Small Town Conflict

(Once again, since we have no new pictures available to put on here, I decided to go back about a year ago and put in some of my favorite pics. I figured it'd be fun to do a black and white theme of some of my favorite ones. How children grow in just 1 year!)

I suppose it is inevitable. Sad but inevitable. And I suppose too I've never in my life been good with conflict, not to even mention coming close to being good at confrontation. And my, how we have already had our fair share of it in the short 14 months that we have been here. This whole living in a small town thing is still rather new to me. It's such a romantic idea but there is a huge dose of reality that is served up when you actually go through with such a romantic notion. Brad says he loves the romantic dreamy side of me. I just laugh and tell him I didn't know one existed. But at times like these I am convinced that side of me exists somewhere within myself when having to deal with the realities of small town life. For the most part I dearly love it. It is days like yesterday as I just laid on the couch...still sick.....gazing out the open windows and feeling the perfect gentle breeze kiss my skin. Watching the tall pasture grasses dance gracefully in rhythm to the swaying trees and floating clouds, all like an expertly choreographed dance in perfect motion. Migrating birds graced the autumn sky and the far off tinkle of children's laughter jumping happily together on the trampoline sung in harmony with each other. Fletch's bray and the goats' cries eagerly called for the children while dogs played and barked and jumped on the trampoline too......they all painted a very real live picture of perfection. A picture of utter contentment in my soul. It is this that I love. It is this part of our lives that I do not ever want to change.

But, the other side of small town, dusty life, is having to live with the people that have such major offenses with you. And thinking of dusty.....Brad and I watched a show the other night on the human body and did you know that 80% of the dust in your house is made up of human skin cells????? Can I puke yet? So, since we have 250% more children than the average household has, does that mean we have 250% more dust....250% more dead skin cells? And I came by the whole 250% thing by figuring if the average home has 2 children and we have 7 than 3 children is already 50% more and 4 is 100% more and so on. So, I have a feeling that is really not quite right and way too simple for me to have figured out, so obviously math is not a strong point of mine. So, just skip that part if it proves to be too irritating for you. It sounds better just to say we have 87% more kids than the normal family. And that number was just picked randomly but it already sounds better and more mathematically inclined. So, anyway, whether it be 250% or 87% we still have that much more "dust" in our house. That's just way nasty.

Anyway, so back to the main point of life in a dusty little town. Gives a whole new meaning to "dusty" town though. We've already had several issues with people having issues with us. The whole school thing. To this day no one understands why we do things the way we do or why we chose to take them out of school, a place that is considered before church and God around here. This town lives and breathes the school. It's what keeps this town motivated. The church is dead, the county is dead, the people are dead...until you talk about the school. And then everyone is into it for the children. It is their passion....to a detriment. And even their passion they are ruining due to the inability to run it without conflict or keep it a place worthy of continuing attendance. So, the school doesn't understand us in the least and we are the farthest thing from anything they have ever seen before. They've never seen a large family and never even remotely seen one that would willingly homeschool all 7 and actually love every minute of it...........well, most minutes of it.

And then the church. The little poor church has major issues. And then they have issues with us due to the fact that I longed to go where there is life and life abundantly. I want my children to have what Brad and I had growing up. Freedom to praise, worship, dance, raise your hands in worship, thanks and awe. The girls, upon hearing that when I was little I danced in church, begged us to move back so that they could go to that church and dance for God too. It made my heart so sad over what they are missing in our efforts of trying to people please in this town. So, I began to pray and we were led to a completely wonderfully Spirit filled little church 50 miles from here. And, of all things.....we dance, we sing, we praise, we worship. We no longer sit on a hard wooden pew and drone out in monotone lethargy "I Love To Tell The Story". Granted, I love that old hymn but I was beginning to have some issues with it by the end of my church going days across the street in our little town church. But, now they have issues with us. And they by no means understand or are even capable of comprehending why we left. When I finally quit trying to hide it and quit trying to not hurt their feelings but was growing increasingly tired of the scrutiny and stabbing comments I finally just came out and told them we left to go to a church that dances. I just began to tell them that Brad and I were raised in a place that worships and praises differently and we wanted our children to have that. And when I began to tell them the truth they looked at me like I'd told them we were now attending church at the local bar. But I love watching my girls in their summery white dresses and barefeet twirl and turn and laugh and glide across the floor as they praise, completely lost in abandonment to a God they are completely in love with....a Lord that they are allowed to know on a much deeper level than sitting on a church pew coughing out in whispered hushes a long ago hymn. I truly hold hymns closely and dearly to my heart and I find it so very important for the children to know them as well. When hearing Selah sing them it brings them more to life than any church I have ever heard. And if we were to sing with that same passion it might be different. But as it is, it is quite morbid and depressing in it's half dead...or all dead....state. I love watching Grayson jump and bounce and showing Garrison and Grant how to enter the gates of heaven with praise. I love what we have been given in our little tiny church that we now attend. But, as all things go, upon leaving our little town church feelings were hurt, tongues wagged and rumors were spread.

So, in all of the accusations and rumors that have gone around about our "strange" habits we have also had issues with the kind of friends the children keep. So, more boundaries were established on our part. After Grayson taking up with the PE teacher's 8 year old boy it didn't take long to find that his behavior was far from ideal..to put it incredibly mildly. We had to deal with issues of the little boy looking up Evye's skirts, spying on her while dressing, torturing she and Aubrey to near death, picking on Garrison and Grant and just sheerly antagonizing them and then, of all things, which seemed to be the mother of all wrong doings, he called Evye to him one afternoon and told her to look as closely at the ground as she could. With eyes almost touching the ground in an effort to see the nothingness he pointed at he fired Grayson's gun, minus the bullets but with all of the air from the cartridge, and it quickly blew dirt and rocks into her eyes. After that incident we decided to take a break from him for awhile and maybe see if he'd change over time.

