Winds of Change

The beginning.....another story for another day. It did this kinda by itself.

...and then I had a grand idea.

....more to come on this later.

My sweet, blue eyed, mobile boy....17 lbs

My quiet, laid back, little tubby man....24 lbs

Closet project taking place in the background while I was minus 4 boys this week.

When she should've been in bed but was instead wrestling it out with daddy.

the peace treaty

.......summer......

House is strangely quiet for 5th day in a row. 4 little boys are 200 miles away VBSing with cousin while 2 oldest have been in town skinning and mounting rattlesnakes, making bracelets, mounting deer and skinning varmints. With only 4 home for 2 days in a row I've proved to be more unproductive than ever. Harboring great aspirations of accomplishing many things I have only succeeded in going in circles wondering where to start on my 2 page list of to-do's. Everyone will return home tomorrow, life will resume and I'm quite certain I'll prove to be more productive in the chaos than I've been in the entire past week of quiet.

We are, once again, being tested in numerous areas of life and there is not a lot of time or desire to write right now. I spend my days sorting through thoughts, wondering where this road leads. In the meantime, in the midst of all the change, I take absolute delight in the gift that our children are to us and marvel at the joy that is poured into our lives because of them. My cup runneth over and my heart rejoices as we search His plan out for our lives and that of our family. It is during these times that I fall to my knees. The absolute reverence that he commands of His righteous is made more real to me as we draw close to the heart of a God that has our best interest at heart. Absolute undeterred adherence to His principles, ears that are capable of hearing Him, a stillness of the heart that is capable of listening when he speaks, and unquestioned obedience once His voice is heard. As we search through the Bible each morning conviction grips my heart as His principles are made real during these times. We follow the cloud by day and the fire by night and the direction we head is unknown to us. But in all of the things we have lived through I know that His ways are indeed so very much higher than my own or Brad's and He will not direct us down the path of destruction....or even those paths that are not profitable and in line with His plan for us. So, we wait and we pray for direction and we prepare for the unknown. I focus on keeping my heart and mind steady in the midst of life decisions and change. I will not be overwhelmed because He will not give us something that we are unable to conquer. Through the Lord's saving grace and His strength I can do anything He has called me to to....whether it be relocating, living in a rental house and facing close proximity city living, or enduring yet more years of a husband's commute. He has our best interest at heart. We are being grown and stretched and shaped to fulfill His purpose within our lives. I live and I survive by this knowledge.

Rambling, unorganized thoughts that tumble every second of every hour through the head....flowing out on paper just as disorganized. Frustrating as I seek to make sense of it all. Always, never ceasing, the mind that never rests...thoughts that come out jumbled, hard to follow, hard to understand. My own heart seeks to make sense of it all.

We serve a God that fixes our van in whole. I struggle....oh, why do I still struggle and wrestle with the never changing fact that God is good and He can be trusted...that He will not hurt us...that He does indeed have our best interest at heart??? Our budget stated the van would not be fixed until late Sept/early Oct. I worked desperately hard on maintaining a good attitude about this fact and worked on focusing on the projects needing to be completed at home rather than what I wanted to do and places I wanted to go but could not. But, in all of His faithfulness and despite my great doubts, He stepped in, provided funds, and self taught mechanic husband fixed absolutely everything from replacing the entire a/c system to installing a new pulley and belt. He provides for us, He leads us and I have no doubt that He will show us where we need to be and when we need to be there. I will be still and I will know that He is God and I will trust...as hard as it sometimes is....that He does indeed have our best interest at heart. I will support my husband and I will go where ever he goes because I love him more than life itself and I know that when I follow him I am walking in accordance and in obedience to the Lord.

And maybe when my thoughts settle and all of this makes more sense I will delve in and attempt to explain more than what I find possible at this point. I serve a huge and almighty God and I find that pondering the ways of Him and contemplating the way He works a very time consuming, overwhelming, mind boggling process.

Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Ps 25:4

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Teach me your way, Lord, lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors. Ps 27:11

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Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen. Ps 77:19

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