Redneck Rodeo

Well, the day started normal...but then normal is always pretty relative when you have 15 kids and a freakin menagerie to care for......but by 12:00 pm I am quite sure that both Brad and I could have sold off every animal we own and put every kid we have to bed for at least a month and been fine with it. Come to think of it we might just would've waved as the animals went and stocked a 2,000 gallon tank with Benadryl for everyone's sedation and sent everybody back to bed.

So, let me give a brief...or not so brief.....rendition of the day we have lived out so far.

The alarm went off at 7 since I have now made it my mission in life to beat the children out of bed and actually feel like I do something really meaningful in the mornings for them. I envision hot pancakes and steaming coffee...even though we have never in our lives drunk coffee.......and cold juice and milk on the table every morning for the entire clan. But as every morning, the war waged heavily between the clock and I. It won....like it does almost every morning. So at 8 when I could no longer ignore the persistent kids and hold them off with Nutrigrain bars, opened with closed eyes, I sleepily drug my butt out of bed. Brad found it hard fighting the battle too so after 15 minutes of tons of kids rolling all over us we finally headed off to go through the morning routine of cereal, Nutrigrain bars, oatmeal, chocolate and strawberry milk and every other instant thing in life with immediate gratification and very little work. The children were, of course, much more full of energy and life than we were at this point since the not-so-morning person in me lives on for awhile. They'd already been out at the crack of dawn running around in their underwear and pajamas like a whole bunch of little unsupervised orphans. So, in their orphan like state they discovered Walker, the goat, half dead. They come in with some animal crisis about every other hour of every day....a roadrunner fell out of the tin, a hummingbird is stuck in the shop, a baby bird's on the pavement, one or both dogs puked, a bird chirped weird, the donkey sounds hoarse, a rabbit pooped wrong, a turtle croaked like a frog, the rooster barked, the cat laid an egg, etc. So, I didn't think much of the goat issue. But they continued on and were so insistent that Brad went to check it out. That was only the beginning.


The goat was indeed dying so the morning activity began. Clothes were hurriedly thrown on, calls were made, neighbors came, dogs barked and children were everywhere. With a worm diagnosis finally made Brad took off for Ballinger with Aubrey as company....since she'd had no less than 5 melt downs due to being told she was not going and her whole world then falling apart over and again every time somebody even dared look at her. The needed meds were purchased and a stop by the vet was made to get details on the care for the others. They arrived home and the medicine was given to all while I put Garrett in the tub. In the chaos he had managed to fingerpaint himself and the majority of the walls with an almost empty yogurt cup he'd retrieved out of the trash and then continued on eating a banana peel. After discovering it tasted less than wonderful other uses apparently came to mind as he squished it in between his toes. Oh....we can't leave out the stale hard wienie he found under the highchair that he was gagging down that conveniently came back up with most of breakfast......puked expertly on top of the crushed up goldfish all over the kitchen floor......the ones that had been amusingly thrown off his highchair and trampled by everyone else in their hurried morning activity. As I cleaned up the floor mess while he played Garrison and Grant, unbeknownst to me, decided to join him in the tub.


Brad called for my help saying the goats had to be driven into the other pasture. He had the truck and Suburban blocking the opening and needed everyone else plugging up the holes in between the vehicles. He was quite adamant that we would not be chasing goats around town ever again. I ran out the door with strict instructions for Evye to stay with the boys in the tub. After some time of Grayson and Brad ridiculously chasing goats around the middle pasture the goats finally headed into the designated new one with Fletch.....after Brad successfully managed to rope the stubborn one, as he is now the roping king after hours of practice at the station roping traffic cones due to way too much time on his hands. I went back in to tend to the boys only to discover they'd emptied both of the last bottles of shampoo and the only bottle of baby wash out into the tub "to make bubbles, mama". It smelled good though!


Mother arrived around then on her lunch break so I talked to her for awhile as news came from Brad that Walker had indeed died and didn't pull through like the children had prayed for. Now the lengthy explanation of why God doesn't answer prayers sometimes. Brad went to go dump the dead goat and a few minutes later Grayson and Evye ran in saying Fletch was after the little goats. Good freakin grief! Evye, once again, was charged with manning the bathroom chaos while Mother and I went out to deal with the donkey vs goat war. Fletch, being a very smart stupid donkey, knew the rope well and eluded all capture. So, we stayed at the gate waiting on Brad to get home and keeping Fletch away from the remaining goats....seeing as how we'd already managed to kill one off by not deworming them.



