Truly Random Thoughts From The Deep - daybook style

Outside my window....

a little boy armed with a metal bucket opener, army crawling through the leaves and brush, taking out birds and unseen enemies.

Completely and totally lost in his own world.

I am thinking....

that it's now midnight and I desperately need to run to Wal Mart...and it'd be so much easier to go right now without crowds, people, and kids in tow.....and without 2 teething babies....one of which has 5 teeth coming in, the other which has 6 coming in. But I'm so seriously tired..and a snoring husband beside me is not motivating me or helping my cause out any.

I am thankful.....
that when babies go longer than 2 minutes without a diaper they have the courtesy to poop on the linoleum kitchen floor and not on the carpet....not that it really would've shown up on the carpet at this point....but it definitely makes for easier cleaning.

I am wearing....jeans and a non maternity t-shirt, hair wildly unleashed, 3 pair of socks, and lookin quite hot for husband when he comes home...or as hot as one possibly can get when nearing 30 weeks pregnant.

I am remembering....

Garrett - "I know where it is! Cause I always know where stuff is...except when I don't. But I'm a good rememberer and I know all the time where it is. And I know where it is today....as soon as I find it." Umm....buddy? So, do you know where it is or not?

Ivye after Gavin accidently gave her a massively bloody nose while wrestling....which, of course, went all over the carpet...

"Gavin, you're really my best friend...alot"

Gavin - "Yep. I know I am...cause I make your nose bleed."

Ivye - "Yes you do. But we're still best friends always."

Such love.

I am going....

to not go to Wal Mart.

I am reading....

gift in a jar recipes, and the biography of Amy Carmichael...both of which are entirely interesting. Although, I have come to the definite conclusion that some gifts in a jar are just seriously better looking than others...despite the fact the ugly ones may get better taste ratings. But, if you're going to look at it in a jar it must be aesthetically pleasing, so taste is therefore secondary...though husband tends to disagree with that fact. As far as Amy Carmichael goes...and Gladys Alyward....it is absolutely impossible to read biographies such as their's and George Mueller's and not be moved beyond all of life with compassion and conviction. And since we are unable to adopt nationally having 10 biological children 13 and under and another very soon to come and funds are not available for an agency and international adoption I am not opposed to giving up all of life and the comforts of it to go and live among the orphans, minister to them, provide shelter and just love on them. I absolutely love children...and I think every one of them deserves to know the love, the joy, and the security that our children know. I want to be used mightily as those people were. Oh that the Lord would see something within our family that He could use to bless others that have nothing. Evye informed me earlier this week that she wants to be a missionary at the earliest age possible. It led into great discussion about how to be a missionary right where you are at the moment and then turned into researching the programs of Youth with a Mission. Her aspiration is to serve on a Mercy ship, see where she then feels led to go and serve in a country where the Lord places her. Oh, that all of our children would know and recognize that compassion and gift of service to other humanity. That they would know kindness and give their life away so that others can know the Lord like they do.

I am hoping....

that answers come soon, but how amazing it is and how grateful I am to watch the Lord's daily provision for us during this season. How faithful He is and how miraculous His ways. "He will supply all of our needs according to His riches." And He does in every way. This truly was "worst case scenario" in our book of what if's when contemplating the risk of moving and giving it all up in obedience to what we felt called to do and where to go. But despite judgement and opposing opinions from others He is there faithfully proving wrong every theory and criticism that comes our way as He provides so entirely creatively in different ways, meeting every one of our needs. And while we wait there is still joy, much laughter and lots of lightheartedness...even on the heavier days. There is joy to be found in the journey and the unknown. Whether we stay, head 1500 miles back west or blaze a trail 2500 miles north westward to the mountains of unseen states He is there..supernaturally providing and paving the entire way. It is absolutely one of the most amazing things in life to experience His provision on this level that so few will ever know. Despite the discomfort the rewards of obedience are being tangibly seen and felt and our children know intimately that He is a God that provides and still lives and performs miracles. He has provided monthly for bills and last week the church called. The lady on the other end, whom we had never met, said that someone had just dropped off many, many frozen meals that ranged from meatloaf, to lasagna, seafood, steaks, roasts, stuffed chicken breasts, spaghetti, and much more. There were two 13x9 inch pans of each main dish. They were given to the church to give to a large family. They knew we were somewhat new but word had spread quickly that we are the largest family within the church with many children 13 and under. They had been prepared for us and the happy lady asked if we were available to pick it up right then, as there were people there willing to bring it to us if we could not. With errand running husband walking out the door he just ran by while out and picked up tons and tons of 13x9 inch pans of complete meals prepared for our family. While feasting on these meals monetary gifts arrived by mail. Once tithe had been given, it provided for all of December's bills, and enough for children to give their jar gifts to neighbors and the gift they had chosen to give via World Vision and Voice of the Martyrs. Very early in the year after last Christmas we felt convicted to change the attitude of Christmas for our family. As we noticed the commercialism, greed, and saturation of self focus around this time of year both Brad and I became entirely saddened by what we saw taking place within our own children and their hearts as the season neared. As a result we began to pray fervently about where to go from that point. It did not take long for both of us to know what was being spoken to our heart in unison and we began to change the attitude of Christmas from "getting" to "giving". As I did school with them we talked extensively about what it is to give it all...everything...and that's what Christmas is...the giving of life so that He would later die for us to know true freedom and absolute forgiveness. Slowly everyone's mentality began to change and Christmas took on a whole new meaning for our little brood. Excitement was slow to come and resistance was initially experienced but as we began to our over pages of things people needed and how they can help sulleness began to grow into true enthusiasm and excitement. And over the course of a year our outlook slowly transitioned into Christmas being a time to give while birthdays are to celebrate their individual life, be blessed by others and receive. Their birthdays are their day while Christmas is Jesus' day. And one of the most amazing ways to honor and serve Him is to serve and give to others. It's radical. Way out there for some....but I have personally seen what it has done for our family and how amazing it is to have children eager to give instead of the self focus that the season usually brings. And with that new perspective came the recent concern of their's that funds would no longer be available to give the gift they had chosen for the people in another country that live in need of it. So, the arrival of funds to give their gift was yet another answer to one of their very specific prayers and a tangible way for them to see that when they walk in service to the Lord He provides in every way. It is amazing to see the awe on their faces and the absolute joy and wonder in their eyes as they realize that He is answering prayers daily and meeting every need of our family and the needs of others through us when they pray and walk in a close relationship with Him. My heart cries out that they would never stray from these things being taught to them. "All your children will be taught by the Lord and great shall be the peace of your children." The Lord is a much better teacher than I am. I am humbled by what He has done and is doing not only in Brad's and my life but in the lives of our children also.

