Loving the Unlovable

We returned late last Saturday, had time to unload, clean up puppy poop, shower and bathe everybody and then get everybody in bed by a very late 10:30 to rise at 7 the next morning for church. I wasn't exactly thinking in my right mind when I committed us for an all day church social the week before. Come 7 am Sunday morning not many of the children were feeling quite like church. Given the fact Brad now plays bass on the worship team and church is a whopping 50 miles away we now have to leave at the crack of dawn in time to arrive for him to set up and rehearsal....and I use the term rehearsal VERY loosely. But instead of leaving at what used to be 9:15 we now leave at 8:30. So, I rise at 6, the children at 7, everybody gets chores done and animals fed and taken care of, older pitch in with younger with getting breakfast down and clothes on and we usually make pretty good time. This particular Sunday morning was a little slower than usual given the very late bedtime hour the night before and the fact no one was wild about sitting through church after an entire day spent in the van. By the time we arrived home the day before they had successfully been in the van from 11am until 9 pm with only a half hour break for lunch and then a 45 minute break for the dog visit. They had done great but the thought of going anywhere yet again was not appealing at all for most of us. But we had promised to attend the church social....umm...we kind of WERE the reason for the church social....and then to join the service they were participating in at the nursing home in the small town the church resides. To drive the 50 miles home for lunch to have to turn right back around to go to the nursing home was insanity so it was decided that we would have a potluck lunch and hang out having fun til 3:00 rolled around.

Most Sundays the children can sit well through the entire service but due to the weekend I think they were feeling a little stifled and it was more than a little effort to even begin to get them into church mode. I am so entirely grateful for how everybody in the church loves them so much and has adopted them like their own grandchildren.....so they not only tolerated them but extended helping hands since Brad is not exactly by my side during the worship service and my hands are usually tied up with either Gavin or Ivye. I'm not sure any discipline tactic I used ever really worked that day....ok, so it really didn't work that day at all. But they had boundaries and they understood them....they just kinda chose not to abide by them. By the time the actual sermon rolled around I was a bit worn out. When I explained how they had been in the van for 10 hours the day before the pastor's wife had the compassion that I wasn't really feeling at that point and graciously took them all outside to run their little butts off. And I sat and just....sat. And it felt really good.

Given the fact I had severely overestimated my abilities our contribution to the pot luck consisted of prewashed veggies and some store bought dressing. Lovely. I had plans to make deviled eggs...or better known as angeled eggs to the children, cornbread, a casserole and fresh homemade whole wheat rolls. Sooo.....I didn't get so far with that plan. I felt a little funny that our family was a good half of the numbers at the potluck so I felt I needed to bring a ton of stuff. As it was there was more than a enough food despite the lack of everything I had committed myself to. The children love celery and raw carrots with ranch dressing and we had tons of it readily accessible right here at home so I figured I'd just take that. They could eat tons and get full on it so they didn't inhale everything else in sight. It worked out well though given the amount of food that was brought by all 4 other couples.

So we ate and fellowshipped happily while children ran and played. Eventually younger ones were laid on pallets for naps and the older 5 settled into an UNO marathon. 3:00 did roll around all too soon, we awoke younger kids, packed up UNO and we were off to the nursing home. I am a firm believer in loving the elderly...especially those the world considers unlovable. Society today views them as a burden and sadly, a disgusting responsibility. I envision my own granny or Brad's grandparents there and feel so amazingly grateful that none of them have ever had to endure the sad, lonely life that exists behind nursing home doors. Depressing doesn't even begin to do it justice. Brad was not thrilled by any stretch of the imagination over the event that I had committed the family to on this beautiful Sunday. He deals with geriatric messes regularly on every shift so the last place he wanted to spend his day off was smelling the notorious odors that go along with a nursing home. I feel it is critical for our children to learn how to love these dear people that have lived a lifetime of stories and each in their own right could write an entire volume of books based one what they have seen and lived. And I am deeply convicted that they need to learn what it is to love the unlovable in a very hands on way.

Evye dearly loves elderly people and is naturally taken with them. She is our social butterfly where these people are concerned and is willing to spend vast amounts of time just listening to them. We arrived at the tiny nursing home in which the family was greeted skeptically by faces that made me wonder if they had the ability to think or comprehend much of anything. Surprisingly, more than I realized not only had the ability to still think rationally but were quite functional.....just needed aid physically. So sadly, these people live in their lonely hole in the world left to grow old in their wheelchairs away from the bustling activity of the world outside and away from all social life beyond that of the 4 walls they are confined within. And it is the understatement of the year to say that this place does not have many good Samaritan visitors. The children were introduced and sang a couple of songs for everybody and then we sung some old hymns. Our new school project is for me to pick out some hymns on the guitar and teach the children some new ones so that we are equipped to lead these elderly people in some worship when we return in August. I think it is very important for the children to know traditional hymns anyway and since I was originally raised in the Baptist church they are near and dear to my heart. I gently prompted Evye to make the rounds and greet each person introducing herself. It was hard not to get emotional as I saw her so gracefully and lady like go from person to person extending her hand and then hugging those that offered. She answered questions and looked like a little miniature modern day Clara Barton or Florence Nightengale of sorts. As the short little service ended and the boys were led around the room to meet each person I was continually greeted with how much everyone loved sweet Evye. Some of the comments that came were, "That little girl there....she's as sweet as they come." And, "Can you bring that little girl back with you next time?" Then of course the many stories of how much they loved her and how she reminded them of their own daughters or granddaughters whom they had not seen in years. One lady said, " That Evye girl, she just glows from head to toe. There's just something special about her. I think she's an angel sent to light up this place." Her love of them definitely showed and God was able to minister to these long lost lonely people through the love of an 8 year old girl. It was amazing to me to watch how God worked not through anything I did but through our children now. To finally get to this place in life is simply and utterly amazing to me.

