, kind of thick everywhere and socially inept. Uncharasmatic I think is pretty much the word. It bothers me that I battle such issues sometimes and when I think of the guys that will gauk at Mother when I am standing there. It brings back the days of our trip to Maine and even days years before that when she and Jackie were front and center and I was continually overlooked. Does that ever go away? I guess those are some of the issues too that I have with Paint Rock......well, just a new place in general. Will I be able to overcome my natural tendencies of either being too much or not enough in order to blend well? Will they even think I'm pretty? And in reality does it even really matter? It doesn't.....but to me it does. And the saddest part is that if I was where I should be in my intimacy with the Lord I wouldn't even be thinking these thoughts since they are so entirely mortal and trivial in the grand journey of life.
I want my children to grow up thinking of me and holding me in the regard that I hold Mother. I want them to be proud to introduce their friends to me and think I am the prettiest thing in the world to them. I want them to grow up admiring what they hold dear not only inwardly but outwardly also.
I will miss Mother. I will miss Scott. I so wish that we could give back so much more than what they've poured out into our lives. I wish we could give back 100 fold to Mother and Daddy what they have given us in order to help us and bless us in the times when we weren't going to make it. We've been given so much through them and I wish we could give back so much more. I start to cry if I think about it too long. I feel so blessed by them and yet I watch Mother work through her issues when she still continues to pour out in love and I long with all my heart to give back so much more.
I wil miss Kelly. I will miss Daddy. I will miss Curtis and Jackie and the children. I will miss the rain.
I wish I could get past the emotions of this.
I don't know. I'm rambling. Sometimes there's just change so big in your life and you know going into it that it will never be the same and you'll never return to where you are and this is what that is for me. Brad is doing well and working up the ladder in San Angelo and there's much work to be done there and I think God may have us there to be instrumental. It seems so foreign to me to know we'll probably never return here to live and my children will actually say they are from a tiny west town TX...not that they're from here and moved there. Garrett will never remember being here at all. His whole life will be our new life. It just seems strange to me. It seems strange to me that these people I know so well that I have always been around will no longer even be close and with the miles there is also a kind of distance that takes place with a turning of direction and a parting of ways of sorts. It's a life no one will relate to. Will our children really only know each other by email pictures. Will we really watch each other's kids grow up in pictures?I wanted to cry tonight as we left. It seems like such an ending to a really long chapter. I think as hard and difficult as it's been these last 2 yrs with Brad gone I've learned how to do it all on my own and there's a certain security in that and a certain routine and sameness to the days. There's a comfort in knowing I have been given the grace for it all and what all has become familiar to me. Even the struggles of "single" parenting have become familiar and I know it can all be overcome because it always all is. I know that I've carried the load for 25 months now but to me it is the way life is and that's how I know it. So, moving to be a couple again and starting a true life together is daunting since I have had my family for so long and have become accustomed to being near them no matter what.......even when we're not even together in our marriage I've had my family. It doesn't make much sense, I know. Sometimes I'm not even sure what i'm trying to convey. It's just a feeling of many emotions that I don't know how to express. It's the intricacy with which life is woven and there are too many crossing threads to try and link them all together in the emotions I feel as every relationship is brought before me as we leave.
On another note, I got to meet Becky tonight......the girl Daddy's been with for years now.....though he's not really "with" her or whatever. She's so personable and really overly sweet. She was very easy to talk to. I don't know if I've just learned how to deal with being introverted and had to overcome it and shove it to the back for social etiquette or if I just don't care anymore. She definitely seems pretty great. She didn't look at all like what I imagined but her personality and how well kept and well spoken she is only added to her attractiveness. The more women I see Mother's age the more I realize how beautiful she really is. Sometimes I look in the mirror and want so badly to see what other people see. I atcually think it'd be better for me if I could see myself through other's eyes instead of the ones that are always so condemning. Curtis Wade told me twice how pretty I am and lately there's been numerous people that have commented but I still look in the mirror and see me.....bad hair, overweight, big legs, kind of thick everywhere and socially inept. Uncharasmatic I think is pretty much the word. It bothers me that I battle such issues sometimes and when I think of the guys that will gauk at Mother when I am standing there. It brings back the days of our trip to Maine and even days years before that when she and Jackie were front and center and I was continually overlooked. Does that ever go away? I guess those are some of the issues too that I have with Paint Rock......well, just a new place in general. Will I be able to overcome my natural tendencies of either being too much or not enough in order to blend well? Will they even think I'm pretty? And in reality does it even really matter? It doesn't.....but to me it does. And the saddest part is that if I was where I should be in my intimacy with the Lord I wouldn't even be thinking these thoughts since they are so entirely mortal and trivial in the grand journey of life.
I want my children to grow up thinking of me and holding me in the regard that I hold Mother. I want them to be proud to introduce their friends to me and think I am the prettiest thing in the world to them. I want them to grow up admiring what they hold dear not only inwardly but outwardly also.
I will miss Mother. I will miss Scott. I so wish that we could give back so much more than what they've poured out into our lives. I wish we could give back 100 fold to Mother and Daddy what they have given us in order to help us and bless us in the times when we weren't going to make it. We've been given so much through them and I wish we could give back so much more. I start to cry if I think about it too long. I feel so blessed by them and yet I watch Mother work through her issues when she still continues to pour out in love and I long with all my heart to give back so much more.
I wil miss Kelly. I will miss Daddy. I will miss Curtis and Jackie and the children. I will miss the rain.
I wish I could get past the emotions of this.
