Labor of Love Progress Report

....and a lot of randomness. Yes...I'll torture you some more with this since it's either this or nothing....and it'll probably be another 8 weeks before I get back to it again.


Outside my window....
30 degrees, leaves beginning to blanket forest floor...they fall like rain from sky, grace like rain.



I am thinking....
that I have wondered my entire life what my answer should be when asked the question "If you could have dinner with anyone that ever lived who would you choose?" Who in all of history would I choose? I know now beyond all doubt I would listen for hours to CS Lewis. If ever I could've met anyone I wish it were him. Next up would be Mother Teresa, George Mueller, and Booker T Washington. I wish I could've known them all, studied under them. Just to be able to watch George Mueller in action. Yes, these are some of the people I wish I could've known, talked to, had dinner with, studied. Just some of the many things I ponder and admire from these people.

"A silly idea....that good people do not  know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is."

"If anyone would like to acquire humility the first step is to realize they are proud. Nothing can be done before it."

"I do not believe one can settle how much we ought to give. The only safe rule is to give more than we can spare."

"Remember He is the artist and you are only the picture. You can't see it. So quietly submit to be painted."

"The more we get "ourselves" out of the way and let  Him take us over, the more truly ourselves we become."

CS Lewis

"If you want to lift yourself up, lift someone else up."

"I began learning long ago that those who are happiest are those that do the most for others."

"You can't hold a man down without staying down with him."

"I will not permit any man to narrow or degrade my soul by making me hate him."

There is no power in life that can neutralize the influence of a high, simple and useful life.

Success in life is founded upon attention to the small things rather than to the large things. To the everyday things nearest to us rather than to the things that are remote and uncommon.

I am thankful....
for the ability to run and feel power and muscle and strength in legs and body and lungs. It's an amazing thing to have that reverberate throughout all of life...when you just get up and run. It takes hold of the soul and in some magical way applies itself to every other area of life. Strength and control of body that transfers to clarity, control, and strength of mind and spirit. I'm thankful that two years after our first flood I have finally distanced myself emotionally enough to deal with the dungeon below and sort through every remaining sentimental, chaotic, overwhelming thing that still lies beneath layers of mold, rot, water damage, mice crap, and millipedes. When I just get up and run it fuels the beast within and I can conquer......conquer hallway, house, basement and every emotion that comes with it all. In running there is peace and power....and I'm thankful for a strong, healthy body that can put one foot in front of the other and run out every fear, every out of control thought, every overwhelming aspect of dragging out boxes upon boxes of mess and emotion, while managing  kids, meals, and home improvement projects. 2 miles a day....change in attitude, perspective, and strength of body, mind, and soul.

I am thankful....
that, because of medication, I can nurse a baby long past 4 months this time. 4 months old and still going strong. No rabdo, no mastitis, no new pregnancy drying it up...just a sweet sweet girl grinning up at me with a full tummy. I am thankful that dr's are there when we need them and when the extensive world of natural remedies has been exhausted.


I am wearing...
soft fuzzy yoga pants, tanktop, crazy messy hair desperately in need of a hairband,  chocolate mint coffee in hand while snuggled up with a heater by open windows....listening, completely mesmerized by the annual show of forest. I'm pretty sure I'd be happy if life was lived in an infinite state of autumn. Oh that this would never end. Leaves cascading down, cold air, sound of rustling sweeping wind through  crispy treetops, the quiet of night, coffee, warm fuzzy pants, and contentment, surrounded by projects that bring joy to the heart...to give more than I ever imagined in life, surrounded by the chaos of messy, forgiving love. Basement boxes, paintbrushes, cans, tape, branches piled in yard beyond waiting to be made into firewood. The heart work...the joy...of love. It doesn't matter that I don't want to do so much of it. It doesn't matter that I don't always want to be full of integrity in so many areas of  life. It doesn't matter that the mess of it all makes my brain crazy. It doesn't matter that I fall so short and my attitude is less than optimal at times. It doesn't matter that I've fallen over and again.

"If only we have the will to walk, then God is pleased with our stumbles."

