Because of the nature of the majority of the readers on here and because I feel it important enough to share. Yes...it is that important. I feel as though I could've written this myself. Coming from a homeschooling/youth group/church wide movement that focused on nothing but this and it seemed 100% of the focus was marriage and sex, how not to have it, how not to kiss, how to wait, how all of life was spent in waiting and centered around being fulfilled with a Godly spouse, instead of being centered around a mission oriented, fulfilled life in Him, it played a huge role in focus never rising above "waiting", sex and marriage. Life seemed to always be in a constant state of waiting to be "fulfilled". As we now have teenage children we have learned this is still a very dominant movement in youth groups and the large family, homeschooling realm. We have chosen as parents not to take this route with our own children or keep them in a youth group environment where this is a continual topic. While it is an important aspect in their life it is not the center of attention, or even an ongoing topic....because there is just so much more to life and a relationship with Him than waiting, sex and marriage, or the lack thereof. When you have a passionate heart for the Lord everything else will align and He is faithful to place heartfelt conviction where it is needed. This is a very true, honest perspective of the "True Love Waits" movement. "A lot of girls were sold on a deal and not on a Savior".
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5 comments:
Nikki, as a non-believer and as a feminist, I am really interested in where you've departed from this path and what led you to it. Would you mind sharing more? This is very interesting stuff for me!
I found you via TS back when and love following your family. You're also right around the corner from me now, so it's neat to see that familiar region of our state become your home.
I took a peek at your profile and you are not far from us at all! It'd be fun to meet up at some point. We have formed some very dear friendships from readers who speak up and leave comments. :)
You ask a loaded question and one that has a very multifaceted answer. I'll work on a reply, though it may not be an immediate one. Just out of curiosity, because of so much that we have experienced and lived in life, as a non believer do you not believe in God or do you not believe in the American Jesus? Because we have learned there is a VAST difference. There is no judgment in this question at all, truly. We just think very, very differently now as our lives have grown in intensity. It is definitely not the most popular road to walk or opinion to have....but the difference is a vast one. I'll work on an answer for you though! :)
If you head east to the coast again, be sure to let me know. :)
I am an atheist. I'm not aggressive or militant about it and am surrounded by many good christians, jews, and then my one (jokingly called token) hindu. I grew up in a spiritual household and spent many years of my HS and college days studying independently and taking courses on religion, but there was never a connection for me and I'm very comfortable with that. I'd call myself a humanist if I had to pick a title, but I am not a big fan of calling myself anything since it might imply that I chose one classification over another (instead of arriving at my beliefs independently).
That out of the way, I think deemphasizing the "waiting" could be incredibly empowering to your children. Not because they'll feel encouraged to HAVE sex, but because it will give them ownership and rights to their bodies. The way that you care for yourself (in your fitness, etc) is another aspect of that. Even when giving yourself to a faith (or another person), I think it is so important to also understand that *you* are still your own. I can't see in my readings that it contradicts Christianity.
I'd love to hear your thoughts!
I really did not forget about you or our conversation. I'm not sure if you even check the comments on this post this much later. I'm hoping you do. I'm so sorry for dropping the ball on a response. Life is very...full....right now. :) My husband I have reached a point in life, to sum up a small portion of how we feel, that we tend to relate better with the non Christians better than the Christians, as we have increasingly found that the church has become a very sad clique in which others judge based on how they deem the sin within their own lives...what's permissible and what's not. We have very close Christian friends outside of the church but we find that when a large body of self proclaimed Christians come together the common thing is for a group of like minded people to gang up, judge and assess based on their self interpreted Scripture findings. We think very outside of the box, are non conformist and we have found that the modern day church typically does not like independent thinkers, those that think differently or make them feel, in general, uncomfortable. I was born and raised Baptist and at the age of 12 we began a non denominational life. But even in those arenas people can be and usually are...severely cliquish in their approach as to who they deem "acceptable" and who is not. This attempt as explaining it makes a very long story short as we walk this out...but that is about where we are now.The church has elevated sex to such an off limits idolized status that it seems to be all they can talk about to youth. In their attempt to encourage young people to wait they have transformed it into a god of gigantic proportions. And made those who didn't wait feel as though they are marred for life or have fallen very far short of a Christian standard. There is not much room for grace or mercy. I, too, was raised with this mentality. It was detrimental. My husband and I both feel that while our older children are still virgins that if they do have sex before marriage it is not even close to being the end of the world. It is sex. That is all. And while it is definitely meant to be enjoyed between a husband and a wife, it is not the end of the world and their walk as a Christian does not come to an abrupt halt if something happens. It is never too late to pick up, move on and try again. We both also think the church has taken fornication entirely out of context. If you research the true definition of fornication and do some Bible research what the church is teaching and what it truly means are two very different things. Like I said, we think very outside of the box and tend to go against the norm...so we don't entirely have a large fan club. :) We have lots of watchers and lurkers..lots of opinions and judgements...but we don't win a lot of popularity contest within the church realm. :)
Oh, Nikki, you're so right. Both about the cliques in life and about the elevation of sex. Teaching children that sex is so sacred and so holy does not transform the act once married, it instead creates fear and disappointment and it sets people up to fail their faith. I think we agree very much.
As an atheist and mother to kids too young for this conversation yet, I've thought so much about what wisdom I want to impart on my two regarding sex. I think, first, it is emphasis on respect. Respect for yourself, your partner, and just how important sex could and should be. They are being exposed to Catholicism via my husband and so I know they'll have some biblical background, but I really hope to strip some of that away from their understanding of sex. Sex is not holy because of what it is, it becomes holy because of who you share it with.
I know you're having some struggles out there right now with your living situation. I have a very dear and very loving friend that I would love to introduce your family to if you need another resource. He's from that area and could perhaps help you find a home that would allow some space and some peace.
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