Do Not be Dismayed

So do not fear for I am with you, be not dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Is 41:10



Why are you so downcast, Oh my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Saviour and my God.







Sleepless night fades with morning...rest, ever the elusive thought. First rays of dawn stretching long graceful fingers over horizon painting the world in hues of pink and orange. Tears fall. I don't want to be here again. Not now. Not really ever. So much still left to deal with....the road continuing on. Overwhelmed, exhausted, drained. Husband burdened by all of life...processing in his own different way.





Heavy heart as I seek to avoid this road my mind wanders. Justice...there is none. It does not exist. My heart screams out and for days on end my anger seeks to be tempered to no avail. It surges forth in volcanic explosions...from anger to tears to despair to hopelessness to injustice to just succumbing as a victim of the system to mindless people that think no further than the piece of paper that sits before them on a desk. They see the pathetic excuse of the 1/2 human 1/2 animal that sits before them filling the room with lies but they fail to see the little girl whose story fills the report. Has rape and aggravated assault become such a standard crime in America that they get no worse than this???? I discipline my children with harsher consequences for such massively lesser offenses. In our home there are consequences for disrespect of parents and others around them, talking back, treating others lesser than themselves, running others down, degrading anyone, and any acts of any kind concerning physical violence put forth in anger. Obviously, a lot of boy wrestling goes along with the territory here but anything done in anger is immediately dealt with and entails some pretty rugged consequences. And yet, this almost grown adult, a mere 2 years away from being legal adult age, rapes and beats a 6 year old girl...our 6 year old girl.....to the point of indefinite hearing loss and some "expert" decides this excuse for humanity is a perfect candidate for 12 months of mandatory counseling and can be properly rehabilitated??? In which they then use our tax dollars to put gas in state vehicles to drive 64 miles once a week for 12 months to "counsel" him concerning his actions????? I've got a better idea....how about they turn a male 10 yrs his senior loose on him while he lays defenseless against sheer muscle power while he is raped in every way as a knife is held to him and is then beaten to the point he can no longer hear out of his left ear? Where is justice??? Where is God?


No proof of aggravated assault, no signs in victim of excessive emotional trauma, victim probably exaggerating through imagination actions of actual assault, great "remorse" on victim's behalf, great potential for rehabilitation, "not likely" that offense will be repeated again with victim or others, and so on. All words that fill a report written by "experts". And I'm supposed to forgive this? How do you forgive someone so cruel and so predatory whose actions were so premeditated while the system does nothing on her behalf? And I can do nothing to right the wrong. If I were to go burn down their entire house in their sleep or do to him what he has done I would no doubt get life in prison if not the death penalty for attempted murder. How is it that the victims can remain faceless....far removed and cold, a gender with an age on a sheet of paper....from the minds of the ones that will determine the fate of the offender?? They can manage to look into the face of the violater, be taken by his manipulative tears and hear the "remorse", taking pity since it is, afterall, in this day and age not quite the crime that it used to be. Labeled now as a "common crime"....a hormonal teenager inappropriately acting it all out with bad taste in child's play....according to psychological experts.



Volatile emotions seek to overwhelm as husband and I grow ever so weary of this battlefield in which the war is waged. I once again fight off the feelings of abandonment and forsakeness as I wait on God to avenge us. Days that should be so filled with joy weighed down by the burdens of life....continually waiting on the Lord when He seems so silent. More tears....day after day. Disillusioned by what I thought was truth. How blessed we are in some ways yet how seemingly forsaken in others. I struggle to lay this foundation on solid ground yet still it crumbles. We are being tested in ways I never thought imaginable....parenting, protection, finances, children....and I waver. It all takes its toll within a marriage and upon the whole family dynamic as children react to the intense Spiritual warfare and loving husband and I struggle to stay afloat emotionally in the midst of insurmountable odds that rise against us. One of our own children being diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome....not at all surprising given what we have known and seen in her through the years but still so very much to comprehend, to try and process and just deal with as we struggle with the rest of what has taken place over the last little while. "What does not kill you makes you stronger." So we walk through this all hand in hand knowing we will hold fast and though we waver we will not be overcome. Because we stand on Truth that is unfailing. He does not leave us or forsake us. He meets all of our needs according to His riches in glory. And we seek comfort in Him because He is our refuge and is building a life story and testimony as we grow stronger within Him. He will accomplish within me what He has begun. I refuse to be overtaken with bitterness and unforgiveness....despite how hard it seems as I fight it all. I'm not sure how to forgive but I know it's not impossible despite what I feel, the volatile emotions that lie within and the tears that could fill oceans. I know that we will not be left alone and that finances will not overtake us. He is our provider and we live according to His principles. Though we mess up time and again He is faithful to forgive and He is merciful. He provides for His chidren. I will trust in the God that never lets go and I will hold on to the promises He speaks because in the promises there is victory. I refuse to give up. Such feeble words in the midst of such emotional turmoil. We've come through too much to give up hope now. So though the tears prevail and all of life seems filled with injustice at times I know that He is a God of truth and of justice and mercy and love and He does avenge on His children's behalf.

The truth is...we are blessed. In so many more ways than what we fight and the intensity of the battles that wage around us. We have 8 perfectly amazing children and we have been blessed with the gift of twins not once...but twice. How many in the world are just longing to experience this sweet blessing even once..yet here we sit having been given this two different times. What an amazing life we live with our children that are educated and know what it is to respect and obey the Lord and those around them. How blessed we are to have the freedom to homeschool....that we live where we do and that sweet husband's job brings him honor and joy. Though the battle continues in its intensity and relentlessness I will stand firm through the tears because I know this is such a fleeting time in the overall span of life....and we will be deeper and stronger...perhaps better parents and better people....with a deeper understanding of who He is because of it all.