Getting Real

I am falling noticeably behind in my blogging efforts once more. Seems to be the story of my life as of late.

Anyway, along the "getting real" line.....as if life could ever be "unreal" around here. There's a little too much reality in my life to try and paint a perfect impression. And I fear if I dared try portray a perfect little impression it would be in mere ruins or shattered, lying in embarrassing little pieces as the reality of life itself overtook my words only hours after the fact. There are certainly times that it is not hard to proclaim the blessings of our life or even beam with pride as and sing our children's praises as we win such rare awards as "Family of the Year". I am quite certain that one will stay with us our entire lifetime as a humorous honorable mention in the hall of fame life book. But then there are those times...those days or even weeks....that life is very normal. More normal than anyone can ever imagine. But I suppose normal is completely relative. My quiet days spent missing on here are spent watching children swim while hot dogs.....quite literally hot, stinky, panting dogs.....lay flopped out in the sun or chewing crap up......while I kiss scrapes and bruises, play referee between all of the sibling fights, and just, in general, try to effectively teach children of every age the importance of immediate obedience....which is painfully slow in coming. As I humble myself I will say that as dearly as I love my children and as good, well behaved and obedient as they all are...you know, I do have to preface what I am about to say with a disclaimer.....there are days they drive me nuts. I would not trade my life for anything and there has been no other time in life that I have ever been as fulfilled as I am right now but there are times when it all escalates and life with many young children takes a toll on the brain, the nerves, the sanity of oneself. The older ones seem to be fighting more..........or well, ok more honesty here...there is no seeming to it....they just ARE fighting more....and the younger ones seem to be a bit bored with all of life. I digress. We do well with teaching manners and behaviour but I fall miserably short when it comes to requiring my children to act immediately in obedience or contain themselves enough to actually consider the wellbeing or feelings of their siblings as the first response to any given situation. I know it is entirely normal to have siblings in conflict with each other but our's seem abnormally possessed with the need to challenge to the death to preserve the goodness of their name. We have taught them well that " a good name is more desirable than great riches" but where in the world does one draw the line and actually learn to lay themselves down for the life of their brother...or sister???? Does a point in life ever come that they discover how absolutely needless and petty it is to prove a point that will no longer matter in a mere 3-5 minutes??? And heaven forbid if anything is ever their own fault....because it would afterall reveal that their name is not as great as they would like it to be. I grow weary of listening to them. And I speak really only of the older 2, mostly. Aubrey will, at times, take part but it is mostly the bickering that goes on between the oldest 2. The competitive, driven nature that is so apparent in all of our children seems painfully apparent in those two. I can assure you that raising the younger 6 is by far easier than raising the oldest 2. I think perhaps due to the fact the oldest 2 in any given family are like the trail blazers for every parent....whether they have only those 2 children or a whopping 20 behind them. I visualize it in bed on those long sleepless nights of it kind of resembling laying railroad tracks. The blood, sweat and tears that are shed as they heave those massive steel rails into place, driving in the nails or welding the steel....whatever they do and however they do it.....and then having to test them in every way, every square inch of the new tracks they've just laid. And then those first few trains run across them for the very first time. But years after the fact as wear and tear perfect and age those old steel beams they become quite seamless and trains run across them in seeming effortlessness as they click and clack along in that pleasant swaying rhythm . Of course, throughout the years there are repairs that need to be made and upkeep done. That, to me, is the re-evaluating of your initial ideals and expectations of parenting in general as you realize what exactly is needed and what is just extra fluff and stuff that makes life harder and more difficult. I learn about myself with each new child and having specific ones with different needs at so many different ages. What skills of mine need to be sharpened? What's not working that's just gotta go? What do I personally need to fix about myself? How could I better pray for them and encourage them? Let's not even start down that list. How could I better manage my time and help them better their time management. Let's not even dare tread down that road either.

Bunny trails there. The point.....my railroad tracks in life. My 2 trail blazers and then the 6 behind that seem to just fly down the tracks at break neck speeds quite effortlessly as they go. So, in a way, I truly believe it does get easier with more children. The actual work load does grow but the overall emotional toll that the older children take far exceeds the work of all of the younger ones combined. So many people wonder and ask how these large families make it all work and how they cope but in all reality most people never make it far enough to discover the other side of life with children. They only know what it is to have those 2 trail blazers.....they never really know what it is to have those many trains so many years down the road running effortlessly down well oiled tracks.


