Maturity in their Youth?

The rate and quality of return on investment in terms of the success of our childrens' lives, across a broad spectrum as adults, is directly proportional to the amount and quality of teaching given and appropriate expectations placed on them as a child.

Offensive. The very nature of our family is offensive to some. Evident by the overwhelmingly irritated looks or staunch stances of those we pass. Those we perhaps prevent from getting their needed items from shelves that many children may be blocking. Those that stare in disbelief as they see us coming and seemingly run for cover before we arrive at a table next to them. Some hearts are changed by observing if they dare stay long enough. At lunch this past Friday a disapproving elderly couple sighed in disgust and dared not even glance our way as we all filed in and the children found seats. By the end of the meal they were praising the children individually for their behaviour, appearance and character. Their hearts had been softened as they watched. Some never change.....perhaps due to their own ideas of what a family should be or preconceived notions of how large a family should grow. I look at others with so many more children than we have and am, at times, amused that we are considered large. Even so, disgruntled people grunt, sigh and make obnoxious noises as we continue to "offend" and shatter their beliefs and ideas of what a family should be.





It is on that note that I lead into a rather sensitive topic that has seemed to spark vast amounts of curiosity and seemingly offend some as to the nature of how we parent. I suppose I never really considered how we are watched or how the blog is read and truly never dreamed that anyone would dare be attentive enough to our ways to try and glean tips or pointers. I am extremely humbled by this, and honestly, taken aback at the thought that anyone would want to model themselves after us. I feel as though I am still a very young person, immature and unfinished in most areas of my life; grappling at the feet of the Father and floundering around trying to do my best at this challenge in life called parenting. Though Brad and I fall so entirely short each and every day of the week we both know that our children are taught by the Lord and their peace is great. It is clearly and undeniably stated in Isaiah 54:13. This verse even goes so far as to state that they are not taught about the Lord but by the Lord. Many days this verse has comforted my parenting heart. "All your children shall be taught by the LORD, and great shall be the peace of your children." Isaiah 54:13







Rarely do I use this blog to talk to the readers . It's normally used for the purpose in which it was originally created, which is simply a journal of our lives and daily experiences on this crazy comical road of parenting. The joys, the trials, the emotions, the busyness, the routine......the very fibers that make up my own life. But today, I seek to speak to those that have taken up an offense or expressed curiosity in one area of our life. I have been asked personally quite a few times and, recently, received emails asking why we do not allow our children to call me "mommy". I have never been known as a person who sugar coats things and, honestly, my blunt and forthright nature does not really even know how to do so. Watering down the truth and trying to be politically correct has never been a strong point of mine....and hopefully will never become one. The day you seek to appeal to the masses and be on everyone's side is the day you lose your passion. Focus turns from uninhibited passion for the truth and heart of God to people pleasing and making sure you are well liked by all. Jesus Himself was offensive to most. Had He been everything to everyone He surely would not have been nailed to the cross by the hatred that swung the hammer. He was not concerned about being well liked and accepted but more concerned about the hearts of the people and those that believed in who He was.





All of that to say.....this may, and probably will, offend. In some ways I suppose it already has.....but it does not bother me. These are deep seated convictions for our family. God has been faithful to reveal Himself to us through these convictions as we parent and seek to raise our own children in His image and likeness.





It is true that our children are not allowed to call me mommy. Some acquaintances of ours have been rather shocked by this, expressing concern that our children are not being allowed to be children, while others, some of whom we have never even met, have voiced complete disagreement and have been offended over the lives our children are not being allowed to live. If it had not been for the last few asking why we do this I am quite certain I would not even attempt to explain myself. But since there have now been more than a few that have asked I just figured I would pen it and put it boldly in black and white for each family to draw their own conclusions. It is also an awesome part of our testimony and how faithful God has been to show us when something needs to be changed as we pray our way through the years of our growing children.




