I'm Gonna Go Running

Literally. I have come to realize that I desperately need something on which to focus. Something on which to focus other than the fact that everyone who announced their pregnancy the same time I did is still pregnant and finding out the genders of their babies right now. So, since I am feeling like quite the cow and I have become quite fearful that I may moo instead of speak at any given moment I have come to a realization. This focus needs to be something that takes a vast amount of energy and will use up all brain power so that my emotions will hopefully be kept under much better control throughout my day. Since I have been rendered infertile for an unknown amount of time I realized I have the ability to pull out dusty, long ago shelved, lofty aspirations of the "someday" files....more specifically, the "someday when I am no longer pregnant" file.

More lake pictures. Evye was a bit envious of Aubrey's funloving boredom induced self portait with me so she asked to do the same. Nothing like trying to do it yourself and cutting off the top of your head everytime you do it.

Putting all of these factors together and assessing them.....I feel like Bessie the cow, I look like Bessie the cow, I am not pregnant, I will probably not be pregnant for awhile, I desperately need something to refocus on and then thinking through the "unpregnant file".....I realized I am now the perfect candidate and at a perfect place in life to run a race.....quite literally, as in....physically. run. a. race. Wanting to be realistic about it I spent the last few days researching and decided I will shoot for a 5k....not an absurdly hard thing to do. It's a MERE 3 miles....despite the fact that my body seems to think it is 10 right now. Having started to run only 3 wks after Ivye's birth I learned that it provides an insane adrenaline rush along with a huge dump of "feel good" endorphins....which I am still needing most days. After talking it over with Brad, Grayson and Evye to see if they were interested in doing it with me I contacted the running assoc in town. I asked if Grayson and Evye were too young to participate with me in which their response was that they have many families that run together. Since it will be my first race and I am new to running....translated into "you're gonna be a slow runner".....they said Evye would do well and probably really enjoy it. So, we joined as a family and I am set to run a 5k in early March. In my researching I ordered a book that the assc recommended and also found one on pregnancy and running...in the event that the Lord once again opens up my womb sometime between now and March. I have every intention of continuing on with my commitment even if another "Baby B" is taking shape within. But I have been told that this miscarriage may take up to an entire year and due to the fact my body shows no sign of nearing the end of it anytime soon I have concluded that I am quite far away from ever being pregnant again. I have managed to drop 15 pds throughout this whole ordeal and since I didn't gain any weight during the short pregnancy I had I figure I'm off to a good start since that is 15 less pds to jiggle around while I pound out the miles on our dirt roads. Actually, I'll probably take to the highway during my 8 wks of training for it just to avoid the dirt. Grayson and Evye have already been outfitted with running shoes and I am quite convinced that if the race were tomorrow they'd finish it effortlessly without ever gasping for air. I, on the other hand, am a different story. Due to rivaling Bessie and the fact I need a cattle scale to be weighed I can barely run 1/2 a mile right now. And I am once again back in the boat of fearing spontaneous combustion due to rubbage of the thighs. So, over the course of the next 8 weeks I will stretch myself and probably max out every fiber in my being as I eventually accomplish 3 straight miles of nonstop running while hoping my thighs...or the rest of my body.....does not go up in flames in the process. I may be the last one across the finish line but I fully intend to cross it. I am fiercely determined, fearless and ready for a new challenge. Given the fact I am embarrassingly passionate about every area of my life I figure I should fare pretty well.

More lake pictures thanks to Grayson. I refuse to take any full body pictures since it currently looks like I got stung by a bee. Maybe by the end of this endeavor it might be a different story.

But, I have also seriously had to go into this accepting the fact that I may not lose one pound in the deal. Seeing as how my body has seemed to have had a complete brain fart and does not know whether it is pregnant, not pregnant, being starved, being overfed or anything else I have had to come to peace with the fact that the scale may not budge. But, really, in all honesty, I'm just not in it for that at this point. And I can say that with the truest form of sincerity. As long I start to feel better both physically and emotionally then I will have accomplished my goal. If I lose anything and can promote from the livestock scale back down to the bathroom scale it will only prove to be a sweeter deal then it was when I embarked on this journey.

So it is that I am off to run a race. Mother started training too despite the 3 hr distance that separates us. She'll be running with us so that I have plenty of motivation to keep me going and more than enough people to keep me accountable. I really want Brad to run with me since he is absolutely my biggest motivator and the one who keeps me going when I think I'm going to give up and just puke. I did that once. But I loathe people who quit or are just plain lazy....usually they're both.....and I refuse to ever let myself become one of those. So, I forge ahead with him by my side rooting me on as I go. But we can't exactly push 3 double jogging strollers in a race with all of the children whose legs are still too short to make the cut. So, we'll see. We've got plenty of time to figure it out.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.