On my mind....

crossfit. Husband talked to the trainer today. I'll be good to go come April 1st, assuming baby cooperates and comes no later than the 15th or so. Despite my best efforts of convincing my husband that I'll just stay home, P90X and run he insists that I be under supervision while working out unpregnant. But, according to the seemingly knowledgeable trainer, I am no more likely to get rabdo again than any other person walking down the street. The goal......just don't get sick, absolutely do not refrain from eating and drinking...no matter how much the appetite plummets while sick....and do not take antihistamines while being fanatical about working out....and, as always, use some sense in the deal. Very ready to be light on my feet again. I am desperately in love with our wiggling, squirming baby, and the 2nd trimester is absolute bliss....but there's something to be said for being able to workout like you mean it...and not be anemic while you're doing it.

Noticing that....

the more husband jiu jitsu's and crossfits the hotter he gets. I seriously love being married to a tatooed, earringed, sexy, tough, bald dude. I continue to stand in awe of his love and passion for me...all round and pregnant, hormonal, emotional and anal retentive about keeping things in order. I love that he just smiles in amusement when I grow impatient and restless and, despite his objections, proceed with doing everything he's told me not to do or to wait on him to do for me...like move 10 foot, 200 lb metal cabinets from the carport into tiny little spaces where it will serve more purpose and remove the eyesore. (which with Grayson's help the two of us not only scooted but stood on end while strategically fitting it through the tiny doorway to fit exactly....to the very inch...the space that I found for it.....a feat I was entirely proud of.) I love that he loves to cook and is willing to fix dinner almost every night. I am forever grateful he can humor my absolute dislike of the kitchen, lay down expectations of having a meal ready for him and just love me the way he does. I love the fact that he goes along with my spontaneous, crazy wild ideas and will drive 60 miles to see Christmas lights and ride a train with the children...despite the fact he gripes all the way over there and assures me I failed to make him aware of the fact it was 60 miles one way....while teething, tired babies cry and rowdy kids get way too loud on the 3rd and 4th rows of the van....yet he smiles through his griping while I laugh at the insanity of it all. And once train ride is over, kids have had hot chocolate, lights have been experienced and we're on the road home with sleeping babies and content kids we'll talk late into the night about all of life and where it goes from here. Our topics cover everything from emotions, to what ifs, to tentative plans, to recent events, to family and friends, to the entertaining trivial mundane that makes us both laugh. And while my heart leaps at the thought of the progress we potentially can make with a new, far away job it quivers at the thought of being separated from him for two weeks at a time on a regular basis. How in love I am with him...best friend, lover, companion, the one that balances me, keeps me laughing and keeps all of life in perspective.

Pondering....

the fact that Evye and Aubrey have games on my phone in which they have to regularly take care of their aquarium, which houses an entire sea of high maintenence fish, and horse stable, or the fish die and the horse goes as neglected so you "lose" ownership. Due to that they regularly ask if they can have my phone to take care of their fish and horse. Today Ivye asked, "Mom, may I please have your phone? I need to take care of my Angry Birds."

Around the house....
48 mason jars waiting to be filled by 8 eager kids armed with dry ingredients. This should be interesting.

Life in pictures.....
Instead of pics this time around I figured this might be more fun. Real life baby laughter. This could've been shorter but I kept thinking Graham would cooperate and wave bye. They both have the ability to melt hearts with their waves, give high fives, and can say a ton of words from yes ma'am, stop, don't, bye bye, here, thank you, 'welcome, yuck, Evye, Grayson, and a ton of other stuff. But, for now, baby giggles.