So It's Been Awhile

Contrary to popular belief I have not forsaken the world of blogging....at least not permanently. Obviously I've gone MIA for awhile and after many loving emails later asking of my whereabouts I thought I would update on here, now that I am capable. Reluctance pervades a little due to the fact that I cannot imagine anybody in the world wanting to hear this story or details about some rare, odd, random sickness in someone they have never met. But, despite reluctance, for those that have emailed and been curious as to the reason for my longer than normal absence on here....here's the story....as absolutely ridiculous, long, and humbling as it is.

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Since this all ties together in the end you'll have to bear with it all to get the whole thing. 4 weeks ago it began with a sinus infection. A week later bronchitis. Both of which were mentioned on here. Despite these minor inconveniences I was rather determined to work out and meet some personal goals of mine. So having completely lost my voice in the midst of it all I ignored the fact I may need to lay off a little and continued on....probably even a little more determined than I began due to the fact I was sick and going to prove a point to myself that I was not going to stop or be deterred and take the "wimpy" way out.

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In short....proving myself to myself.

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I have never been one to back away from a challenge or give myself excuses for anything. As admirable as this sounds in writing, it actually has great detrimental value too...as evident now that kidneys have been affected by my escapades. It has now been described as "the perfect storm" within my own body in which all contributing factors came together at the right time to culminate into what resulted.

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With determination fueling my actions I succeeded in working out a bit excessively for two hours a day. I P90X'ed and on the days that did not include what I considered enough cardio I then ran a mile....after working out for an hour in a bit of a fanatical manner. On the P90X cardio days instead of running I Zumba'ed. By the 2nd day of the 2nd week of this schedule I was so sore I could literally not sit without massive amounts of pain and some moaning, and legs refused to bend a bit. Upper body was in the same shape. I figured as long as I was that sore I was definitely making progress. I forced my muscles to absolute failure point everyday....and admittedly....it really does feel pretty good. There is such gratification in knowing that I am capable of this and I did not wimp out or excuse myself of anything. I was challenged and I completed it. And that aspect gets just a little addictive.

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Due to still being sick from both sinus infection that now entailed bronchitis....appetite and all fluid intake waned. And being a bit fanatical about losing the weight and getting back into shape I continued working out in excess and used this opportunity to eat even less calories. Given the fact my appetite had taken a southward dive I very unintentionally transitioned into low fat, low calorie protein and inadvertently cut out all..and I mean ALL.....carbs. Oneday when figuring my Weight Watcher points it calculated that I had a total of 3 grams of carbs that entire day....and a mere 14 points total when my food points intake was supposed to be 46 for the day due to the fact I am nursing also. For those that know nothing of Weight Watchers....that is a TON of food I was not eating. And there were many days of that, along with many days of limited fluids ingested.

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By the end of the 2nd week I had absolutely no voice at all due to not allowing my body to ever heal from bronchitis. What we thought was a stomach virus set in and fever of 103 was present for 4 straight days. We were unable to get it to break despite everything we tried. Excessive puking was involved along with a myriad of other unpleasantness that goes along with anything stomach related. And I reached the point of not being able to get out of the bed. 5 days into the alleged stomach virus blood entered the picture. So totally disgusting and gross, I know. But...y'all wanted the story! So, puking and everything else related turned to straight blood. Severe dehydration was now a huge factor at this point so IV fluid's began. At this point we were told it was now not a stomach virus but food poisoning, diagnosis based on the blood appearing in all the wrong places. After 5 bags of fluid over a 3 day period problems not only persisted but grew. We now know kidneys were struggling during this time, though we were a bit clueless during it all and just going based on what dr's said while it was happening. Despite so much fluid I was still showing signs of dehydration and kidneys not filtering anything. Body retained water everywhere and despite the fact I had now not eaten anything at all for 14 days I was gaining weight rapidly. Difficulty breathing was now an issue while I slept...or tried to. Any time I laid down the massive amounts of fluid still on board inhibited all breathing ability as they pushed up on lungs. Appetite was still absolutely non existent due to fluid pushing up and squishing stomach into minuscule proportions. Puking and everything else continued. Blood pressure skyrocketed to really high numbers...or at least entirely high for me...at this point due to all of the water retention. Diuretic was given to get the water off so I peed every 5 minutes for 2 straight days. But with this cure came a massive electrolyte imbalance...or so we've been told....and between struggling kidneys and a total imbalance in my system a migraine ensued. As in....massive, hugely "I can't even listen to anything above a whisper" and "all black out curtains had to be drawn in order to survive it" migraine.

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I am not anywhere close to being a hypochondriac or admitting to the fact I may actually be suffering a little so this was huge to actually accept.....to admit at this point that I may actually be really, really pretty sick. Pain meds did not work at this stage since I was so dehydrated they had nothing to dissolve within. A ton more fluids later with some stuff to balance electrolytes and the salt exchange between cells and other things I never did fully understand....and migraines were finally cured....as there were many occurring during this part of it.

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At this point due to high blood pressure, blood being present in the excessive stomach related issues, continuing severe water retention despite the diuretic, the inability to stay hydrated, along with the difficulty breathing we were advised to go to the hospital, the ER more specifically, as suspicions of kidney problems....possibly failure.....entered the picture and it became apparent that I was not faring well at all. Having been told this would undoubtedly lead to an overnight stay...probably many of them...on IV antibiotics due to kidneys now probably being infected I was a little exasperated. Given the fact that our fire dept insurance is so awful and the fact that co pays are so excessively high, I am not covered. So, any ER visit...not to mention long term hospital stay.....would result in mountains upon mountains of medical expenses. Sooooo......I kinda refused to go. All I envisioned were unpaid bills when we're working so desperately to get out of debt and making such progress. Studying husband also has a Lt's test coming up very soon and in my head he could not afford to lose the study time taking care of children and back and forthing it between home and hospital for my sick self. And even with husband's urgings I was a bit adamant I was not going....that I would get over this like I do everything else.

