Foreign Substance #999,801

2:37 AM. Did I mention we have carpet???? And, oh yes....we have carpet. And what I ignorantly and naively failed to figure into the equation besides just mud, food, drink stains??? Puke. Seeing as how 11 year olds are capable of puking a gallon even when they have had nothing to eat the entire day due to fevered loss of appetite they still can wake up from a dead sleep and not make it to a toilet. That crap about me bleaching the carpet if/when it came to that....it wasn't a joke. And I just bleached the crap out of it.....mad while I did it. And i'm still mad. I hate carpet. It's 2:43 AM in the morning and I hate carpet. I loathe it. Like, I could take a shotgun to the neighbor/deputy sheriff/landlord right now. How the crap can carpet be cheaper than the cheapest linoleum??? It's not. I saw it at Lowe's AND Home Depot yesterday. Carpet is the same price. And our's just got puked on. And that little pipe dream about bleaching it and turning it a glistening white...it doesn't do that. Bleach turns carpet yellow. But at least now we all are quite assured that it's hygienic...at least in that one spot. So now we have gray and yellow carpet that's been puked on.


Then the thought came....fever has made it's way through 5 kids. If this is only the beginning of puke and that was the 11 yr old "controlled" version of trying to reach the toilet than I can only imagine the fury that is to come if the 7 and under crowd get this part of it. I think I'll just invest in a power washer and hose the whole place down with straight bleach and then just blowtorch the rest to toast any remaining germs into non existence. Who does this insanity??? Who actually lives with carpet? I honestly don't even comprehend why they make the crap. Even if you don't have kids it's entirely animal unfriendly. Cause they puke and pee and crap all over it too. Really, it's just unfriendly in every regard cause in order to exist on it you have to WALK on it....and shoes are dirty. And that little squirt bottle of Resolve ain't cuttin it.


We're supposed to go visit a huge church with some 400 kids this Sunday. It's full of homeschoolers, though the largest family there has 7. Once word made it's way around our little community our family somehow turned into a mini celebrity and we have been invited over and again by fellow church goers in awe. But seriously.....400 kids??? All I see are 400 little walking talking mucous blobs running around sneezing, hacking and licking our kids. And then they all come home and puke...on carpet. I'm seriously doubting the whole church thing right now. And puke thing. And fever thing. And carpet thing.


I think I have cooled down enough to sleep and my little tantrum is over. It helps that I am in bed not actively looking at the puked on, bleached, yellowed area of disaster. I am, in fact, in bed next to a husband that slept through the entirety of it....which actually made me even madder at the time mental stability was in question. So, here I am....a little sleep deprived and a little bit mad....in our house with the nasty gray carpet. And I am thankful for our home and refuse to lose sight of the fact we have a roof over our heads, a heater going as temps dip into the low 30's, running water to make the bleach solution...although I kinda didn't dilute it....and water for her to shower all the puke out of her hair. We do have room for them to roam and we do still have land for 2 happy dogs and large fenced in areas for children to play. If carpet is the worst of my problems than I'm doing pretty well...or mostly well...cause it is still carpet.


When husband did finally roll over and ask groggily in a manner I am 100% certain he will not even remember in the morning, "Babe? What's wrong?" I assured him a little angrily that if another kid pukes in this house before we move out that I am cutting out the area of every stained spot and I don't even begin to remotely give a crap what Jerry the Landlord thinks. He gruffly tousles hair in a manner that assures me he is not even close to being awake and says with concern, "oh no. No, you won't. It'll be ok." But I'm serious and he'll figure that out come morning if we have a checkerboard floor. If anybody else pukes...I'm just cutting it out....and then I'm pouring bleach on the flat painted white walls and cabinet doors. I already sprayed those down but I just don't really see a problem with dousing them liberally with a gallon of it. It'll save a ton of time and conserve energy so I can actually sleep.

Looks like we're going to do some rug shopping tomorrow.