Consuming Contentment

Husband sits quietly in passenger seat, laptop poised precariously, large red fire books surrounding his small space. Laughing children, excited to be on the road once again, chatter and converse happily about what lies beyond their windows. I drive these old familiar winding roads, dark brooding storm clouds looming in the distance. Millions of bluebonnets grace deserted highway, river of blue cascading far into the horizon as far as eye can see. Voices from the backseats fade as I ponder what it must have been like some 150 years ago as wagons traversed these hills shrouded in fields of blue, storm clouds threatening over head. Mind wonders what it must've been like to fight off waves of nausea as hard wooden seat jostles unmercifully beneath, hard rutted ground creaking by slowly as every possession in life bounces behind. How much we owe to these sojourners who left friends and family behind and set off in search of a new life in a new world, sickness and accidents claiming the lives of so many of their children. Yet here I sit with our 8 healthy children, cruising over the hills and covering 132 miles in a mere 2 1/2 hrs.


Fields and pastures heavily graced with thousands of dancing blue ladies mesmerize the eyes. Clouds, having reached capacity, overflow and hard driving rain pelts the windshield in stinging drops. Heavy rain lulls younger children to sleep while older ones continue on in their games and laughter. We find our way through the sloping hills and around the winding roads of the Texas hill country, the desert world transformed for these few rare weeks in time. Lush green grass rivaling that of more northern states, pastures dense and heavy with coastal and bermuda as it thrives under such favorable weather and so much rain. Wild flowers and rambling rose bushes grow and bloom and climb over old worn fences...a living calendar picture. Spring has come to this world of our's.


We arrive at loved ones' door. Wrinkled hands of those wise in their years hug children to them, caress faces 80 years younger than their own. Eyes that have seen so much more of life than the innocent blue that smile up into their's. Dark chocolate eyes laugh and dance merrily as gigantic old man hoists her up in his arms, posture now stooped from years spent bent over pipelines, assuring thick black liquid gold courses through the earth and into pipes he lays. Movements much slower than even 11 short years ago as old couple smiles. Knowing looks of love and adoration pass from one to the other as they are surrounded by their living breathing heritage...younger little lives that will surely walk into a time and place they will never see. Generations left to carry on their legacy. Dark weathered face from years spent in the southern sun smiles into the pale perfect complexion of a tiny girl so many years younger than himself. 2 year old sits contentedly, talking excitedly, oblivious yet somehow unknowingly embracing the 4 generation gap that exists between them. How grateful I am for our children to know this. How grateful I am to have this in my own life. How blessed we are to have them in our life...for the children to know their love. How much depth, love and history they bring into our lives...into the lives of our children.


Hard rain pours from tin roof, saturating the 200 acres beyond. Pastures cloaked in dark green, trees standing in contrast with their iridescent lime color of new growth. Wild flowers bloom prolifically beyond. It's a beautiful place...a beautiful time in life.


Grace like this hard pounding rain pours into our lives, saturates every part of our being. How blessed we are. How much we have. Bank account may hold nothing, we may have forsaken the glamorous life for that of happiness and fulfillment, we do not know what tomorrow holds and can only grow wiser from yesterday's mistakes but we are here in this place and time..completely fulfilled and happier than most people will ever in their lifetime know. It can be chaotic and stressful and there are indeed many sacrifices made....but how worth it all it is. I love this simple life we live. How in love I am with adoring husband of mine. How much he loves me, loves absolutely everything about me from my highly driven self down to the fact that I loathe cooking. How he rises early enough to start a roast complete with carrots, potatoes, brown rice and cornbread and then disappears to study for the remainder of the day. How in love with him I am.



Early evening, as we busy ourselves with plating children's dishes he grabs me and pulls me into him. I laughingly push him away stating the obvious.....we have things to do and it's not time to play. Despite my protests, sweet kisses fall like gentle rain on my neck and he continues on undeterred. I relent and melt into him. Fingers lace through long strands of dark hair eventually finding their way down to waist and draw me closer. Lips pressed against his ear I whisper, "Thank you for dinner." Children run and romp thudding the floor beneath us. Tiny little brown eyed girl squeezes in between our legs. We look down and can't help but smile at the interruption to our brief kitchen interlude. With little attention given to her his attention quickly is returned to me. His lips move from neck to ear as he whispers in reply, "It's just because I love you. Do you know how much I love you?" Head buried in his neck I smile back drunk in his love for me, "I think I might." Hot breath against ear he replies, "Just checking." He holds me close one moment longer, hands cup face, lips find mine....long sweet kiss given. Hesitantly his hands leave me and we continue on with dinner preparations, promises given to continue this moment later.



How blessed I am. How much I love what we have been given in our families. How much I love what a good daddy he is. Sweet husband that he is to me...how much more in love we become with each passing day...how much more there is to discover and live with each other. Life is good and I am blessed beyond measure. I ponder momentarily just how I ended up here in this place and time....having come from such devastation and what a mess I had made out of my own life. How is it that such grace was extended to me to be where I am now, raising 8 beautiful children and pregnant once more, loved by someone who sees so much in me, loves me so unconditionally for everything that I am?? I marvel at the grace of God and how He lives and works in my own life and as I see Him transform the lives of our children and that of my husband. Only in Him could I be this fulfilled and this happy and know such extravagant love, the blessings given to us. How beautiful a thing it is to love and give so wholly of yourself that one cannot tell where one ends and the other begins. It truly in is giving that one receives. The more of myself that I give to the Lord as I lay down my own life and my own desires.....the more sacrifices that are made on His behalf.....the more blessed I am and the more I know no greater fulfillment. And the more of myself I give to my husband the more in love I become.


Now quiet house. Smell of rain, world washed completely anew. Cool spring winds whistle softly through the screens of open windows. Dark room, only light of the dim street lamp pouring through. Big calloused hands find me under the covers and pull me to him, gently tracing the curves he finds. Sweet kisses turn to passion as lips find mine once more......in purity, in sweet familiarity of years spent in each other's arms, in the guiltlessness that only marriage provides, in total fulfillment. And I know there is no contentment greater than what I know....that could ever in a lifetime rival this moment.