Healing Words

Here I sit just wanting to write.....to say something, but with nothing really on my heart or really humorous that is worthy of any note. I think it must be the melancholy of the numerous pounds of Tylenol and Advil now in my system, now with Keflex and Benadryl added to that combination of meds. Lovely. That can't be healthy. But it kept me functioning when I had to keep functioning. Sometimes in the war I wage with my own health and body I can get somewhat down and a little disheartened when I think back on what my medical background has "predicted". The words of my doctors and allergists still haunt me and ring in my ears at times when I get so insanely sick, as I have been this past week. We finally resorted to an IV last night. The predictions of dr's and allergists proclaiming that my allergies, being so severe, would force me to carry an epi pen at all times and that by the age of 26 when my immunity level hit it's height of protection I would then begin the fall downhill. Eventually by the age of 30, predictions stated, I would be hospitalized 6 months out of the year. My life would supposedly consists of ongoing trips in and out of hospital doors. At the time I cried. I cried for days after the initial "prediction". And then, somewhere in there, after feeling so powerless I finally had a change of heart, mind and soul. I have been created by the Almighty Healer and the Great Physician. I was not called to live a life succumbing to sickness and fear...or giving in to the fear that my sickness created. I firmly believe in the power of words and praying the Bible.....not just praying for the "I wants" and "pleases". There are too many Scriptures directly related to God's Almighty Power and His perfect ability to heal. To ignore and succumb to a life ravaged by sickness, fatigue and spoken words of ill health and defeat would be to deny His miraculous ability to work within me. After devouring Charles Capps' writings over the last few months I have come to understand what I have felt for so very long and been proclaiming in my life but that I could never really shape into words. If you have not ever read his little tiny, tiny books you have truly missed out on some of the very best, most empowering, most moving knowledge written by a Christian. Years ago I began to speak what I believed to be the truth for me.......just as I began to speak what I believed the truth and will to be after Garrison's "diagnosis" of asthma. In Charles Capps' very first book of God's Creative Power he says,

"Faith filled words will put you over. Fear filled words will defeat you. Words are the most powerful thing in the universe. Spoken words program your spirit (heart) either to success or defeat. Words are containers. They carry faith, or fear, and they produce after their kind."

"Confess victory in the face of defeat. Confess abundance in the face of apparent lack."

And the most convicting and that held the most revelation for me was what God revealed to him and the message He wanted Charles to proclaim in his teachings,

"I have told my people they can HAVE WHAT THEY SAY, but they are SAYING WHAT THEY HAVE."



He speaks of the importance of actually praying the Bible. A point that many books on prayer make. He then goes into how to pray the Bible and what a faith filled life truly looks like and how it is modeled. There are so many people, so very many Christians, that I personally know that walk around muttering exactly this and only confirming this last point to be very true. People speak so very much crap on themselves. After I read and began taking note it was almost an instant awareness of what people are speaking both on themselves and others. But what one continues to repeat over and again comes to pass because this is what they have come to believe in their heart. And as my awareness grew I came to notice this point very directly applies to money and health. There is a sickness and poverty mentality that seems to hold the world in a death grip. And Satan could not be happier since He has God's people exactly where He wants them......incapable of completely living in God's wholeness and truly functioning 100% in HIS Spirit........in issues of finances, health, childbirth, job situations, in a ton of stuff. I've noticed greatly that some people even take pride in these issues. There is a pride that goes along with having a sickness.....it becomes an escape route, another way to have attention focused on themselves or even a way to avoid what they fear the most...whatever that might be. Possibly the fear of responsibility that having money brings, the fear of the responsibility of getting weight off, the fear of pain, the fear of failure, fearing the lack of attention if they are totally well with no special needs. Sometimes it's even a fear of facing the true innerself, I believe. Health, a poverty mentality and so many other issues become a way to hide away from what one fears or just has no desire to deal with.

Along this road I have noticed that once that mentality grabs hold of someone it is very hard to let go. A habit has been imparted of speaking defeat upon themselves and making excuses for what they never in a lifetime will probably ever accomplish....just due to the sheer fact of not taking the power they have in the very name of Jesus Christ, the Christ they proclaim to know, to accomplish it. They stop short of all the wholeness He gave when He gave His very own life on the cross so that we could be saved and perfected in Him......so that we could be continually refined to mirror His image as a testimony for others here in our time on earth.

So, I found that when I continually am telling myself how sick I am and believing what mortal dr's have "diagnosed" I am choosing to continue on in my average Christian life...forsaking the incomprehensible power that I have been given as a Spirit filled, believing Christian to speak out and take hold of my healing through the blood of Jesus Christ. So does that mean I will never get sick another day in my life? Obviously, no. But it does mean that when it does occur I have the faith filled power to speak out against it and take control over it with the power I have been given in the name of Jesus. And if one day I just spontaneously die due to an allergic reaction so severe that my throat does close up too soon, then that is the day I was supposed to be welcomed into heaven.....but all the days before that were lived in the wholeness of a faith filled life. Each day before that was at least enjoyed and not living out the defeat of a sickness that never let me experience life. I lived and spoke out to it and broke the chains of the potentially crippling capacities it could've forced upon my mind and body had I let it.

