Family Detox

And I'm not talking about any forms of spiritual detox. Nope........this would be referring to the real life, purge your body of all toxins, flush it down the toilet detox. I now consider myself quite the expert on how NOT to start ALL of your children on coconut oil on the same day. I am so sold on coconut oil and the benefits that have been reaped that once I saw how effective it was with my allergies and how I have avoided any kind of sickness while I take it...even my constant bouts of mastitis had completely subsided....that I determined to start the children on it. After this last round of everybody having been sick I knew they too needed to be on it. BUT......there is one important thing that all coconut users should take note of BEFORE starting 6 children on it in 1 day. That would be the fact that it acts as a detoxifier for your body and it cleanses pretty much everything. Yep..........even kids' bodies. So, in my happy little effort to give my family the best nutrition possible and keep their little bodies in top performing condition I eagerly fixed everyone of them a big ole bowl of oatmeal and merrily dumped in 1 T of coconut oil p/ child along with some Rapadura. They LOVED it and all ate it up. I thought I loved it too until about an hour later when it started coming back to haunt me.......and haunt the commodes. I have never in my life seen so many kids poop so much within a 4 hr period. Never in my life do I wish to see it again. And apparently coconut oil goes through breast milk since Gavin got a healthy dose of some inner bowel cleansing with his siblings. Granted, I've been on the stuff for some time now but apparently he was sympathizing with his fellow members being detoxified. I lost count of the amount of times I wiped butts and I really lost count of the amount of diapers I changed......certainly no less than an entire box full for the 2 still in diapers. The older 3 that I gratefully don't even have to see as they carry out their bodily functions just succeeded in helping royally stink up the house. But they all had more energy and were quite the happy and gleeful crew. Apparently coconut oil is a mood booster too.

So, in our inadvertent, unplanned for detoxification, of course, one of them shoves, what we think, is waaaaaaaaay too much paper in and tried to flush. This is definitely not going anywhere good. Out of 3 bathrooms 1 toilet was already out of commission and had been for a long while. We innocently assumed it was due to septic issues and were waiting on some funds to have a plumber bless us with his plumbing skills. Plumbing skills that I do not have and never intend to acquire..........ever. In fact, I intentionally stay miles away from the bathroom when he visits since I do not even come close to wanting to learn anything about it. So....here we are with a ton of pooping kids and 1..........yes, 1..........working toilet now. But we manage and bowels are finally fully cleansed. After numerous outfit changes on the smaller ones and 4 toilet paper rolls down the worst had passed. But........it didn't solve any of the whole 1 toilet 9 person family issue. I can honestly say that for the 1st time ever we had lines longer than 3 people at the bathroom door in our own house for almost an entire week. Maybe this is good preparation for RV travel?




Part 2: Inner Secrets of the Toilets


We finally got one of the fire guys that has a plumbing business on his off days so he headed on out. If I'd thought about it I might would've taken some pics of his efforts to solve our toilet issues. But suffice it to say that it can't be a good thing when they work and work and finally have to just take the whole freakin commode outside in the yard. I didn't dare ask why, but just continued on getting ready for my eye dr appt. After some time spent slaving on one they move on to the next. Again they roto rooter it and again nothing is accomplished. Hmmmmmm...........surely not. But yep........out goes that toilet into the yard to join its friend. I couldn't help but wonder what the neighbors thought as they passed and saw 2 out of 3 toilets displayed in our front yard. And everybody in this town knows what the inside of everyone else's house looks like so every passerby knew 2 out 3 sat crippled in the grass....in the front yard grass. Then the thought fleetingly crossed my mind to just leave it and begin using it in its new location to avoid anymore clogging issues. Cause we've had our fair share of plumbing related issues in both houses.

