To Run Again

The tiny taste we had of spring resulted in a few 67 degree days. Days that made anything feel possible...so I ran. And I ran. And it felt good just to be free, lighthearted, unweighted, with vision again. 3 oldest by my side we just ran in the quiet. I remembered what it feels like to be strong, to be fierce, to overcome the heaviness that can exist here at times, the physical pain of body while mind fights to win the war that rages within head, fighting mind battles of all sorts about all of life, to challenge endurance, everything I am, everything I'm not, everything I can be, all that I want to be, everything I don't. The ear piercing chaos of a million frogs filling marshes, sun, blue sky, up the hills, down the hills, whispering pines stretching majestically 40 feet into blue sky, utter smallness, pumping heart, the sight of it all, the sound of it all, the smell of it all. Pines that whisper to the soul, fill the senses, sweet grass, Carolina air, cardinals that fill trees, daffodils and dogwoods scattered haphazardly through forest filling dull landscape with reminders that this season of winter is almost over. So much more lies ahead. So I continue to run. 2 miles a day with more to come. Because I remembered what it is to feel strong, to feel power pumping through body, to know that I can do anything, to learn my limitations and weaknesses so I can better myself at overcoming them, to intimately remember the smallness and fragility of life itself.

In response to the many questions and perplexed minds asking about our decision to return to our homeland....it will be a blog post at some point. Until then, please know.....we are not miserable here. Quite the contrary, actually. It is a multifaceted, deep heart issue that is so much more far reaching than a mere "No Trespassing" sign....or really about 50 of them, which, of course, has a story of its own, as all things do. I suppose I should've written far more than a few random, vague sentences and given a bit of heart insight. This place in life is amazing. Surprising, unanticipated changes of all sorts taking place. And we are happy here. It's a place of peace and rest for our family in a very physically beautiful place in the US....surrounded by a few beautiful people that have become our east coast family. People that have contributed so much to our family that we surely would've sunk had they not been brought into our life.

We are still many months away from locale change. 18-24 months to be exact. And while the entire family's heart is to return to our homeland we all know intimately that we can make plans but a lot of life can happen between now and then...and what we want is not always what's supposed to take place.

I know better than anyone not to set our hearts on any one thing in life anymore. Fluid, flexible, moldable, pliable....ride the wind and embrace the direction it takes. Embrace the change. But while we live out the upcoming months as we plan, we love where we are. Our landlady is amazing, our hostile neighbor has had a complete heart change concerning our family, she has had some level of influence on the other neighbors that remain entirely skeptical over 109 kids in one family. We have people here we love, the children have access to resources that will not exist in rural Texas towns, and life is rich and abundant. Our house is small but entirely homey. We are buried in privacy, nestled into trees on a dreamy little farm with open pastures and grazing horses to which we awake in the mornings. Some people say we are crazy to leave while others are begging our Texas return, while more are begging us to stay. Many do not understand it while others are wondering what's taken us so long to "come to our senses". We are at a place to fully embrace everything that is here...knowing it will come to an end if everything goes according to the plans we have made. And right now there is no right or wrong choice, no better than the other choice. It is what we as a family have discussed and decided. But know, that while we make these plans there are many within our heart. We have learned deeply that the greater purpose will indeed prevail and we will end up where we are supposed to be....whether that results in remaining here despite what homesick hearts yearn to do, or to indeed return to our native homeland where the Texas flag flies majestically and is the embodiment of freedom to us. Right here, right now, is a very beautiful place to be in life. And we are happy, at peace, and very content to embrace the here and now moment which we occupy. The peace, contentment, and happy hearts are pretty unprecedented.

In more comical, rather mindless news...I would highly advise one not go 5 entire days without ingesting any carbs, run 2 miles everyday those 5 entire days, allow one's body to inadvertently go into a state of rather severe ketosis, and then give yourself a true, seriously legitimate concussion by running into a bathroom door frame. Your body may very well revolt and go on strike. Back to carb eating, balance in life and diet....and maybe perhaps paying attention to where you're going.