When Your Husband Sets a Mouse Trap

When your husband sets a mouse trap....

.......it might just prove useful for somebody to actually CHECK it every once in awhile. During the few months the blog was put into private mode life became very intense in many ways. So much not blogged about as of yet. This intensity was not limited to but did include....mice. Much like plague of ticks within van so we dealt with a new infestation of nocturnal rodents...in no small numbers. They came from nowhere, multiplied like rabbits...or our personal offspring...and then just as quickly...after a few too many miserably wretched weeks with them....they began to disappear. We treated, trapped, exterminated, mowed down forbidden Amazon, axed down a few Titanically birthed bushes and began our "Treasure Journey" of loving on landlord.

But so afraid and annoyed was I by these nocturnal little friends that it affected all of life. I refused to leave bed during nighttime hours to avoid any confrontation with our sneaky, beady eyed, little space sharing friends. Dread filled being as it became necessary one early morning in wee dark hours to trek to kitchen. So filled with dread was I that, clothed in nothing but lacy underwear and nursing bra, feet cautiously met carpet. I hurriedly raced to nearest laundry basket...and since we own no less than 79 of them it proved to be the nearest useful boat I could secure. Not far from door vague shadow of 10 foot tree branch somebody had seen fit to drag in with them earlier in the day could be seen in darkness. I quickly gave it a good, hard, quiet, middle of the night kick to ensure all mice had fallen off and any near ones scattered before yanking it up off of carpet. So it was that I scooted my way down the dark hallway in my laundry basket boat armed with my 10 foot tree branch in nothing but my bra and underwear at 2 am. Light switch within tree's reach I saw fit to quickly shove it into "on" position with tip of limb while still 10 feet away from actually reaching it. Let it be known also that this house does not have blinds...any of them....anywhere....on any window. Landlord was of the opinion upon our arrival here that blinds were of an extravagant nature. So we do not have blinds...nor have we ever had blinds. So....in all of my rodent fear...I inched my way across house, flipping lights on as I went, until I finally succeeded in lighting up the interior of our house like Christmas. Let it also be known that our little home has picture windows across the entire front of the house pretty much. So there I was in my lacy underwear and sexy nursing bra, rowing my way across carpet in my laundry basket boat with my tree branch paddle in what was, for all practical purposes, broad daylight at 2 am in the morning in front of our entire neighborhood. Since I am fairly certain we are already the current freak show on the block I am quite certain I gave the neighbors just a little more to talk about that night. I did eventually make it to the kitchen that night...downed the Benadryl...and successfully rowed my way back to bed.....all without ever seeing a mouse.

But...mice disappeared with extermination and proper measures taken...except for the few annoying stragglers that always seem to get left behind. I'm pretty sure Mickey and Minnie's cousins have been reported missing. Just for the record...we're currently holding them for ransom in our basement.

So as mice dissipated so did, I suppose, the regularity of husband's trap checking every morning...or every few days...or every week....or every other week. With the return of ability to smell has come hypersensitive smelling capabilities. Like....I could probably make up for 2 bloodhounds right about now. I have surmised from this experience that all of life either wreaks or is capable of giving nasal euphoria. But given the fact we have 3 babies in diapers that seem to have been experts at developing desynchronized pooping schedules, mold running rampant below, bathrooms being 40+ yrs old...life mostly just wreaks. There is definitely plenty of smells to enjoy...coffee, peppermint mocha creamer, pumpkin candles, vanilla body spray, autumn leaves, husband's cooking, his body wash, shaving cream...everything that encompasses the familiar smell of him. Even such things as simple as soap, deodorant, shampoo and conditioner. They're all pretty amazing right now. But for all of the amazingness comes that much unamazingness.

So it was that everytime we entered office it just stunk. Children and I would look at each other perplexed and begin checking diapers. 1 day turned into a few as we'd randomly whiff the stench. Diaper check again...yet nothing. We continued to repeat this cycle as smell would come and go...much like babies in room. One day I even proceeded to bathe babies thinking skin in general just wreaked due to all the stomach issues suffered by kids over last few days. Despite the fact babies were clean and did not stink baths were given anyway just to cover all the bases. At one point children and I were down on hands and knees smelling office chair...convinced that someone had so continuously farted in it that it was beyond salvageable. And yes.....we truly debated this fact.

But nothing.