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Moving Emotions
Well..........I look around me and am overwhelmed with emotions. The wonderful people down the street that we gave the swingset to came and picked it up this past week. I looked at the backyard in its barreness and it really hit me that this is happening. The backyard looks huge now! Anyway, as the sun set and I saw the colors through the trees of the small piece of yard we own and all of the familiar surroundings I again realized that this will no longer be our home. How strange will it be to come here and see Mother and go to Granny's and run errands around here and pass the house and know we can't go home to it. I don't know if you could really exactly say I'll miss it but it's just change in general......and a lot of it to take in. How weird will it be to look down the street from the freeway and see someone else's car in the driveway? It just hit me how much I know of this house and how many memories we've built here. I know every idiosyncrasy it has and I've walked every square inch of it at least a million times. It's strange to think of someone else taking a shower in that shower and a really funny feeling to think of someone standing there doing dishes looking at the lighthouse mural tiles thinking it's their home. I won't miss it. What I will miss is feeling like I have a place to go in this area. Feeling like I can turn down a street and go home to something so far beyond being just familiar. I won't miss the roaches and, in fact, cannot wait to move and rid ourselves of them. I won't miss being afraid of my own kitchen at 3 am when somebody needs something...more than likely a bottle due to growth spurts. I won't miss the unpainted bathroom and the nasty needs-to-be repainted hallway....with the smiley faces made from whitening toothpaste and sharpie markers that not even Mr Eraser will take off. I won't miss the brown smudged handprints down the walls that if attemtped to remove will also remove paint. I won't miss the nasty carpet either that has every stain in the book on it. No, I won't miss any of it and am actually quite thrilled with the excitement of the move, new house, no carpet and new surroundings..........but I think I'm still stressed anyway. I don't really feel stressed and I really don't want to be stressed but I think I am regardless. I stay irritated with Brad, which I never do, and have bitten the children's heads off quite a lot lately. They are having to deal with it in their own ways too. Grayson's intensity is quite astounding and the level of his emotional state right now is so very much to deal with. He's more disrepectful then he's been in awhile and as volatile as ever. Evye has said hundreds of times now that she's the only one that still has not seen the new house. The other day she cried when she brought it up again. They want to know if they can bring their beds.....despite the fact we've been through the whole scenario mentally with them for months now. She begs to go down there to see it. Aubrey is as cantankerous as ever and shows no signs of having a clue as to what is taking place. Finally, a couple of days ago she went into her room and kept telling me to get her bed and pack it. Finally she pulled me into her room and then started trying to drag her bed to me. I had to explain that it will indeed go with us when it is time. I think they are all desperately bored too. In my irritated state I packed up all of the toys since i was so sick of picking stuff up and telling the older 3 almost every 10 minutes to pick something up so that I could pack in a certain area. So, in my ingenuity, I just packed up every toy in the house. So, now they are bored out of their minds. I've given Grayson and Evye stuff to do to help but there comes a point where everything they can do has been done. I felt so bad when Morgan, our babysitter, came Fri to stay with them from 11-6. There was nothing for them to do so she was left with 5 really restless bored kids and nowhere to go with them. The swingset is gone, the toys are packed, the dvd's are packed, the pool finally sighed it's last breath and popped a hole after 3 faithful years of service and after having served tons of rowdy kids and it's 107 so it's not really like they can go ride bikes. So, that is what I live with.......due to what I have done to myself in my effort to maintain organization while I pack. Ugh! Overall, it's getting done though. I stay a little stressed and trying to stay on top of the everyday stuff along with the packing is really overwhelming with Brad always gone or always studying. Granny and Mother have been so great. I honestly don't know what I will ever do without them. Mother has helped pack a bunch and Granny came over to help with what she could and then took the children back to her house and fed and bathed them and then brought them back here and put them all to bed so Mother and I could keep going on the packing. She's doing that again this week and again the last week of Aug. They are both such lifesavers for me and for Brad. I truly treasure what I have been given in my family.
But all of that to say, I look around and little things will hit and I'll again be faced with the reality of this. I'm a little afraid too. I'm afraid of the amount of cooking and what I will have to come up with every night. There's not really any restuarant bailing us out down there. It's kind of humorous but very much a reality to me. I'm afraid of the lack of closet space and feeling like everything will be everywhere and there won't be any place to put clothes and there won't be any money to put into it to make it liveable and organized. And, I'm really dreading just saying goodbye to what has always been familiar to me. I'm just enough adventerous that I love that we are going to something new and something so dear to my heart and so incredibly beautiful but it means saying goodbye to family. I won't miss this area at all and actually if Mother were to move with us I wouldn't ever look back. It's just hard saying goodbye sometimes, I think. I'm really praying it's an easy move both mentally and physically. I can't help but wonder if I'll feel lonely in a strange small town when Brad is gone all 24 hrs. Will we fit in quickly and feel like family? I think so.......but then I wonder.
