Trouble in Paradise

Please read the update to this post, as this was definitely not one of my most glorious statements of life.

Clock dimly glows red: 2:27am. I lie here with a tiny phone, a tiny blank white screen, and a million jumbled up thoughts tossing through my sleepless brain. I imagine if you could see within my head it'd look a lot like a lottery drawing....thoughts bouncing, tossing, spinning, jumping, popping like little plastic spherical popcorn as a faceless person and unknown hand pumps the crank. I was hoping this would be our sabbatical of sorts. This little piece of earth brought to life by kids and laughter, sun and rain, stars by the thousands, bare naked trees stripped of green glory, unfurling like silver ribbons from wintry sky. But this place...it's not our's and we can't dictate what takes place. We have a neighbor. Our one and only neighbor...and apparently she was not so keen on our arrival despite what we had been told. Farmer Hal and his wife up the road...they love us. They love our kids. But our neighbor...we'll call her neighbor D...she has seen a lot of life, a lot of hurt, a lot of heartache that has made her grow callous and bitter towards all of life...and she is the crazy cat lady come to life. She seriously has 21 indoor purring felines. When you look in her glass door it looks like a comical calendar picture.....a sea of cat heads with hundreds of beady little yellow cat eyes staring back at you. 21 cats all in perfect cat pose. all staring at you. 21 cats, 42 yellow cat eyes. Sea of cats as far down the hallway as is visible. And that's JUST her indoor cats. That does not include the 54 outdoor cats. Strange feline addiction aside....it is apparent she has seen lots of hurt, lots of pain, and lots of mileage in life that has made her calloused and defensive...a hater of people.....everything and everyone. Cynical, brutal in humor, mean spirited, and ugly.

Without going into too much wordy detail and boring every reader to tears, it has come to our attention that her disdain for us is so great, her absolute utter dislike of children runs so deep, and her contempt for our family so rooted that if she finds our children or our animals violating any property boundary in the slightest authorities will be called in to handle the situation and our landlady will be notified so that other housing options can be arranged for our family. And right now neighbor D is actively searching for any violation...any small thing...on which to report us, as she is that determined to have us vacate land. Landlady of ours owns both neighbor D's house and our house, along with all pasture surrounding each. And while this wouldn't ordinarily be an issue neighbor D has laid claim to our pasture where children play. As in, our lease states that it is our's while neighbor D thinks very differently and continues to dispute this. Due to dog incident today I finally was able to meet neighbor D. And her threats were very real. She made it clear she never had any kids, she never wanted kids, she has no desire to get used to living next door to kids, and our presence here was not welcome. It was made known that if she saw any questionable activity of animals or children that authorities would be called. And while we are perfectly within our boundaries, rights, and property lines, it does not stop her from wreaking havoc, discord, and causing problems we have no desire to deal with. And so this house...this seemingly tiny piece of heaven has taken a new turn as our children are constantly under scrutiny...in a place we thought so secluded, private and free. I'm not exactly sure how we could've prevented it. It seems a little absurd to go around polling neighbors on their opinion of your upcoming neighbor status. 

And honestly...I just don't even have the strength or willpower to fight it anymore. I am very tired of fighting people for a place to call home. I am tired of battling people and continually trying to love them and win their hearts over. Some people...they're just gonna be assholes. And while I feel strongly led to love them and be kind it is not my job to win them over or ever try and make them love us. Some people will never understand this life we live, some people will just always be hateful, some will always be jealous, some will always wrestle with insecurities within themselves, some may eventually have a heart change. But there are boundaries. As when those are infringed upon..it is time to take action. And reality is....I don't even have the energy to fight neighbor D and her bitterness. I want to enjoy my children for awhile. Focus on them and not project after project, plunging toilets 50 thousand times a day, always sleeping lightly while listening for smoke alarms due to massive electrical issues, continually pouring myself out to a man and his family that are currently unhappy with us for leaving. I just want to read to my kids again, pile up on the couch and watch a rainy day movie, go play and plant and garden outside without the constant vigil of being pursued by unhappy people. 

So it is that we put a plan into motion. It is the beginning of making a dream become reality....as there is nothing left here. I do not feel like being taken to court, I do not feel up for dealing with animal control on false claims, I do not want authorities called on children just due to one person who has a dislike for any noise they create. I don't feel like fighting anymore. As we speak, there is sewage seeping out of the ground like an underground spring. So saturated is the ground that feet sink ankle deep into it....in sewage. And while I'm sure landlady will promptly fix it, it is yet more to deal with in a house that is not our's and already possesses haters. According to neighbor D there was no known problems with septic before our arrival. So....who knows. What I do know is that there is one now. Less than 2 weeks after moving in. And I'm tired of going uphill in other people's houses, fighting to win the hearts of others and love the hateful.

After watching dear personal friends have kids illegally taken by CPS and currently fighting at this very moment to have them returned and then watching sweet TN friend live through 3 months of NICU only to lay their baby boy to rest...these issues of our's...they seem trivial. They are trivial. And my weariness is nothing compared to the battles they have faced and continue to face. But reality for our family is...the future is unknown and we are in a place that is no longer considered safe for our family. So...we move on once again. When and to where  ....I am not sure. But husband and I both know that we need to own it, as landlords simply do not rent to families of our size. And this society...it does not like children. Laughter echoes throughout our property. Our children..they are crazy happy kids. If it was some screamy, rugrat infested little madhouse....then yeah. But not the bubbly laughter of a carefree, vivacious, 5 yr old girl. So, we trouble shoot and devise a plan of exit from this place that was supposed to be home and we opt to leave all of neighbor D's disdain for us. Some say we are giving up early and not even trying to fight for it. But husband and I are weary and do not even want the fight.  We don't want to have to deal with court hearings, animal control, or anything else she could possibly inflict. There is great peace in this....surprisingly. Perhaps it took getting to this place in order to move us on to the next phase of life. So it is that we dream the dream, make a plan, and dare to jump. We've done it before, we can do it again. And there is excitement for the journey that lies ahead....whatever it may hold. 

I truly do not know where we're going from here, but, I can honestly promise, it won't be boring. Join us for the ride...it's gonna get interesting.