The day came to move heavy shelving units that serve closet purposes within office. We vacuum under these, on average, about twice a month. Little holes allow all kinds of crap to fall down into great abyss of unreachable wonder. Whoever designed these was definitely no genius nor were they concerned about sanitary conditions of space that shelving occupies. As I worked with great fervor and speed I stuck hand down in vacated space to retrieve stray popcorn kernels, long lost fruit loops, petrified bread crust, green army men, fire trucks, race cars and ambulances, adhesive fingernails, 10 million pencils, 40,000 broken crayons, and all the rest of shelving underlife. And then it happened...



I grabbed a mouse tail.



......and if mouse tail wasn't enough...add to this small fact it had been dead for no less than a week....and that number would just be a bit of a conservative estimate.


So I screamed, I jumped up and down and then I dry heaved. In the months since living here I have now touched a live copperhead and a decaying mouse. The texts working husband received after this incident were not entirely pleasant.


Thankfully we now have older children....some that will dutifully do the job of disposing of rodent...others that will exuberantly dispose of it just for the sheer thrill and novelty of something gross and deader than dead. Little boys cheered and begged to put it to target use as 14 year old fearlessly conquered the disposal of it....but not before dropping it in plastic sack and shaking it in girls faces just for sheer love of hearing little boys laugh hysterically while girls were sent screaming and running...including me.

So.....words from the wise here....if you set a mouse trap it would greatly behoove you to check it every once in awhile. I didn't get close ups....but trust  me on the fact that his head was only partially there.

...and pictures just say it all somedays. And some days...sometimes...I am ever grateful we will not ever be repeating that day again. Absolute nastiness in ways quite unimaginable. 

With shift husband working, children and I searched for 15 entire minutes. Panic did begin to set in. And then we discovered this...

In the time I spent on the computer trying to get facebook page figured out this was one of MANY messes. 1 huge 5 gallon glass jar broken in basement, 1 pint size echthamol jar and 1 pint size homemade toothpaste jar broken in middle bathroom, and 1 quart size mason jar broken in shower of my bathroom. Painful reminders of why exactly I never spend daylight hours on the computer. Thinking we should eliminate some glass in our life....but then that seems to have already been done for us. 

Doesn't get much better than men in the kitchen!

This would be the early morning beginnings of what shaped up to be a day I would be happy not to repeat anytime in the near future. When baby does a slip and slide act down your arm the slickening substance is most definitely NOT desirable. Note to self....look at vacated seat before putting baby on hip or arm. What is not evident here is the poop stuck all over the center leg divider and what shot beyond and under blanket. Not pretty. This would be after blowing out the saucer last week. And though I realize this may look mild, what is not pictured is what was dripping down my arm.

Look what I can do!!!! And yes....the mattress got lowered. 

For the love of dirt and berries

The floor had been perfectly clean...so all the crap all over it.....all the specs everywhere....yep...real literal crap. Explosive poop in the highest degree. And little 3 year old girl who felt bad so grandly attempted self clean up....with toilet paper....in both bathrooms...tossing in trash cans. The day could not have gotten any more gross than it already was. And the sippy cup lid....yep...I was dry heaving. Both bathrooms.....explosive poop... covering walls, toilets, trash cans and floor. Fun.

Meanwhile...on the other side of the house.... 

So the carpet's bad enough as it is. The new trail? .....solid mold from carrying shower door to basement. This would be what poured out of it...all the way from bathroom to basement resting place. Lots and lots of green  thick goopy mold. So thick it stood on top of carpet. Puke. 

Working on bikes like daddy and big brother.

Mesmerized by low flying military helicopters. 

To end the week on a more peasant, less disgusting note....

Celebrating the 1st fire of the season! 54 and rainy. Homemade chili, candles lit, coffee, happy kids and wrestling matches in living room floor. While, at times, it would be nice to spread out a bit, I am so grateful for the size of our little house. Homey, cozy, together. The unity and fun it has brought has been a pleasant unexpected surprise....and a saving grace, at times. Maybe oneday we'll expand upward and onward...but for now...I'm just pretty happily content...and so are husband and children. 

And yes...I remembered my Prozac today...thus the utter delight with life. 

Late night buddies waiting for sheets to dry. Our washer and dryer tend to do overtime these days so they run long into after hour bedtime.

Sweet, sweet boys.