On another note......for my birthday Mother and I went to get a manicure, pedicure and a.......... wax. My 1st waxing session ever. Now, I've attempted a few times to do my legs myself but I was left with successful patches of it. So, the pros took over. Oh my freakin gosh.........the birthday present of sheer torture!! What women will do for vanity! I'm sure a man came up with the whole waxing idea. Honestly and suprisingly the bikini wax was the least painful of them all. The freakin upper and lower lip wax will leave you stinging and is quite the shock when sprung on you. And ohhhhhh the underarms!!!!! That freakin hurt so bad! Since the hair wasn't coming out with the wax due to the short length and courseness of it she HAND PLUCKED them ALL out! They're still sore today.........and I didn't even know underarms could be sore. I'd gladly endure the 1st few days of pain after my 1st bootcamp rather than going through the underarm thing again. The bikini I will just leave with the fact that I eventually just decided to go the distance. It was a rather funny feeling laying there letting her do it but it wasn't really painful. So much for being self conscious or worrying about if I have too many cellulite dimples....not to mention trying to be modest. And then came the legs! That was almost as painful as the underarm ordeal. There are so many hairs on my legs that the wax just goes through and rips them all out. I think that's why it freakin hurt so bad. She's ripping out like 15,000 hairs at one time. But, overall, I think I feel better about myself. In all of the torture and messed up pain I feel a little more like a woman.......not that after having 6 children I ever doubted it! But, it makes you feel kind of girly and feminine. I'm still having major issues with my weight so this kind of took the edge off and made me feel like I look like a million dollars. I try not to weigh anymore until I'm good and ready to start up a plan to do something about it but I don't have to weigh. I just look in the mirror and hate what i see. I know how good I finally feel inwardly and how radiant I feel but the mirror isn't radiating too much these days. Still stuck at 165 I have 25 pds to lose. To most it seems petty and laughable but to me it's something so major that I really obsess and get depressed about. I don't want to look this way. I don't want to go back to who I was in my teen years........well, not really who I was since I'll never be that again but more just that I don't want to look like that ever again. I saw pics today when I was packing them up of me on the mission trips and I was so big. It's humiliating to think of how infatuated I was with Jason Williams and expecting that he actually might see something in me too. I was more than a little heavy. I know I have 6 children now but I don't want to look like I have 6 children. I don't think having kids is any excuse to let yourself go and look like a whale. I guess what gets me down the most is the lack of drive I have to lose it and take control. I want to fast so badly and really get cleaned out and feel completely cleaned out but everyone has forbid me to do it while I'm nursing. I know I could drop a ton that way and feel a whole lot better about myself both inwardly and outwardly but it's recommended that I wait. I also feel horrible about how sedentary I am now. I look back at what I was doing when we were cleaning and then bootcamp and look at where i am now and I feel so lazy and fat. I don't want to feel this way. I loved the bootcamp days. It was hard work but I don't think there's ever been anything so physically rewarding........well, other than giving birth. San Angelo needs a bootcamp with a nursery.
Alright, that's enough for now. I need to go pack and I really need to do the dishes before the roaches decide to do their disgusting nocturnal food scavenging. Ugh!
Oh.....and today I decided that Garrison really probably isn't allergic to peanut butter and it's probably just eggs and we were confusing them so I gave him an entire 1/2 a sandwich. Yep..........he's definitely allergic. I then had to bathe him and give him a huge dose of Benadryl. He immediately turned splotchy and his face swelled up........yet again. This time his lips and cheeks were monstrosity size. And he was soooooo cranky for the rest of the day, even after his long Benadryl induced nap. I felt so bad. He's talking so much. He now says I will, I don't know, love you too, Tigger, Au-by, Evye, Nant, ayson, baby, hun-gy, Nanny, shut the door, I unt (want) that, stop it, quit, gan (again), honey and all sorts of other things. He can pretty much carry on a converstion and he is so hystericaly funny. He knows it too and puts on that much more of a show knowing he can make you laugh. He's so loving. He constantly wraps his chubby arms around my legs and kisses or throws himself around my neck and softly pats my back while kissing me all over the face. He is truly the sunshine in the family.
And Grant, he is like the little bunny of the family. He's so so gentle, mild and quiet. He's the fluffy type that is just so much fun to love on. His words are growing more understandable but he is still a long way from any understandable conversation. He answers yes and no to wanting a bottle or banana and he definitely gets his point across even though his vocabulary still needs improving. He is so much fun and so interesting to watch. Today he unscrewed another lightbulb. He just figures everything out so quickly. Today he, Garrison and Aubrey (the notorious trio) got into the diaper bag and emptied the travel size baby stuff I had in there. Aubrey lovingly washed both of the boys hair, despite the fact they had no water, and then they all took turns body painting each other with massive amounts of pink baby lotion. Needless to say, they were more than a little sticky but they smelled really great. That was before lunch and Garrison's reaction so it was kind of funny when I put them all in the bathtub and they had instant suds. And then yesterday Garrison amused Grant as they grew bored waiting on me by blowing Fruit Loops out of his mouth. He was pretty good too. Garrison could blow them from the kitchen into the den and Grant would double over in fits of laughter. Grant attempted it but never made it farther than the tray on his highchair but it didn't seem to matter too much as Grant rolled in laughter and Garrison giggled everytime Grant would try. Garrett sat in his saucer and was quite entertained by it all as he smiled and talked through all of the commotion and fits of laughter. I love them all so much. I can't imagine life without each of their personalities and am curious to see who we still have yet to welcome. Garrett is absolutely the happiest most content enjoyable baby ever. I can't imagine life without any of them.
But all of that to say, I look around and little things will hit and I'll again be faced with the reality of this. I'm a little afraid too. I'm afraid of the amount of cooking and what I will have to come up with every night. There's not really any restuarant bailing us out down there. It's kind of humorous but very much a reality to me. I'm afraid of the lack of closet space and feeling like everything will be everywhere and there won't be any place to put clothes and there won't be any money to put into it to make it liveable and organized. And, I'm really dreading just saying goodbye to what has always been familiar to me. I'm just enough adventerous that I love that we are going to something new and something so dear to my heart and so incredibly beautiful but it means saying goodbye to family. I won't miss this area at all and actually if Mother were to move with us I wouldn't ever look back. It's just hard saying goodbye sometimes, I think. I'm really praying it's an easy move both mentally and physically. I can't help but wonder if I'll feel lonely in a strange small town when Brad is gone all 24 hrs. Will we fit in quickly and feel like family? I think so.......but then I wonder.
