Could you love enough......

Could you love enough to parent a child you did not give birth to? Could you love what the world deems as unlovable? Could you open the doors of your home to the ones the world would rather pretend are not there? Could you love enough?????

This is the very essence of the journey we have already embarked upon. Very few have been made aware of our decision as we walk in obedience to the calling we feel has been placed upon our lives. Honestly, we have not wanted to hear the pessimism that was surely to accompany our decision. But in stark contrast and quite shockingly, just as God moves and continues to blow us away and move mountains, we have been met with nothing but encouragement, support and people willing to intercede on our behalf. As always, there are those that are highly concerned for the well being of our family and concerned about the wisdom of our decision but both Brad and I, and all of our children, walk in confidence that we are indeed right where God has placed us. We are following the very specific instructions He has laid out before us. We do not judge those that have chosen not to go down this road that we are walking, as we both feel that just as God calls one person to a very specific calling on their lives He does not place that specific calling on every person's life. Just as we have been called and blessed to have a large family not every family is being called...or even should have any business.....having a large family.

As I launch into this both Brad and I fervently know beyond all else that there is indeed wisdom in an abundance of counselors and we have sought wisdom, knowledge, discernment and spent many hours...many years.....mulling over this huge decision that will forever change our lives, those of our children and make us better people...more highly in tuned to the spirit of God then I think we would ever be otherwise. We are changing the world, changing our nation, one child at a time. We cannot help all of the hurting children in the world but we can help 4 or 5 or 12 and to those few we have made a difference and the world and the lives within are a better place because of it.

I will back up and start at the beginning. As a youth I was heavily involved in mission work both nationally and internationally. I have been from Mexico all the way to Slovakia and alot of places in between. And the reason for my deep love and devotion to missions was the orphans. I have been to numerous orphanages across the globe and they each stayed with me....each face stayed with me....for an eternity. From dirty, barefooted, brown sunkissed children to pale, blond headed, blue eyed paperdoll children that are there needing homes, needing parents, needing what the world will not give them. Who will step up to the plate for these ones that are considered the rejects and outcasts of society...the ones that our shame induced society views as an embarrassment and seeks to turn their heads and look the other way? These illegitimate, abused, neglected "problem" children that no one knows what to do with. These children that people refuse to acknowledge are present in our society, or rather just pretend they do not exist. These children aging out of the foster care system make up the world within which we live....so whether you turn your head or stare the menacing facts in the face...they are there knocking on your door, hurting, using your tax dollars and degrading the world in which we live because no one will step up to love enough to turn the situation around. These statistics cannot be ignored.

Of all youth aging out of the foster care system:
56% are unemployed and face poverty within 2-4 years
They represent 70% of all homeless youth
They constitute 88% of all incarcerated youth and young adults
40% receive welfare within 2-4 years
40% do not graduate from high school
60% of teenage girls will have a baby within 2 years


Even more importantly...no one will educate themselves enough to know the real truth about the hidden children of America. If you do not educate yourself and that of your family then you are predestined to failure. I firmly believe it is the ones who educate themselves and go beyond the warm fuzzies that are the successful ones who change lives..those that are determined to show the love of God to a child who has never known what it is to be loved.

So it is that my heart was turned to orphans at a very early age....many years before my first mission trip. I remember being mesmerized by the "Happy Hills home for Children" in Keller or Roanoke as we drove by it before I was probably even 11 years old. I longed to go within...to see these children, and at one point even begged to take some home with us. As years went by I turned to missions and international work believing the American myth that children here are lost causes. The troubled children that you do not touch with a 10 foot pole....because they do, after all, wreak havoc on one's life and set fire to your house, burn you to a crisp in your bed, destroy any and all property and are all, in general, axe murderers. So, I suppose I just figured I'd fix the rest of the world's children....the ones that showed hope since they were "only" victims of poverty.

Years went by and we had children of our own. Adoption never came up, as we only wanted our 3 "acceptable" children. I became unexpectedly pregnant with my 4th pregnancy in which 4 months later we found that God had blindsided us and given us twins. With the revelation of the fact God was indeed in control and we were not at all Brad never followed through with his vasectomy and we decided, albeit fearfully, that we would trust God for our family size since He obviously had bigger plans than we ever did.