I'm not exactly quite sure what Evye was thinking as she watched and supervised the boys bucketing out the entire tub full of water onto the floor but somewhere in her Evye head she "watched' them as instructed......just watched them pour out the entire freakin tub onto the tile. So, Mother left about the time I swam into the bathroom. It took the entire Bed Bath and Beyond warehouse to clean it all up. After donning my swamp gear I waded into the bathroom stepping on a still saturated water laden floor to bathe Garrett. By this time I was quite ok with Garrison and Grant leaving the tub unwashed, despite the fact Grant still had pink yogurt glued behind his ear and stuck in his hair. At least they weren't going to be gleefully pouring anymore water out of the tub....not that there was any left to pour out at this point. With Garrett screaming in his past due nap exhaustion and Gavin screaming hungrily in his swing we had a chorus of lovely music between the 2 of them and the 2 kids still crying on their bed. Brad arrived home from dumping the goat and he and Grayson set to work getting Fletch into the other pasture away from the remaining goats. As I lotioned Garret I looked out the window only to see Fletch running down the driveway.......and then hear Brad's diesel engine fire up. I could only laugh at this point. A few seconds later Brad's truck flew down the driveway. He was already mad about the whole day but I knew at this point he was pretty much irate. Seeing as how he was doing 60 mph down the driveway I surmised that his outlook probably wasn't the best at this point. I went on tending to Garrett and tried to squelch the hysterical laughter, now bordering on insanity, that I felt about the donkey now running around town. Long.......very long........minutes passed and no one returned. Evye rang the doorbell and had run home from their donkey rodeo to say that Fletch was now at the park. I looked down the street to see the speck of Fletch grazing and all to wisely eluding capture as Brad walked along side him. The whole thing just made me laugh.



Brad called from his cell phone to tell me to go move the Suburban....the one that had been parked there to keep the said donkey and goats from escaping into town.......cause he was on the run towards home. I ran out to see Grayson running him home with Brad, once again in his life, rounding a wayward animal home with his truck. I jumped in the Suburban and drove through the neighbors yard to block a potential dart down the street and get him running down the driveway. It worked...at least for a minute.....as he ran down the driveway...only to run into the neighbors yard that I had just driven through. So, I backed up and attempted to block him in with Brad behind in his truck and me in front in the Suburban. I think the town loves us being here just for sheer entertainment purposes. In the time that we have lived here we manage to chase every one of our animals around town at least once a month.



So, Fletch goes back on the run darting in and out of our driveway and the neighbors yard. Finally, he manages to escape into Mrs. McKinney's pasture....2 houses down. So, a little frustrated and feeling like a fool I throw it into reverse and aim for the wide hole in the fence. Driving no less than 30 mph in reverse I then managed to successfully run over the portion of barbfreakinwire laying on the ground with both back tires to round out the day. After running over that I plowed over 4 boulders.....seeing as how in my shock over having hit the barbwire I only pressed the accelerator harder. I got out hurriedly checked it over to make sure I wasn't going to drive on a flat and then hopped back in to continue our insanity. We finally got him headed in the right direction and he ran his stupid ass into the gated pasture and the gate was closed behind him. I got out again and tried to refrain from telling Brad about the whole little barbwire/boulder incident but he saw me checking it out and asked, of course, what I was looking at. I coughed it up and he knelt to listen for air pouring out. Miraculously there was none at that point. I'm a little cautious of going back out to look again and see what's taken place in the last few hours.



We all came in for a quick lunch and then Brad left for work at Mr Martin's. I tried to recoup from the day and clean up the disaster zone that the house had become. Unsupervised toddlers are less than kind to a house. And then after 4 wks of Aubrey sleeping on a little fold out bed, due to having moved her bed out and waiting on the new one, the deputy finally calls and said she's ready for the new bed to be picked up....and today would not be too soon. Oh my freakin gosh! Can I just sit still for a minute and not think and not move? So, with it nearing 4:00 I call Brad to let him know, call Mother to ask to use her truck since Brad's got the welder in his and start getting everybody ready to go. They both arrived at 5 and took off with some of the children to get the bed. I started dinner and, in between doing that, tried to ready the room for the new bed.......the room that had been perfectly vacuumed and ready for it 4 wks ago but was not prepared at all for it today. They got back with bed in tow and began moving Evye's bed out and the new bed in. As I fought off starved children in the kitchen Brad worked on getting the bed together while fighting off rowdy kids hanging from the ceiling fan in the bedroom. With that project finally completed and dinner ready we sat down for a quick dinner and then I went on a scavenger hunt to find the sheets for the new full size bunk. After 1/2 an hour of trying to locate those and playing fruit basket turnover with the children's new sleeping arrangements everybody was put to bed for the night.


And here I am nursing a baby....like I've done every 3 hrs throughout this whole entire day.... and now headed to bed....if the house doesn't blow up before then.



The only pictures I managed to get all day.