On another note......for my birthday Mother and I went to get a manicure, pedicure and a.......... wax. My 1st waxing session ever. Now, I've attempted a few times to do my legs myself but I was left with successful patches of it. So, the pros took over. Oh my freakin gosh.........the birthday present of sheer torture!! What women will do for vanity! I'm sure a man came up with the whole waxing idea. Honestly and suprisingly the bikini wax was the least painful of them all. The freakin upper and lower lip wax will leave you stinging and is quite the shock when sprung on you. And ohhhhhh the underarms!!!!! That freakin hurt so bad! Since the hair wasn't coming out with the wax due to the short length and courseness of it she HAND PLUCKED them ALL out! They're still sore today.........and I didn't even know underarms could be sore. I'd gladly endure the 1st few days of pain after my 1st bootcamp rather than going through the underarm thing again. The bikini I will just leave with the fact that I eventually just decided to go the distance. It was a rather funny feeling laying there letting her do it but it wasn't really painful. So much for being self conscious or worrying about if I have too many cellulite dimples....not to mention trying to be modest. And then came the legs! That was almost as painful as the underarm ordeal. There are so many hairs on my legs that the wax just goes through and rips them all out. I think that's why it freakin hurt so bad. She's ripping out like 15,000 hairs at one time. But, overall, I think I feel better about myself. In all of the torture and messed up pain I feel a little more like a woman.......not that after having 6 children I ever doubted it! But, it makes you feel kind of girly and feminine. I'm still having major issues with my weight so this kind of took the edge off and made me feel like I look like a million dollars. I try not to weigh anymore until I'm good and ready to start up a plan to do something about it but I don't have to weigh. I just look in the mirror and hate what i see. I know how good I finally feel inwardly and how radiant I feel but the mirror isn't radiating too much these days. Still stuck at 165 I have 25 pds to lose. To most it seems petty and laughable but to me it's something so major that I really obsess and get depressed about. I don't want to look this way. I don't want to go back to who I was in my teen years........well, not really who I was since I'll never be that again but more just that I don't want to look like that ever again. I saw pics today when I was packing them up of me on the mission trips and I was so big. It's humiliating to think of how infatuated I was with Jason Williams and expecting that he actually might see something in me too. I was more than a little heavy. I know I have 6 children now but I don't want to look like I have 6 children. I don't think having kids is any excuse to let yourself go and look like a whale. I guess what gets me down the most is the lack of drive I have to lose it and take control. I want to fast so badly and really get cleaned out and feel completely cleaned out but everyone has forbid me to do it while I'm nursing. I know I could drop a ton that way and feel a whole lot better about myself both inwardly and outwardly but it's recommended that I wait. I also feel horrible about how sedentary I am now. I look back at what I was doing when we were cleaning and then bootcamp and look at where i am now and I feel so lazy and fat. I don't want to feel this way. I loved the bootcamp days. It was hard work but I don't think there's ever been anything so physically rewarding........well, other than giving birth. San Angelo needs a bootcamp with a nursery.
Alright, that's enough for now. I need to go pack and I really need to do the dishes before the roaches decide to do their disgusting nocturnal food scavenging. Ugh!
Oh.....and today I decided that Garrison really probably isn't allergic to peanut butter and it's probably just eggs and we were confusing them so I gave him an entire 1/2 a sandwich. Yep..........he's definitely allergic. I then had to bathe him and give him a huge dose of Benadryl. He immediately turned splotchy and his face swelled up........yet again. This time his lips and cheeks were monstrosity size. And he was soooooo cranky for the rest of the day, even after his long Benadryl induced nap. I felt so bad. He's talking so much. He now says I will, I don't know, love you too, Tigger, Au-by, Evye, Nant, ayson, baby, hun-gy, Nanny, shut the door, I unt (want) that, stop it, quit, gan (again), honey and all sorts of other things. He can pretty much carry on a converstion and he is so hystericaly funny. He knows it too and puts on that much more of a show knowing he can make you laugh. He's so loving. He constantly wraps his chubby arms around my legs and kisses or throws himself around my neck and softly pats my back while kissing me all over the face. He is truly the sunshine in the family.
And Grant, he is like the little bunny of the family. He's so so gentle, mild and quiet. He's the fluffy type that is just so much fun to love on. His words are growing more understandable but he is still a long way from any understandable conversation. He answers yes and no to wanting a bottle or banana and he definitely gets his point across even though his vocabulary still needs improving. He is so much fun and so interesting to watch. Today he unscrewed another lightbulb. He just figures everything out so quickly. Today he, Garrison and Aubrey (the notorious trio) got into the diaper bag and emptied the travel size baby stuff I had in there. Aubrey lovingly washed both of the boys hair, despite the fact they had no water, and then they all took turns body painting each other with massive amounts of pink baby lotion. Needless to say, they were more than a little sticky but they smelled really great. That was before lunch and Garrison's reaction so it was kind of funny when I put them all in the bathtub and they had instant suds. And then yesterday Garrison amused Grant as they grew bored waiting on me by blowing Fruit Loops out of his mouth. He was pretty good too. Garrison could blow them from the kitchen into the den and Grant would double over in fits of laughter. Grant attempted it but never made it farther than the tray on his highchair but it didn't seem to matter too much as Grant rolled in laughter and Garrison giggled everytime Grant would try. Garrett sat in his saucer and was quite entertained by it all as he smiled and talked through all of the commotion and fits of laughter. I love them all so much. I can't imagine life without each of their personalities and am curious to see who we still have yet to welcome. Garrett is absolutely the happiest most content enjoyable baby ever. I can't imagine life without any of them.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Coming Home
Alright.........so today held so many emotions that I am completely ecstatic but really really worn out. I think I've lived a lifetime in the past 2 days......2 years...........3 years.