After the arrival of #6 we lay there one rare night that Brad was actually home, as it was during his commuting years, and gazed at our sweet perfect baby. Our hearts were forever changed as we saw his perfection and the plan of God in another human being. The plan of a God that is so much bigger than we are and the absolute miracle of the tiny life we had been given...this little life that was so loved, so protected, so embraced by all. It was that night that we truly gave our hearts and family size over to the Lord for the very last time and never took it back....never looked back. Only days later as the weightlessness of our decision made us giddy with joy, absolute love and excitement the topic of adoption entered our marriage. God had taken us into a new dimension of life altogether. Our love, our passion, for children was not limited to just our own. Why could we not love the thousands that remain without parents? And, in fact, we were already deeply in love with the thousands. 3 years ago, in a small house in a big city with 6 children already God did something in our hearts that night as a couple that forever changed our marriage and the idea of our family and what was "acceptable" to us.

The next day I searched the internet for hours and saw hundreds of photolistings of children all over the world..from ones right in our own backyard to the edge of China. Hundreds and hundreds of children's faces filled up hours of my day and of many days to come. It was then we realized the vastness of the need and the lack of people willing to step up and do something about it. So I went on to submit our information to many different adoption agencies and collected files upon files and binders worth of info.

But, alas, it was not the right time. The wrong time, the wrong place, but the right heart and exactly where God wanted us for the season. The work had begun. The topic of adoption finally fell to the wayside as we pursued moving, a new home 400 miles away from the only place I had ever lived and our biological family continued to grow rapidly. It entered our conversation sporadically and at one point I submitted our information to the local CPS region director as potentially interested adoptive parents. They sent us a packet with an invitation to attend an orientation but that too fell away and we never followed up. That was 2 years ago.

A few months ago we began receiving letters asking us...and then almost begging us....to attend an orientation meeting. There had been no word in 2 years. They stated that there is a desperate need for foster/adoptive homes and if we were still interested to please notify them at our earliest convenience. With 8 children of our own now I didn't see the need to mention to Brad the handwritten letters that had been arriving in the mail for quite some time. With the arrival of the 7th one I finally realized that maybe we were created for such a time and place as this...and this was our attention call. Were we willing to go through with what had been laid on our hearts so many years ago? How serious were we in our pursuit of God? How much could He trust us with a conviction and calling He had placed on our lives? Would we be one of the few that would actually acknowledge the calling and not turn tail and run in terrorizing fear? Just how big is God??? Did we really even know? Could we fathom?

This thing that is so much bigger than us....so much bigger than the tiny little comfort zone within which we live. Is He that big? Could we realistically walk in obedience to the very black and white print of His word as He instructs His people to care for the widows and the orphans, raise our own growing family and still maintain our sanity? Could we convince the world that we are indeed not crazy, just merely crazily in love with a heavenly Father who does not care how insane His children appear in the world's eyes as they carry out the instructions He has given to them? Could we convince the world that we are not freaks....but merely people with a heart for the children who have been abandoned by all others? Could we convince our very own parents that we are capable of this feat of raising tons of kids? Was it fair to ask our extended families to love these children like we do? Did we need to ask it of them or was our love enough? Was it worth the rejection that may be suffered if we embarked on this journey? Did we dare risk severing the ties that we have with parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, as we surely come up against those that disagree, have differing opinions, express grave concern for the safety and wellbeing of our 8 children or are just shocked into a paralytic fear of our seemingly foolish choices? But we serve a mighty God that is capable of overcoming and we serve a God that sent His Son which became an outcast in His society as people sought to punish Him, silence Him and destroy all He sought to reveal. But the Lord our God has spoken and when you walk in obedience He will work in you and through you to accomplish His purpose and lives are changed.

So, as our 7th letter arrived I broached the subject with Brad and, to my shock, He was interested. If the need was that great then we would at least pursue it to some extent and seek to gain some insight as to what the process entails. Maybe someday.....but at least we'd know.

The next orientation meeting Brad was on shift so I attended alone with Ivye in tow with promises to report all that was said. I was in awe. How much I did not know. I raced to the station after it was over and spilled all that I could remember. It was an exciting yet sobering night for the 2 of us. This was real. This was something we could do...we need to do.....and that needs to be done now....as there is no one else stepping up to do it. We are here....at the right place, at the right time. Our family is large, our family has children, our family is already geared for the masses, for the children needing toys, clothes....but more importantly for the children needing unconditional love, heathy boundaries, structure and healthy happy home to grow in. We are here with the ability and the heart to carry this out....with the God given passion to step up to the plate. It became more real that night than it had ever been.

