"Be too complete to feel anxious, too noble to feel anger, too strong to feel fear, and too happy to feel frustrated."
Carlos Gracie
This journey of living debt free and giving is not always an easy one. The American mentality of immediate gratification does not even begin to exist with this way of life. For the impatient soul it is a daily walk of discipline to maintain perspective and attitude while learning to lay down own desires in total sacrificial love. But the rewards of seeing God work when one is even somewhat remotely willing to lay it all down is proving to be worth it all. And while so much of the time it may not be in my timing we never go without and our children are seeing the hand of a living God at work in our life and within their own lives. Not the hand of a little Baptist God all wrapped up in a pretty little defined box but a God that is bigger than all of life itself, one that doesn't make life easy at all....but makes it worth living and dying for. A God that is living proof the harder the road the greater the reward at the end. A God that has shown them in every sense that man is not our provider.....He and He alone is. A God that reveals that man does not dictate our success because success is entirely relative. There exists an American mentality that success is determined by material possessions, dollar signs, size of bank account, size of house, activities of children, how many trips one can make a year, make and model of vehicle, whether your vehicle even runs, whether your a/c and heat work and the list runs infinitely on. And there is what we are coming to learn so intimately...the true measure of success. Is there food on the table, is there a roof over our heads, are the children able to learn by the example we have set, are we making a difference in the lives of those outside of ourselves, are we teaching children to love the unlovable?....for, so often than not, the ones that are harder to love are the ones in need of it most. Are children happy, honest, compassionate, kind, considerate people with a passion to make a difference and the conviction to be kind people...the heart that is heavy with compassion to all others? Do they know that iPods, phones, personal flat screens and computers will never in a lifetime bring fulfillment..for the only fulfillment in life lies in giving yourself wholly and totally away to better the lives of others. Do they know...have they learned....that this life they live has nothing to do with them at all....but they are here for a far greater purpose to make a difference in the lives of the embittered, hardened, mean, cruel people of the world....and that even their greatest efforts may never crack those souls but they themselves will be happier, joy filled, contented people because of their efforts...because they will possess a confidence few other people in this society possess? Have they learned money management? Are their marriages flourishing and intact because they have learned what it is to lay down the "me" factor for their spouse, to hold the harsh words because they destroy rather than build? Have they learned they can leave relationships in ruin or construct cathedrals from them...or what they have learned from them? Have they learned how to forgive....truly forgive....lay it down, and just walk away so they themselves do not become the entrapped and embittered? Have they learned how to truly love those that have done wrong to them....the seemingly unthinkable, unforgivable, the unpardonable? Will they forgive when their material possessions lie in ruin, they're hot, miserable and uncomfortable, they have to work their butts off for wrongs done to them? Do they truly grasp that love covers a multitude of wrongs? Because freely it was given to them and freely they can give.
Success.....a definition that's taken 37 years to learn and really grasp. Something the dictionary will never define. Something that can never be taught to them until it is learned by us. Success: flourishing life. Not flourishing money or flourishing possessions...not even approval or the accolades from others. It is a state of the heart and mind. A state of character that cannot be attained with anything earthly. I look at our life and I know beyond anything else....we are successful. We are because of a God that has gone to the painstaking efforts to teach us, shape us, mold us.....even as painful and intense as the learning curve can be. We are because of a God that uses the foolish things of the world to confound the wise, the weak things to confound that which are strong. Supernatural peace and absolute confidence of who we are in Him can, at times, be shaken but not destroyed. Successful.