So, maybe this stagnant air about our little crew is just the restlessness of summer coming to an end, the nervousness of beginning yet another school year despite our many years of success at it, the anticipation and absolute excitement of a far away vacation to a land our children have never seen, or maybe just the funk of early pregnancy and the irritability that always seems to go along with it. The days here are painfully hot and even the wind fails to provide any sort of relief. If you are not swimming then you are in danger of heat stroke. I suppose I could be the amazing mother and fingerpaint with them, read any number of biographies to them, spend our days creating collages of some sort, make up interesting scavenger hunts, teach letters to little ones or something of the creative nature but in all honesty my motivation to do much of anything is pretty much non existent. Early pregnancy exhaustion is wreaking havoc on my routine and my restless funk pervades. A longing to leave the heat and push bare feet into sandy beaches overcomes my being. I long to feel the wind and sea spray as we take boats from one place to another and show our children the world, visiting with old friends while children run freely playing, talking, dreaming with dearly missed best friends. And as the days seem to drag by as we impatiently wait for depature day we all just kind of wander around. I know...wise use of the time we have between now and then. I could be cleaning bathrooms, sweeping the floor for the thousandth time in one day, washing sheets, or just organizing. But just....for whatever reason, not now.

In all of the anticipation of our upcoming 2 week roadtrip across 8 states, 3 boats, 4 lighthouses and where ever else we may find to discover while out touring the US we have much to prepare for. Brad has already put a computer chip in the van to give it greater power and get 5 miles more to the gallon. I am in love with what he has done to it. And I am ever grateful for the man I married that absolutely had no knowledge of vehicle care at all and 10 years into our marriage can fix most any given thing on all of our vehicles. I am amzed by his ability to find the problem and just fix it. I watch him trouble shoot and then narrow it all down as he fixes stuff one by one until we have a perfectly running mode of transportation. He still continues to amaze me and win my heart over.


So, travel grocery lists are being made, packing lists and every other kind of list since I am a very list oriented person. It is by far becoming easier and easier to do huge, momentous vacations with everybody since we travel so much anyway. This year I have found it far easier than last year's trip to TN. I think we have pretty much perfected the traveling skills. And in the midst of preparing to leave we have a trip to Nanny and Pawpaw's coming up this weekend, Evye's birthday, my birthday, Brad's and my anniversary and then the boys birthday immediately following our arrival back home. So, despite the funk I spoke of earlier in the post, we have much to be thankful for and so very much to look forward to. We have decided to hold off starting this school year until after we return. Grayson will be entering 6th, Evye 4th, Aubrey is starting her 1st grade curriculum and this year Garrison and Grant will be joining our little school room with their kindergarten stuff. Once again, I am so grateful in every way to have our children home with us. Public schools started this past Monday and as I listened to the buses rumble down our dirt road I embraced each and every one of our pajama clad children as they sat and ate breakfast happily together. But, that is another post for another day.



Lastly and on a blessed note, this little miracle baby of our's, that has survived so much already between early pregnancy sickness and the stresss of everything else that has taken place over the last few months, continues to thrive. There still is no sign of any morning sickness, thus leading me to still be 100% convinced this tiny one is all boy. Poor Ivye will be quite protectively sandwiched between a whole host of loving brothers. A dear friend of our's in MN found a birthing pool for us and has already shipped it out and we have ordered our very own doppler just for our own personal use. We had one that another dear friend loaned us with Ivye's pregnancy and I loved having it. We found one that was relatively inexpensive and is well known by both midwives and dr's alike. I am elated. So, as we begin to gather items and prepare, this baby and this pregnancy seem to become more real with each passing day. Though it is still many months away and I have just now hit the 12 week milestone I feel like I can actually let go, lay down the rest of life and grow excited about this budding life developing within. I have my 1st appt in a few days and hopefully sweet baby within will be big enough to finally hear the beating of its unborn heart.