It started Wed night when I arrived in San Angelo. I was already feeling very oppressed and even kind of depressed about the trip. We are tight on money and funded the trip in much faith that this was the course of action to take. After seeing his new station and meeting the guys we headed to the hotel only to find out that the debit card was declined and we had no money in the account at all. Brad, in a frantic hurry, raced over to the bank across town only to discover out the TITHE checks for the last month had both cleared within 2 days of each other and we are overdrawn by 221.00. There we were with nowhere to go, nowhere to stay, more than completely broke, hungry and Garrett was starving and had been for 2 hrs. We drove aimlessly. Brad was so mad that we finally just pulled over and prayed. We were able to get some pizza with the declined card that, for some reason, cleared at the Little Caesar's and so we sat in an empty parking lot and ate pizza as I fed Garrett in the front seat. It was a very lonely, desolate, forgotten feeling. We decided to head to Andrews.....another 2 1/2 hr drive.....and stay at his parents for the night. When they asked why he was bringing me and the 2 children he dodged the question but eventually they kept at it so he told them that some unexpected stuff came up and we couldn't stay in the hotel. They offered to pay for it since Pam was not real thrilled with me and the children staying with them (keeping your mother in law mad at you pays off sometimes!!!!! - hahahahaha!!!!! - no, just kidding). So, we went back to the hotel and I was more depressed than ever. Brad and I have both felt so led to tithe and now, not only had that backfired, but it also was such a desolate feeling and couldn't help but make us feel like the trip had started out on a really bad note and hoping it was not an indicator of things to come the next day.
So, I slept restlessly and finally morning came and it was time to see what the day had in store. We had to be there at 8:30 and were briefly briefed by our attorney and then once we entered had to sit and wait forever for the other 2 cases to be heard.......extremely boring!!!!! And then our case was heard and it took 1 1/2 hrs! It was all very intense and very convincing arguments from both sides. It came down to the judge either overruling what the annuity documents clearly define that we cannot do and overturning the annuity agreement or siding with the signed legal documents Ben signed and sticking with the legal argument of the contractual agreement that we were "bound" by. Brad had to take the stand and was examined and cross examined. Based on the deposition given to the judge and her preference for our side of the case it looked pretty good at the beginning but once we got into the reasons for doing this she questioned Brad to make sure we are fully aware of our decision to pursue this......which we have only spent the last 2 years researching and trying to figure out if we can make this work. In the end after a very long hard grueling 1 1/2 hrs she said that we had presented enough evidence that we are more than aware and very educated, more so than most of her cases, and it would be in the best interest of our family to rule in our favor.......so she did........after the other lawyer got his butt handed to him for disputing this....which of course he had no choice in since he represents the company that the annuity is with and they hired him, and he is employed by them to do nothing but contest these cases. Once it was finally over I couldn't even be happy at 1st. I just wanted to go home and go to bed. Neither one of us could believe that this is finally over and that we can be together again. The fact that Brad is on the fire dept went tremendously in our favor and we later found out that the judge herself commuted from San Angelo to Austin for 18 yrs. Her husband is a judge in SA and she was one for Austin. So, she has had very personal experience with living a married life apart due to commuting. There were so many emotions it was hard to take it all in. It was very surreal, as if I wasn't really living in the present. 2 years of being apart and it was turned around in a day.......in the span of 1 1/2 hrs. Neither one of us could really say much on the way back to the suburban and we packed up the hotel in an unworldly peace and quiet disbelief. Finally realization started to come to both of us and we couldn't talk enough about what took place in court.....the proceedings, the testimony, the entire morning. Finally, a ray of hope, a sign that God has indeed not forgotten us and is actually quite tuned in to where we are and the turning of our hearts towards Him after so many months of anger and depression.
We went to lunch with a guy and his wife from the station and then were off to our new tiny town so that I could finally see what our new house is like. Driving down the winding roads through the TX hills and massive ranches I began to feel like I had come home. We pulled into the tiny, sleepy, little town and turned down the neighborhood dirt street and came to stop in the driveway of the most beautiful dream I could ever imagine. There stood a little gray house with white shutters and trim on every window with flowers at every corner and a huge front porch with a swing and an old church bench. I met the guy that owns it that works with Brad and he showed us around the acreage and backyard. Mesquite trees are abundant and all I could think was how many Grayson will finally have to climb. They wind and twist and in their gnarled state make every little boys dream come true. Goats grazed in the pasture and incredibly strong new fencing surrounded them.....perfect for the goats.....and our dogs. There in the back was a garden filled with flowers on one side and herbs on the other with a little stone path through the middle that led to a big purple, custom built playhouse for the children. He wasn't finished building it so it has yet to be enclosed at the top but the bottom and all of the framing is painted a little girl purple. It only needs upper walls and a roof. Another porch swing, large and red, hung from the covered back porch that overlooks the backyard...which overlooks the Baptist preacher's backyard. I then learned the preacher is young and his wife is expecting their 1st baby in Dec and are thrilled with us buying the house. His church is directly across the street from our houses....so we'll walk to church. The front porch swing overlooks our front yard and the century old church. Deer graze freely in both the front and backyards early in the morning. I finally entered the house and he explained that his wife is the art teacher at the school and has a great love of color. Each and every room is tastefully painted and all trimmed in white. The wood floors were restored from the original 1930 house and in the addition they added there is tile. Finally I felt all of the suppressed emotions and wanted to laugh and cry. The yard has a tire swing and 2 traditional swings hanging from the trees and behind us stands the 6 acres that we will buy next Nov. He explained that this small town used to be the busiest town in the county due to the cotton industry and the trains ran right behind us on the 6 acres. On that 6 acres was a huge turn table for the engines and they'd bring the trains into town to load all of the cotton in the region and then turn them around and send them back out to the main tracks. When the train bridge washed away it destroyed the industry and the population fell, never returning to what used to be. In time they took the tracks out but if you go wander around back there on the 6 acres there are buried train treasures. He said last week he was walking around back there and came up with several different train pieces and all kinds of stuff from way back that people used as part of everyday life working on the railroad.
