Mother's Day Pictures and Some Inner Ramblings

Well, in the midst of such change going on around here I was having a seemingly endless torrent of mixed emotions about a bunch of stuff. There is a peace in our lives that never has been but with this same peace comes expected and unexpected change, as always. Through His mighty and powerful mercies that extend far beyond anything I ever imagined in life possible also comes the overwhelming task of staying close to a Heavenly Father that requires the utmost of precision obedience. But, oh...I'd hate to get to Heaven and then find out what we missed out on due to being stuck in our comfort zone and being drawn into apathy because we got too comfortable at a certain place in life and didn't trust...or just just chose to forget....that He does indeed have our best interest at heart. Jer 29:11-14 has become the verse that I live on in these days of not knowing what exactly the future holds for us.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for me with ALL of your heart. And I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all of the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile."

I know that walking in such obedience we will be blessed because He is faithful to promise it over and again in His own word when his children are faithful to obey. I found it interesting that it even said in Jer that He would bring one back to the place from where He sent them into exile. Of course, this could be translated into many things but, for us, it has become quite literal. The way Brad lost his job and the way we left that area was traumatic and we were sent into a form of "exile". It was a very long road to haul and one we thought at times would never end. It was a place though in which we learned some of our most valuable lessons. Lessons I feel so blessed now to have been taught....because I know there are some who will never know and experience in life what we already have. It is a place I feel blessed to be. Thus the utmost importance of staying tuned in and so sensitive to where we feel He is calling us. How sad it would be to halt now the awesome work He has begun in us and the lessons He is teaching. I do not want to become so comfortable that I forsake the real goal and the real reason for why it is we follow Him. I think that what we went through though has a ton to do with how attached I am to certain ideals and things in life and why it is I feel so pasted to things I find so hard to let go of. But I do not want to hold on so tightly that I miss out on what else He seeks to teach us, do in us and bless us with.

I have pondered on these things the last few days and wrote this portion above to some very dear friends. But it portrays in detail my mixed feelings, my love for what God has done and my still hesitant trust in Him that remains an ever growing, ever evolving process. I know He was faithful to provide for us so many times before and we have never been left by Him....though at times I screamed out at Him that He had forsaken us in every way. I know what it is to feel the pain of a seemingly absent God. But through my years of growing up and having to overcome the problems I did and then having been led through what Brad and I have had to deal with and the forced separation in our marriage just in order to make ends meet and survive I was taught some of the most extreme and valuable lessons some people truly never do know in life. There are some that will never have a depth or understanding for what we have been so blessed to have been taught and what we have come to value in our relationship, marriage and family life...not to mention the personal life lessons that were taught to each of us as we matured and grew through it all. In fact, we both actually feel very very blessed to have been chosen to have walked the path we are walking and I am somewhat saddened that some people...most people....will never in a lifetime understand what it is to truly come to a place in life that you truly abandon everything that the world has spoken against you, every expectation that has ever been placed upon your life, every negative judgement that rendered you incapable of fulfilling your life purpose, every person that doubted your sanity when it looked as if the path you chose was the road of insanity and then completely embrace with wild abandon what God has created you to do and called out in you for your very life's purpose. Most people in life never break free. And we have broken free from so many things and still remain in the ever widening process of continuing to break free from what it is God's reveal to us that we are hanging on to too dearly. When He speaks and when He guides we have learned to go....to lay it all down, our expectations of life, our feelings of what we feel we "deserve", any and all attachments that keep us from completely throwing our own selves to the wind for the sake of His calling and what He desires to do in us and through our lives.

I thought these were too funny...way too many things to look at

Alright...just wild ramblings of the inner self. But on that note I felt an aloneness that we needed. There is a huge difference between loneliness and aloneness. And I just wanted to be alone for awhile and process through what it is we walk through, where we have been, where we are going and what it is God is seeking to do in our family.

Since Brad was on shift on Mother's Day he brought home our date night and we celebrated Sat night. I fixed the children pizzas and then put them all to bed and then the 2 of us stayed up and grilled steaks, had baked sweet potatoes, salad and french bread and then, of course, the chocolate mint mousse pie. Steak seems to be the most expensive craving I have these days so he's humored and indulged me and we've made special little home dates out of it....which beats any date out on the town. I love staying home. I love being home. And when you can just chill out by sunset light at your own table and then go snuggle up under warm covers with open windows and west TX winds while we eat pie and watch our movie there is just not really much in the world that can compare. I love being being married to him and I love staying at home and just living our own little life together.