It just doesn't matter. What is left is the root of it all....the joy of overcoming. The joy of victory. The joy of self discipline, self control, the contentment of knowing I did it...and the supernatural peace and joy that only comes with obedience....the emotions derived from absolute total kindness and forgiveness...and love. Let me never be the cause of another person's pain in any area of my life.  If husband and I do nothing but learn from this and our children walk away with the deep heart knowledge that they are here to serve, and bring joy rather than destruction, than it will have all been worth it. Every last step, every hard decision made, every little thing we have done, every choice to maintain self control, self discipline and maintain perspective in our attitudes. I don't know where we're going, where we'll end up, what will happen in this house, but I know there is all consuming peace and joy with wherever the wind blows us from here. It really just kinda sounds like a bunch of hippie love...and really, pretty much, it just is. I know I've sufficiently beat a dead horse through this journey..but I really just don't think people understand the importance that love truly does cover a multitude of sins. Woodstock...that should sum it up well.

I am pondering....
how a mere change in season can bring about emotions that reach deep into the soul, bring tears for no real explanation other than overwhelming awe of life. Leaves...they fall like layers of my soul. Tears...they fall too...where we've been, where we are. All we've lost, all we've gained, all we've learned and are being taught. Everything we've walked. Our story....it's not a normal one. This crazy strange in between world of Neverland...the Island of Misfits. We're too radical for the church, too crazy for the large family world, too Bible believing for the non Christians, but a little too real for Christians. This edge we walk...it makes the whole world uncomfortable....but we're here and we're doing it.  It attracts criticism, admiration, judgment, praise, jealousy, supporters, those who love us, those who hate us. But through it all I stand in total, absolute, overwhelming awe. Who am I that I would be given all of this life....a husband so patient, whose love covers like a blanket, his adoration unlike anything I have ever known in life. A husband that just loves...wise beyond his years, discernment and attributes I probably will never possess, attributes and character most people I know don't possess. Best friend and lover of everything about me...even the faults and idiosyncrasies. 16 years of love and trust, tears and laughter, struggles and victories, overwhelming passion, unconditional love, forgiveness...undying patience....when I look into blue eyes. Children that amaze me each and every single day I live, whose ability to unconditionally love supersedes my own, who have been shown through life lessons to draw healthy boundaries, but possess an ability to embrace the seemingly unlovable. This house....it may end sooner rather than later. Our story possibly here cut short by unforeseen circumstances so far beyond our control. But we've done, and continue to do, everything we felt led to do. And that is just to love...no matter the outcome. "The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound but cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." So it is that I don't know how it all will end, but supernatural peace encompasses all of life and I am certain when the end of this season in life does come it will be beautiful....maybe not in the traditional sense. And maybe not without questions...but beautiful because of how transparent we have been and how far we have come from the starting place. I'm just not the person I was 4 1/2 years ago. Neither one of us are, nor are our children....and transformation....it's a messy, beautiful thing.

I am hearing....
Lady Antebellum "Things People Say", Blake Shelton "Mine Would Be You" and Tim McGraw "I Need You". I really love Pandora.



I am going....
to never...ever....freakin ever.....leave a glass of milk one's husband only partially drank sitting around on windowsills. Because little 18 month olds come along and spill them on naked memory foam mattresses while waterproof mattress pad protectors and all sheets are in the washer. And that, my friends, results in days and days...and weeks....and months...of one's bedroom smelling like one has buried no less than 5 dead bodies somewhere within it. To say that it wreaks does not even begin to do that little scenario justice. I'm just pretty near taking up the couch as my new sleeping quarters. Arm and Hammer has met its match.




I am smelling...
mattress funk and the sweet spicy autumn air of the east coast. Quite the combination.



I am remembering....
a lot of stuff.




I am noticing.....

noticed weeks ago when my voice conveniently saw fit to disappear....since I can't seem to blog but once every 6 weeks now...

when one whispers absolutely 100% of everything to one's children they begin whispering everything back to you. I think I may have just brilliantly stumbled upon a new parenting tactic.

Random things heard when you have no voice...

"Hey, mom. When you put on makeup and get all dressed up it looks like you have a voice!!!"

Ivye: "oh look!!! The moon is going home with us!!"