Finally as we drove out of town and I saw the true blip on the map that it is I began to feel like i was home. We passed the library that is a century old 1 story house with Victorian trim above the large welcoming white front porch. We turned back onto the main hwy and spread out before me was TX, vast and unpopulated....untouched and unruined by the litter of life. To the left we passed a long winding dirt road that stretched into the sky, leading to what seemed like nowhere.......maybe heaven......as it zig zagged into the hills. A sign on the hwy pointed to the dirt road and said "Indian Pictographs" and an arrow pointed down the "road to nowhere". For the 1st time as we crossed bridges and went up and down the hills I felt like TX was mine. These were no longer roads that belonged to Brad and a life I have no part in but they were roads that not only I would travel but roads that belonged to me...that I now had part ownership in. Summers in Brady came back to me as I passed the great ranches that dotted the empty hwy. When another truck did finally come into view 2 fingers would stand up in a friendly TX manner to acknowledge and say hi. I had returned to the part of the country where the world still ticks to a slower clock and life is still enjoyed, people still drive big trucks and wave.
Finally......I know I have come home. Though it is 4 hrs away from any life I have ever lived or known and everyone I dearly love I know this is now our home. So, with great anticipation I pack up the house and look forward to a life in a town so small that you need a magnifying glass to locate it on the map.
Our great journey began a long time ago.....but finally a new chapter is being written. We move on.
It started Wed night when I arrived in San Angelo. I was already feeling very oppressed and even kind of depressed about the trip. We are tight on money and funded the trip in much faith that this was the course of action to take. After seeing his new station and meeting the guys we headed to the hotel only to find out that the debit card was declined and we had no money in the account at all. Brad, in a frantic hurry, raced over to the bank across town only to discover out the TITHE checks for the last month had both cleared within 2 days of each other and we are overdrawn by 221.00. There we were with nowhere to go, nowhere to stay, more than completely broke, hungry and Garrett was starving and had been for 2 hrs. We drove aimlessly. Brad was so mad that we finally just pulled over and prayed. We were able to get some pizza with the declined card that, for some reason, cleared at the Little Caesar's and so we sat in an empty parking lot and ate pizza as I fed Garrett in the front seat. It was a very lonely, desolate, forgotten feeling. We decided to head to Andrews.....another 2 1/2 hr drive.....and stay at his parents for the night. When they asked why he was bringing me and the 2 children he dodged the question but eventually they kept at it so he told them that some unexpected stuff came up and we couldn't stay in the hotel. They offered to pay for it since Pam was not real thrilled with me and the children staying with them (keeping your mother in law mad at you pays off sometimes!!!!! - hahahahaha!!!!! - no, just kidding). So, we went back to the hotel and I was more depressed than ever. Brad and I have both felt so led to tithe and now, not only had that backfired, but it also was such a desolate feeling and couldn't help but make us feel like the trip had started out on a really bad note and hoping it was not an indicator of things to come the next day.
So, I slept restlessly and finally morning came and it was time to see what the day had in store. We had to be there at 8:30 and were briefly briefed by our attorney and then once we entered had to sit and wait forever for the other 2 cases to be heard.......extremely boring!!!!! And then our case was heard and it took 1 1/2 hrs! It was all very intense and very convincing arguments from both sides. It came down to the judge either overruling what the annuity documents clearly define that we cannot do and overturning the annuity agreement or siding with the signed legal documents Ben signed and sticking with the legal argument of the contractual agreement that we were "bound" by. Brad had to take the stand and was examined and cross examined. Based on the deposition given to the judge and her preference for our side of the case it looked pretty good at the beginning but once we got into the reasons for doing this she questioned Brad to make sure we are fully aware of our decision to pursue this......which we have only spent the last 2 years researching and trying to figure out if we can make this work. In the end after a very long hard grueling 1 1/2 hrs she said that we had presented enough evidence that we are more than aware and very educated, more so than most of her cases, and it would be in the best interest of our family to rule in our favor.......so she did........after the other lawyer got his butt handed to him for disputing this....which of course he had no choice in since he represents the company that the annuity is with and they hired him, and he is employed by them to do nothing but contest these cases. Once it was finally over I couldn't even be happy at 1st. I just wanted to go home and go to bed. Neither one of us could believe that this is finally over and that we can be together again. The fact that Brad is on the fire dept went tremendously in our favor and we later found out that the judge herself commuted from San Angelo to Austin for 18 yrs. Her husband is a judge in SA and she was one for Austin. So, she has had very personal experience with living a married life apart due to commuting. There were so many emotions it was hard to take it all in. It was very surreal, as if I wasn't really living in the present. 2 years of being apart and it was turned around in a day.......in the span of 1 1/2 hrs. Neither one of us could really say much on the way back to the suburban and we packed up the hotel in an unworldly peace and quiet disbelief. Finally realization started to come to both of us and we couldn't talk enough about what took place in court.....the proceedings, the testimony, the entire morning. Finally, a ray of hope, a sign that God has indeed not forgotten us and is actually quite tuned in to where we are and the turning of our hearts towards Him after so many months of anger and depression.