So as we live debt free and learn to live a life that relies and
waits on Him we are given the opportunity to see Him work in ways most people never give themselves a chance to see. How often my own impatience has been the reason we never were able to experience sweet love gifts from Him. But in walking this road we have seen many over the past few years. New couches now being among them. Things I can honestly say I took for granted the entirety of my life. But after 2 years without them they have the ability to make a house a home. They bring the family together in ways the hard floor just doesn't. In the mere 4 days we've had them we have spent late nights up laughing with older children and playing games with younger ones. A place to sit in front of the fire when cold rainy nights return. This huge couch set sat on the side of the road for 2 entire days and nights. Free couches on the side of road scream cigarette smoke and cat pee to me...but they sat and they sat and the rain was coming. With shift husband working, children and I made decision that if they still sat curbside on our way home from church we'd stop. And so they were and so we did only to find a jeweled treasure seemingly preserved and saved for our family. Hope and encouragement after almost two entire long years of struggling to make this place work. Professionally cleaned before being put curbside they smelled of shampoo and were in excellent condition. No rips, stains, tears or funky smells. They were the perfect color, did not require hours of craigslisting, did not require gas, time, energy and effort to go pick them up, and had been scotch guarded so everything wipes down easily. The set consisted of a large couch, loveseat, huge chair and ottoman....with a sign that read "FREE. Couch set." So with a happy heart and tons of seriously excited kids we loaded and brought home our sweet love gift from a God that still encourages the wavering heart. The very same God that in all of His mercy moved on the hearts of others yet again just 2 days before and our a/c was fixed for a fraction of what we had budgeted and finally set aside. Couches set in a living area that is now cooled and a homey place to be. Both a/c and couch events followed on the heels of a day spent in absolute tears as I scraped cemented mold from basement floor and once again attempted to organize the ruins of dungeon below until we can once again resume the task of sorting through it all...as landlord looked on from comfy perch on deck smoking his cigarette, drinking his Cheerwine....watching, observing. Children and I worked for hours....while he sat....smoking his cigarette...drinking his coke....in his porch chair. Tears flowed freely as I fiercely waged war and fought all the anger and resentment all over again. And then...like sweet drops of rain....amazing grace.....He gives hope and encouragement to press onward. Because He knows what we do is not for the faint of heart and He knows when the breaking point has been neared. And He pushes and stretches and requires ever more....just as with running....but then He comes giving grace and encouragement to continue forth. So it is that we have couches that sit in a temperature controlled living area for the first time in this house. And I know that what we face is so much bigger than this. This training ground is not about couches and air conditioning...but so so so much more. It's about learning what we think our limits are and learning we can push past them even when mind and body scream otherwise. It's knowing intimately that it won't be easy but it will be worth it. All the waiting, all the work, all the perspective and attitude checks, all the discomfort. It will be worth it all...for those that just persevere and push through. Our love gift....encouragement that can be seen and touched and felt....sitting now in our living room. Completely and totally free.
Getting ready for a baby!
Taped off and ready for some paint!
More sweet kisses. Happy Lowe's employees that know our family well. An entire 34.99 gallon of baby girl, cotton candy pink was accidentally mixed instead of the 14.99 quart needed. Most employees there are now familiar with our story and love kids dearly. So it was that this 34.99 gallon was given to us for 5.00. It took all of .02 seconds for little fingers to cheerily smear through paint dot on lid. Yet more encouragement.....surrounded by love.....everywhere we turn after pushing through a rough week.
Cotton candy pink...for a sweet baby girl. Now here's hoping baby is still indeed a girl. Consistent lower heart rate.....entirely indicative of boys for our family....leaves much room for doubt. We shall see in a few short weeks...only about 2 or 3 more to go!
And some cotton candy blue!
Door frame and baseboards will eventually be white once we begin on bedroom portion. Basket liners still need to be made and eventually off shift husband will build a divider between two sides of closet and paint will go all the way around.....but majority of paint is up and decorating can begin!
Jiu Jitsu lessons with daddy.
Learning early.
Errand running and Dollar Store fun. We amuse ourselves by taking pics. It never fails to induce tons and tons of laughter.
When you're #11 and people forget to put you down for a nap.....
He melts my heart in every way. Sweet, happy, contented boy could not possibly be more loved by more people than he already is.
Dinnertime help
Little girly, late night, shift fun. The first puff ball. Didn't turn out too bad at all.
This is so entirely not what I had in mind when I cut down the bushes. On another note..pallets make amazing bike stands/organizers.
Waiting for mail....
When it begins to feel like home...
At some point the hallway and bottom half of bookshelf really will be completed.
Stopping by to see Daddy.
There's just nothing like a man in uniform....especially when he's loving on your children.
Skyping daddy before bedtime.
Sonic night! 1/2 price milkshakes after 8! Summer nights and lots of laughter.
More jiu jitsu instruction...
12 Vital Commandments of Life:
Written by Carlos Gracie and taught in all Gracie jiu jitsu schools, but desperately needs to be learned and practiced by all as a way of life.
1. Be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
2. Speak to everyone of happiness, health, and prosperity.
3. Give all your friends the feeling that they are valuable.
4. Always look at events from a positive point of view and turn positivity into a reality of life.
5. Think always in the best, work solely for the best, and expect always the best.
6. Always be as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are of your own.
7. Forget about past mistakes and concentrate your energies on the victories ahead.
8. Always keep your fellow man joyful and have a pleasant attitude to all who address you.
9. Spend all the time you need in perfecting yourself but leave no time to criticize others.
10. Be too complete to feel anxious, too noble to feel anger, too strong to feel fear, and too happy to feel frustrated.
11. Always have a positive opinion of yourself. Not through words of vanity, but through benevolence and acts of kindness.
12. Have the strong belief that the world is beside you if you keep true to what is best inside you.