In the past few years we have seen a growing trend among homeschoolers (specifically the older children) calling their mothers "mommy". The name itself is as innocent as any other ordinary word in the dictionary and if looked up has the exact same meaning as "Mother", "Mom", or "Mama". It is merely a different way of addressing the person in the maternal role and can be likened to the difference between addressing children as "child" or "kid". The former sounds drastically better with much more dignity to it while the latter is crass and a bit removed....though hysterically funny when used appropriately. But as the trend in the homeschooling movement grew, especially with older girls in the family, Brad and I began to notice that it wasn't the name but the attitude and behaviour in which it was being used. These girls seem babyfied and immature as they use the word "mommy"....and even more evident, and sad, is the fact that they want to be viewed in this manner. Brad and I have talked at great length about whether it was even appropriate to require a specific name for our positions in the household. We feel it is. Just as we require yes ma'am and no ma'am, yes sir and no sir, to show respect when speaking to all elders we also require maturity of them in their speech befitting of their age. We also require respect of the authority that God has given us as do the majority of all other families we know. We both believe with all of our hearts the many verses in the Bible that instruct young people to be mature in their youth. Paul says in 1 Cor 13:14 "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." Brad and I firmly believe that it is our responsibility to raise up mighty warriors and not watered down versions of Christians that seem to know nothing of life and still clinging to their "mommy's skirt tails". We strongly believe that we need to raise up Godly children that can move mountains in His Kingdom and children that will be heard and taken seriously....convincing and persuasive in their speech.




This dates back to my own homeschooling years when my brother and sister and I were turned loose into the world and were so very ill prepared for what lie ahead of us. We lived in a bubble that seemingly sheltered us from the traps and snares that lie in wait. But as we grew our wings and tried to fly we were found to be woefully unprepared. I was so untrained and naive that at the age of 21 (a very young 21 I might add) speed/methamphetamine was presented to me in powder form and I had absolutely NO clue what it was. With very little pressure from someone else I tried it. My sheltered and protected childhood had left me with little knowledge of what dangers exist in the real world. And with such little knowledge there was no defensive training against such traps and hidden dangers. Don't misunderstand me, I am deeply grateful for my parents and their yearning hearts to protect us from the world that we live in, but I also know from a very personal experience that if your children are not adequately prepared to stand up and fight for what is right (and possibly their lives), based on a strong Biblical foundation, they will fall prey to a whole host of bad things. How on earth can we raise warriors that are prepared and seasoned for battle when we as parents have left them ill prepared and under equipped for the realities of life and what is out there? Does anyone honestly believe that a battle hardened Marine would call her mother "mommy"? (Notice I used the possessive her) How can they be expected to go out into the world and be God fearing missionaries when there is such immaturity and ignorance that is allowed (and even fostered) to exist in the youth today? Especially among our homeschooling families. Obviously I am not advocating the use of anything illegal or harmful in order to procure knowledge of how bad or wrong something is. What I am saying, however, is that it is our role and responsibility as parents to provide knowledge and wisdom, require maturity, and to facilitate understanding of a world that is lost and hurting. No one is going to take a missionary, nurse, police officer, firefighter, midwife, or even a homemaker seriously if they call their mothers mommy. There seems to be such an extreme of this that it is unhealthy and, honestly, completely unappealing. These children have been so caught up in perceived "cuteness" of innocence and falsely led to believe that acting babyfied is what appeals to others and speaks of their virtue. I believe that they have missed what God has instructed in His Word. Proverbs is full of scripture that instructs His people (and us as parents) to teach our children maturity and wisdom and that He blesses those that are mature in their youth.





Brad and I have also talked very deeply about the responsibility of raising up Godly, mature women with healthy expectations of marriage. It is our command to raise them up to be of such character that they are taken seriously in whatever field God calls them into. We feel that when the time is right and God brings a husband along for our daughters we will be able to present to him a mature woman. Not a little girl that is still calling me "mommy" seeking to identify with her 3 yr old self. I do not know a man (Obviously, a real man. Not some perverse, vile, pitiful excuse of a human being) alive that would find that attractive in any way. By the same token, if we met a grown man calling his mother "mommy" we would strongly discourage our girls from any kind of relationship until he has matured.