Still getting well

The plumber came back in and announced to Brad and I the problem with pot #1. He said, "Well.........so far in that one I've dug out a coke bottle top, purple ball, plastic spoon and hairspray cap." That was keeping the mounds of poo from flushing????? Oh my disgusting gosh! In order for those to be holding up the flush they themselves had to come into contact with what was needing to be flushed. (wretching) Then he starts freakin asking the children what is in pot #2. I'm thinking, "Well, now that's kind of rude. The 1st commode has been rendered useless and out of commission for some time now so the whole little Toys R Us located within it was gross but happened awhile back. Pot #2 just started having issues during our family bowel cleansing, detox day. So, it's definitely toilet paper and he's blaming them already!" I huffed about it for a minute as I continued getting ready, trying to work around him while he took up the whole bathroom working on the now barren hole that went straight into the ground. It rather resembled an indoor outhouse with just that black hole staring at me. Entirely sick. I went into the closet just as he shouted out, "Got a cell phone." I about puked. I didn't even try to go see the shape it was in. It makes me gag just thinking about it now. But somehow that day Garrett, I suppose, found it intriguing that nobody could stay out of the bathroom so he frequented it too and found some other uses for it since he, afterall, could not put it to use with his fellow siblings at this point. That whole thought about the front yard outhouse was suddenly really starting to appeal as I realized the crap covered toy inventory that had just been discovered. I can't help but imagine what state the sunken treasures were in upon their discovery. Ugh! That is just so sick.

He kind of looks like the new up and coming Brad Pitt

So, Brad stayed home with the children while Mother and I took off for town to run errands and go to my eye dr appt. Along the way we discovered Wal Mart does not carry toilet locks but Lowe's does indeed have them. I drained their stock of toilet locks. You know....never in my life have I believed in child proofing your home. I'm of the whole mindset "Don't babyproof your home.....homeproof your baby" theory. Obviously, some form of common sense is accompanied with that....what little common sense I have left. But I don't have the whole coffee table guard, fireplace guard, corner of the wall guard, door pinching guard, dishwasher lock, dryer lock, washing machine lock, adhesive to adhere furniture to the wall stuff, closet rack reinforcers, plastic tarps over my furniture and so on. Admittedly, I do have the frig lock.....only cause they kept going through a 6 pack or 2 of yogurt per freakin day. But I have since lowered myself to new toilet locks. I can't be everywhere at once and the habit of flushing away our toy collection is quite the expensive fascination.....not to mention just gross in every way. And I can't really stand toilet guard all through the day. So it is that we now have a little collection of plastic clips protectively clamping our commodes shut. Lovely. It's just gross to have to have anything sitting on the underside of the rim of any commode. I'm still getting used to that one. That's about like those little under the rim air freshener things that every little 90 year old lady has in her house. And you know they just get peed all over constantly. So, realistically how much good do they really do if they sit all day and just get peed on? Ugh. Commodes are just sick things.........especially when little hidden treasures are unexpectedly dug up. Hidden treasures of ALL kinds....the biodegradable kinds and the not so biodegradable kinds. And we certainly have enough people flushing both kinds around here.