The next step was to attend the state mandated 30 hrs of training for all prospective foster/adoptive homes. This was a huge feat to us since it would obviously require large sums of money to fund a babysitter for 7 Saturdays, each 10 hours. And then we had Brad's schedule to contend with. And then the upcoming class was full but we could attend the one beginning in Sept. We began to pray more fervently than before that God would either begin to close the doors by these hurdles we faced or throw them wide open and not allow them to be an issue. And that at any point He would stop this whole process if we were walking outside of His will. But doors continued to be flung wide open in total abandonment. So we forged ahead. A cancellation had been made and we were notified that Brad and I could attend the upcoming class that began in 2 days. I began to read voraciously on everything I could get my hands on about adoption and the real life, true realistic stories of the good, the bad and the ugly. We talked with many, many adoptive parents God has placed within our life and asked about their experiences both nationally and those that had chosen international adoptions. I became a part of a foster/adoption board that tells all...those things that case workers will never in a lifetime reveal. My initial fear began to wane as we placed this Goliath back at the feet of God night after night. Eventually fear turned to days filled with confidence that eventually turned to weeks filled with confidence in God's ability to do this through us. Confidence turned to joy and joy turned to sheer excitement as we began to think of gathering our children home to us. Brad and I began to see faces of children that are already our's that are waiting to be held by us. Children whose hearts are calling to come home. And we fell in love. Fear of the unknown and fear of these hurting children so filled with pain transitioned into a deep all consuming love that cast out all fear and made us aware of the power of God through us and through the unconditional love of our 8 children.

We spent what seemed like an eternity but in all reality was only 2 weeks filling out our application and gathering the needed documents. It was finally submitted and only days later we received a call from our adoption worker. She was already wanting to set up a date to do a pre-homestudy to assure that we pass our homestudy with the social worker. I had just assumed this part would be months in the making and take a good 4-6 months to ever reach. But to my surprise she said sooner rather than later was good as the need is great. She wanted to be here in a less than a week. We have spent weeks now readying and preparing our hearts, our children's hearts and our house for this new part of our life. Willingly inviting CPS in to scrutinize our life seemed a bit insane to our large, homeschooling ways that have been taught to fear CPS at all costs. These are, afterall, Satan's worst messengers by the world's standards...the people who do the dirty work and rip children away from parents. But both Brad and I agree and know beyond all else that we have nothing to hide and though we fall far from the perfect ideal of a parent our children are educated well, on complete target with where they should be, have been taught respect, have had character instilled into them, are well mannered, happy, healthy, active, social and have an insatiable love for all people. We have nothing to fear, nothing to hide.

During the conversation our adoption worker shocked us even more by saying that they have a sibling group of 5 that need to be placed quickly and she thinks we are a good match, thus the reason for the rush on the homestudy. Once approved we will be able to view their profile and decide whether we want to pursue them. What I thought would be months and months tied up in legal red tape could be over in only a matter of weeks. I assumed we might have more children by the end of this year or possibly the beginning of next but instead it could possibly be as soon as 5-6 weeks from now. That, my dear friend, is just really soon. My heart quivered with excitement and anxiety over the unknown. Would our house be considered big enough, how in the world do you choose which children to pursue, we still have need of a vehicle, we still need 2 more beds.

But as I prayed my heart was quieted and my thoughts brought to a halt as the Lord reminded me that He has amazingly blessed us with 2 more bunkbeds already and every need is being met by the provisions within His storehouse....and His storehouse is LARGE. Why would it stop now and why would it be any different for a vehicle or larger items? He whispered to my wildly beating heart, "Be still and know that I am God. Walk in faith. You will mount up on wings of eagles, you will run and not be weary, you will walk and not faint. Just walk in faith and believe that just as I have trusted you with 8 and met their needs so I will meet the needs of those I make your's. I will expand your territory." So, I wait to see how He will expand our territory and live with the expectation that He is sufficient in every way and our needs are already met....long before our children arrive.

We have stated that we would like to adopt sibling groups of 4-7 children...groups typically so large that they will not be placed due to their size. The ones that tend to scare off most people based on the number of children. We are used to large numbers of children and we are far from intimidated by them. Our own children are of the mentality that it truly is the more the merrier. I do not know what God has planned for us and who our children are or even how many of them there are. But I do know that we have never been happier or more excited and that God is doing a great and mighty work within our family and the lives of our children. There truly is no greater joy than to walk in truth, to know that our children walk in truth and to know that we are walking in obedience to what we have been called to do. No feeling in the world can ever rival that.

I will continue later about how we have prepared our children for this adoption process and these new siblings coming into their lives. I will also expand on what it has done for us personally as parents to our biological children. Our cup runneth over.