The Simple Woman's Daybook

The Simple Woman's Daybook



Outside my window.....children in the sprinkler.







I am thinking.......that there are days when I am very very very tired of the endless attacks on our family...and some days it is enough to make me question everything I have ever known.







I am thankful for.......a husband that knew absolutely nothing about working on vehicles when we got married but after 11 yrs and being forced to save in ways we never thought possible he has learned how to work on vehicles and fix pretty much anything. I am thankful for all of the guys at the station who can help him learn and that go out of their way to help us with anything. That they have offered their own trucks for me to drive when in need. And that through trial and error mechanic husband now knows what it is to trouble shoot and fix it all...teaching Grayson and all of the boys all along the way so that they know the things neither of us did early in life. I am thankful that he was able to fix the van and no permanent damage was done....and that only the power fluid steering pump, the water pump and the radiator needed to be replaced....that the money was there when we needed it and instead of 2,700 dollars for a place like Firestone to do the repairs we were only out 450.00.










I am wearing.....running gear.







I am remembering.....that anger...and so much of it...is all part of the grieving/healing process and someday this too will all pass. But until then I will live, I will make it through this and I am NOT abandoned or forsaken...and somehow neither was Aubrey or myself or our family. That I will not deny the existence of God and that the absolute loss of trust in Him I feel right now will be restored at some point. And there IS a purpose to all of this and I will praise Him through all of the heartache, through the tears, through the rage, through the questions and the temptation to just walk away and quit. I will continue on. I will raise my children up in the admonition of the Lord because I will not give up. And I will continue to repeat..."Blessed be Your name, in the land that is plentiful, where the streams of abundance flow. Blessed be Your name. When I'm found in the desert place, though I walk through the wilderness. Blessed be Your name. On the road marked with suffering...when there's pain in the offering. Blessed be Your name. When the darkness closes in still I will say, blessed be Your name. I will turn it all into praise. You give and take away and still I will choose to say, Blessed be Your name."
....even when my heart is so far away from feeling it, the lies rage in my head, my heart doesn't feel like singing and I go to sleep and awake in seeming hopelessness. I will do this and there will be victory in the battlefield of the mind. I am ready for answered prayers, for the remainder of our debt to be paid in full as we work continually so hard at it and are continually set back...as we pray fervently. I am ready to know that I am not responsible for the loss of her hearing. I am ready for God to heal her. I am ready to wake up from this never ending nightmare.
I know that God can heal. I am ready to know that He does heal and this is not punishment for my negligence....that He is not rejecting me and that I am not talking to a brick wall. I am ready to believe again that when we trust Him to protect our children that He does not fail. I am ready to no longer entertain thoughts that our dogs can do a better job at protecting us than God can. That when we pray He does answer.
I am ready to move somewhere were dreams come true and just escape all of this. I am tired. My mind is tired. My emotions are tired. But I will not quit. He is so much bigger and I know He is....sometimes it's just so hard to see it.








I am going......to live in a sprawling villa in the Costa Rica mountains overlooking the ocean as our children grow up in a different culture that is slower and surrounded by coastal beauty, the breathtaking views that mountains provide, and rain.....and the kindness of others.








I am reading.......A Walk in the Woods by Bill Bryson. A humorous story of hiking the Appalachian Trail...which someday I will indeed accomplish.






I am hoping......that oneday long uttered prayers will be answered.








I am hearing....."Bring it on Home to Me" by Little Big Town. A favorite.






Noticing that......between running and the Brazilian Butt workout they actually kinda work....even when you're pregnant. I guess there's no real reason that you can't lift and firm the butt when only your stomach is growing....in theory anyway. You can't really stop the scale from climbing but at least you can make it look like you kinda did....sorta. If you don't take into account the whole stomach thing.




From the kitchen.....Cottage cheese with mandarin oranges and a homemade, fat free, white chocolate peppermint frappachino...complete with fat free whip cream. I'm thinking it might be worth the blender cleanup afterall.






Around the house.......a 2 page long to-do list, a city council meeting to prepare for, a dinner that needs to be made and a baby that wants up from her nap.




One of my favorite things.....mango mandarin body spray from Bath and Body Works....about the only scent I can tolerate right now.






From my picture journal.....

So they could've had better expressions but it's still fun to see them all lined up

The downside of a family closet

But with about 5 minutes worth of work from 2 girls it's back to looking like this.

Evye playing with the camera...kind of an interesting shot. Not so much of a little boy anymore.