Neither Brad nor I want our girls at any age to be seeking attention through "cuteness" and immaturity. These thoughts between us have led to many deep conversations about where to draw the line....when to let a child be a child and take comfort in "mommy" and when to require of them a maturity that allows God to build inner character. As we searched through the Bible the recurring theme we found was to continually instruct sons to be wise and mature in their youth. We both eventually concluded that it is our responsibility to teach them from a very early age. Being a mature young man or woman does not suddenly happen overnight. It's a process that takes time to develop; beginning at birth. It is a mindset.....a building block and foundation they need to be raised with. Maturity is not only required but also expected of them. Of course, there are normal things that children do such as childish play and childish comedy but, overall, they need to be raised with the expectation of always acting in a mature manner, again, befitting of their age. Learning to act in ways that are a testimony so they can minister to a world that is lost and dying....not be stumbling blocks for the world in its perception of homeschoolers as weak, wimpy, and clueless. What the ministry needs is men and women that are of a strong, sound mind and body and anchored in good common sense by concrete character.


Each of our children take solace and comfort in me as their mother but the attitude that usually accompanies the word "mommy" has been taken out of our family element. Brad and I found it interesting to "people watch" or rather "people listen" and take note of the attitude with which mommy was spoken...both by ordinary people with children in tow and fellow homeschoolers at bookfairs and other places where masses of those types have gathered. In the vast majority of all cases the older girls were using the word "mommy" in severely immature ways and in a tone of voice equivalent to fingernails on a chalkboard. Seemingly wanting to bring attention to themselves and their supposed "cuteness" and placing upon a pedestal their girlhood innocence. When facades were put aside and they began seriously inquiring about something or carrying on an adult conversation they amazingly transitioned to the word "mom" or "mother". In contrast, the little ones, when using this term, were whining about something. When the "I wants" were put aside and a little one was truly speaking of something that interested them the word "mom" or "mama" was generally used.



Brad and I have both felt deeply compelled to take a Biblical look at the subject and have reached our own conclusions and convictions. The reason our children are not allowed to call me mommy is because of what has been revealed to us personally as parents. To us it is a very serious matter of our children being mature and being raised up to be wise and mature in their youth. I do not have any mental images of Christ running around like a wild banshee, climbing on restaurant tables or whining out "mommy". I cannot see Him at the age of 12 running out from the temple just having finished teaching calling out, "Mommy, Mommy...I am here!" Neither do I envision Him calling out to her at the age of 14 or 16 "Mommy, may I.....?". No, He ministered to the lost, healed the sick, inspired and filled people with awe by His love, wisdom, maturity, and knowledge. On the other side of that, I do not believe that He never laughed. As with all things in life there must always be a healthy balance. I don't believe He went around pensive with a constipated look on his face calling out "Mother" to a distant and far removed person. I think He was both full of life and laughter with a maturity that was required of Him in every way while he maintained a very special relationship with the woman chosen to give birth to Him. This is the very thing we seek to instill into our own children. Wisdom, knowledge and maturity with a strong relationship with us as their parents.




There you have the whole story in writing....as offensive to those that it may be. But when all frills are gone and it is boiled down to the bare truth it is a very real matter of raising our children by Scriptural principles and taking the Bible at face value. It means what it says in every regard. And when we are instructed as parents to teach our sons and daughters to acquire wisdom and understanding and to be mature in their youth then I know that I will be held responsible for that in every way. I don't feel it is a testimony to the Lord in any way to turn grown children loose into their fields of calling as the world laughs at their naivety and childishness. I also feel that this leaves them to be in the very precarious position of being at the mercy of a predatory world with little to no training or preparation as to how dangerous it really is. The same predatory world, in fact, that so desperately needs Christ. And who has been charged with bringing Christ to the lost, sick, hungry, and the dying? We are. They are to be in the world...function well within it...but not of it. There is no choice, this is where the work is and this is where the Harvest is taking place. We must be in this world. How can they function well within it when no one can take them seriously? And how can we expect people to be inspired and impressed by the children the homeschooling movement is producing when they are walking around calling their mother "mommy" at the age of 16 and 18 years old? We need to raise up children into adults whose ministry will be taken seriously and have the ability to comfort others, relate to them and deal with them without being dismissed as immature, naive and weak. Are our children missing out on their childhood because we have rid our family of the "mommy" word? That's a laughable question at best. Have my children been robbed of a personal relationship with me because they are not allowed to relate to me as "mommy"? There again, laughable at best. I firmly believe that teaching character, values, boundaries, respect, self control, ethics, principles, and maturity begins at birth. The innocent life you hold only minutes after giving birth is completely and totally blank....a slate waiting to be written upon. Teaching for life begins at that moment.