So, as much as I believe these deep heart truths I still find it hard sometimes to fight the inner struggle as dr's predictions toss about like tumultuous waves in my mind. So, I speak out to the storm and say, "Peace, be still." I refuse to speak or even live like I am sick. Is it denial? No, I don't think so. I believe it is living in the very faith that my healing has already taken place in the blood that dripped from the cross where He gave His life so that I could live in the fullness of Him, both in heaven and on earth. Do I get sick alot? Yep, I do. But do I have the faith to overcome and the faith to take control of it. Yep, I do. I speak to my sickness in the name of Jesus. I speak to my overall health in the name of Jesus. I speak because I have the power to take control of it in the name of Jesus.

And, you know, as stupid as this sounds it made an incredible lasting impression of a lesson for me. But oneday a few days after Flop was brutally killed by Tigger I grew weary of waiting for Brad to switch the animals' pastures. I stayed a nervous wreck. So, being one to take the bull by the horns and get the job done I rounded up the children and set to work. I don't think I ever got around to blogging this. It would've been worth it all though. But, I dewormed the 3 remaining goats and then Grayson and I spent a good hour roping them and beginning the pasture switching process. Visions of Fletch running though town floated fearfully through my head. If the thought hadn't been so scary it would've been funny. Brad was on shift so I hadn't quite come up with a "round up" plan if he were to take off once again, running wildly around visiting every neighbor and eluding all attempts of capture. So, after setting him loose into the ungated middle pasture we worked on getting him into his original pasture up by the dogs. Yes, I know. Where is this going and how in the world did I even end up on this bound-for-nowhere story? I'm still getting there.

So, being quite the smart donkey that he is, he knew exactly that he was free and started bucking wildly. That wild, cantankerous, evil eyed donkey look filled his eyes. The look that says he is free and is taking off. At that point my heart and head began to pound at different intervals and it began to feel as if I was out of control of both my own body and this stupid huge animal. To say he was rowdy is not even beginning to come close to what he was portraying himself to be out there in that pasture. And to know that it is was just me up against a stubborn donkey that possesses a mind already made up.........a mind that knew he was headed east to greener grass..........was alarmingly frightful. So, suddenly the Lord began to speak and He made me painfully aware of the fear that held me captive and bound me from even taking control of the situation. The words rang through my ears that I have indeed been given dominion over all the animals of God's creation and I have the power to speak to them. If God can speak out His perfected faith and give us the power to use His creative power and He directly tells us we have dominion over the animals than surely I have the ability to take control over the situation that presented itself before me. So, I yelled at Fletch laughing stupidly and trembling nervously in my incapacitating fear, "Fletch, in the name of Jesus you get in that pasture!!!!!!! YOU are a mere animal and I am a child of God Almighty and in Genesis the Bible states clearly that I have dominion over you. So, Fletch in the name of Jesus Christ get your butt into that pasture!!!!! I proclaim it. I speak it. I believe it. I walk in faith. I walk in faith. I do not walk in fear for fear hinders and inhibits me from becoming everything I can be as a child of God. In Him there is no fear. In Him there is victory. Fletch, I am greater than you through the power that God has given me as belonging to Him. So, go now!!!! Go into that pasture that is your home! In the name of Jesus I speak to you, Fletch, GO!"

The more I spoke it the more my faith began to take hold and the more courage I had. By the end of it I was quite loud and proclaiming with far more certainty than with which I began with in my newfound, growing faith. But the more I spoke the more faith I had and the louder I became in my passion and excitement. And..............

To my utter delight and amazement he began to trot and then he began to run and he ran directly into the pasture and the gate was closed. The same pasture we had been standing out there trying to get him in for an entire hour and a half. When I first started speaking to him Grayson looked at me like I had completely gone insane and should probably be admitted to an asylum as soon as this ordeal was over. But as he watched he was able to see and he stood in awe after it was over. It was a turning point for both of us in the power of our words and the power that we are given in our words. By being children of a loving God that still very much is alive we have power given through the name of Jesus.....and by a living breathing God that still cares so deeply for us that He gives us permission to use His name. A name that still brings about results, a name that brings about victories.

But I have taken that lesson with me and He has since used it to apply it to so very many different areas of my life. He has made me painfully aware of my words. My words concerning our finances, my body, the children, my health, our future. Having never been one to focus on ill health and think it is too often used as a crutch for some I just refrained from ever speaking of it at all. But since then I have realized that to not ever acknowledge it does no good either and is a mere source of living in denial. So, I began to speak to it. To not only acknowledge it but to take dominion over it as well. Because I do believe.

And where do things like Copeland's death, cancer, leukemia and every other fatal and nonfatal disease fit into this? I'm not sure. I'm still learning. I do know that His will comes before all else. And the Bible states clearly that there is a season, a time, for everything. "A time to die." And I do know that in order to accomplish His purpose and His work people...and children.....do perish in their unhealed sickness. But if it accomplishes His greater purpose in the Kingdom than they have accomplished their purpose. I think He created them as ambassadors and modern day missionaries.....even though the packages may be some of the tiniest ones.

As always, I'm still traveling down this road trying to mud my way through it and make sense of it. It always seems to come out so muddled and twisted up that I probably would be better off not to attempt deep thoughts. I figure deep thoughts need to stay with the theologians. But, how can I refrain from something so life changing? Something that has been so deeply so revealed to me in these last few years?

So, I sit. I do not sit in fear but in utter childlike faith that this will all someday make sense to me. I sit with the faith that I will come to embrace an even greater walk of faith and one that stretches even the limits of a mortal man's boundaries. A faith so strong that I could build an ark when I've never seen rain. A faith that if God told us to give away every earthly possession, including our house, that we could walk in obedience knowing He would provide for every need we would have...not only provide but exceedingly, abundantly provide because we have walked in obedience to His word.