Futility

That would be the word that comes to mind when I think of our well meaning livestock/farming attempts. Is there a family out there that can match our ineptity (now there's a totally non-existent word) at this..............I am thinking not. What is it with our incompetence at containing both children and livestock within a healthy parameter? So, for the 2nd time in a period of only a few short months Fletch gets out yet again and starts freakin running all over town. I've determined we are indeed the town freak show.......as if there was any doubt. People think we're just plain nuts.

I was dutifully informed by my main informant, as she crashed through the back door yelling in animated ways, that Fletch was on the run. Despite her young 4 years she is quite the source of breaking news. I asked how a 20 ton donkey managed to slip out the gate and she said Evye had let him out. No sooner had she gotten enough of her story out for me to figure out it was indeed really true that Brad went rocketing out of the driveway yet again in his truck. I resigned myself to reality. Not knowing exactly what I should be doing I just kept cooking. But with a hot skillet ready for venison and frozen tator tots getting soggy on the cabinet I knew I couldn't just go aid in the redneck roundup. So, I cooked. I finally started getting a guilty conscience and a few worries so I gave instructions to the now wailing Evye to stay with Gavin. I threw all 3 little boys in the Suburban along with a bucket of hay and took off. I sped up to 90 only to get to the end of the driveway and wonder which way I should go. Then I just figured if I sat there long enough I was certain of seeing Brad racing furiously down the neighboring streets. So, I sat. Just as expected he shows up blowing down by the parsonage. I head that way. Fletch is now running wildly like a mustang, pitching like a stupid donkey playing with the banker's horse. They were running the entire fence line having the time of their lives. He had the wild eyed look and having seen it before I knew this was not going to be a swift endeavor. Grayson showed up on his bike with a cup of oats. Brad motioned for me to take a place and he went around to the other side.......all in our vehicles I might add.....(kind of like that musical chairs car commercial where they're all driving around looking completely ridiculous finding a parking place). We blocked him in and Grayson lured him with the oats. Not bad but not really good either since Fletch was just freakin standing there eating out of the cup. Not much progress going on here. Grayson begins leading him home but, of course, stupid donkey doesn't want to go home. But he's on the move. Brad urges him forward with an engine rev and I block escape routes. Finally beside the Suburban I stay beside the now moving Fletch and walk/drive his crazy butt towards our driveway. In his untamed, wild and one-with-nature state he bucks like a crazy, crapped out donkey and starts running. Freakin great. But he heads down the driveway so things start looking up....until he runs his butt..(and just a side note here, but butt is not really the word that comes to mind in this scenario but I'm trying to cut down on the profanity issue....yep, it sucks)..... so he runs his BUTT over behind the neighbor's house. Having been there/done that once before I'm a little nervous of the invisible barbwire going on over in that territory. So, I sit in our driveway. Brad drives through their yard, successfully evading the invisible barbwire, and gets him going back in the right direction. He finally managed to at least get him in the middle ungated pasture. Of course, he starts bucking and running around wildly feeling like he's quite won in his attempts at getting attention. I have Aubrey go open his gate, Brad pulls in sideways and I back up to clog the holes. I bound out to help run around and look like a stupid moron with the others only to realize the Suburban, with all 3 little boys in it, is driving away. Hello. I chase it down and hop back in to slam it in park and put the break on. All the while boys laugh hysterically thinking it's the most fun unmanned ride in the world. I back it back up and get it back to where it was doing it's job of clogging escape routes. Fletch heads towards his gate and then as he nears it just stands adamantly, proving his point, I suppose. I stomp, clap and yell at him and with a feisty little end to the rodeo he grudgingly trots back in. Gate closed. I park the Suburban and make my way in to face the sobbing Evye. She was laying on her bed and refused to see the world. After comforting her and assuring her is was quite the accident.........wasn't it?........I assured her that Brad would not disown her or put her up for adoption and she really should come join the family. So, with quite some uncertainty issues going on she made her way out. Brad didn't help by lighting into them about trying to massacre the goats due to failing to assess their water supply. Finally he held her and explained why Grayson needs to be feeding Fletch and all was well.

So it is that we yet again rounded up an obstinate, wayward, way stupid animal for the 50th time in our 13 months of attempting to live out the dreamed of farm life. Whatever happened to the Walton's and Ma and Pa milking old Bessie? Have mercy if we ever show up with a dairy cow. It was greatly considered for some time. We'd more than likely give it a fatal case of mastitis or inadvertently produce the 1st ever falf....1/2 donkey foal 1/2 cow calf. Yep...the whole livestock thing is quite the learning experience. But I press on cause I figure at some point in my life I really will get this. Maybe.

Onto the more regal, sophisticated, not-so-running-wildly-around-in-the-wind-chasing-stupidly-after-possessed-animals side of life. I spoke at the homebirth seminar tonight. I just figured if I looked at it more like story telling I might lose some of my public speaking inhibitions. So, I pulled it off and actually impressed myself with my own ability to overcome. Or, well.....maybe not mine, but the Spirit's ability within me. It was quite the success. So, that was fun. Can we sing "I have confidence in sunshine.....(or something of that sort). I have confidence in rain. I have confidence in confidence aloooooooone. Besides what you see I have confidence in me." What's that lovely melody from?

Alright, here we go..........it's 2:53 am and I'm wired from a caffeine high. But there's a freakin rooster crowing outside. No doubt the same stupidly screwed up in the head rooster that crowed at this same hour last night and the night before. I think the time change royally screwed him up too. Seriously, he's on his 5th freakin crow. What's up with that? Oh.....now Fletch is honking back at him. That's lovely. I wonder what other lovely form of fowl and mammal will join in for the night time rendition of Home on the Range. I seriously gotta go to bed.