Moody Maybe?

Alright..........well, I've never in my life ever thought myself to be one given to moodiness. But as I sit and ponder that's about the only word that comes to mind to attempt to convey these last couple of weeks. I'm sure my children would whole heartily agree with my self diagnosis. I have been as up and down and I seemed to have finally overcome today. It was by far one of those days where everything I have been trying to accomplish finally starts showing hope of coming together. And suddenly.....the triumphant feelings of having overcome and conquered are no longer suppressible.

With getting back into school gear along came the dire dog days of sitting on the children to get all of their stuff done. I dread it, they dread it. Somehow it's so much more fun to play all day....older ones included. And admittedly, the house stays much cleaner when there are no school pages waiting on the shelves staring menacingly at us. After hours of putting up with Evye's lethargy and even more hours of enduring Grayson's crapped out attitude I finally set them both down yesterday and had a heart to heart with them. Together we redid the chore charts to make the day flow better and lined out yet another school day schedule that did not seem so overwhelming and quite so ruggedly brutal. By the end of it the burden seemed to have been lifted and everyone's moods cheered. Today went much better and we finally were able to tackle both Spanish and Typing in addition to the basics. And we were all even speaking in some pre-K level form of Spanish...though I'm not real sure any true Spanish speaking Mexican would agree to that statement. By the end of the day they had made it through 4 lessons of Spanish and everyone was lighthearted. It was one of those days where you feel like you have definitely earned a nomination for most organized, healthiest, most natural, most clutter free, most efficient, most economical parent of the year award. Though the house looks like an atomic bomb went off here I have never felt better. Every closet has been emptied and every clothing item sorted into sell, keep and donate. I have gone through and cleaned off every shelf, every item of unused furniture, every deco item, every surplus thing and sorted it into sell and donate. Granted, there's still alot to go but I am no longer overwhelmed by the sheer thought of starting this process. And it seems that we are always paring down here. It seems as though I have been saying for months that we are decluttering....and, well, I have.........but each time we clean and give away only to become even more convicted and more excited about a simpler life so I start all over again cleaning and giving away even more. This is the 1st time since we have been married that it's been of this magnitude though and I can hardly wait to get everything to its proper destination. I anticipate the money the sell items will bring since I will be getting the Ergo and some of the cloth diapers with it while spending some on fabric to finally start up my sewing projects. And then I love the donating part of praying over who the next load needs to be headed towards. My all time favorite is still the abused women's shelter right before we moved here. The look on their faces was something I will never in a lifetime forget.

But as I sat playing and spending more than my fair share of rolling around on the floor with tons of little boys rolling all over me while trying to sort the excitement overcame me. For the 1st time ever I can hardly wait to start cloth diapering. Someone said very aptly the other day about their failure at cloth diapering that it is like everything else they try that is not driven by the Lord.....it was just a phase for them that they could not handle. I have been there so many times....taking on things that were supposed to be right by other's standards and what appeared to be the best thing to do only to fail miserably at it because it was not at all the timing God had in mind. And here I was forcing myself and feeling guilty and beaten down the majority of the time for something that was never meant for me to take on at that stage in life. It's been that way with the change of our diet, with money, with diapers, with jobs, with many things. But when it is time I am being taught to recognize it. The excitement, anticipation and the joy that it brings because I know that I am walking exactly where I should be and have been given the grace to now conquer this next area of my life. It is a freeing experience.

So, I have found that the grace has now extended to diapering and I am ready to take it on. the money it will save will be massive and the ease with which it is now done these days inspires me. Our diet has taken a tremendous turn for the better in the last little while. The children are eating incredibly well balanced meals and Brad has even begun to change his ways and has found all sorts of odd veggies he really does like....such as squash, eggplant, bellpeppers, mushrooms, onions and many other formerly despised foods. Which has made my meal planning and attempts at eating much better easier for us all. And as an added bonus he has dropped 10 pds and I am down 15. And our clothes are showing it. It's pretty fun doing it together. We love doing everything together so I suppose it only makes sense that his has turned out to be so much...just having a built in buddy.