We went to lunch with a guy and his wife from the station and then were off to our new tiny town so that I could finally see what our new house is like. Driving down the winding roads through the TX hills and massive ranches I began to feel like I had come home. We pulled into the tiny, sleepy, little town and turned down the neighborhood dirt street and came to stop in the driveway of the most beautiful dream I could ever imagine. There stood a little gray house with white shutters and trim on every window with flowers at every corner and a huge front porch with a swing and an old church bench. I met the guy that owns it that works with Brad and he showed us around the acreage and backyard. Mesquite trees are abundant and all I could think was how many Grayson will finally have to climb. They wind and twist and in their gnarled state make every little boys dream come true. Goats grazed in the pasture and incredibly strong new fencing surrounded them.....perfect for the goats.....and our dogs. There in the back was a garden filled with flowers on one side and herbs on the other with a little stone path through the middle that led to a big purple, custom built playhouse for the children. He wasn't finished building it so it has yet to be enclosed at the top but the bottom and all of the framing is painted a little girl purple. It only needs upper walls and a roof. Another porch swing, large and red, hung from the covered back porch that overlooks the backyard...which overlooks the Baptist preacher's backyard. I then learned the preacher is young and his wife is expecting their 1st baby in Dec and are thrilled with us buying the house. His church is directly across the street from our houses....so we'll walk to church. The front porch swing overlooks our front yard and the century old church. Deer graze freely in both the front and backyards early in the morning. I finally entered the house and he explained that his wife is the art teacher at the school and has a great love of color. Each and every room is tastefully painted and all trimmed in white. The wood floors were restored from the original 1930 house and in the addition they added there is tile. Finally I felt all of the suppressed emotions and wanted to laugh and cry. The yard has a tire swing and 2 traditional swings hanging from the trees and behind us stands the 6 acres that we will buy next Nov. He explained that this small town used to be the busiest town in the county due to the cotton industry and the trains ran right behind us on the 6 acres. On that 6 acres was a huge turn table for the engines and they'd bring the trains into town to load all of the cotton in the region and then turn them around and send them back out to the main tracks. When the train bridge washed away it destroyed the industry and the population fell, never returning to what used to be. In time they took the tracks out but if you go wander around back there on the 6 acres there are buried train treasures. He said last week he was walking around back there and came up with several different train pieces and all kinds of stuff from way back that people used as part of everyday life working on the railroad.
Finally as we drove out of town and I saw the true blip on the map that it is I began to feel like i was home. We passed the library that is a century old 1 story house with Victorian trim above the large welcoming white front porch. We turned back onto the main hwy and spread out before me was TX, vast and unpopulated....untouched and unruined by the litter of life. To the left we passed a long winding dirt road that stretched into the sky, leading to what seemed like nowhere.......maybe heaven......as it zig zagged into the hills. A sign on the hwy pointed to the dirt road and said "Indian Pictographs" and an arrow pointed down the "road to nowhere". For the 1st time as we crossed bridges and went up and down the hills I felt like TX was mine. These were no longer roads that belonged to Brad and a life I have no part in but they were roads that not only I would travel but roads that belonged to me...that I now had part ownership in. Summers in Brady came back to me as I passed the great ranches that dotted the empty hwy. When another truck did finally come into view 2 fingers would stand up in a friendly TX manner to acknowledge and say hi. I had returned to the part of the country where the world still ticks to a slower clock and life is still enjoyed, people still drive big trucks and wave.
Finally......I know I have come home. Though it is 4 hrs away from any life I have ever lived or known and everyone I dearly love I know this is now our home. So, with great anticipation I pack up the house and look forward to a life in a town so small that you need a magnifying glass to locate it on the map.
Our great journey began a long time ago.....but finally a new chapter is being written. We move on.
Friday, December 02, 2005
Sick of Conflict!!!
Sick of Conflict..............
So, have I ever bothered to say how sick I am of conflict? As if there's not already enough drama and responsibility to deal with just with the sheer nature of our lives right now there always seems to be more that people find to come up with. I am sooooooooo tired all of the time and my life is filled with enough work and duties to keep me going until after I die that to deal with other people's shit is just not on the priority list right now. This crap that continues to carry over from year to year with Mother and Jackie just gets down right sickening and old after awhile. I mean, come on guys, isn't there a ton of stuff you should be doing instead of just rehashing events 10 years ago and constantly coming up with new offenses. It's like that is the only serious shit that makes them feel like they're adults. If you want to feel big and get an ego out of constantly dealing with stuff come live my life for awhile and then tell me what you think and how likely you are to carry on such petty f***ed up fights. To me, the world is just so much bigger and there's so much more to do rather than to get bitter over what injustices you have been dealt in life. I may be becoming a bit harder as the years go by but it's not because of people but because of reality. I guess there's just a feeling of feeling so far beyond where people are right now. I love Jackie to death and I love Mother to death but in all reality I am sick of the arguing!!! I cannot stand where they are and how they deal with some stuff personally. I could never in my life tell them that though since they would be so damn defensive and get so hurt over the fact that I'm not fully on either of their sides. To not be completely on either side is to be against both. I feel so far beyond that. I feel like my life has so many real problems that to conjure up any or keep the past alive to make more problems is just not fathomable to me. They think they have real problems since that is their life but to me real problems are the house and truck being repossessed because we have to decide to eat or keep good credit. Real problems are Brad not being able to get on with a city here so we continue to live this way infinitely due to how crapped out our credit is because we can't make ends meet. Real problems are a 26,000 a year salary. Real problems are watching the children wail and hang onto his legs as he leaves us once again and again and yet again. Real problems are the lonely bed I stare at and lay in in complete aloneness thinking of how many people take their marriage for granted. Real problems are when your own children don't even want their daddy to comfort them anymore because they only know him as a person that comes and goes but never stays. I wish they could come live my life for one year and then tell me what they think about the petty bullshit. I wish Jackie could just try for a year Curtis only being home 1% of the time and having to do absolutely everything herself. Though it would never directly affect the relationship issues between them it would put everything in life in perspective.