"No, Ivye. The moon is not going home with us. It's going to come down and beat you up."

"The moon can't come down and beat her up!!!"

No.....but it can come down and smash her"

"Welllll......you do have a point there."


Life in pics......

Before....

After!

Landscaping will eventually come. But, at least there's progress!It only needs about 40 more coats to even out the streaks and shades. It's the mystery door that keeps everyone guessing. Is it orange or is it red..... Makes for a great conversation piece. This would be leftover paint from the very first love project....the mailbox. 

They match!

He has quite the audience.

Proud daddy showing his girl off

Sleeping in comfort.

 3 days, 8 kids, and 1 reluctant tooth pulled later the children had a whole new fan club. I love how loved they are by so many.

Library day and a haircut!

Thankful and entirely grateful for hard working kids that know how to work and do it well.

Waitin' on his girl.

Celebrating friend's birthday in style.

They learn early.

Shutters! Finally. 4 cans of spray paint. 12.00 makeover.

Why you always ALWAYS wear a helmet. This could've ended a lot differently. This exact scenario is what caused the death of husband's 22 year old brother who was not wearing a helmet. Welding broke at intersecting front/back weld and entire bike went down mid jump. Husband's brother was descending typical college campus steps when welding gave on his Target bought mountain bike. He toppled the remainder of the way down steps and was left with a skull fracture which, eventually, was fatal. Oldest landed on right side of head while severed metal grazed his left side as it flew above him. 3 staples later and a bandaged chin he was back up and riding again. Professional bikes and helmets are well worth their money. Thankful for the protection he was given. He was scheduled to go an advanced level biking trip through the Appalachian Mountains 3 days after this accident. Due to staples he wasn't able to get bike helmet on head until they were removed 7 days later. Maybe this incident protected him from something far worse from bike failing days later on the side of a mountain. We're currently in the process of dealing with the Kent Bicycle Company, the largest supplier of all Walmart bicycles. All of that said, for everything of which oldest is capable on a bike and for all that he does, this is our 1st major accident. 

I have an unnatural affinity for pallets these days. Behold the sight and the beginning of our new flooring. We have access to an endless supply of free ones. For a general idea of our plan of attack....and if anyone would like to donate their time, energy, effort or funds to accomplish the new task on the horizon...you can find the basic idea of what we will be doing here. 

First fire of the season!!! Marshmallows and a party!

When they show up a little unexpectedly as you hastily work on birthday girl's house before her return.

I do think autumn has arrived. Windows down, heater on, hair down, good music and some pretty happy kids. 

There are times where this love is absolutely incomprehensible and it just takes your breath away.

All the people we love so much in this place.

He made the cut for the volunteer fire dept. So so proud of him.

 The little door project. It was only taken off its hinges about 20 times to accomplish this feat. And yes...I am now the master at getting exterior doors off and back on. This would be primer that didn't do crap to make red coverage any easier. But the pink's kinda cool. It's like one big slab of Pepto Bismol.

And the red goes on!

Little house in the woods...or more like....beloved little dungeon down in the forest.

Thankful for older kids who actually think this is fun and are entirely good at it. Thankful for amazing family dogs that are just pretty loved and that would give their life to protect their beloved pack.

Primed!

Where the colors finally meet! No more paneling left in this house!! All 300 man hours and 500 square feet of sanding peeling acrylic, priming, and finally....the remaining hallway completes the process. It's only 24 days late of the goal that was set....but it's done! Basement project took precedence so....trim and doors to come later this week!

Before. This picture does not even begin to convey just how dark it was. 

After. Kind of. Still needs trim and doors.

Sooooo.....that's just one way of doing things. 

Cold outside s'mores nights celebrating the end of paneling, sanding and painting beige. Here's to moving on, taking on bedrooms, dining and office.....and seeing color again.

4 months old! 

 The sad remaining little heap waiting to be tackled. I've conquered about 1/4 of it as of the writing of this post. Making progress and overcoming it all.

Brothers. The same uniform 8 years later. 

This happens to be the one and only picture not stuck in our old computer that we have of him in it. His stocky little self makes his little brother look a bit scrawny in it. 

It's goes so far beyond just jiu jitsu. It's a life journey.