Will There Be A #13?

That seems to be the most popular question of our life these days. And because I really do not consider this a sensitive topic or controversial subject I honestly have no problem answering it. No, there have not been any miscarriages that I have chosen not to blog.

Husband and I have said throughout our marriage that if we ever reached a point where we felt we needed to slow, or even cease, having kids we were not opposed to that. If it ever reached a point where we felt that the other kids were not flourishing as they could because of a mom forever pregnant or nursing than we would reevaluate all of life. When the moment came that we had 12 kids, 9 of those 8 and under, 4 of those 2 and under, and all of life revolved around just surviving a little red headed wild man, his twin, a 14 month old that was still very much a baby, and a newborn, along with the full time schedule of nursing and sleepless nights...we realized the need to talk had arrived. I honestly wouldn't trade it....any of it. I absolutely love....thrive on...having kids. They enable me to see life with different eyes. They have been the biggest form of self transformation within my life. They have softened all of life, filed down rough edges, taken me to soul searching depths...because I absolutely refuse to raise critical, judgmental, unkind people. But that can never be attained if we, as parents, are critical, judgmental, arrogant people. We do not have children for religious reasons, we do not think birth control is a sin, we do not advocate for all of the world to reproduce in mass quantity. We do not even begin to believe that if you have only 1 or 2, choose not to have any at all....or choose to no longer have more children after 8 or 10 or 12.....that you are any less of a person or that you are living in sin to some large family imposed mindset that one person's conviction about birth control now applies to the entirety of all humanity. Neither of us prescribe to the thought that if our own children choose not to marry or ever have children of their own, all of their life pursuing a passion, gift or talent placed innately within their being, that they are wrong. It does, in fact, free them in so many ways to be uninhibited and to follow that talent, gift, passion, or "calling"...whatever your choice of words....to pursue what has been placed there. There has been talk of some of our older ones wishing to only adopt rather than have biological children and we are fully supportive of that. Now, more than ever, I think large family mentality, over time, has taken on the attitude that if you do not reproduce in obnoxious numbers that you are living out from under the "will of God" or "instruction of Scripture". Pretty pathetic and just one more reason to judge, condemn, and run more people off with the ever notorious black leather book, as they thump away. How can one even assume to write the book on a one size fits all prescription for Christianity and convictions by which to live?  Or course, there is the extreme other side of the pendulum that consists of the modern American church mentality that looks at the quiver full movement as absolutely crazed psychotic nuts and advocates the use of birth control and a sensible 3 kids.



I don't feel one can ever really address this topic without also addressing the "religious" aspect so often associated with the whole large family idea and what people tend to assume about it all. We do not fall in either category of belief....quiverfull or "sensible, responsible American Christian citizen".  Neither can I address Christianity without also voicing my weariness and disgust with it. I no longer want to be lumped into the so called "Christian" category anymore at all. I still believe....truly believe in Christ...but the legalism and amount of whipping each other to death with the theological and/or conviction measuring stick is enough to send the other 98% of the human race buying airfare to Tibet and seeking advice from the Dalai Lama. However, among the quiver full movement I think many parents struggle and actually do go on to use birth control of some sort. It is a rarely discussed topic, as most of them feel condemned for even entertaining thoughts of it....not to mention following through with it. Many....many.....live in fear of judgment and being looked down upon for their choices. This, to me, is so sad. Absolutely tragic....that a Christian cannot even come forth with real life issues for fear of being beat to death, judged and condemned by their so called "brothers and sisters in Christ". What kind of religion is this anyway????? What is supposed to be the most important aspect of life....your own personal spiritual journey and wellbeing....is disabling people to live in freedom and the grace they preach due to all of the legalism. This is so much more far reaching than the quiver full mentality. It is pervasive in the church as a whole. It is, perhaps, one of the most divisive, argumentative, hypocritical, arrogant, exclusional religions of all time....driving people away, separating families, costing relationships. I think it is entirely possible to be a believer in Christ and walk out a personal lifetime journey of it without prescribing to "modern Christianity". A blog post for the someday. We have close friends here, quite a few of them that believe much like we do, and I am grateful for an entire facebook world of friends that do not condemn or judge and are only full of encouragement and support. But, for these friends we do have within the Christian movement are that many more who have absolutely sent the world running from the religion....us included. Oneday I will fix this and all the wounds caused by the spiritual whipping of each other. Because with one act of kindness, one act of love, one less critical person, an entire world can be changed. People severely underestimate the ripple effect. Because a few people had the courage to love and walk outside of the prescribed box.....religious and non religious alike...an entire world is changed.



So, will there be a 13? Not now. A year has almost passed, as she is 9 1/2 months old, and as we near the 12 month milestone we have again reevaluated. Right now, there are other areas of life that need tending. There are independent passions that need to be developed more than what we have the ability to accomplish with forever scheduling life around a pregnancy, birth and newborn. There are financial milestones we feel we need to accomplish before adding yet another baby. There is a vision that burns within us, and it is time to act upon it. There are individual fires and passions that burn within the lives of the 12 children in front of us. They need to see us live life by example.

So, reality is, she very well may be our last. At the age of 38, to wait for more may mean no more at all. I would absolutely love to have one or two more...but now is not the time. Because of that, we enter into this with open hearts knowing that perhaps in another year we will again revisit the topic and decide how to pursue life from there. But, for now, we focus on the 12 we do have and the vision we feel has been placed within our hearts.