So, his second chance rolled around and we were at it again. Still lots of little issues here and there but nothing really blatant enough to justify saying he could never come over again. He even spent a night and Grayson a night with him and they became quite close. During this time Grayson's behavior was not optimal, to say the least. And finally, this last time, we were all in the Suburban together and he outrageously farted and proudly boasted to Grayson about his achievements. When everyone was suffocating and quite ready to puke he suddenly figured out it wasn't nearly the funny prank he thought it was going to be and refused to tell the truth and fess up that he had done it and willingly let Grayson take the blame. And I knew going into it it wasn't Grayson's doings. (Here's another "you know you're a parent when" moment....... And this is not one I am even remotely proud nor did I ever really plan on ever having this invaluable knowledge as a parent. But when you actually know the smell of your own kids' farts and can tell the difference between one of your own kids' and one of their friends'. Completely and totally useless, disgusting information...but true.) Later that same trip and after many more rowdy unwilling-to-mind episodes I caught him telling Evye and Aubrey to kiss each other. When they refused to follow him he then proceeded to try and talk Evye into it and then tried even harder to coerce her into "kissing her long". That did it for me. That was the end.

So, we dropped his butt back off at his house. After that Grayson was banned from playing with him. I honestly thought we wouldn't have much to worry about since they are in SA 6 days out of the week after school for sports. He's only come once to ask to play and then recently he saw Grayson going to play with another friend. He asked Grayson why he was able to play with the other but not himself. Grayson didn't know quite what to say so he just said he wasn't allowed...which was fine. So, last night his PE teaching mother stopped Grayson on his bike as he was on his way home and actually lit into him. She told him that he never takes the blame for anything and upon asking Grayson why he was no longer able to play with him and Grayson answering about the whole looking up skirts issues she laughed and said he in no way does that and in effect called Grayson a liar to his face. Grayson didn't have a clue what to say since he has been taught the utmost respect for authority and to never talk back. She then proceeded to tell Grayson he is not a good friend and continued on for awhile in her endeavors of taking action on a child that is far from her's. Obviously she now issues with us and the way we choose to deal with things in our family. But, we have house rules and those that do not abide do not play here.

It outraged me at first. Then it scared me that she might actually come pay us a visit. Then it just saddened me that we have to live with these people and see them everyday when there are such major offenses with us. I thought of talking to them in an effort to live peaceably with our neighbors but, based on the fact she would accept nothing Grayson said and when being told that we had set the rules no longer allowing him to play with her son and the fact she would hear nothing of it, tells me that we are setting ourselves up for a huge attack of our moral values and an onslaught of awful defense attacks on their part. So, after discussing it with Brad, we decided it is much better to raise our children with values and a love for each other where they are taught to defend their siblings and stand up for them rather than to sacrifice our children in an effort to make the people in this town happy with us. And so here we sit yet again with people in this place filled with disdain for us and no ability to even remotely understand what we are doing in our family or the boundaries we have set.

Here we are struggling to raise our children exceptionally in an unexceptional, way too average world. The warfare against one's integrity when trying to walking out the calling God has placed on your life is sometimes overwhelming. But I can truly say at this point after going through this numerous times now that God is using it to strengthen my skills and ability to deal with less than ideal situations. Maybe due to my past.....maybe due to just being way too sensitive...maybe just due to being the type of person I am....but I have never received criticism well or any type of situation where people think badly of me. I am certain that God, in all of His perfect infinite wisdom, so completely created Brad and I for each other. We truly are each other's halves. I am his strength in his weaknesses and he is the vessel God pours through as I muddle through my weaknesses. He is my absolute strength. In the 8 years we have been married I have grown in so many ways. I have grown confidence that I have forever lacked. I have become less self focused and strayed away from my self centered shyness. He has shown me what it is to address people and confront them....from family members all the way to removed friends that do not respect boundaries. And in doing so I have been given vast amounts of grace and mercy to endure the criticism and attacks that follow. I have been given the kindness to continue living with those people in my world and a grace to refrain from becoming bitter and overcome by what some would think after having been "chewed up and spit out" by the world. There is so much bitterness and so many hard hearts in my family. And somehow through Brad and through these life lessons I was mercifully given a tenderness and heart to continue loving the person but abhorring what they do. And I feel an overwhelming tenderness for what it is they fail to see. Sometimes I just think, if only they could just see the bigger picture. And I have been given a new understanding for who exactly I am as a person in Jesus Christ that represents Him in every way. I have been given a confidence that I have forever lacked in my need for approval. In all of my neediness in dealing with my low self esteem the Lord gave me the gift of Brad. A gift He has used over and again to teach me His ways and show me what I am to Him and how to deal with situations I would never in my life have ever taken on had it not been for what I have in Brad.

So, even in dealing with all of our small town conflict and people's opinions I can honestly say I am truly growing through it all. It's still very hard to know that the entire town has hushed, whispered issues with us but as I sit, holed up in my homey little house with my crew of beautiful children, I get excited about who we are raising in them and what kind of adults they will be. It just makes it all worth it in the end. It makes any sort of disdain and all rumors seem so worthwhile. I don't want to be average like what I see in this town. I don't want any of my children.....my sweet, beautiful, impressionistic children....to be just average....half-hearted in everything they do. I want them to powerpacked and full of passion and whatever it is they do in life to do it with their entire heart.....despite what they see in the average unruly kids that surround them. And maybe our convictions, despite the criticism received due to them, will set the example they need in life to put their uttermost heart and soul into what it is they do and to ignore the voice of the world in pursuit of God's greatest calling on their lives.