The Lights of Home

November. It seems crazy that we are here....that the days are already growing chilly and the nights are already dark and cold. Despite the 80 degree days the past week has held we have had more than a few days that require jackets and have had children running in and out with cold rosy cheeks and wind chapped lips, red tipped noses and icy hands that, I am quite sure, are capable of freezing even Baby Ivye out of her warm home as they go to "hug" her. I find it hard to believe that Thanksgiving looms up on us once more, Christmas waits just around the corner and, even more incredibly, that I am here......already due......or well, mostly due. Now that the last FW trip is out of the way the next time we go will be to stay until we bring a sweet baby girl home with us. It seems a bit surreal. I finally feel settled and at peace with everything. This was by far one of the most enjoyable, peaceful trips we have had. I was able to round up and tie up the little things needing to be bought or tended to in order to be fully ready for her to arrive. I feel ready and at complete peace. The children call her by name and talk as though she is already here. Their excitement grows by the day and even Garrison and Grant are now cooing over everything pink, fluffy and even the slightest bit girly, proclaiming that it is for Baby Ivye. We were even able to spurge a bit and, in our searching the frugal world over and buying what we needed at Kid to Kid and Once Upon A Child, we got her some tiny little Christmas outfits that the children all begged to see her in. She is, after all, our very first tiny holiday baby. So far the closest we have gotten have been Garrison and Grant born in Sept, making them 3 months old by Christmas.

What I feel at this point is a supernatural peace only the Lord is capable of giving and one that I came to recognize fully during Gavin's labor and birth. It is something that transcends just being "ready". We LOVED this trip up there and the time we spent with Mother and Thomas and it creates a joy and excitement of returning to await her arrival. We all wait with excitement to days spent out in the great weather field tripping and nights spent in front of the warm fire with Grayson and Evye after the little ones are all asleep watching movies and popping popcorn. They look forward to it as much as I do. And it's always fun to spend time with Jackie and their crew and we parted on this trip with excitement over the week we will have together in only a matter of days, really.

I love this time in life. I love waiting for Ivye and the trips that we have gotten to take and the time spent with family that it has provided. I love the anticipation that it brings for everything to come. We are so blessed and I feel it in every fiber of my being. I see it and it is confirmed when we go out and are inundated with compliments on the behaviour and beauty of the children. I know it as we all sit down at a table out somewhere to eat and the children all sit, talk, eat and converse happily. I feel it when Mother and I go out shopping and I know we CAN shop with them and enjoy it all with them with us. I feel blessed that God has given us the finances to even be able to feed this many children at a restaurant. I see the gratitude in their eyes in which each of them are absolutely amazing about thanking both the Lord and the vessel that God poured through in order to buy them the meal. I KNOW how blessed we are and it brings me to my knees. I am in awe that we are where we are in life, that we have been given so much and that our children truly have become our greatest joy in life.

As I drove home today with all of them in tow and heard their happy chatter....happy for the most part, that is......tears streamed down my face that we can do what most people can't. I have the ability to travel with all of them alone because I trust them and I know that all of these years of training and diligence are finally being reaped. Happy, happy children, siblings that have friends within each other, that are flexible enough to do whatever is asked or required of them. With tears still within I saw the setting sun casting it's orange red hues on the Texas interstate that stretched for miles and miles beyond us. I watched it melt behind the looming hills, dissipating into every crack and crevice and filling the dimming world with colors that only God alone is capable of creating. Beside me and behind me sat the children as they talked and played, and we drove through the moment in time that encapsulated both heaven and earth. I knew what it was to be able to leave the big city behind and be going home to our own little corner of the world, to be driving home with 7 beautiful children to a place that I love and to a husband that I love more than anything else on earth...more than I ever imagined loving anybody at all, to one who desperately missed us and begged us to return home a day early and admits that he is nothing without us, to someone who loves me unfailingly and unconditionally. As we wound our way through the purples, pinks, reds, oranges, blues and yellows of the fading day it was like driving through a sheer colored curtain back into our tiny part of the world where the blessings abound. Suddenly it did not matter that overtime has not come in over a month and that the last paycheck was only barely able to tide us over until the next one. It did not matter that getting insurance for this birth has maxed out my stress limit to its utmost capacity. It did not matter that the playroom that frustrates me everytime I even let my thoughts turned towards it is still looking like a tornado blew through and could probably be declared as a disaster area by government standards. In these moments caught between heaven and earth I know that overtime does not provide for us but that every food item we have in our home, every light that is turned on and every ounce of water that is run is given by the grace and mercy of a Provider that far exceeds anything overtime will ever give. And because I know that the birth of this baby has been planned since the beginning of time and insurance problems do not catch God off guard but only give Him the ability to show Himself even greater through it. I know that He does provide for every aspect of these children that He gives us and for Brad and I who are faithful to trust Him for His provisions....despite how hard it may be at times to let go and just trust. And even the playroom, as trivial as it may be, does not matter because we are just blessed to have a playroom to go home to. 500 full square feet of space that is not even being utilized right now because, technically, we have no need for it at this point. To be in a place that we have been so overwhelmingly blessed that we do not even use all of what we have and to see that we indeed can grow and flourish right here in our little 3 bdrm 3 bathroom house....with obvious room to continue to spread out as needed. It's a blessing.

I love coming home. I love coming home to my own little piece of heaven. I love coming home to Brad and what we have in each other. I love the joy of the children as we travel and they shop, see and experience the city but the overwhelming joy that it brings them when we return home. The laughter and excitement as we pull into the driveway and the squeals as they bound out and go to greet all of the animals. I watched them pounce all over their beds tonight in their clean sweet smelling pajamas and heard their contagious laughter and there is nothing that even comes close to conveying my gratefulness for where we are....for where I am. To have come from where I have come from and to be where I am now is an amazing thing. To even be blessed enough to feel yet another tiny life move and stretch and kick within me is amazing. To see how many people struggle to have just one and to personally know so many that would love to have another but for whatever reason cannot or just haven't been able to is humbling. Here we are experiencing it all over again. There is an unsurpassed joy that comes from just watching the children alone anticipate this baby's arrival and to watch their ability to love grow that much more.

We are so blessed.