And, of course, along with our change in eating Gavin has not gone unnoticed either. In the chaos of everything and my little moody spell I never got around to putting on here that he is officially on solids. He still nurses full time but twice a day after nursing I give him cereal. I experimented with a few jars of baby food to see how he did and he ate it all up....cereal, fruit, veggies, any and all. Hopefully he will prove to be the eater that Aubrey is....picky over nothing. So, I again opened up my Made with Love Homemade Baby Food Cookbook that Sue Ellen sent and went to town for him. I left off with having successfully made most of Garrett's food and was able to pick up where I left off and expand even that knowledge. I actually ground up Gavin's oatmeal from our massive size oats sack and he had homemade baby food oatmeal. I was so impressed and having so much fun. So far we are back to homemade applesauce, ripe smashed up bananas and all sorts of other homemade concoctions. We have only bought jarred food the one time I decided to try him out on them. It has been so liberating to finally reach this point. It seems it's been so many years in the making. Due to the fact I am so easily overwhelmed it has always been so much easier just to cope and do what is before me without having to think about adding to my to do lists. But here we are and I can finally see it all beginning to come together.

And in the midst of it all I have found the homemade wet wipes to be the most fun and the most cost efficient yet. That is........until we move on to the diaper thing. But for now.......having made the switch to Charlie's laundry soap, using baking soda and vinegar for almost all of our cleaning needs and thinning out the Snuggle........by far the most fun thing is making the wet wipes. Once I began to discover all of the different things I can combine and put in there the more fun it is becoming. You can make your own scented lavender, peppermint or vanilla wipes....not to mention putting calendula, aloe vera, tea tree oil and all kinds of other notions in it to tend a rash or fend off one or even keep bacteria at bay after poop episodes. I honestly never in my life saw this day coming. I was the one making fun of these moms who talked about all of this stuff years ago. Seems like I remember calling them tree huggers..or something of that nature. In my attempt at saving money the thought of saving the environment truly never occurred to me. Well.......still hasn't really occurred to me. I suppose it is does we'll have a few more trees to look at but I have saved a ton of money in the end. When I think in terms of going green I think in terms of green money. But who would've thought it would've ended up being so much fun in the end?

So, here I sit and I figure I should soak up this day of achievement and gloat for my few minutes of complete success.....for all too soon I will be brought back down.....probably in a not so gentle way....to reality tomorrow by the reality of raising very mortal children that challenge everything I have learned up until this very point in my life. Every thought, every theory, every good intention and good method I have ever had will be once again put to the test at the rising of the sun as I walk through another day of parenting children and find that not one day is ever the same and no two children ever alike. So, I grapple and fumble my way through relying on the Lord for direction because I don't have a clue what to do next. Maybe, just maybe, that is why I love parenting and managing a home so much. It is a challenge that never ends and no two challenges are ever the same at any point in the journey. This pursuit in life puts riding a bull to shame. And the love, joy and reward that become greater as the years go by cannot ever be expressed in any written or verbal form. For every minute of backbreaking work is paid back multiplied 100 fold in the love and joy that is derived from it. Garrett's sweet chubby arms that wrap around my neck, Garrison's and Grant's soft little noses that are touched laughingly to mine, the feathery little kisses that land upon my nose by sweet tiny little lips, the coos and laughs of a content baby Gavin and the trust and love that is established so entirely early on as he lays completely still with his head on my shoulder, the gentle pats and fingers through my hair by Evye and the not so gentle bear hug tackles given by Grayson and Aubrey. Nothing can rival this. Though I know more deeply than anyone alive how blessed we are sometimes it is just truly hard to comprehend and absorb. The challenge of it just makes it that much sweeter.

And on a side note.........it is cold here. The sleet is falling and the chill can be felt all through the house. Brad is on the medic and will more than likely be up all night long dragging stupid people out of the cold ice that rests on the ground. Knowing he will want sleep tomorrow I should be in bed prepared to take my day shift. The peaceful sound of the sleet falling is mesmerizing. it falls like rain tapping gently as it lands. Gavin lays in his little bed nestled up in his fuzzy little pj's while Garrett sleeps soundly under mounds of covers and footed pj's in his crib. The rest of them are curled up cozily under way too many blankets as they all slumber together while the sleet transforms their world. Despite the fact that it will all melt off by 10am and the high is a whopping 55 degrees it is hard not to revel in the wintry night that lay before us. Sat and Sunday will be a balmy 72 degrees so with the best of winter weather at our fingertips right now I soak it up yet look forward to the beautiful weekend before us as I think of all of the outdoor things we can do.