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Eventually, I did begin to improve. It just took awhile. And my voice....well, it's still nowhere to be found.

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The final diagnosis??? After many consults with the dr it was finally ruled that I had exercise induced toxicity...or rhabdomyolisis. A really rare condition that can occur in a very small number of people when they are fit enough to go hard enough to hurt themselves but do not have the protection that develops with regular exposure to real intensity. In other words...ones that I understood a little better....it was completely self induced stupidity of doing way too much too fast. It's usually not associated with extreme high intensity exercise but can and does...obviously....occur. Had I used any sense in the deal I would not have landed myself in the boat in which I about drowned. A sermon was preached to me in order to acquaint me with the reality of all that I had endangered. And honestly, I still have a hard time convincing myself I was really that sick. Can you seriously make yourself that sick...to endanger your own life...by working out in excess???? Husband, however, does not doubt these facts. This condition often results in total kidney failure and is life threatening due to the limited kidney function and severe dehydration, causing massive electrolyte imbalances which can result in rare instances of cardiac arrhythmias and death....as stated by the good dr. His next words..... "I stand amazed you did not end up in the hospital, as this is a very life threatening condition". There is also fear on the dr's behalf of me having done permanent kidney damage with this little fiasco of mine.

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It is very apparent now as everything has come back that kidneys were very much in jeopardy and struggling to function at all....thus the blood and how very sick I became and the complete inability to hold anything down or in for such a long period of time.

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Nursing sweet babies also suffered a little in the deal, as my body was a bit overwhelmed and didn't see the need to produce milk as it tried to maintain functions everywhere else. At this point babies are now almost fully weaned due to it all.....a really sad reality and the apparent consequences of it all.

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I go in Monday to have labs redrawn and see if any permanent kidney damage has been done. Optimistic self highly doubts anything has suffered long term...a true protection from the Lord despite the ridiculous predicament I got myself into. Paramedic husband also maintains hope since body is now functioning almost like it should.

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Severe stomach pain persists after eating anything due to the fact my stomach is having to reacquaint itself with food and figure out how to digest again. It went without food for a long awhile. All other aspects of it continue to improve and look quite good. Bronchitis and sinus infection are finally being tackled due to the fact body can concentrate on them now. Apparently it couldn't help those out at all while it fought off everything else, thus the reason I still have no voice. The loss of voice has become quite the challenge to overcome...parenting many with no voice at all. The children have learned all kinds of new hand motions and the house is operating much quieter these days. And texting has taken on an entirely new aspect, as phone conversations are a little one sided and the caller is usually left guessing as to the contents of what was spoken on the other end. But, voice is showing improvement too...entirely slowly...but improvement none the less.

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On that note, there is speculation by the lovely one with a medical degree that permanet vocal chord damage has been done due to the fact they have been stressed for so long with no chance given to rest and heal while body endured "trauma" elsewhere. It has been said that they may be scarred, but I find that entirely hard to believe too and don't entirely accept that. Far fetched, to put it mildly. I have found that dr's tend to give an absolute dire prognosis to anything and everything. I know that the Lord is in the process of healing everything else within and is perfectly capable of restoring that as well. And, in the meantime, I amuse my children by singing to them.

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I've been given orders to only do mild excerise which in and of itself is entirely exasperating. I'm supposed to be on the 5th week of P90X and because of all of this crap have only managed to complete two....and then skip the next three. I now have to work up to the level in which I began working out so that I do not recreate the scenario from which I was just rescued.

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In all seriousness, God was indeed very very good to us and very merciful in every regard. I still find it very hard to believe I was that sick, but dr's have now stated over and again that this is nothing to fool with and I should've been hopsitalized in every way with a continous IV feed in place along with IV meds. Humbling, to say the least. And a bit embarrasing to admit that it was 100% self inflicted due to sheer determination, obstinence and belligerence on my behalf....with no sensibility involved. Humbling, also, is the fact that I ignored my husband's pleadings to go to the ER and potentially endangered my own life strictly due to the financial aspect I could not overcome in my own head.

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The other thing I find more than a bit irritating and a little interesting is that despite 14 days of no food at all and even more days of severe limited food intake I am still at the weight I began the whole journey. I didn't lose even a pound but remain the exact same...even down to the ounce! Diagnosis on that.....my body is a bit confused at this point and doesn't know which way is up. So, everything pretty much shut down and survival mode ensued. Inches have fallen away in large numbers but the scale remains the same. Ugh. I will celebrate over the inches anyday but it'd be nice for the scale to reflect it at some point. So, I have gained nothing from this experience except a large dose of humility on my end and fitting a little better into my clothes. Nothing that made any of this worth it. Had I taken it a little slower and showed some sense in the deal I could've accomplished the exact same results with a lot less trauma.

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So, as stated before, with the arrival of Monday morning I will go and have labs redrawn to see if everything is going back to where it should be and kidney function will be checked...not exactly sure how they manage to accomplish that feat and not sure I really want to know. My hope is that labs will reveal all they need to know for kidney function as well. And come Monday I will once again resume working out, running and P90Xing......while practicing some sense in the midst of it all. There are some things that are not exactly good in excess...and I now know that, unless I am greatly conditioned, exercise is probably not one of them. If you cannot sit or stand without massive amounts of pain for two consecutive weeks you're probably tearing and breaking down a little too much muscle at a time. And the other lesson here....if you're going to work out to that extent while sick and trying to nurse babies....one needs to at least eat something and hydrate more than they ever thought humanly possible!

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So, upward and onward and past all of this mess!