Oh well. My thoughts are too deep to even try and convey on paper and be successul at it so I will leave it at that. It doesn't even come close to what I am truly trying to say but the more I sit here and think the deeper and more involved it becomes and I know by the end of it no one would understand my ramblings unless they truly have walked this road. I think that is one of the hardest parts about this journey I walk is that no one can even come close to understanding what it is to live it. Many empathize and even sympathize and offer their support or words of praise, admiration and encouragement but overall no one knows what it is to live it. It's a very lonely feeling and to fight with people is a very lonely feeling and I'm just tired of feeling lonely.
But on another note that is completely off the subject and much more lighthearted and heartwarming........Garrison came up this afternoon and started patting my leg saying, "Oh Ba-by, ba-by". It was sooooooo sweet. So, he now says "bye-bye" night night" and "baby" along with confidently yelling Grayson's name everytime he sees him or hears me calling Grayson. Grant continues to be more the quiet one though his jabber is starting to pick up. Both he and Grayson and he and Aubrey play really well together and he's taken to them. Aubrey can play peek a boo with him and get him into fits of rolling giggles and Grayson can chase him around and hang him upside down and send him into fits of laughter. It's so much fun watching them play and watching Grayson and Evye now disappear into their imaginary worlds with each other.
So, have I ever bothered to say how sick I am of conflict? As if there's not already enough drama and responsibility to deal with just with the sheer nature of our lives right now there always seems to be more that people find to come up with. I am sooooooooo tired all of the time and my life is filled with enough work and duties to keep me going until after I die that to deal with other people's shit is just not on the priority list right now. This crap that continues to carry over from year to year with Mother and Jackie just gets down right sickening and old after awhile. I mean, come on guys, isn't there a ton of stuff you should be doing instead of just rehashing events 10 years ago and constantly coming up with new offenses. It's like that is the only serious shit that makes them feel like they're adults. If you want to feel big and get an ego out of constantly dealing with stuff come live my life for awhile and then tell me what you think and how likely you are to carry on such petty f***ed up fights. To me, the world is just so much bigger and there's so much more to do rather than to get bitter over what injustices you have been dealt in life. I may be becoming a bit harder as the years go by but it's not because of people but because of reality. I guess there's just a feeling of feeling so far beyond where people are right now. I love Jackie to death and I love Mother to death but in all reality I am sick of the arguing!!! I cannot stand where they are and how they deal with some stuff personally. I could never in my life tell them that though since they would be so damn defensive and get so hurt over the fact that I'm not fully on either of their sides. To not be completely on either side is to be against both. I feel so far beyond that. I feel like my life has so many real problems that to conjure up any or keep the past alive to make more problems is just not fathomable to me. They think they have real problems since that is their life but to me real problems are the house and truck being repossessed because we have to decide to eat or keep good credit. Real problems are Brad not being able to get on with a city here so we continue to live this way infinitely due to how crapped out our credit is because we can't make ends meet. Real problems are a 26,000 a year salary. Real problems are watching the children wail and hang onto his legs as he leaves us once again and again and yet again. Real problems are the lonely bed I stare at and lay in in complete aloneness thinking of how many people take their marriage for granted. Real problems are when your own children don't even want their daddy to comfort them anymore because they only know him as a person that comes and goes but never stays. I wish they could come live my life for one year and then tell me what they think about the petty bullshit. I wish Jackie could just try for a year Curtis only being home 1% of the time and having to do absolutely everything herself. Though it would never directly affect the relationship issues between them it would put everything in life in perspective.
Oh well. My thoughts are too deep to even try and convey on paper and be successul at it so I will leave it at that. It doesn't even come close to what I am truly trying to say but the more I sit here and think the deeper and more involved it becomes and I know by the end of it no one would understand my ramblings unless they truly have walked this road. I think that is one of the hardest parts about this journey I walk is that no one can even come close to understanding what it is to live it. Many empathize and even sympathize and offer their support or words of praise, admiration and encouragement but overall no one knows what it is to live it. It's a very lonely feeling and to fight with people is a very lonely feeling and I'm just tired of feeling lonely.
But on another note that is completely off the subject and much more lighthearted and heartwarming........Garrison came up this afternoon and started patting my leg saying, "Oh Ba-by, ba-by". It was sooooooo sweet. So, he now says "bye-bye" night night" and "baby" along with confidently yelling Grayson's name everytime he sees him or hears me calling Grayson. Grant continues to be more the quiet one though his jabber is starting to pick up. Both he and Grayson and he and Aubrey play really well together and he's taken to them. Aubrey can play peek a boo with him and get him into fits of rolling giggles and Grayson can chase him around and hang him upside down and send him into fits of laughter. It's so much fun watching them play and watching Grayson and Evye now disappear into their imaginary worlds with each other.
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