Sweet kisses...........even with hair in the face

Alright......onto the more sophisticated, more hygienic, less sewer related side of life. Goats apparently get laryngitis. At least our goats do. But then I've discovered our goats are quite unlike any other goats anybody has ever owned....maybe due to our total lack of being able to brainstorm what is wrong with them every other hour....or even keep them alive, for that matter. In our attempts to help out the baby goat that now croaks the gate was unknowingly not latched completely. And since we have discovered that goats have very flexible, pliable fingers that are quite adept at opening gates and freeing themselves that's exactly what they did. We headed inside with them safely within their pasture.....or so we thought. Grayson and Evye set off for the post office and I realized a good 15 minutes later that Garrison could not be found. Realizing he had every intention of accompanying them on their trek I raced through what I remembered him wearing. Yep.....he had on shorts, a tank top and flip flops and it was no more than all of 45 degrees. So, I pulled on my mud boots, found the keys to Brad's truck, since he had the Suburban, and took off. I suppose the disturbing part in this is that it wasn't quite the thought of Garrison freezing but more the thought of what the town must be thinking as my 3 yr old traipses around with blue lips. I caught the 3 of them leaving the PO with Grayson and Evye on bikes and Garrison on foot. I still haven't quite figued out what point the bikes served. They had to ride so freakin slow to stay with him they couldn't even keep their bikes up straight. So, I opened up the passenger door and shooed him up into the warmth of the blasting heater that was now burning my eyeballs and had only been going for all of 2 minutes. I drove slowly, allowing Grayson and Evye to ride alongside the truck........until I saw what looked like 3 white trash bags in the yard. I made a mental note to get onto Grayson for not putting the trash into the trash cans yet again. But as I drew closer I realized the sacks were kind of blowing and moving around....or more like, milling around. Surely not. Reality I sought to continually deny was now inevitable and once again it was apparent that we were in for a goat roundup. Crap. I sped up to what is probably an illegal speed out of sheer irritation only to come to an abrupt halt before running them over. The thought did cross my mind to just plow them down. But.......no. In my pink fluffy houseshoes I haul my butt out of the truck and into the freezing weather and begin rounding up goats. I certainly could've won an award for the most ridiculous looking adult as I chased around crapped out goats in my pink houseshoes in the sinking mud. It is quite the sensation to feel cold sinking mud on scantily clad houseshoed feet. Kind of like when cold fingernail polish meets fingernail. With all 3 goats finally back in their securely locked pasture and the little goat still croaking at us we headed inside. I deposited Garrison in his carribean attire in front of the heater and I shed my now sad, brown houseshoes that had begun to resemble a wet dog.

Baby kisses

I have to say though.........this goat rounding escapade was quite shorter than what the last few have been. So I suppose we're improving to some extent on that end of trying to do this whole goat thing.

He loves the Bumbo......his early Christmas present!!!!

And I mentioned my eye dr appt. I do get glasses. Saying that I "get" glasses sort of implies that I am actually looking forward to this new side of life. Ummmmm.................no. But seeing as how I couldn't freakin pass the little eye test for my driver's license it kind of couldn't really be avoided at this point. So it is that they have said that I don't see well at night. I had to go to a dr to tell me this????? And I can't see things far away. Again...I kind of wouldn't be at the dr if I didn't already know this. And speaking of depth sightedness.....why in the world do they say you're near sighted when you can't see anything far away. Wouldn't that be far sighted???? Even if it does make sense, which I'm sure it will to someone, it still would be so much easier if they'd just simplify and say "you're far sighted so that means you can't see far away". Not say "you're near sighted so you can't see far". What the crap is up with that? Anyway, so here I sit awaiting my new scholarly look.

He, by far, has played with his feet more than any baby we've had. It's sooooo cute. He turns into a little roly poly ball like this.

More field trips.....more historical markers to add to the book. Not that you can really read it in the pic.

Note the buffalo in the background

These gigantic things are pets. We got to love them and they come pretty close to massive dogs.

He is soooooooooo cute!!!!!

and sooooooooo happy!

Trying to figure out how he's sitting up

Alright, it seems like I had more to say but I can't really remember at this point.

Oh yes, here's a little funny to laugh at. If children weren't so entirely innocent it wouldn't be nearly as funny. But upon hearing from Grayson that Aunt Abby had to put her Great Dane to sleep Evye came to me. In a very adult, 16 year old way with a voice to match her newly acquired jump in maturity she said seriously,

"Mom, did you know that Gracie got laid?"

I turned to her trying not to laugh and asked,

"What was that, Evye?"

Again she said,

"I said Gracie got laid."

At that point I couldn't keep from laughing. Still serious she said,

"I thought that meant she died. Is that funny?"

I tried to gain some form of composure and said,

"Evye, she got put to sleep. She didn't get laid. And, yes, that means she died and, no, it's not funny. But you need to say that she was put to sleep......not that she got laid"

It was definitely worth a little laugh.