That being said, the 4 little boys did nothing but ask to see the caged cockatiel, aquariumed fish and the onslaught of dogs these old people owned from the time we got there until the time we left. They could've cared less about who sat in what wheelchair. They did all speak when spoken to though so I figured that was promising. We went from observing sour sullen faces when we arrived to people that had fallen in love with little tiny Ivye and her sweet squeals and happy smiles and then loving the boys and all of their boyish antics. Grant took up with a 92 year old colored man that was bound forlornly in a wheelchair. When the man spoke to him Grant didn't have a clue what was being said to him. I walked over to translate the man's toothless speech and Grant easily conversed, which made my heart sing. I then asked the man about his own children in which he had only 2, one of which had gone on to have only 1 child and now lives in Austin and the other that has 2 children and lives in California. When asked if they visit often he says he has not seen any of them in years. Not being able to imagine what a life that must be I smiled and told him we'd be his adopted family and he now has an abundance of great grandchildren. He laughed and said he'd take them all and that we must return if we're going to be related. Towards the end he rolled away making his way slowly back to his room where Garrison unknowingly followed right behind him. The nurses fished him out of the man's room in which he said he only wanted to tell him bye. So it was that the entire family made our way back to this dear man's room and said bye. Upon finding he was watching the NASCAR race Grant propped his little arm right up on this dude's wheelchair and began watching with him. Dear old Judd was so taken with Grant that he invited him to stay and watch the race with him...offering him a place on his lap. It was highly doubtful that he'd ever in a lifetime be able to lift Grant up there for a lap buddy. They hugged Judd with promises of seeing him next time.

I think what I love most about old people is the lack of pretenses they have and the ability to just speak their mind no matter what. With a mostly loving overwhelming acceptance of the family I felt it was a good day in which the children learned what it is to love the world's unlovable. But as in everything you do, there's always the naysayers. This day only held one outspoken one. The old lady that used to be this town's top history teacher beckoned me over to her. I small talked and then she asked bluntly, skeptically, "Are you gonna have more?" motioning her head in the children's general direction. I answered honestly, "Yes ma'am. We've been so so blessed by God where our children are concerned. They truly are our biggest blessing in life. And by the time you get to 8 what's another 1 or 2.....or 7 or 8???" ending with a laugh at my own wittiness. She wagged her head back and forth and said without any hesitation of worry of offending, "It's too many. It's just too many." I smiled, patted her and said, "Oh, they'll grow on you. They're kinda like flowers. All you gotta do is love on them a little and they'll just bloom right before your eyes. Give us a few more visits and you'll be taken with them." She never found it within herself to smile but she did manage to say that she would be looking for Evye cause "that little girl just lights up the whole room." That was as close as she came to ever admitting to the fact that her day had been brightened by our assault on the place. And it was enough to encourage me in our efforts.

The sweet expressionless man that sat guard over the entrance doors I am quite sure never moved a muscle the entire time we were there. In fact, I was quite convinced he had no knowledge or comprehension of the activities taking place around him. As the place relaxed a little the boys got a little rowdier and began a game of taking off out the front doors. I rounded them up several times before really digging into them and threatening to sit them down for the remainder of the time we were there. This statue of a man that had sat unmoving for an entire hour suddenly came to life and began to laugh as I knelt only a few short feet away from him chastising the boys. He then shocked me even more by saying, "Awww....they're just being boys. It's good to see some life around here. You need to be glad for all of that energy...means you're raisin 'em right. It ain't right if they just sit there. And they're sure entertain'in to watch." At this point I had sat Ivye down in her backpack chair and she sat grinning from ear to ear as he talked. It won his heart over immediately and he began to love on her and stroke her head gently saying he hadn't seen a baby that little in years. As if on cue she squealed and lit up at him. Tears rolled down his old weathered cheeks. Still looking at her and avoiding any eye contact with me he stated, "You've got yourself a good lookin crew. You raise 'em up right and let those boys air out and exert some of that energy. It's good for 'em. Teach 'em to stand guard like a hawk over them girls. That's what they do...they watch over their sisters." I smiled and assured him that the boys were indeed being raised up right and we'd make him proud. He ended with, "No...you tell 'em to make their daddy proud." With that I again exited the doors to chase Garrett and Gavin down and he laughed. We left him smiling. The stoic, statuesque man had come to life.

I explained to the children on the way home that it was for that very reason that we were there. Brad and I then each asked them individually what they took away from their experience there and what they wished to do special next time we visit. Each came up with their own ideas of what they would like to do and ideas we might could try. We made arrangements with the pastor's wife to work on a few hymns so that the children could lead the tiny elderly congregation there in a few songs they know well.

This is indeed what makes up life. Teaching your children what it is to love those the world has thrown away or deemed as problems for other people to deal with. We were able to explain the importance and Biblical principles of what it is to care for your family as they age and the results when people do not walk according to the word of God. We were also able to read stories during their school stuff this week about the culture of Biblical days and how it was very much standard protocol for each family to care for their aging family members as part of their responsibility within the family. And how important it is to continue loving and caring for those that you love and that have loved you since before you were born.

I think what I loved most was watching the faces of those light up and come to life. Knowing that we brought them a brief moment of joy in their dreary mundane life. It indeed was worth all of the trouble it took to get to church that summer morning. I had every intention of taking pictures of it all but once there I felt as if it would be invasive to them and that we had not earned their trust just yet. So, as we grow into this and come to know each of them a little better I will ask their permission to take pictures with the children. It is my hope that we can take some and then let the children make some little popsicle stick frames and decorate them. They could present these sweet people with a little bit of cheer to brighten up their rooms. We'll see.