He woke early Sunday and was off for work. I slept as late as is humanly possible when you have a 25 month old that wakes at 6:50 every morning. So, I suppose the definition of late is relative these days. I did manage to get him to go back to sleep with me in my bed for one hour longer. But as the 74 degree beautiful day progressed there was a sort of lonliness that I felt as I thought of my own sweet family celebrating together as Scott hung out and did lunch with Mother and Thomas and Jackie and Curtis sat around enjoying their day as a family. Then I got on a little mini pity party as I sat staring at my own beautiful children but no husband around to help us celebrate the gorgeous day. Even after 10 years of being married and him having missed, at some point or another, every birthday and/or holiday imaginable it still feels a little lonely every once in awhile. And it was just one of those days where it really would've been so much better to have him home with us. In an effort to shake off the blues the children and I all got dressed and headed off for town. It was a beautiful day for pictures and it'd been awhile. The camera happened to be working so I figured we'd use it while we could. Grayson's Mother's Day present was a real genuine Starbuck's frappachino so I, of course, felt obligated to go by there so he could buy it for me and I could indulge for the day. I finally decided a fun place to go without having to wage war with the entire onslaught of the town and their children at local parks.

Well....we're missing one of them but it's still a great pic

After taking the pics and playing for a couple of hours we set off to get snacks and have a picnic/ snack dinner at the station. Brad had not gotten one call all day long but as we loaded up to head his way he got kicked out. And then hit another run immediately after that. So, the children and I just camped out in the bed of his truck and head a picnic. A little fenced in church park lays in the next field over so they ran and played on the very vacant playground while I just hung out and played with Gavin as we watched the sun set. Brad eventually did return and the end of our day was spent in his company.

Did I mention that once again it becomes painfully obvious that you have a bunch of kids when you leave the house and actually get to your destination 30 miles away and realize one of your children has no shoes on.....and there were none in the van to suffice. This has actually occurred before but in previous times we found a pair that was near the size needed that would do the job. But, with the van being newly and freshly cleaned out there was nothing. So it was that he ran barefooted all day and in all pictures he is conveniently missing his shoes. I suppose the large family status becomes apparent when these things come up and you can just carry on without really blinking. But then I suppose it would've been a little different had it been Garrison or Grant and they were one of the ones needing to walk in our group. But, as it is, Garrett still retains his position in the stroller until baby 8 boots him out so the problem wasn't quite the ordeal it might could've been with one of the older ones. But, then again, based on what we did I probably just would've let the older ones go barefooted since all they did was run through grass, climb boulders and run through the prairie side to reach the playground. Who needs shoes for that....if the stickers aren't taken into account.

I'm not really sure we're really going to be able to fit one more on there next year..and had we tried birth order the last 2 wouldn't have stood much chance at staying on

It was nearly impossible.....no, it was impossible......to get Gavin to look at the camera. He was waaaay too interested in outdoor life and all of the little gravel, rocks, twigs, and leaves that were around him. So, most of everything I got of him are just great shots of the top of his head or of his profile. His eyes were red rimmed anyway due to allergies so it ended up that the good ones we got of him were taken later on Monday.

Dangling perfectly.....he did make it up whithout any help, by the way

Best Buddies....I don't think I've ever seen the extreme closeness of a relationship that these two have at such young ages. Garrett LOVES Gavin and Gavin thinks Garrett is about the funniest thing in the world. This is just one of their many sweet endearing love moments.

Aubrey in all of her Aubrey ways rock climbing in a flowy chiffon dress and flip flops

Everybody checking out the joggers...how's that for an audience?

Another funny sheep pic.....I love Grant's arm on Garrison in this one

Picnic-ing in Daddy's truck, waiting for him to get back

He's got 4 teethe that peer through that smile in all of their cuteness. They all 4 finally broke through while we were on our trip.

Really able to see the teeth

And a close up of another group shot...we voted we still liked the other one better (pictured at top of page) even though Gavin has a pleasant little look in this one.